by Aiden Bates
He texted Austin, cancelling their date for tomorrow. Austin texted back right away. He insisted that they needed to talk, and that it shouldn’t wait much longer. Maybe we can meet up for lunch or something? This is important.
Cody fought the urge to punch another wall. He knew damn well that Austin wasn’t even going to be in Syracuse by tomorrow. Sorry. Can’t happen. He couldn’t make himself wish Austin good luck. Not if he was going to let himself get claimed by Kirby Lloyd.
WTF? The message stared back at Cody from his phone screen. He reached out and picked up his phone. He had so much that he wanted to say to Austin right now. He could challenge Austin with his betrayal. He could rail against Austin for his questionable judgment, his grasp on his own desires.
Instead, he called up the contact from his address book. He went into the options menu and found the command to block the contact. He hesitated over the command. Was that what he really wanted to do?
He placed his finger over the command, closed his eyes, and pressed it. Any messages that Austin tried to send him, from wherever he might be, would be gone forever. Cody didn’t necessarily wish him ill, not even now while the pain of his betrayal was still fresh, but he didn’t want to hear from him. He didn’t want to know about the delights that another man was receiving, especially not when Cody might have been able to prevent it.
He spoke with the police, of course. That couldn’t be avoided, and he found that he didn’t want to. He still wanted Adrian and Kirby to go to jail. The petty, vindictive part of Cody didn’t even care if Austin had to visit his new alpha in prison. Of course, Kirby hadn’t claimed him yet so maybe he wouldn’t be able to visit him in prison, but the principle held. Austin would still be separated from the one he’d chosen. He’d be alone, when he could have had an alpha who adored him.
It was only what he deserved.
If anyone noticed that Cody was a little colder at the weddings he had to go through on Saturday and Sunday, they didn’t say anything. Those were the most efficient weddings that Cody had ever planned in his life, and he moved through them like some kind of robot.
He got through the next week in much the same way. He didn’t feel any joy. He didn’t feel any excitement. He accepted clients without any passion. A job was a job was a job, and he didn’t care about any of them beyond the check clearing. They were going to get their happily ever after, and he wasn’t. Why should he get excited about that?
Thanksgiving came and went. He remembered how it was supposed to pass, in Austin’s beautiful home watching movies and canoodling. That wasn’t a possibility anymore. It wasn’t going to be a possibility ever again.
The Monday after Thanksgiving, Cody got an email from Austin. He almost deleted it, but some masochistic urge convinced him to open it.
Cody,
I’ve been waiting for you to respond to my messages for over a week. I have to accept that it’s not going to happen. I don’t know what your issue is, and I no longer care.
I told you that I had news, that should be shared in person. Since you’ve decided you’re tired of me, like a typical alpha, I have to communicate by email. I am pregnant. The child is yours, or rather it comes from you.
I haven’t decided what I want to do about the baby yet. I’m going to be forced to give birth, unfortunately. I’ll either surrender it for adoption or raise it on my own. If the child gets adopted, it won’t ever trouble you again, which should apparently please you. If I choose to raise the child, I’m doing it on my own. I can afford a nanny. I’ve never needed an alpha before. While I thought you were different from the rest, I can see that I was wrong.
I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want to hear from you again, and if you try to assert any kind of paternal rights I’ll testify about how you left me without a word of explanation or even goodbye.
Go to hell, Cody. I loved you, but I wish I’d never met you.
Austin.
Cody stared at the email. It made no sense. If Austin had been pregnant by Kirby, why pretend now that he was pregnant by Cody now? He couldn’t believe it. These Baines were masters of untruth anyway.
He filed the message away, just in case he needed it later, and blocked Austin from sending emails to him as well.
Chapter Eleven – Contents
Austin hit send on his message to Cody as tears dripped down his face. He knew that it was the end. His email was no grand gesture intended to bring his lost love back to him. No, it was too late for that. All that Austin was trying to do was to inform his former lover of the facts. There would be a child out there in the world somewhere, with his genetic material.
