by Aiden Bates
Glenn doesn’t broach the subject until the lights are turned out and he and Kevin are nestled in their pillows. Will they bring comfy beds to their shelter? Glenn hopes so, even though the smell of really clean laundry is probably going to be something he has to live without.
“I want to talk to you about something,” Glenn says quietly in the dark. “It’s about Greg.”
“Is he okay? I figured if anyone crumbled among us it would be Jeff, not Greg.”
“Well, you know why Jeff’s okay right now. That kid he brought home is a weird little fox, isn’t he? I’m not even making assumptions about redheads, just the way that kid moves you can tell he’s pretty comfortable with his body.”
“And with Jeff’s too, the way he was touching the guy. I heard them murmuring something about high heels, I don’t even know what that was about, but I know Jeff’s happy about it. Let them be weird and gross together, that energy’s got to go somewhere.”
“High heels? Where do you want to guess they’re shoving those?”
“I don’t want to guess at all,” Kevin says. They’re both giggling now, chortling, and suddenly it’s like they’re both high again, like they were back in senior year of college practically every other day. “If they bring some shoes with them when we find shelter, I’m only going to bring it up if we don’t have enough room and need to prioritize essentials.”
“Where do you think we’ll end up? Are there shelters nearby? If we have to travel too far that’s less time to prepare.”
“Don’t worry about that tonight. Tomorrow everyone’s going to come back with most of what we need, and I’m going to talk to Clarkie to see what Alex told him, maybe he’s done some research I don’t need to do, maybe he mentioned something important to that kid, you never know.”
“Sure, pillow talk, people could say anything.” Glenn reaches out in the dark and seeks Kevin’s hand.
“What’s your big thing about Greg?” Kevin asks.
“You know what he was thinking about when he first came this weekend, that he wanted to use one of the guys as a stud, basically. Sam got a vasectomy, so he was out. Jeff is Jeff, so you can’t really blame Greg for not wanting to go there.”
“He didn’t ask you for a donation, did he?” Kevin asks, his voice amused in tone. “I mean, you guys are close, but like family close, like you never once even considered having sex with him, right? Before we were together?”
“No, that was never a possibility, and Greg didn’t ask that, it’d be like trying to have sex with a stuffed animal, what is the point of that? It’s not going to participate with you, it’s inanimate, irrelevant, it can’t really work, but that’s not my point. What I mean to say by bringing this up is … well Kevin, there’s one option left for Greg. There’s you.”
“No way,” Kevin whispers. “I mean, not no way like I’m refusing you, but like, no way, I can’t believe you’re even thinking about this? Wouldn’t you be jealous? Or since you trust Greg so much, we both do, wouldn’t it still be weird? I mean, do you really want your best friend and your husband to know each other like that? Without you?”
“There’s no way either one of you would forget about me,” Glenn says. “Maybe if it were yesterday and I was thinking like this, we’d all go down to a clinic and have doctors take your stuff and put it in Greg, but … Greg needs something to hope for, something to look forward to right now. And if we live, there won’t be any clinics for us down the road, we’ll have to do everything the old-fashioned way anyhow.”
“Repopulate the world, the old-fashioned way?” Kevin says. He’s smiling in the dark, Glenn can hear it.
“It doesn’t sound so bad, does it?” Glenn leans over and kisses Kevin, and stays on top of him when he asks, “What do you think? Obviously you can say no, but don’t do it because you think it’ll bother me—it won’t. I love you both so much in totally different ways, I trust you. And I think you could handle this with each other. You might laugh all the way through it, it’ll be weird but it’ll be so kind, Kevin, and so important to Greg. It might literally save his life, and not only that, create more life! Cousins for our sons, we could have more too, we should.”
“We’ll need a lot of food for us all.”
“Yeah,” Glenn says. Oh yeah, all that stuff. It’s not just fun and new people to love forever, is it? But that’s not what it was having kids last week either. They had their problems still, their worries and work still, but they never forgot that all the trouble was worth it. Greg needs that too.
