by J. M. Miller
Shit. I needed another beer. Finally tearing my eyes away from the gross scene of Ryan attempting to charm her, I threw my leg over the bike. “Tell me when we’re starting. I don’t need to know anything else.” I kicked the starter peg and gripped the throttle, revving the engine so it ripped a torment equal to my own. I looked at Spaz and yelled, “Tell these assholes they’re gone after the race. No hanging out.”
I slid the bike to a stop at the barn door, flipped the cooler open, and removed another bottle. There were a million reasons to ditch this race, but I knew I had to stick it out just to kick Ryan’s ass. I watched them all in the distance, readying their bikes. Spaz moved with the other riders around the track, showing them the route. It was pretty basic, but there were a few worn spots where the track crossed that could confuse anyone unfamiliar. Ryan stayed with LJ and Gavin. In the dim light near the trucks, I saw his silhouette reach out a few times, trying to be intimate, trying touch her any chance he could. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle without snapping. It was like the Halloween party all over again. All I could think about was her in his arms. My vision clouded, red with fury and shadowed by alcohol. I downed the rest of the bottle as my pulse raged on inside my ears.
“Hey,” Gavin said, walking up to my side.
I tipped my head down and nodded. “Hey.”
“That guy Ryan isn’t the reason why you and LJ aren’t together, is he?” He turned and faced LJ, now left alone as Ryan took off toward the track.
“No,” I admitted. “That was all me.”
“That explains why she’s been miserable all week,” Gavin said without facing me.
“Miserable?” I asked, knowing its truth wasn’t entirely about me. The curse was the true cause.
“I didn’t want to get involved, but seeing that dick hit on her changed my mind.”
I nodded to myself and dropped the empty bottle beside the cooler. “Yeah, well… I wish I could do something to change what happened, but I can’t.”
“What did you do?”
“I kept something from her. But I was only trying to protect her. I just…” I paused as LJ looked in our direction, folding her arms at the chill. “I better get over to the start,” I said, noticing Spaz waving at the far end of the track. “You can do some jumps after these idiots leave, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed.
I grabbed my helmet beside the cooler, tugged it on, and rode over to the makeshift starting line butted against the property’s edge. There was a gap between Iz and another rider, so I pulled between them.
Iz turned her decaled helmet toward me, only her eyes and nose showing. Her voice was muffled and difficult to hear over the bikes, so I leaned closer. “Why aren’t you fighting, Benj? I know you don’t want something to happen between them, so why would you sit around and wait?” She stood for a moment, adjusting her bike’s position and glancing at Spaz as he talked to Colt down the line.
I nodded slightly, knowing how right she was for most ordinary scenarios. But did that really apply for mine, when I was to blame for what would inevitably happen to LJ? She didn’t even want to talk to me. How could I fight that? Should I even fight that? I glanced back up to Iz and admitted, “I’m afraid I’ll push her further away.”
“That won’t happen. I know she really cares about you. That means you’ve got a chance to fight.”
I glanced back to Spaz, who was pointing to a girl I hadn’t even noticed before at the edge of the track. Her hands gripped a red bandana to signal our start. I looked past her movement to LJ, knowing I shouldn’t keep wasting time. “Maybe you’re right.”
Wind picked up with quick gusts, whipping my hair around my face and shooting another chill through my body. I hugged the comfort of my thrift shop bomber jacket as I looked at the bikes lined across the back of the property. The sun was gone and the moon hadn’t come out to take its place. That void left the grounds eerily dark. Truck headlights cast just enough light to see the riders. I hoped it was enough for them to see the track.
“Why are you talking to him?” Gavin asked beside me, keeping his eyes on the riders.
“Who?” I looked in the same direction. A girl with a classic pin-up-style look walked toward Gavin and me. She stopped at the low bank that formed the edge of the track. Like ours, most of her features were claimed by the night.
“The dude who isn’t Ben,” Gavin said, now eying the racer chick. She looked like she’d hopped out of a Rosie the Riveter poster wearing a bandana and a bouffant curl in her bangs.
I ran my fingers through my limp hair, a little jealous of how cute hers looked. “Ryan?” I asked, looking back at the riders. “I’ve already told him that I’m not interested.”
“He’s ignoring that message.”
Pin-up Chick raised her right arm, holding a red bandana identical to the one wrapped around her head. “That’s his problem, not mine,” I stated.
“It’s Ben’s problem too,” he replied.
Ignoring Gavin, I kept my eyes on Pin-up Chick as she dropped her arm dramatically to start the race. The bikes lunged from their starting points, shooting forward with so much speed I doubted their ability to make the first turn.
