by J. M. Miller
I tried to look around his gray scrubs at the woman who wasn’t putting up a fight. Dad swayed at the same time to hold my focus, though. “Okay,” I agreed, because I knew it was better to let it go tonight.
“You’re okay, right?” he asked, squeezing my forearm just a tad.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” he said and dropped my arm.
I noticed the deep breath he took before turning around. He was quick to move, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the front door. I stood in the same spot for a minute, letting the buzz of what had happened dissolve before I moved back toward the courtyard door.
“I wish I was honest enough to tell her the truth,” a voice spoke clearly in my jumbled head.
I’d heard others during the night, but this one seemed more important than the rest. Wondering who had made the wish, I glanced around and noticed Darth Vader stepping out of the kitchen, holding a cup and a bottle of water. The gloves of his costume were tucked under his arm, but his helmet was still on.
“That looked a little rough,” he said in his Vader voice. “Do you want some water?”
He was one of the lucky witnesses. I watched him unscrew the new bottle and pour some into the cup, knowing it was safe to accept. I definitely didn’t want his earlier friendly invitation to the dark side turning into a deranged reality. “Thanks,” I said as he held out the cup.
Accidentally grazing my fingers over his, I was hit with the familiar rush easily overlooked by anyone else. I welcomed the feeling a little more each time. It was the release after the headaches, the gift for the pain. He probably thought it was a shiver, or a shift of his clothes. Nothing life changing. But I knew something would change.
After it ended, I backed away and pushed through the courtyard’s door. I needed to get away from the crowd, to breathe some fresh air, and go find Ben. The courtyard had string lights and pumpkins similar to the decor inside. Ben and I had set some of them up. Glancing around, I noticed there were only two other people outside. They were the condiment couple, ketchup and mustard, and they were kissing by the trellis.
I looked up to the cloud-covered moon, thinking about Mom. All the sorrow I’d held back inside poured out of me, shaking my body as I began to cry.
“Hey,” Vader’s voice came from behind me. I sucked in my breath, attempting to reel in the emotions that no longer wanted to be captive. “I have to tell you something,” he spoke again, this time not concealing his familiar voice.
I wiped the tears beneath my eyes and took a drink of water with my back still facing him. Walking away was probably what I needed to do, but I didn’t think I had the energy. I was practically ready to collapse on the spot. “You’re my father?” I joked, trying to shake off my misery. Blood begin to run from my nose. Great. I pinched my nostrils closed.
“No. Definitely not your father,” he said with a laugh as he stepped beside me.
Out of my peripheral vision, I could see he was looking high over the stone wall at the moon also. “Well if it’s anything about what happened in there, I don’t need to hear it,” I said before he could muster an empathetic apology or a half-assed “I’ve been there.”
“Actually, I was going to say that your costume looks great,” he admitted. “Being totally honest, I was going to tell you how beautiful you look. I just didn’t want to sound like a jerk.”
“Thanks. I’ve got to go,” I replied and turned back toward the door. I didn’t want to be rude by leaving, but I was afraid the blood would drip on the dress if I didn’t get a tissue.
“Wait.” His hand reached out, stopping just shy of touching my arm. “Here,” he said, extending a napkin that was wrapped around his water. “Are you okay?”
I took the napkin with a nod and thought about his simple question. Am I okay? Before I had time to hold them back, more tears came and sobs quickly followed. “I’m sorry,” I said through my jagged breaths, slowly backing away. I knew there was someone I needed to see, but I was unsure whom. His arms would hold me. His voice would soothe me. I knew how everything felt with him. I just couldn’t think of him. Why am I suddenly so confused?
“No, LJ, there’s no reason to apologize,” Vader called as I turned away. He rushed in front of me, forcing me to look at him. “I have to be honest with you. I’m not sure why I’m doing this because it might just make things worse, but I know you need a friend right now and all I want to do is help.” He pulled the Vader helmet off, revealing a dirty blond head of messy hair and kind hazel eyes.
Ryan.