Kevin kisses Glenn again, and Glenn starts to grind against him until Kevin takes his head in both hands and says, “Let me sleep on the question about Greg okay? And let me sleep with you tonight.”
Glenn nods, knowing Kevin can feel it, and rolls off of him to get himself undressed and in the receptive position under the covers. He and Kevin usually fuck face-to-face, Glenn wonders how it would be with Kevin and Greg? Hopefully different, somehow, just so that what they have is still special, but not so different and wild that it’s their new favorite thing to do, like Jeff, the way he’ll just say yes to anything, learn to like and crave anything. Glenn sincerely hopes that he, Greg, and Kevin can all be more adult than that.
The next morning, Kevin gets up first and goes to the bathroom, then leaves the room without saying good morning. Glenn wonders if that’s how today’s going to be, everyone military and singular in their tasks of shopping, alone until dinner when they’ll all come home exhausted. But Kevin isn’t gone long.
Kevin comes back in the room quietly, followed by Greg in his bathrobe. They both join Glenn on the bed as he sits up. It feels weirdly like a sleepover, like they’re all children waking up with each other when before now they’d only known each other at school.
“What’s up?” Greg asks. Kevin hasn’t told him anything yet, he tells Glenn first.
“I’ll do it,” Kevin says to Glenn, patting him on the shoulder. “Let me know if he wants that, too.”
Glenn smiles, he knows Greg will want this. He would bet that Greg thought of this but then also thought that he could never ask it of either of them, out of respect. The time for tiptoeing around this stuff, however, is over. Glenn turns to Greg and asks him, “What do you hope you’ll have, a boy or a girl?”
“I … not you, right? Kevin? Kevin said …?”
“Not me, yes Kevin. Our children will be half-siblings, won’t that be sweet?”
Greg’s eyes start to blink and flutter, he’s about to cry. “What does that make us, step-fathers to the kids? What are we, sister-wives?”
“Brother-husbands, but let’s not call it that, it sounds too weird.”
Greg laughs, and his tears start to fall, and Glenn grabs him into a hug and pulls them both down to cuddle among their pillows.
“Glenn, I’m so happy,” Greg whispers, like it’s a terrible secret, being happy. “Kevin’s so handsome, I always told you so. I wasn’t kidding. I was never jealous, you know, of either of you, because you’re both so goddamn goody-goody, you clearly belonged together because you would have annoyed the hell out of anyone else, but … he makes such fine-looking boys.”
“Maybe you’ll get the girls, wouldn’t that be something? It’s his stuff that decides it, maybe in you the swimmers will go, Hmm, I like this place for a girl, and that’ll be that. Bring us some diversity down in the bunker, you know?”
“Sure,” Greg says, wiping his eyes. Suddenly woken up and now crying, Greg still looks like a Ken doll and not like a real guy. Glenn wonders if his hair really does lie neatly on the pillow or if once whatever hair product he uses is left behind up here on the surface of the world, he’ll look as shaggy and rumpled as the rest of them. Someone’s going to have to learn how to cut hair down there. They’ll need to brush up on midwifery, they’re going to be truly on their own, but that’s fine with Glenn, so long as they all stay alive and healthy for as long as possible.
“Hey,” Greg whispers, leaning in close. “How’s Kevin i
n bed?”
“Oh, heck no, find out for yourself, I don’t think we need to trade those details.”
Greg giggles; he always likes it when Glenn has to not-swear.
“When will this happen?” Greg asks. “Today we’ve all got to gather supplies, when are we going to get a moment to try this? We’re not going to wait until … after, right?”
He means Sunday. “It’ll definitely happen before Sunday. I’m going to have to go get the kids at some point, explain this somehow, tell Kevin’s mother something, if we’re going to tell her anything at all, he hasn’t decided if he wants her to know, she’s on her last leg and may deserve to go peacefully, without knowing all this. When I’m gone, I think that’ll be a good window for you two, and then you’ll remember why you’re signing on to try and live through this mess, because you could be living for two.” Glenn points at Greg’s torso and pokes him. Greg smiles.
“You’re a really good friend.”