After they ripped through the first bend with no problems, Gavin swung his hair off his forehead and eyed me. “He’s a good guy, LJ. Not like that dick you were just—”
“Gavin,” I warned. “You don’t even know what happened. Just drop it, okay?” I huffed and tightened my arms across my chest. I knew why he was trying. I liked Ben, too. I loved Ben, in fact. God, did I love him. I could see it all in his eyes tonight, even from far away. Every ounce of his pain mixed with mine, crushing my heart for the millionth time this week. Why did all this have to happen?
“Fine. I just think he’s the kind of guy who deserves another chance.”
“How do you know he didn’t cheat on me or something? Would you want me to give him another shot if that happened?” I closed my eyes in a squint, hoping it would help fight the tears as I focused on the race.
He exhaled audibly and crossed his own arms. “I can tell he didn’t. Whatever. I’m just trying to help.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. If I talked about it anymore, I’d fall apart again.
With no more words, we watched the bikes tear up the track. I focused on Izzy, mainly. She looked smaller than the guys, but she flew through the turns and kept her jumps low to stay with the pack.
Ryan and Ben’s bikes raced so close I was pretty sure they’d bumped a couple of times. During the last lap of twenty, all the riders were stacked together. In the middle of the group, there was a small collision. Whatever had happened put Ben and Ryan in last place. It also slowed Spaz and most of the other riders down enough to give the lead to Izzy and the skinny guy, who Ryan had mentioned was his cousin. They crossed the starting line too close to tell who had won from our distance.
Before Gavin or I could flinch toward the starting line, the bikes were cutting through the headlights, riding toward the trucks. Gavin grabbed a cooler next to his feet and jogged in that direction. I reluctantly followed. Shoving my right hand into my jacket pocket, I grabbed the fistful of folded bills—the reason I couldn’t avoid the crowd. As soon as the last bike’s engine cut off, Izzy’s exuberant laugh tumbled over the still grounds. She had won.
Pin-up Chick was walking just ahead of me when a headache pierced my thoughts.
“I wish I had the guts to leave him,” Pin-up Chick’s voice said moments later.
“Hey,” I called out, running up alongside her and making her turn. I didn’t know her story, but it seemed like she needed an escape. And I was willing to give it to her.
“Hi,” she responded with ruby lips that matched her bandana. Her hands were shoved into the pockets of her fitted leather jacket. No exposed skin, except her face.
“I’m LJ.” I extended my hand, hoping she wasn’t wearing gloves to combat tonight’s early-winter chill.
“Viv,” s
he said, removing her bare hand from her jacket and shaking mine.
The emotional rush jolted through me, warming my cool cheeks and sedating my headache. I sighed when it disappeared as quickly as it came. “Your hair looks amazing. Just wanted to tell you that.”
She smiled brightly at my words, not noticing the change. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Nice meeting you,” I said, veering away from her. She said a goodbye and quickened her pace toward the trucks just as I felt the blood begin to drip from my nose. I grabbed a tissue from my other pocket, pinched my nose, and kept walking my slow pace.
Shadowed in the darkness behind the trucks, people finally came into focus with my last steps. Spaz held Izzy off the ground, pressing her body to him while they kissed. Ryan was in the bed of his truck, strapping his bike down. And a couple of trucks were already backing out to leave. Their lights flickered over Ben as he leaned on his bike. His eyes were already on me. Gavin was chatting beside him.
“Give me my winnings, chick!” Izzy squealed and ran to me. Her arms crashed around my body and squeezed.
“Congrats.” The breath of air that was forced from my chest made my voice squeak even more through my pinched nose.
She pulled her face back and looked at my nose. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “Not a problem.”
“Okay, good.”
After a moment enjoying the first hug I’d had in a week, I leaned back with a smile and held out the cash. “Here you go.”
She snatched the wad, jumped back over to Spaz, and waved it around to taunt him. I kept smiling. Her celebration was contagious and I was genuinely happy for her. She deserved the win. A beam of headlights flashed into my eyes as one of the last trucks left, obviously not sticking around for Izzy’s victory dance. Gavin walked over to Spaz and Izzy, attempting to snatch the cash while she continued to wave it in the air.
I didn’t have to look to know Ben’s eyes were still on me. I could feel their heat, their tortured ferocity holding me the way he couldn’t. Their pull was strong enough to turn me to him. My heart begged me to give in, to run into his arms.
“LJ,” Ryan’s voice came from behind me. I stared at Ben’s darkened figure, unable to see his features now that the trucks had taken the light away.
