The gallery had gotten busier with each showing, and tonight proved to be more of the same. Only this time, the artist was me.
Nervously, I walked around the studio for the millionth time, examining every detail and placement of my sculptures. They were all women, four of them inspired by the girls and Genevieve, although I would never tell anyone that fact.
I missed them. I missed the camaraderie of having women to confide in and laugh with and just hang out with. I knew I would find that again, I just needed to work on building some friendships, and I would do it - as soon as I found time.
Most of my time in San Diego had been spent alone and working. To be honest, I liked it. I needed the time to heal, to come to terms with the fact that my entire life had been upended and destroyed.
The most difficult thing to come to terms with was Hawk. I missed him terribly. I would wake up, tangled in my sheets, sweaty, my heart racing, my head full of dreams of him holding me, kissing me, his eyes shining in laughter. I went from waking up in the morning and wishing he was there to going to bed at night and wishing I had never met him.
It was excruciating, but I did my best to push all thoughts of him aside. Especially today. Today was a big day.
I turned on soft jazz music, made sure the self-serve bar was fully-stocked, and unlocked the door to my gallery, Captured. I thought the name was fitting, and while it referred to the art you would find inside, it had a private meaning that I didn’t share with anyone else.
The other three showings were very successful, and tonight was no different. Shortly after opening the doors, people began streaming in slowly, talking softly, drinking wine and milling around my sculptures admiringly. I couldn’t have asked for a better night. The full moon hung outside the window, shining in and reminding me that everything comes full-circle. I could finally breathe a little as I strolled around the gallery, answering questions and talking about my favorite thing in the world - my art.
I was on cloud nine, and by the end of the night, I had sold all but one of my pieces. I hadn’t worn high heels since I left Hawk’s place in Joshua Tree, but since tonight was a special occasion, I had made an exception and wore a black velvet dress with intricate black lace around the collar and wrists with a pair of black suede Manolo Blahnik’s. After hours of wearing them, I couldn’t wait to get home and take them off.
It didn’t help that wearing them kept bringing back memories of being with Hawk all day. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get that man out of my head.
After the last person left, I locked the doors and walked around the gallery one last time before leaving, caressing my sculptures lovingly, feeling that wistful feeling of being happy they sold, but not quite ready to let them go either.
It seemed my life was a big lesson in letting go lately, and as I winced with every step, I reminded myself that there was one person I still needed to let go of.
I closed up shop, and drove to my new apartment. With visions of bare feet, pajamas, and a tall glass of wine running through my head, I didn’t notice the bike when I pulled up.
As I unlocked my front door, Hawk stepped out of the shadows behind me.
“I can’t believe you named your gallery Captured,” he whispered behind me, and I jumped in terror.
“Fuck!” I screamed, my heart jumping into my throat.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Hawk!” I said, staring at him in awe.
I didn’t think he could have gotten hotter, but he was. There he was, the man that had haunted my every waking moment for two months, standing in front of me.
“Hi, Princess. You look good.” His gazed traveled up and down my body before finally resting on my lips. Without thinking, I licked them, trying to think of something to say to him.
“Um…thanks. I guess.” I was shaking. I never expected him to show up on my doorstep like this.
“What about me?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“What about me? Do I look good?” He winked and I melted inside.
“Hawk.”
“Aren’t you going to invite me inside?” he asked.
“I - um - well, I…” I was at a complete loss. Should I invite him in? Should I run inside, lock the door and tell him to never contact me again? Why was he even here?
“Are you here to kidnap me again?” I asked, the thought slowly forming in my head.
“No, Princess. I only want to talk to you. You weren’t easy to find.” He held up his empty hands, waving them in the air. “Look - no chloroform.”
“I see that.” I tried to smile at him, but I was such a mess that my lips weren’t obeying. I turned and unlocked the door, trying to successfully put one foot in front of the other without falling down. My legs were shaking, hell, my whole body was shaking and once again, I recalled the effect this man had on me.
Not much had changed.
I kicked off my shoes as soon as I turned on the lights, and held the door open for Hawk.
“Come in.”
“Nice place. It’s a lot different than your other place.”
“Yes, well. I’ve downsized.”
“You’ve disappeared, is what you’ve done,” he replied.
“Apparently, I’m not very good at it if you found me.”
“I’ve been looking for you for months. Ever since you stole my truck, actually.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Did you find it?”
“Sure did. I was hoping you would be in it when I found it, but you were long gone.”
“I left as fast as I could,” I said, lifting my chin defiantly. “I didn’t have any reason to stay.”
“No?” he asked, his eyes clouding over with pain.
“No.” I said coldly, turning away from him. I couldn’t handle seeing that. It was the last thing I wanted to see. “So how did you find me?”
“I put a google alert on your name and an ad for the show at the gallery came up. Again, that’s an interesting name you’ve chosen for the shop.”
“What do you want from me, Hawk? Why are you here?”
