by J. M. Miller
Our bodies were tangled the same way they were when we woke up yesterday in my bed. One of his arms had me pinned to his body and his leg was tucked between mine. The heat wasn’t overwhelming like it was in my room, though. He used fewer blankets on his bed. The balance from the cool room and his warmth was perfect.
I tipped my head back away from his chest and watched him sleep for the second morning in a row. He’s undeniably gorgeous. Thinking about last night made me smile and made my cheeks burst into flames all over again. He was attentive and thoughtful, yet also strong and self-assured in ways that drove me wild. And what he did with my feet! The moment was absolutely adorable. His rendition of “This Little Piggy” melted my heart in the most fabulous way. I didn’t think it was possible to love him more. But it happened.
I giggled thinking about it then tilted my head farther back to look at his alarm. Seven. I needed to get home before Dad or Gavin decided to knock on my door.
Moving as slowly as possible, I rolled out of his grip and slid onto the floor. The room was a mess. Beer bottles lined the bed. Clothes were scattered everywhere. I noticed it all last night when I arrived, but I decided not to comment because of how he’d acted all day. Somber, barely talking, hardly joking. When I showed up last night, he was in the middle of drinking. Was the search wearing on him too? I hoped it wasn’t weighing so heavily that he needed more nights of drinking. All I could do was reassure him and try to take his mind off of everything.
After he’d told me again he was only afraid of me leaving, I figured that the curse wasn’t the only thing still on his mind. Was he still thinking about Ryan? I’d explained everything to him the other night and he seemed to understand, yet maybe he was still hurt. I would’ve been. If I’d found him holding another girl, it would’ve broken me.
I shivered from the chill in the room. The green T-shirt was on the edge of the bed so I grabbed it, pulled it over my head, and surveyed the room again. Where did my pants go? They had to be blending in with some of the clothes on the floor. I tiptoed around a few beer bottles before accidentally knocking one over. It clanked in the quiet room then rolled as loudly as a semi for a couple of feet until it hit a pair of jeans, which were hiding my yoga pants behind them. I glanced over at Ben. His eyes were still closed despite the bottle’s obnoxious noise. I tiptoed to the pants and bent over to retrieve them.
An airy whistle made me jump. Not bothering to stand up, I peeked over my shoulder and around my butt. Ben had propped himself up on a single elbow. His lips were still pursed from his flirty whistle.
He grinned wickedly and patted the bed in front of him. “Please don’t put them on yet.”
I smiled at his sleepy voice. “Okay, but only because you asked nicely.”
He chuckled and adjusted the comforter over my body as I slipped back into bed with him. His head nuzzled into my neck. “You are so beautiful. Thank you so much for surprising me last night. I love waking up with you.”
“Me too,” I said as he kissed my neck and slid his hand around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I didn’t object. His touch felt so good it was paralyzing.
His lips traveled up my jaw and skimmed across mine, tantalizing me. I cracked open my eyes to watch him. His lids were shut, happily lost is the same feelings and desires. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. He opened his eyes, too. “What are you up to?” he questioned, squeezing my hip gently.
“Nothing. Just enjoying this,” I replied.
He pressed his lips to mine, fully this time, wanting more. My body temperature started to rise as the kiss sped up, leading us down the path toward our own private Heaven. I pushed my fingers into his hair and tugged. He shifted in response so he could settle on top of me. Needing air, I tipped my head up and he continued kissing along my neck. Oh, God. It felt so good. But I knew I had to get back to my room before anyone discovered that I was gone.
“Ben,” I uttered softly. His hand slid down my thigh, igniting more skin. “Ben,” I said louder this time. I fisted his hair and yanked it, hard.
He lifted his head from my neck and looked at me with parted lips. His eyes blazed, caught in a moment he didn’t want to abandon. He pressed his body firmly to mine, clearly displaying why.
I frowned and bit my lip. “I’m sorry, babe. I really have to get back before someone wakes up.”
