He bends down to give me a soft kiss when Mirabelle starts banging her toys on both our heads.
“Little stinker, you.” Hudson takes his hand from around me and starts tickling her, making my heart explode at the sight of them.
“Aww, Charming. Look at them! All unicorns and rainbows here.” Monica’s distinct voice sounds behind us, and I turn around to wave at her and Gabe.
“Hey, guys. What are you doing here?”
Gabe points at his brother. “Didn’t Hudson tell you he requested a man talk with me?” He chuckles when Hudson shakes his head. “Plus, I could use a much-needed break from this one here.” He nods toward Monica, who blows him a kiss.
Those guys have the funniest dynamic I’ve ever seen between two people. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on there, but they sure are entertaining.
She pokes him in the chest. “Be nice or I won’t make you dinner tonight.”
“All right, all right. I promise I’ll behave now.” He holds up both of his hands in defense, and I understand why.
Where I’m good at baking, Monica’s good at cooking, even though she barely does it with all the traveling and mostly living in hotels.
Hudson ignores them and moves in front of me, blocking me from view. “Is it okay if we take Mira for a walk? I thought she’d like that.”
“Of course, she’s gonna love it.” I give him a big smile, feeling all warm and fuzzy about the way he takes such good care of my baby girl. I never knew how incredibly sexy that could be, and I plan on showing him later on exactly how much of a turn-on it is.
I lean in to give Mira a kiss and some snuggles, chuckling when she already starts waving bye-bye.
“We’ll see you in a bit, sweetheart.” Hudson bends down to kiss my cheek before walking over to the back door to put Mirabelle in her stroller.
Monica hops over to stand beside me as we watch Hudson pack up some of Mira’s things while Gabe entertains her.
What a sight.
I nudge Monica with my elbow just as both men look up. When they see us watching, they smile, satisfied with themselves.
Such guys.
They leave a minute later, looking as adorable as they possibly could.
Not a second after the door closes behind them, Monica turns around to face me, an eager expression on her face. “So, spill the beans, sweetheart.”
“You heard that, huh?” Before going back to my workstation, I pull over the big recliner Hudson brought from the house for Monica.
“Of course I heard that, silly.” She sits down in the chair, letting out a big huff. “Thanks.”
“Welcome.” I look at her, trying to get a good read on her. “How are you feeling?”
She doesn’t like talking about herself a lot, but I don’t need her to tell me how crappy she’s sleeping to know it’s true. The dark circles under her eyes say it all.
Shrugging her shoulders, she gets comfortable in the chair. “I’m okay. I’ll get through it, and that’s all that matters. Now stop distracting me, and clue me in.”
She studies me like a hawk, trying to find a hint of an answer on my face. “You totally screwed the rockstar, didn’t you?” Her eyes go wide. “Oh my freaking gosh, I can’t believe it. You really did.”
I chuckle at her expression, unable to deny that I’m torn. On one side, I want to tell her everything, but on the other, I want to keep it all to myself. Using a middle ground might seem like the way to go. “No, I didn’t screw him, Mo.”
Her excited expression falls at once, and I have a hard time trying not to laugh. Goodness, I actually feel a little bad for her right now.
Taking pity on her, I train my eyes on her face. “But I might have had sex with him.”
Her head falls back on the chair, and she laughs, hitting the armrest hard with her fist. “I knew it.” She points her finger at me, wiggling it around. “Tell me everything, no matter how small a detail it is.”
Shaking my head at her, I finally chuckle. She knows I’m so not a kiss-and-tell person, not even with her.
She sticks her tongue out at me. “Ugh, you’re so lame. You know I haven’t gotten any action in forever, and there’s no end to that drought in the near future either. Come on, help a friend out here. I have to vicariously live through you now.”
“Always so dramatic.”
She shrugs her shoulders, and I know she doesn’t mind comments like that, since she knows I’m right. “Was it good, at least?”
I sigh, finishing up the dough I started before placing it in a bread form. “Very.”
“Everything you thought it would be?”
That’s an easy nod from me. “Pretty much, and then some.”
“And you want lots more of it?”
“Mmm yes, please.” I have to laugh at her continuous inquisition.
She smirks at me, satisfaction evident on her face. “I thought so. Good for you. About time you got a good guy.”
“Thanks, Mo.” I stop laughing and smile at her.
This woman might be a dramatic goofball at times, but there’s a reason she’s my friend. She’s loyal and incredibly supportive, always looking out for me and wanting my best.
“I’m serious. You deserve this more than anyone I know. You’ve had a crapload of stuff to go through in your life. Now it’s finally time to be happy with your adorable baby and a good guy by your side.” She sighs, something I don’t see her do very often. “And he’s obviously got it bad for you. Plus, he adores Mira, so he gets my approval.”
I snort, but on the inside, I try to keep my emotions in check after everything she just said. “Thank goodness.”
“Don’t get all cheeky with me, I’m serious.”
“I know, I know. We just haven’t really talked about us yet.” I know we have to do this at some point soon. I need to know exactly where we’re standing, but just thinking about having the talk with Hudson gives me an anxiety attack. Even though he did mention wanting to tell everyone about us and not wanting to share me either.