“I know. I’d do anything for you, for all of you, and so would Kevin, and we know you feel the same about us. When we wake up down there after the disaster strikes, we won’t be friends anymore, we’ll all be family, a whole village to ourselves, just like we always said we would do back in college, remember?”
Greg laughs, his beautifully straight teeth revealed, straight without ever needing braces. His children are going to be such babes when they’re old enough. Hopefully by then they’ll be able to find other surviving communities so they can get laid without inbreeding, wouldn’t that be nice?
“Oh my god, I remember that! What was it we decided on, an island or a farm?”
“Oh just anywhere we could isolate ourselves from everyone else, because we were so smart and right about everything and the rest of the world was so stupid.”
“It’s funny, we kind of ended up being right about that,” Greg says.
“Yeah, lucky us.”
Now Glenn and Greg are smiling gently, somewhat somberly at each other, until Greg lifts above him and kisses Glenn on the forehead. Glenn nods up at Greg, acknowledging his thanks, and then Greg gets up and goes to get ready. They can hear everyone else moving around now, orders being given by Kevin, they’ve got a long day of work ahead of them, everyone’s heading out alone to purchase goods and stuff their vehicles with supplies. It’s going to be an exhausting day, a day full of hassles and stares from people who think their purchases are nuts, and it’s going to be both embarrassing and the saddest thing ever, knowing that they’re not the crazy ones when everyone else will assume that they are. But that’s okay; all the headaches that come to them over the next few days, they’ll all be worth it, because the pains of today will make for a better tomorrow, and that’s all that matters.
10. Greg Gets a Purpose
For the next two days, Greg goes shopping for end-of-the-world supplies like he’s won the lottery and is going on an extravagant spree. The same way he would feel buying whole wardrobes with the point of one finger and just sweeping the shelves of expensive perfumes and jewels is how he goes about buying massive amounts of batteries, matches, gallons of gasoline, canned and dried food, knives and tools and nature guides and wilderness handbooks. Flint lighters. Disinfectants. Medical supplies. Fun!
He fills up the trunk and back seat of the car with one trip then goes out on two more. Kevin has sent them to different stores with different lists. He has told them to split it all over their credit cards so the banks don’t freeze any accounts. Greg is doing everything by the book, and picking up some supplies of his own: cloth diapers, baby formula, multi-vitamins, and a lot more books on both the humdrum and emergency aspects of birth and child-rearing. There is a sea of panic in him somewhere, wondering how they’d ever survive long enough for the air to be clear of poisonous bomb residue to emerge back on the surface. Won’t it take generations before they can come outside again? Won’t they all wither in the dark? Won’t even the smallest emergency be life-threatening now, like a broken bone, a cut that needs stitches? His kids won’t have vaccines. What if someone develops type II diabetes down there, then what? They can’t outfit themselves with everything. Shouldn’t they find some anti-radiation suits so they can go on supply runs? Don’t those exist? Can they express ship some to the house?
Those details, those possibilities, they have to trust Kevin with. Suddenly Kevin’s the most important person in Greg’s life, and it’s strange. When Glenn and Kevin first got together, Greg barely even liked the guy. That was a matter of friend-jealousy. It was their first year at college, the group was still forming together, Greg and Glenn became fast friends, an immediate pair, and swore they’d room together the next year, and then suddenly there was a boyfriend. Then the plans for rooming together were either off or included Kevin. Instead of a double, they’d need a triple, and two of the beds would be pushed together so that Kevin and Glenn could sleep together, and Greg’s dreams of he and his best friend going through college together, like partners, like bonded brothers, was out the window. Greg was a third wheel, welcome but not part of the core. It took at least a year to get over his resentment for Kevin, and a year for their annoyingly googly-eyed honeymoon period to wear off so that they could each be independent again. After that is when Greg grew to like Kevin, bit by bit, until he’d known him so long that disliking him would have been as irrelevant as holding a grudge against a cousin. Maybe you don’t know him that well, but he’s still family, might as well embrace that. And now …
Greg knows Glenn will feel comfortable with this arrangement, he wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. Kevin’s the sort of guy who likes to feel chivalrous, and he’ll do anything if it’s presented to him like that, as if he’s really helping people who need him. That’s been annoying to Greg a few times in the past, but here he is practically a cult leader—they all need him to tell them where to go, what to do, how to survive, and he’ll be the father of Greg’s children too, should they be so fortunate to conceive. All Greg has to do is sleep with him first.