He took a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh. “I know. You just feel so damn amazing.” Reluctantly, he rolled to his side.
“You do too,” I said with a smile, then gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his lips. “What time do you want to come over?” I sat up, swung my legs off the bed, and put my feet into my pants.
His hand slipped under my shirt and started rubbing my lower back, not ready to give up skin contact yet. “As early as possible.”
I pulled my pants up to my thighs and slipped my feet into my boots. “Sounds good to me. Then we can go make out on a hay ride.” Standing up, I slid my pants up the rest of the way and shivered again from leaving the warmth of his body.
“I’ll walk you back. You should have texted last night. I would’ve come to get you.”
“Don’t lie. You were a little too buzzed. You probably would’ve gotten lost in the basement.”
“Nice,” he replied with a breathy laugh as he stood up and pulled on his shirt. “You’re probably right.”
I could tell by his dropped voice that he didn’t want to think about anything before I’d arrived so I changed the subject back to today. “Where are you taking me later?” I asked, shivering again. It was colder this morning than it was last night. I should have worn a sweater.
“I’m debating between two different places,” he answered, tugging on a pair of jeans.
While he slipped his feet into his boots, I looked down beside the bed, noticing his hoodie from yesterday. Goosebumps had taken over my arms. I rubbed my hands over them, unable to stop their attack. “I’m freezing. Can I wear your hoodie home?” Just as I bent over and touched the thick black material, Ben’s hand grabbed mine.
He pulled my hand, standing us back up. I eyed him curiously and his lips tipped up in a small, hesitant smile. It was forced, not natural. “That one’s dirty. Let me get you a clean one,” he said, motioning to the closet.
What? Why would he rush over to me when he could’ve said it was dirty? I scrunched my brows, not understanding his reaction. “Okay,” I replied, dragging the word out to show my confusion. He moved us toward his closet then released my hand to search for another sweater. My eyes wandered back to the hoodie. It wasn’t just thrown there. The long sleeves were tucked tightly around the rest. Was there something in it that he didn’t want me to see?
Before I had the chance to talk myself down, and before Ben had the chance to stop me, I lunged for the hoodie. He came out of the closet with a green sweater in hand. When he realized what I’d done, his eyes widened with a tortured look.
“Why don’t you want me to open this?” I asked, staring at him.
He dropped the clean sweater to the floor and approached me. “LJ,” he started with a wavering voice, “I just need to tell you that I love you and that I only want to help you.” His hands immediately pushed back though his hair and he fanned his elbows out, swaying them a little. He was nervous. Really nervous.
Shit. I was holding onto the hope that it was a gift, or maybe that I was being paranoid, but that was clearly wishful thinking. This was something big, and not in a good way. My heart raced, knowing it was about to be broken. The only question was how badly.
His eyes dropped, unable to look at me. My hands started to sweat. I peeled the hoodie’s arm back, noticing the weight of it for the first time. Something solid was inside. I could feel the stiffness even through the thick material. When I finished unraveling, I discovered that it was tucked inside. Holding it with one hand, I slipped the other through the neck hole and felt my stomach drop as soon as I touched the cool, porous surface.
While I watch
ed Ben pace, my fingers ran across the familiar etching. I knew what it was immediately, having traced the letters of the first stone over a hundred times. Tears fell and so did the hoodie as soon as I removed the stone. I no longer cared about the room’s chill. It was no match for the emotions attacking every piece of me.
I kept my eyes on him. Sobs escaped my lips even though I tried with everything I had to remain resolute. Why did he have this? Why didn’t he tell me? When did he find it? I wanted to scream, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he said, stretching his hands out and stepping closer. His fingers grazed my arm and I jerked away. “LJ, you have to believe me. I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew that if I could find the answers you wouldn’t have to worry so much.”
I pressed my lips together and wiped the weakness from my cheeks as quickly as I could. “When?” It was all I managed to get out.
He sighed and fidgeted with his hands nervously. “I found it yesterday, in the office’s storage bench, between two bookcases. I panicked… I didn’t want to add to what had already happened this weekend.”