He was right: knowing it was him made it all worse. I felt the confliction churning deep within. He wasn’t the one who I needed right now. Yet everything he’d said had been considerate. Was this the honesty he’d wished for? My tears kept falling as I struggled to remain on my feet. I had no words for him. My thoughts were a scrambled mess, impossible to sort out. I was so exhausted that I didn’t have the energy to try.
He dropped the Vader helmet then reached his hands out slowly, pausing a moment, asking for permission to touch me. When I didn’t resist, he took the cup and tissue from my hands and tossed them aside. Then his hands slid gently onto my shoulders. The touch was comforting and I felt myself sinking into him as his arms snaked around to my back.
“She’s frickin’ gorgeous, Randall,” I said, killing the Cuda’s engine. I smoothed my hand over the wheel then slid out of the cracked black leather seat.
“Good luck feeding her, kid. She’s got one helluva appetite,” Randall replied, climbing into his jacked-up truck and forcing his round stomach behind the wheel.
“This coming from the guy driving the dually,” I joked, closing the Cuda’s door gently and flipping my top hat back on.
He leaned out his window and spat a wad of dip onto the ground. “Yeah, well, at least this one can haul more.” He tossed his thumb toward the trailer he’d used to bring the car.
“Thanks again, for everything.”
“Just take care of Mindy and she’ll take care of you.”
“Mindy? Really? Oh, no. New owner, new name,” I said, shaking my head.
He laughed and cranked the dually’s engine. “I’ll see you Monday, kid.”
“Have a good one.” I waved as he pulled down the driveway.
I locked the Cuda’s doors and ran my fingers down the edge of her shiny, dark gray hood before looking over toward the event house. People were still moving around the property, laughing and using the lawn decorations for their drunken amusement. I knew that Taylor’s dad and Carson hadn’t shown up yet because LJ never came out. With the headaches she was having, I shouldn’t have left her. But I didn’t want to be rude to Randall after he’d given me such a good deal and took the time to bring the car over.
I had to get back to LJ. I was worried about her, but I also craved her. When she’d walked up to me in that dress, I couldn’t breathe. Just thinking about it again was making me crazy. Her pinned up hair. That low-cut top. It exposed her neck, shoulders, and every bit of skin down to her pushed-up breasts. I would’ve taken her upstairs if there had been a way to sneak that enormous dress past anyone. But we had to wait for her dad and Taylor’s dad to show. I needed those obstacles gone. I wanted her alone. I didn’t want to wait anymore.
I crossed the back lawn, dodging the drunken costumed people. Time was ticking on their fun. The party would be reined in soon enough, either by Simone or someone she appointed. As that thought passed, I looked across the grounds toward the front of the event house. Carson stood by the side of the drive and Simone was with him. I couldn’t hear their discussion, but it looked animated enough to worry me. Did something happen to LJ? Before I was able to jump into a run, I watched their lips come together. The shock of it locked my legs up, halting me in place. Did they just kiss?
Choosing to ignore it, I moved on. It was the best option at this point. That kind of information was a night killer that I didn’t want to deal with right now.
“Hey!” Emily strutted over to me from the courtyard’s back entrance. She had on a nurse costume cut low enough I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra, with a high enough skirt to make the zombie walking behind her dip his head for a peek. Other than the peeping zombie passing by the gazebo, we were alone.
“What do you want, Em?” I asked, stepping around her.
She jumped in front of me again with crossed arms and a cocked eyebrow. “I wanted to say hi. You look really good tonight, Ben.”
What is she playing at? “Thanks. I’ve got to go.” I moved around her again, and again she ran around me. “Em,” I warned, looking into her eyes for the first time. They were glassy and bloodshot like she’d been crying, she was high, or both.
She threw her hands up, surrendering. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For the way I treated you before. I knew it wasn’t right, and I’m sorry.” Her hands dropped some, but she reached out like she wanted to touch me.
I dodged her hand and kept walking. “Forgotten, Em,” I said, moving on. If she needed to feel good by apologizing, she could have it. I didn’t want to waste any more time around her.