It wasn’t going to effect anything. Cody had, for reasons known only to himself and the devil, cut Austin out entirely. Austin would never know what had prompted their separation. Everything had seemed fine. Cody had been affectionate before, or at least as affectionate as a person could be in a text. Then he’d pulled out of their meet up. Austin had spent a lonely, miserable Thanksgiving locked in his house. He’d been terrified that his brother or Kirby might be on the property somewhere, and the deputies stationed there by the sheriff’s office hadn’t been great companions.
By the time Retail Hell was over, Austin had to face the facts. No one was coming to save him. He’d been abandoned. He was on his own. He didn’t know what had happened with Cody. It didn’t matter what had happened with Cody. It was time to stop caring.
He had a few ideas about what had happened with his alpha, of course. At the end of the day, alphas only wanted one thing: a meek and submissive omega who would bow down to them. Cody had probably found exactly that, some pretty barely-legal virgin who wouldn’t know or care if the sex was bad. Austin didn’t think that Cody was capable of giving bad sex, but most alphas were insecure about that kind of thing. Maybe he was just tired of putting in the effort.
Well, Austin wished them joy, as long as he didn’t have to see them. Maybe someday he’d forgive, but that day was not the day.
He fired off his message to Cody, and he kept a copy for Larry. Larry would need it for what came next.
He slipped back into the employee restroom and splashed cold water on his face. He’d never been the weepy type. Maybe he could chalk it up to hormones. He knew that wasn’t true, of course, but he wasn’t going to give any credit to the bastard who had abandoned him pregnant and alone. Austin had cried over the email, but Cody was no longer allowed to have any kind of power over Austin again, not even to elicit tears.
He headed back into his office and called Larry. “Hey, Larry. You’re so earning your retainer this month.”
“You’re not half kidding, are you?” Larry chuckled. “I just got a call from Syracuse PD. They said your eternally charming brother was spotted in the City on Thursday. Why I’m just being notified now is a bit of a mystery. So they’re still around, you need to be vigilant.”
Austin chuckled. “Yeah, well, I got a visit on Wednesday from Paul, so I’m not surprised. I think I sent you an email about that. Listen, Larry, I’ve got a problem. Do you have some free time to come out to the shop today?”
Larry agreed to come out to the shop that afternoon. Austin felt marginally better with a plan of attack. He didn’t know what Larry would recommend, or what resources Larry would have, but Larry was a good friend and a great advisor. He’d be helpful.
Austin forced himself to behave relatively normally when he went back out into the shop. He knew that he was behaving with much more solemnity than he would have before, but he figured he could be excused. Broken hearts deserved a little slack.
Larry showed up at two, and Austin ushered him into the tasting room. He only poured one glass of wine, though, which tipped Larry off to a problem right away. “Are you sick?”
Austin chuckled and turned his face away. “I have a sexually transmitted parasite. There isn’t a cure, for omegas anyway. It just has to run its course, which takes about nine months give or take.”
Larry’s face ran thro
ugh a gamut of emotions. His eyebrows lifted as he smiled bright enough to reflect off the snow outside, but then he frowned. “You wouldn’t talk about it like a parasite if you were happy about it.” He tugged at his collar. “And you’ve never wanted children.”
“I still don’t.” Austin lifted his chin and met his lawyer’s eyes. “I’m angry.”
Larry nodded, looking down. “I have to ask. Austin, is the father Cody?”
Austin clenched his jaw. “Cody did the deed. I have trouble calling him a father at this point. He abruptly stopped returning my messages the Thursday before Thanksgiving. I told him I had important news that needed to be given in person, but I was never given that opportunity. After several attempts to make contact, I finally decided to send him an email, right before I called you.”
“I see.” Larry went pale. “Has he responded?”