“Everyone who’s been around you two knows you guys are meant for each other. Just bring it up next time.” She says it so nonchalantly, I have to laugh. Monica would do something like that, just bring it up in the middle of a normal conversation.
I’d probably pee my pants.
Her comment makes me pause for a moment, though, wondering if she’s actually right about Hudson. I mean, I’d like to think so, but I also just had lots of sex with the man, so I’m not sure if my observation skills are very spot-on when it comes to him.
“Please, just remember I look awful in pink.” Her eyes are wide, and she shivers slightly, as if she’s trying to shake off a bad memory.
I laugh at her remark and her expression, but I’m also a bit confused. “I will never forget that, trust me. That bubblegum party was cute, though. Your mom meant well. Why are we talking about this?”
Tilting her head to the side, she gives me a pointed look. “For my bridesmaid dress, of course. Come on, C. Keep up.”
“You’re unbelievable. We’re not talking about my wedding. There is no wedding to talk about.”
“Maybe not right now, but definitely in the future.”
“You’re crazy.” I take a new ball of dough out of a container, and knead it over and over, trying hard to ignore her. As usual, she won’t have it, calling my name until I finally look back up at her. “All right. What do you want, Mo?”
“In the end, it’s all really easy, you know.” She pauses for a moment before continuing. “It all comes down to one thing.”
Another dramatic pause where she stares me down.
“Are you in love with Hudson or not?”
Her question hits me right in the chest, and I stop breathing for a moment. Fleeting thoughts of affection, or having a crush on him, have floated around in my mind for a while now. But until this moment, I haven’t really thought about the big “L” word, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet either.
Chapter Thirty-Four
My conversation with Monica from the other day has been pretty much replaying nonstop in my mind, making me unable to think about much else. It’s gotten to the point where I listen to Hudson sleep next to me while I lie awake for hours at night, my brain going in circles over and over again. I’m exhausted, to say the least, and I know I need to do something about it.
Hannah sits down next to me on the couch, her presence pulling me back to reality. After taking a sip of her drink, she smiles at me. “Penny for your thoughts?”
I close the laptop perched on my legs with a loud thud—it’s not like I was getting anything done anyway. After putting Mirabelle to bed a little while ago, I tried to get some work done, but I should have known better. I’m a lost cause right now.
Looking over at Hannah, I’m not sure how much to disclose to her. She is Hudson’s grandma, after all. Surely, she’d take sides, wouldn’t she? “I don’t know. Just a lot of stuff going on, I guess.”
Hannah has quickly become one of my favorite people in life. She’s been nothing but wonderful to me and Mira, and has also been one of my biggest supporters from the very beginning. I know, for a fact, I wouldn’t be so close to fulfilling my dream of opening my own bakery if it wasn’t for her, nor would I be emotionally in the place I am right now without her guidance over the last year.
I can’t exactly go and tell her I’m trying to figure out my feelings for her grandson, now can I? The last thing I want to do is cause any tension between us—I don’t think I could take that.
She only nods, ever the calm person. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
I shake my head. “You’re already doing so much. I couldn’t have handled everything without all of your help in the bakery and with Mira. You’ve truly been a lifesaver, in more than one way.”
“Oh, stop it already, it’s nothing. I love you guys, you’re family. Of course I’ll help you whatever way I can. There’s nothing special about that.”
“It’s very special to me. Trust me, I’ll be forever grateful for everything you’ve done for us. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.” I give her a big smile, really wanting to convey that I mean it.
“You’re very welcome, dear. I know you’re stressed about the bakery opening coming up, but it’s going to be great. You’ve worked hard for this and almost everything is ready. All you need to do now is show up, and bake some delicious things for everyone. Easy peasy for you.” She pauses for a moment and studies me. “That’s not all that’s going on though, is it?”
Putting my laptop on the coffee table in front of us, I grab my wine glass instead. “Not exactly.” I sink back into the soft couch cushions and let out a loud sigh.
“That bad, huh?” Hannah chuckles softly.
I shrug my shoulders several times. “Maybe. Yes. Probably not. I don’t know.” That sentence is the perfect depiction of how crazy my thoughts are right now.
They’re all over the dang place.
She has that knowing look in her eyes, that’s somehow intimidating and reassuring, all at the same time. “This is about my lovely grandson, isn’t it?”
Somehow, I’m still surprised by her uncanny ability to know what’s going on, even though I really should be used to it by now. “Yeah.”
“And since you two have been inseparable, I’m guessing your problem is a matter of the heart?”
This woman.
My eyes go wide as I stare at her. Either she can read my mind, or she has some other supernatural power.
She laughs at my expression. “As much as I like to pretend otherwise, I’ve been around for a while now, sweet Charlie. I’ve experienced a lot and have seen even more. And knowing your history, I was actually just waiting for you to come to this point.”
Closing my eyes for a moment, I’m willing the emotions away that are trying to bubble to the surface. “I’m not sure what I want. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.”