I hadn’t even looked down at the words I was mindlessly running my fingers over. Did I even want to know? He just admitted it wasn’t good. How bad was it? More tears escaped with silent ease. I wiped them more forcefully this time, irritated I had to let him see me this way. I was furious right now, not sad. Sadness would come later because I knew I’d be alone.
I dropped my face away from his stare, looking down at one of the stones we’d been searching endlessly for. Sliding my fingers aside, I took in the words. Memories gained, memories lost. For someone’s today at your yesterday’s cost. Memories? I looked back to Ben, hating that I didn’t fully understand.
“How long have you been forgetting things?” he whispered, moving another step closer.
Oh, God. That’s what this meant? I couldn’t hold the tears in. More and more spilled as I stared at him. I’d forgotten him at the party. I thought it was from the stress of seeing my mom, the headaches, and all the voices. This was the real reason? Another part of the curse? I grant people’s wishes and lose my own memories?
“LJ, please say something,” Ben breathed, reaching his arms out again.
I looked at the definition in his biceps as he cupped his hands behind my shoulders. His arms willed me to fade into him. The draw was there like every other time, the comfort. I could feel my body yearning to be held, to be cradled by his strength. But I couldn’t let that happen. “You lied,” I whispered and his body stiffened and stopped moving.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted—”
“I’ve been hearing that phrase a lot lately. ‘I just wanted.’ My mom said it the other night, now you. Why is it always what everyone else wants? What about what I want?” I asked, incapable of silencing the anger in my voice.
I stepped out of his grasp and watched his face scrunch as if he were in pain. “I wanted you to tell me the truth. That’s what you promised after keeping the well from me the first time. And when Dad found out about your past, you said you’d always tell me the truth. I wanted you to be different.”
“I never wanted to hurt you. I knew if I found the answers we could fix everything.”
“Is that what all of this is about, fixing me? Saving me?” I asked, motioning between us.
“No. We aren’t only about that. Have I not told you the reasons I love you, the reasons I want to be with you?”
I nodded, knowing he had, but pursed my lips. “It doesn’t really matter, Ben. You hid this from me,” I whispered. Gripping the stone hard against my thigh, I brushed past him, snatched my phone from the desk, and headed for the door.
He grabbed my arm lightly and spun me around. “Don’t leave like this. You have to hear me out.” His fingers slid down, hooking my hand. His other hand joined the first before I could protest. “I will do everything I can to fix this. You mean more to me than anyone. Please believe that.” He whispered the last part with a crack in his voice. The deep brown eyes that could make my heart stop stared at me with sadness far worse than I’d ever seen.
I needed space. I needed to process it all and I couldn’t do that near him.
Knock. Knock. “Ben? Is everything okay?” Lloyd’s voice came from the hallway.
“Shit,” Ben uttered.
“Give me the key,” I demanded. The space I needed didn’t include him coming to my bedroom uninvited.
He looked from the door to me. “Please don’t shut me out.”
“Give me the key, Ben.” I held out the same hand that was holding my phone. He reached into the pen holder on his desk and grabbed to skeleton key for the basement doors.
“Ben?” Lloyd said again.
Ben placed the key over my phone and I closed my fingers around the cool metal. “Don’t do this, LJ. Please talk to me.”
“I’ll let you know when I’m ready to,” I said, then opened the door to Lloyd.
His eyes widened and he quickly adjusted the thin, navy-colored robe over his stomach. “LJ?” he asked as I moved past him without a greeting.
After what I’d just found out, my manners were the last thing I cared about. I jogged down the hall to the basement. Using the front door wasn’t an option. I had enough to deal with already without involving Dad.
“What is she doing here, Ben?” I could hear Lloyd ask when I got to the bottom of the stairs. I kept moving, hoping he’d stall Ben long enough for me to leave without another word. As I stepped around the heavy boxing bag, I heard a huge thud from something hitting the floor. I glanced back to see Ben crouched at the bottom as though he’d jumped every stair.