“I told him not to, but I don’t think that he would have anyway.” Austin took a deep breath, willing himself not to cry. Cody didn’t deserve that, not from him. Not anymore. “I have no idea what set him off, Larry. He never told me. I don’t know. It’s been long enough that I feel like he’s lost the benefit of the doubt here.” He passed Larry the paper copy of the message he’d sent Cody.
Larry let out a long, low whistle. “That’s an awfully big bridge to burn, Austin.”
“It was on fire when I got to it, Larry.” Austin stood up and clenched his fists. “Whatever his issue is, he’s decided that I’m not part of his life anymore. He doesn’t get to try to take control of me and my life just because there was a hole in the condom.” He closed his eyes and shuddered. “To be honest, I’m feeling pretty low about this whole thing. I don’t like kids, and the thought of pregnancy makes my skin crawl. The only thing that’s keeping me from ending it right now is the fact that it pisses off so many people that I’m still here.”
Larry flinched. “Austin, don’t say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s true. People want to paint pregnancy as this amazing time, this beautiful gift that everyone wants. I’d rather be dead. I might be able to get through it if I had a partner who could help me get through it, distract me from the fact that there is yet another person trying to take control of my body away from me, but that’s not going to happen. It’s just me, as always, and no matter what I decide to do about the baby it’s going to be terrible.” He took another deep breath, trying to quell his hysteria.
Larry looked at Austin for a long moment, and Austin bristled under his gaze. If Larry said one word that smacked of pity, Austin might snap. Instead, Larry just slumped. “Have you given any thought to what you want to do about the child, when it comes?”
“I haven’t decided yet.” Austin sat back down. “I’m not sure what’s best for the child. I generally think that two-parent homes are better, assuming that the parents are stable and everything, but I’m concerned that my brother would find some way of getting his hands on the child. I’m not willing to have Adrian, or any other Baines, have the raising of a child that came from me.” Austin massaged his temples.
“There are options, Austin.” Larry pulled out a legal pad. “I can look into adoptions that will allow you to carefully screen the parents and ensure that there is no link between them and your brother, or your brother’s organization.” He bit down on the inside of his cheek. “It’s not something you have to do, of course. The decision is yours, but it opens up your options.”
“I know.” Austin buried his face in his hands. “Keeping the child is another. I don’t think it’s a great option, but it’s an option.”
Larry leaned back in his seat. “Surely you’re not worried about the money.”
Austin waved a hand. “No. No, not at all. I wouldn’t even go after C—after the donor for child support. I don’t need that. I can afford a nanny. I can afford two, so that there’s round the clock coverage. I just… I don’t think I’m a great candidate for parenthood, do you?”
Larry snorted. “Why not?”
“Well, I dislike children for one thing. People who don’t like kids shouldn’t have them. And I know that omegas are supposed to be these great, nurturing powerhouses, but there’s seriously not a nurturing bone in my body. I’m kind of the anti-omega. I apparently have ovaries, and I can develop a womb. I’m only attracted to men, but that’s about it, you know?” Austin shook his head. “I hate alphas, I’m about as submissive as a silverback gorilla, and I hate kids.”
“I know plenty of people who dislike kids but come to love their own.” Larry shrugged. “Again, I’m not trying to dictate your decision, simply to help open up your options. As your pregnancy progresses you may find that your feelings change.”
Austin shot his head back. “So what if they do? I run a very successful, very active small business. What good does it do the child if its parent is never home? It would be raised by nannies—people who are paid to take care of it, not people who love it.” He made a face. “It should have a chance to screw up before no one loves it, right?”
A big tear rolled out of Larry’s eye. “Oh, Austin.”
Austin forced the lump in his throat to go away. He needed to be cold and logical here. He needed to think of the child and what was best for it. “I’m honestly not sure what the best solution would be. I’m obviously a little distraught. What I do want to do, though, is to take steps to ensure that Cody can’t interfere.” He put a hand on the printout he’d given to Larry. “I respect his decision with regards to me. I might not understand what led up to it, and I don’t feel like I have to. I’m not going to let myself, or my child, get subjected to his whims. He doesn’t get to take that decision back.”