She pats my arm gently. “You know, doing the right thing when it comes to love is tricky because it’s not the same for everyone. What’s good for one person isn’t necessarily good for the next. What’s going too fast for some people might be taking too long for others. Love has its own, very non-conforming way for all of us—it’s unique, just like every human is.”
Taking a moment to process all that info, I study her curiously. “You really think so?”
She laughs loudly. “Oh, you bet. Back when I saw my old Frank for the first time, I knew right then and there that he was it for me. I was sure there would never be a man in my life that I’d love as much as I loved him, and I was right. I loved him with all my heart until his very last day. Things now with Paul are completely different. We’ve been friends for years, but sparks didn’t start flying until last year—it came somewhat out of the blue. For me, at least. And I know I can’t compare these two people and relationships in any way, but I do know they’re both wonderful.”
“That makes sense, I guess.” As embarrassing as it is—and I wouldn’t admit it out loud either—I’ve gotten most of my love information and advice from books and other media forms. No one in my family has ever been very successful when it comes to love and relationships. Mo has been my only close friend growing up—and her main love has always been dancing.
“Love is a gift we should enjoy as much as we possibly can when we’re given it. Take it as it is—one of the best and most beautiful things that can ever happen to you if you find the right person.” She can probably hear my wheels spinning, because she gives me a moment.
I trust Hannah and her advice in a way I don’t trust anything else, so I’m trying to make a real effort and take her words to heart.
“There are a few things you should ask yourself, Charlie. Do you want to fall asleep and wake up next to that one person for the rest of your life? Do they make you happy? I mean, really happy and also a better person? Do they treat you well? Are they the first person you want to tell about your good day or when something exciting happens? And are they the first person you want a hug from after a bad day? All very simple questions, but the answers are not only crucial, they also make all the difference.”
She looks at me as if I should know all of the answers right now. Is that the problem and what I’m so hung up on, or do I already know all the answers?
“Hey.” Hannah nudges my shoulder. “I know this is freaking you out. You’re still so young, and you’ve already gone through so much in your life. I get it. I’d be scared too. But that’s exactly the reason you have to look for these answers and follow your heart. Because if you never do anything you’re scared of, you’ll never truly live either. And you, my friend, deserve to live life to the fullest. More than anyone else I know.”
Her words hit me so deeply, bringing back all the pain and hurt from growing up in a messed-up family, to losing the only family I had left and unexpectedly becoming a mother in the same moment, just to be left by my fiancé the day after.
All of that has made me more wary of life than anything else ever has. The question now is, will I let the fact that things can end badly at any moment rule my fears or my desire to live life to the fullest?
Turning to Hannah, I let out a big breath, trying to calm myself down enough so the overwhelming emotions won’t turn into tears. “Thank you. Seems like I have a lot to think about.”
She nods, giving me her signature grandmotherly smile that’s both reassuring and calming. Before she can say anything else, Hudson’s voice comes from behind us.
“Ah, there are my two favorite girls.” He walks around the couch to stand in front of us. “Well, there’s one more, but she’s sleeping right now, so I guess that leaves you two.”
“You charmer, you.” Hannah looks amused, wiggling her finger at her grandson.
Hudson bends down between us on the couch to kiss our cheeks. “It’s true, Grandma. I swear.” He winks at me. “I’m gonna get something to drink. Do you guys want anything?”
>
I shake my head while Hannah pushes herself off the couch. “I’m good, honey, but thank you. It’s late, so I’m going to leave you kids to it and try to get some sleep. It’s been a busy week.”
“Goodnight, Grandma.” He kisses her cheek one more time before wandering into the kitchen, leaving me and Hannah alone again.
She lowers her voice so only I can hear her. “I’m here for you, no matter what, even if you just want to talk some more. Believe in yourself, because I think you know exactly what you want, sweetie. Don’t be afraid to get it and hold onto it tightly.” She walks around the couch and squeezes my shoulder once more when she passes me. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”
“You too, Hannah. And thank you, again.”
“Always.” She waves me off, slowly walking out of the room.
Hudson strolls back over after a moment, a bottle of beer and a bowl of grapes in his hands. “Everything okay? Grandma had her lecturing look on her face.”
Choking on the sip of wine I just took, I put the glass back down on the table so I don’t spill anything.
Not even waiting a beat, he sets down his bottle and bowl and puts his arm around me, gently rubbing my back until my coughs finally subside.
As if it’s second nature, I lean into his touch, immediately feeling comforted by his presence.
His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he lets out a big sigh. “Let me turn that off quickly.”
“Maybe it’s important.” I try and move out of his embrace but he holds onto me.
“I’m pretty sure it’s my manager, again. He’s been driving me crazy these past few days. He calls me all the time. Apparently, he thinks my time’s up and I need to make a decision. Even though he knows we’ll tell him as a group next week, after we see each other at the wedding.”
“I’m sorry. Hopefully he can understand.” I give his arm a squeeze. “Are you excited to see everyone again?”
He shrugs his shoulders, as he starts playing with my fingers. “Yes and no. I do miss my bandmates and playing with them, but I don’t miss all the stress surrounding it. Plus, I’ve been really enjoying being here too—with you.” With a sparkle in his eyes, he leans down to kiss me.
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