“Wait, Ben,” she said, grabbing my arm. I glared down at her hand, hoping she’d get the hint to remove it, but she left it there. “We were good together. I think we could’ve been—”
“Please,” I scoffed, prying her hand from my arm. “We both know it never would’ve worked. I’m not sure why you’re thinking about it now, but you should just continue your popularity quest to hook up with Ryan. We aren’t happening.”
She scooped her red hair over a shoulder and twisted her sad lips. “I’m willing to bet you’ll reconsider in a minute.”
That comment struck me as odd, but I chalked it up as her usual attention whoring and turned away. Her footsteps followed not far behind. Hopefully, I could ditch her before I found LJ. This night would be jacked if LJ found her tagging along with me.
But as soon as I turned through the courtyard’s entrance, I realized the night was already jacked and apparently I was the last to find out.
The backside of LJ’s red dress was pushing out away from her body, which was pressed against someone other than me. I could only see the back of his long black cape. It wasn’t her dad, or anyone else with a valid reason to hold her that way. Her face was also hidden from me, buried against him. My heart stopped as abruptly as my feet, though they both went from zero to sixty in less than a second later.
Adrenaline had my body buzzing, rage shaking me to the core. I’d only seen red like this once before, when Harper died. The next day, I found the guy who hosted the party she’d gone to and beat him pretty badly, blacking out in the process. With no time to filter the anger, this time could end up being a lot worse. My fists clamped shut, tensing all of my arm muscles as I prepared to rip someone’s head off.
“Hey!” I shouted, not giving a shit who heard.
They both spun around while I closed the distance. The moment I saw his face, Emily’s words all made sense. Ryan! “What the…?” I stopped a few feet from reaching them. My gut twisted into a crippling knot as I stared at her in his arms.
LJ was crying. Thin streaks of makeup ran under her squinty eyes, down to her red cheeks. Her eyes widened when they finally noticed me.
Ryan’s hands shot up immediately. “Easy, Ben. Some shit went down—”
“Son of a bitch!” I looked at his Darth Vader helmet on the ground, knowing he’d been here watching all night. Waiting. I punted it across the courtyard. He smirked at me smugly so I grabbed the front of his costume and rammed him against the stone wall.
A forced breath escaped his lips before I cocked back and hit him in the nose. An audible crack came followed by a dull thud as the back of his head rebounded off the wall.
“Ben!” LJ yelled behind me. I turned and watched her sink to the ground, crying into her hands. “Ben, please.”
With my focus off him, Ryan swung back and landed a hit to my jaw. It rocked me hard enough to knock my hat off and back me up a step. “You weren’t here, Benj, so back the hell off,” he said, straightening up.
Hearing the fight, people stepped out the back door to watch. They kept their distance, though a few girls moved toward LJ to see if she was okay. The familiar metallic taste surfaced around my tongue, tangy and bitter. I spat blood to the ground and turned to him again, ready to beat him ‘til he couldn’t speak. I threw another punch, this time to his ribs. He doubled over with a pained laugh then rushed me like a linebacker. His shoulder crashed into my chest with all of his weight. I went down and he followed, tackling me to the ground and hitting my face before I had a chance to block. I countered and flipped on top of him before he could scramble away. It was my turn again. I hit him once, twice, in the face, not minding the pain in my hand, barely registering the gasps from the people by the door.
When I cocked back again, someone’s hand wrapped around my arm. I turned around and met Pop’s wide eyes. The look in them said far more than words could. I backed off Ryan and watched him get to his feet. He wiped his face and walked over to grab his helmet before moving back toward LJ. I gritted my teeth and lurched for him again, but Pop seized my arms, holding me in place.
“Sorry, LJ,” Ryan said loud enough for me to hear.
She didn’t respond. She just watched him walk through the few people who stayed outside before turning her eyes down. I didn’t know what to say or do. What was she doing with him? In his arms? My chest was so tight, I couldn’t breathe.
“I’m not sure what took place here, but I can venture a good guess,” Pop said to me, loosening his grip. “I have to go track down Simone and tell her, in the event your old friend decides to take further action. You should get out of here. Take LJ home. I expect you to act like a gentleman to that girl. I don’t care what happened. Do you understand me?”