He stood fast and rushed up behind me, meeting me at the door to the back storage room. “Wait. I know you’re scared, but we’ll get through this. Dammit, LJ, please just stop,” he said gruffly.
“I’m not just scared, Ben,” I said and turned back to him, noticing Lloyd at the bottom of the stairs watching us. “You kept this from me. If you truly cared, you would’ve told me, regardless. I didn’t need you to protect me. I needed you to be honest,” I yelled, holding out the stone.
Ben dropped his eyes to the ground and Lloyd took a few steps closer to us, looking intently at my hand. “What is that?” he asked.
Ben’s head shook a little, knowing this had gotten far worse than he probably expected. Lloyd had told Ben a lot about the well because of Aunt Janine, but I knew Ben hadn’t shared any info about me. “LJ,” Ben whispered, glancing back up to me. His eyes were dull and distant. He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry.”
“Benjamin,” Lloyd said, trying to get Ben’s attention. Ben still didn’t turn to face him. His eyes were on me, waiting for my next move. Lloyd moved closer and stared at the stone. “Memories…” He read the single word quietly. “Genie… So it’s true,” he whispered as I turned and swung open the door.
I moved around the broken furniture, heading toward the concaved wall and the door to my escape. Aunt Janine’s nickname bounced inside my mind like an echo I couldn’t shake. Genie. As I opened the narrow door to the passageway, it all sunk in. Was this the reason for her memory loss? The cause of her Alzheimer’s? I gasped and turned around, staring at Ben. He was still on the other side of the first doorway. Lloyd was attempting to talk to him, but Ben’s eyes were focused on something far beyond a physical reach.
“How could I be so stupid?” I yelled at myself more than at them. They both looked across the room at me. Ben’s eyes popped open and he crossed into the dirt room with a renewed purpose. Lloyd was right behind him. I held up a hand to let Ben know to stop. I didn’t want him any closer. “You knew about the memories a lot longer than finding this stone last night, didn’t you? You’ve known all along that the curse was connected to Aunt Janine’s memory loss? I’m such an idiot. How did I not connect it all?” I sobbed and more tears clouded my eyes. My body shook so hard my legs threatened to give out, but I couldn’t let them. I had to kno
w if he had known this whole time.
He didn’t reply. He didn’t have to. His hands pushed through his hair again and yanked as if he were punishing himself. “LJ, I—”
“All this time I’ve trusted you! Loved you!” I screamed. He cringed like I’d slapped him. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hurt him as badly as I was hurting. After taking a shaky breath, I said, “At least I knew what lies to expect from my old superficial friends. This just… It j-just hurts… so much more.” A whimper followed the words and I covered my mouth, fighting the breakdown about to takeover. There was nothing left to say, no reason left to stay. So I looked at him once more, seeing the sorrow in his eyes before I moved around the door, locked it, and ran blindly into the tunnel.
I tucked the stone under my arm and fumbled with my phone, trying to light the rest of the way. When I finally got the screen to illuminate, I tripped over a root and fell face first. Breathing in the smell of the musty soil, I let loose. Tears fell faster than my eyelids could blink, rolling unrestrained over my cheeks and down my chin. I lay there for a while, giving my agony to the darkness. The tunnel seemed less frightening now. Maybe because I knew I’d face a greater fear soon enough. One I couldn’t run from. Eventually, I would look it in the eye, unable to remember its name.
“Tell me!” Pop demanded, standing beside me while my eyes remained fixed, unblinking, on the passageway door.
I was completely torn. She wouldn’t want me to come after her. It might make her even angrier. But the urge to go and take her in my arms was almost impossible to control. Dammit! I yanked my hair again, wanting to feel the pain in any other place than my chest. It was wound so tight I was ready to explode. And I brought it all on myself. I should’ve told her everything from the start even if it made me sound like a freaking lunatic. Even if it ended us before we began. Whether I’d believed the curse or not, at least she would’ve had the chance to decide for herself.