“Why am I here? Seriously, you’re asking me why I’m here, Vanessa?”
“Yes, I am.” The only thing I could do was keep my defenses up. This man had gotten under my skin, and I needed to keep my heart caged up and cold or he would just break it again. “I don’t see the point.”
Hawk looked at me for a long time, his golden-green eyes peering at me, staring right through me. I tried to break his gaze, but he pulled me in and I couldn’t tear myself away.
Suddenly, he walked across the floor, stood in front of me and grabbed my face in his warm hands. I shuddered at his touch, the electricity of his fingers burning me, igniting my body with desire, the passion exploding between us.
“I’m here for this, goddammit.”
He mouth captured mine in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. My apartment melted away with the world, and I dissolved in his arms as he wrapped them around me, his mouth tearing at mine, possessing me once again in the heat of his embrace.
How could I have resisted? There was no possibility of me walking away from him, there was no way I could reject his kiss. He pulled me into his body, his yearning hard against my thigh and I sighed against him as I felt his familiar throbbing heat against me.
I threw my arms around his neck, arching my back up, opening my mouth to allow his tongue deeper, wanting him as close as he could possibly get.
My intentions of being cold and hard flew out the window as he grabbed my ass and pushed his hard cock against me as he pushed me against the wall. His kisses turned harder, more urgent as he devoured my mouth, his groans waking up a part of me I had buried months ago.
I shivered against him, and he pulled away from me, sinking to the floor in front of me. His soft lips trailed kisses up my inner thighs, nibbling and sucking at my flesh as he made his way up higher under my dress. His mouth reached my black lace pantie
s, and I sunk my fingers in his soft hair as he licked them softly, his heat burning through them to my quivering center.
“I can’t believe you’re wearing panties…” he murmured as he quickly reached up and pulled them over my hips and down my shaking thighs.
I was about to reply, to tell him I wore them all the time actually, but the words wouldn’t form and before I could try again, his hot mouth was sucking at my clit, nibbling and licking me expertly. I cried out in ecstasy, pushing his head deeper into me as I threw my head back and begged him not to stop.
“Hawk, oh, yes, oh, Hawk….” I babbled incoherently, his mouth bringing me to the edge of releasing weeks worth of pent-up desire and yearning for him. Just as I was about to spill over the edge, he slowed his pace and then stopped altogether, standing up and capturing my mouth in his again as he pulled my dress over my head, unclasped my bra and throwing them to the ground, he picked me up swiftly and carried me to my bedroom.
Roughly, he threw me on the bed, and stood before me, quickly removing his clothes, tossing them on the floor in a pile of denim and leather. As I watched him, I remembered I had seen this view before, and I knew that no matter how many times I watched this masterpiece of a man undress, I would never, ever grow tired of it.
When I saw the familiar look in his eye - the lust, the hunger, the savage desire - it felt like I was home. And I knew what he wanted. And I wanted it too. I felt like I was looking in a mirror, because everything I saw there was churning around inside of me.
I needed him just as much as he needed me.
He growled and mounted me quickly, slamming into me hard and fast, his gentleness abandoned in the midst of his hunger.
I met his intensity with each thrust, pushing my hips up to meet him each time, opening myself to him like I never had before. His lips and teeth nipped at my neck and breasts as he pounded into me, his cock hammering away, drawing our passion and desire out of us until our bodies spilled over the edge of lust, the chemistry between us turning first to a needful pain and then to deliciously exquisite pleasure. His swollen cock exploded inside me, pushing me over the edge as I clenched around him, my legs wrapped around his hips, gripping him, needing him deeper as our bodies shuddered in sweet release.
Panting, sweaty, and blissful, we laid on our backs, our arms and legs tangled together, our lips colliding once more in a lazy, sensuous tasting. My heart was full of love and lust and confusion. But I didn’t care.
All I wanted was Hawk, and more Hawk.
“Again…” I murmured as I lowered my lips to his cock, engulfing him with my hot mouth, my tongue swirling around him, tasting the delicious mixture of our combined pleasure. His moans echoed in the room, and I slid his cock in and out of my mouth, the smooth skin of his engorged sex like velvet against my tongue as he pulsed and pushed into my mouth.
Crying out, he exploded once more, his warmth sliding down my throat as I moaned and pressed my breasts against his thigh, his growls of pleasure a song I wanted to memorize for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The sound of my front door closing woke me up. As I tried to move, the soreness in every muscle of my body reminded me of the blissful night I had with Hawk.
I had so many questions for him, so many things were left unanswered, and yet all we could do was devour each other. We had been so hungry for each other and right before we finally drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning, he promised to tell me everything.
“I have a lot of questions…” I murmured as I laid with my head on his chest, my fingers running through the coarse hair on his skin.
“I know, baby…let’s talk tomorrow. I don’t want to get into it now. All you need to know right now is that I missed you like I’ve never missed anyone and I needed to see you. I love you, Vanessa.”