I looked at his concerned eyes, feeling the true weight of his words. “I’d never hurt her,” I said, worried what he really thought of me.
“I know you wouldn’t, son. I just needed to make sure that anger was in check before you talked to her.”
Pop let go of my arms and moved to LJ, who was still crying on the ground. She looked tiny and frail in the middle of her ballooned dress. I wanted to go to her, but my confusion rendered me immobile. I still wasn’t sure what had happened. Why did she let him hold her?
Pop helped her up and said something too quiet for me to hear. She nodded without reply and looked back down at the ground. His eyes darted back to me then jerked his head in the direction of LJ’s house.
I nodded and watched him walk into the event house, ushering everyone else with him. LJ was still looking at the ground, her body silently shaking. Before I could think of how to approach her, I went to pick up the top hat. I brushed the traces of dirt from its brim then placed it back on my head as I walked to her.
“LJ?”
She slowly looked up. I stared into her eyes, getting lost in the wet, soul-crushing color I never wanted to see. It hurt to look at her this way. Shattered. And by what? Me?
“Ben, I…” she muttered through a shaky breath. “I’m not sure what happened. I’m sorry. I know you’ll probably never believe me… or forgive me.” Her words broke apart and she began to cry again.
“Let’s get you home. We can talk more there,” I said, taking her hand in mine. She wiped her eyes with her other hand and nodded.
We walked in silence to her house. Carson’s Escape wasn’t parked out front, which meant he had to have gone back to work sometime during the fight. LJ and I went inside and trekked upstairs to her room, passing Gavin’s room on the way. He popped his head out of his door and reacted instantly to LJ’s tear-stained face. She reassured him twice before he relented and ducked back into his room.
She pushed through her bedroom door, squishing her dress down more than it had at the front door. It bounced back into shape right away, far easier than my disposition. She disappeared into the bathroom and turned on
the sink. I took off the top hat and jacket, tossing them on the bed before sitting down. Hoping to settle the adrenaline that continued to course through me, I rubbed my shaky hands nervously over my thighs. I couldn’t get the vision out of my head. Her, in his arms. Trying focus on anything else but that image, I took a huge breath.
LJ stepped back into the room a minute later, dabbing a fresh tissue under an eye. The makeup streaks were gone from her face, but her eyes were still red and puffy. She adjusted the dress and sat beside me, looking down at the tissue in her hand. “I’m not sure what happened,” she said, twisting the tissue nervously.
I decided it was best that I didn’t speak. If I opened my mouth, things would only get worse. So I stared at my hands instead, studying the red knuckles that had bashed Ryan’s face.
After a small pause she said, “My mom showed up tonight.” I looked at her then, recognizing the possible start to tonight’s events. She laughed a little to herself. “She had this look on her face like she was shocked that I was yelling at her. Dad showed up and told me he’d handle everything. He said I should go find you, oddly enough. Everything got… hazy after that. I’d had another drink before my mom showed, but I find it hard to believe that the drinks alone would have that strong of an effect on me. It had to be the drinks and the stress. I couldn’t think, Ben,” she said, turning and looking at me, her eyes welling up again. The urge to comfort her was strong, but I needed to hear everything. I needed to hear why she let him touch her.
She took a jagged breath and went on, her eyes drifting as she talked. “Before he took off his helmet, Ryan offered me some of his water, unopened.” She emphasized the word when I physically tensed beside her. “It was after I’d heard him make a wish to be more honest. Our fingers touched accidentally, granting his wish. I thought about my mom again when I went outside, jumbling my thoughts even more. Ryan took off his helmet shortly after that, showing me who he was. It felt wrong, but when I tried to think why, I couldn’t come up with the answer.” Her eyes darted back to me. “I tried to think of you. And I… I couldn’t remember you.” Tears spilled over her cheeks and her breaths became erratic. “S-Something else to make me crazy, I know, but I swear that I’m not lying to you. I tried to think of you and I c-couldn’t. Like a word on the tip of my tongue, but still t-too far away to reach.”