It’s honestly never occurred to Greg before. He thought about what it would have been like to sleep with Glenn, once, mostly just to freak himself out, the same motivation behind that as when he imagines a noise in his apartment is a killer in hiding, just being ridiculous and making himself uncomfortable. He’d sooner sleep with Jeff than Kevin, if he was drunk enough on a low self-esteem day. He’d definitely get with Sam, that guy just keeps staying rugged and fine, he stays pretty for TV, there’d be nothing wrong with that. He did mess around with Alex once, and not less than five times this past weekend did he wonder if the others had ever done the same, what was the most intimate memory they had with the one friend they’d never see again. Greg decides on his last drive back to the house that he’s going to ask. Nevermind being too inappropriate now, the world is burning down. He’s curious about it, and besides, he’s going to tell the group what he and Kevin and Glenn are up to, just so nobody gets any bad ideas if they see Kevin coming out of the wrong room when Glenn’s away, they really can’t keep any secrets if they’re going to be a surviving unit. It’s also going to be hard to keep secrets when they’re living on top of each other. Forget one big house, they might all be in the same cell going forward. Things are going to get weird—they might as well start getting weird right now.
Greg unpacks the car and sorts his items in the living room, hands Kevin his receipts, and then heads to the kitchen where those who’ve returned are congregating. They bring in the supplies each time. Whenever they make the move to wherever they’re going, Kevin will rent a truck for it all, no need to return it when the world goes to shit. They’ll be one big caravan of weirdos believing in the apocalypse, that’ll happen Saturday morning. Greg is happy they’re all busy, that way he doesn’t have time to think, or count down the remaining days, or worry about things that are outside of his control or care now (like what the people at work thought about him not showing up on Monday—Greg isn’t even answering their calls, he doesn’t check his emails, h
e doesn’t care; his only concerns are the immediate resources in his bank accounts, and the brand new future he’s got to embrace wholeheartedly). Dinner is being prepped just like their first night together after the funeral. They’re eating the freshest things they can find, everyone’s going to gorge on their favorite foods this week, because it’s the last chance they’ll ever have to taste such things. Greg cuts or washes or stirs whatever Glenn hands to him. They’re both extremely aware of each other as the kitchen fills up and food starts to cook up and hit the table. They’ve got an extra secret from everyone else that Greg doesn’t think they should keep for long.
“Hey,” he says when dinner finally moves out to the dining room and the kitchen empties. Glenn hangs back to listen to him, folding a dish towel he just used to carry a hot bowl out to the big table. “I want to tell the others what we’re up to, are you okay with that?”
“Oh, I’m so glad you brought it up first! Yes, I think it’s a good idea to just put it out there before we even start. It’s not like we’re the weirdest ones in this bunch, let me just run it by Kevin first!”
Glenn literally runs to find Kevin to ask him, pops back into the kitchen with a thumbs up, and then it’s time for dinner. Greg figures he’ll bring this up over dessert.
In watching the new couples among them practically feed each other dinner, each of them a pair of newlyweds suddenly, Greg knows what made Glenn think he was too left out. Greg really is the romantic seventh wheel here—who knew that Jeff would end up with someone before Greg?—but here they are and Greg isn’t at all heartbroken about it. He’s been someone’s boyfriend once or twice, he’s been a lover, he imagines it feels perfectly nice to be someone’s husband, but none of it has anything on the honor of being someone’s father. That’s what he wants the most, and it turns out that’s more than enough for Greg. Talk about true love, what’s purer than the love for your own child? Forget dating, just forget it. That has never mattered less to Greg than it does today, and though he doesn’t begrudge anyone else their happiness, he has only ever valued the lovers he’s had who’ve become his friends.