He smiled down at me, his hand caressing my back as the first rays of sunrise snuck through my bedroom windows.
“I love you, too, Hawk. I’ve missed you, too.” In that moment, it seemed as if anything that needed to be said could wait. We drifted off to a peaceful blissful sleep, our breath falling into synch as we held each other tightly.
Now, I opened my eyes and saw that he was gone. His motorcycle roared outside as he started it up and then faded quickly as he drove away. I sat up and saw the note right away. He had left it on the nightstand next to my bed.
“Vanessa,
You are pure light.
I’m so happy to see you’ve started a new, happy life for yourself.
You deserve it.
I wish I could see myself as a part of it, but we are two entirely different creatures, and you know it.
Our worlds don’t mesh. But our bodies sure do…
You unchained parts of me that I thought could never be free.
It was never just business.
I will always love you, Princess.
Never forget that.
Love,
Hawk”
I sat in my bed for hours, holding his letter and crying, trying to deny the truth of his words.
As much as I wanted things to be different, I just didn’t know how to make it that way. How did two people that were so different, from such different worlds, make a life together? He was right, it didn’t make sense, but I couldn’t help but somehow think that we made sense.
Maybe we were from different sides of the tracks, but did that really matter?
I looked around my home, so different from his, and it was impossible to deny. He was right.
My body, on the other hand, was in complete protest. When Hawk and I were together, we melted into each other. Making love became something entirely beyond physical. Our souls intertwined. And when something like that happened, could it really be undone?
I suspected not, and I knew then that I would never find another man like Hawk.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Three Months Later
Pearl and her baby, Onyx, the only one of the litter I had kept, sat on the seat next to me as I pulled my car up next to the Devil’s Horsemen’s clubhouse.
They were panting from the heat, and my heart was beating a mile a minute as I contemplated what I needed to do. After Hawk had left, I had swore I would never contact him or try to see him again. What’s done was done, and after all, he was right, there was no way we could fit into each other’s lives.
I spent the next few months working and sculpting, continuing to loose myself in my work just as I had before he had shown up. I adopted out Pearl’s babies to homes that I screened and visited myself to make sure they were good homes, and decided to keep the runt of the litter. Pearl loved him, and they were adorable together.
Still plagued with questions, I set off on a mission to find out as much information as I could on my own.
After breaking down and calling Dakota finally, I found that Genevieve had gone back to France suddenly, leaving the girls to fend for themselves. Luckily, they had all the connections they needed, and they were all doing just fine, except for missing me, they said. Instead of telling them about the kidnapping, I told them the lifestyle had gotten to me and I had taken Pearl and gone on a long vacation to Hawaii.
I apologized for worrying them, and although it was a lame excuse, I decided it was the right thing to do.
Genevieve had been good to all of us, including me, and although I was still angry with her, I understood what she had done. She had come from nothing, I had learned, after doing more research on her and the club. Her father was a migrant worker in France, and she was very poor. When she met Hawk’s father as a young girl, she jumped on the chance to come to America. What she wasn’t expecting was to be living the life of an old lady to an MC president, and she learned quickly that making money was the way to success. When Hawk’s father died, she did what she had to do to survive, only adding a whole lot of luxury to the equation.
When she met me, she saw a quick path to retirement. The only problem was that she underestimated what an ass
hole my father was.
Kate was happy to hear my voice when I called, and relieved to learn I had moved out of Los Angeles. She liked having our father to herself, and it was obvious he hadn’t mentioned the kidnapping to her. She was clueless to everything, and that was exactly how she liked it. She wanted to raise her kids in peace, and I couldn’t blame her for that. I was perfectly willing to give it to her.
I didn’t bother calling my father at all. The fact that he didn’t try to come to my rescue in any way spoke volumes. He had been telling me for years that he didn’t care about me, and this whole thing had only turned up the volume. I could hear it all very clearly now.
So, I was on my own. It was just me, Pearl, and Onyx.
For now.
I put the dog’s leashes on them and led them out of the car. I kept them close to me, looking around for Two Dog Dave’s dogs to attack at any moment. The clubhouse looked just as I had remembered from my brief stay and I shuddered at the memory of Pearl being held down by those scary dogs.
Bracing myself and taking a deep breath, I walked through the open gate of the chain link fence. Harley’s and trucks filled the parking lot, and I spotted Hawk’s motorcycle against the brick wall.
Crazy Mike walked out, his eyes trailing along my body as he approached.
“Hi,” I said.
“Howdy, lady. You’re Hawk’s friend.”
“Um, yeah. Is he around?”
“Sure, I’ll get him,” he leaned down and petted Onyx before he walked back inside. “Cute puppy.”
I looked down at Pearl and she was shaking a little as she looked around.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whispered to her. It was the scene of the crime, and I felt a little bad for bringing her here. I felt even worse knowing I was about to face Hawk.
RAW: THE ULTIMATE MC COLLECTION Page 72