Larry sighed. “I could wish it was different. I always figured that Cody was a good man, that he was going to take good care of you and keep you safe. I can’t blame you for wanting him gone, though. I’ll draw up a document and serve it to him tonight.”
“Thanks, Larry.” Austin leaned back and sighed.
Larry stood to leave, but he turned around. “Look. I certainly can’t fill in for him, and I get that, but you know you’re not alone, right? You’ve got a lot of people in the village, and beyond, who love and care for you. You’re an important part of this community. Don’t sell yourself short when it comes to nurturing, either. You reached right out to those two omegas you hired and made sure they had food to get them through the storm. You helped them get housing and got their house fitted up too. You’ve been a mentor to kids in Skaneateles and Syracuse City schools. You’re a benefactor to a lot of institutions. All kinds of people are rooting for you and are going to form up around you through this.”
Austin made himself smile. “Thanks, Larry. That means a lot.” It did mean a lot. He couldn’t make himself believe the words, not yet, but he’d get there eventually. Maybe once the dust had settled, he’d find a way to internalize Larry’s kind words.
Right then, though, he could only fake it as he escorted his friend outside.
He slept in a different bed that night. He didn’t want to sleep in the master bedroom. He’d changed the sheets since their last encounter, of course, but he couldn’t wash the memory from his mind. Maybe he’d buy a new mattress. That might help. Then again, maybe not. Maybe he should sell the house and move into new construction, something a little more child-friendly.
Was he seriously thinking of keeping the baby? It was absurd, but as he lay in the dark in the obscenely floral guest room he couldn’t stop his brain from going there. For all of Larry’s kind words about people who loved and cared for him, none of them were around right now. They were all off doing their own thing. Maybe they cared, but they were all people like Austin—busy people working to construct their own empires. They didn’t have time to hold his hand or fill his lonely hours.
A baby that was his alone would be there, for him. It would give Austin something to focus on besides the shop. It would give him someone to love, and Lord knew that Austin needed that in his life. He could see himself si
tting out on the back deck, holding a sleepy toddler against his shoulder and sipping a glass of wine as he watched the sun set over the lake. Life would be good.
Would it, though? Austin could think of the benefits to himself from keeping the baby, even if he thought they were mostly illusory. What would the benefits be for the baby? Did he have the right to stick a child with a workaholic single parent, just because Austin himself had no one else to love?
He didn’t. The picture of himself sipping wine on the deck and watching the sunset disappeared. Instead, he saw himself in his shop, juggling a screaming infant in one hand and ringing a customer out with the other. The infant needed a diaper change, and from the smell had probably needed one for a little while. The customer’s peeved look showed exactly what he thought about the presence of the squalling baby. Sorry, Dream-Austin told the customer. Nanny called in sick today.
He couldn’t tether a child to himself only to treat it like a pet or an afterthought. That would be the ultimate act of selfishness. Sure, he was financially able to care for a child, but there was a lot more that went into raising a baby than money.
He rolled over and tried to find a comfortable position to sleep. The image of himself holding a baby in a chair, while Cody brought him a beer, sprang unbidden to his mind. Dream-Cody traced a finger along the baby’s chubby cheek, and the baby giggled in delight. This baby was clearly well cared-for and loved, by both parents. The picture was beautiful, and Austin cried from the beauty of the sight.
He forced the image from his mind. There was no option three. Fantasy was fine when the possibilities were endless, but Austin had to consider a very real situation, and he knew what he had to do.
***
Cody sat on one of his expensive, high-backed loungers and turned on the gas fireplace. Austin’s email burned against his eyelids. Go to Hell, Cody. I loved you, but I wish I’d never met you. What was he supposed to do with that?