I shifted sideways to see Ryan, keeping Ben in view, then removed the tissue from my nose. “Yeah?” I answered, making sure I wasn’t still bleeding before shoving the tissue in my pocket.
He stepped closer, his features becoming clearer. One hand shuffled his truck keys while the other ran through his tousled hair. “I was wondering if you were interested in going to a party with me.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah. It’s at Adam’s house. I told him I’d show up later. I didn’t tell him about the race because he can take things too far sometimes,” he muttered.
“That’s an understatement,” I said. Ryan chuckled, putting a gleam in his hazel eyes that was far too hopeful. “Look, Ryan, thanks for the offer, but—”
“But you’d rather meet me there?” he insisted, running a nervous hand over the back of his neck and flashing a crooked grin.
“No. I’d rather not.” I had to shut this down for good. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Gavin was right. I didn’t need Ryan ignoring my messages.
“Look, LJ. I’m into you,” he said the last part lowly, knowing all the ears in the vicinity were probably listening. “I want you to come hang out. I’ve got a good hook-up. It might not be as good as some Vegas stuff, but it’s—”
I laughed, cutting off his loaded invite. “You don’t know too much about me,” I said to his stunned face. “I’m not a party girl.”
He studied me, running his teeth over his lower lip. “I heard differently, and that it was the reason you broke up with Benj, since he’s a prude. Well, aside from the beers.” He tossed a head tilt toward Ben while he kept his eyes on me. “It’s not an issue. Either way, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do at the party. Just come with me.”
I was pretty sure his wish at the Halloween party was to be honest with me. Maybe it was just to tell me it was him under the Darth Vader costume that night, or maybe he wasn’t used to telling girls that he was genuinely interested in them. It could be as simple as that. But that honesty doesn’t make him a good guy. It doesn’t make him completely sincere. “No, really, it isn’t my scene. Someone’s been giving you the wrong info.” Emily’s scheming face popped into my head.
“C’mon. I just want to hang out so I can learn the right info about you,” he prodded, adding a sexy pout that other girls probably went nuts for.
“Just shut the hell up already,” Ben said, striding over to us with a beer in hand. “She said no. The narrow minds you usually talk to might be easily manipulated, but I’ve got news for you, you can’t change her mind.”
I knew that comment was more for me than Ryan and it made me cringe. Did he think my decision was an easy one? I would have loved if he had been truthful all along because I had no doubt I’d be wrapped in his arms right now.
“Maybe from your experience, but I’m not you,” Ryan stated with a sideways glance at Ben.
“So what? You plan to wear her down until she gives up? That’s pathetic.” Ben laughed.
“I’m right here,” I interrupted their pissing contest bitterly. “I don’t need you talking about me like I’m some shiny freaking toy. Butt out, Ben,” I snapped, looking directly into his eyes because screw him for trying to protect me again. I could handle this myself. “And you,” I said, bringing my eyes back to Ryan and motioning between us. “This isn’t going to happen, so you should just go.”
“Damn. That burns,” Ben drawled in a smooth voice, then tipped back his bottle.
Ryan shook his head with a smirk and let out a breathy, aggravated laugh. His eyes flitted to the ground then back up to me. “You know, it’s kind of presumptuous to assume nothing will happen when you aren’t even giving me a chance.”
“Despite how nice you’ve been lately, I still remember what happened last month in the cafeteria. You sat back and watched, quite entertained by your friends attacking me,” I replied.
“Ah, well, that started off as fun. I admit it went too far.”
“We obviously have different definitions of fun.”
I was about to press on when a bike started behind us. All of us looked over in time to see Gavin tear off down the hill on Ben’s bike. The engine’s jagged screams rippled over the silent property.
“Shit!” Ben yelled and took off in a sprint.
“Gavin!” I screamed, running to the side of the slope that overlooked the track.
“What is he doing? That bike is way too big for him to handle!” Izzy ran up beside me as Spaz kick-started his own bike and took off.
“Oh my God! He’s heading toward the ramp. Has he even jumped that thing before?” I pointed toward the ramp Ben had gotten for his birthday. It was set up for tricks, alongside the track.
Izzy ran her hands to the side of her head, pulling her hair back tighter than it was already within its ponytail. “Shit,” she said nervously. “He’s jumped it a couple times on the smaller bike. I don’t think Ben’s ever let him ride his bike, though.”
I felt powerless. My hands shook as I watched the bike’s shadowed outline race toward the ramp. Everything was going so fast—Gavin on Ben’s bike, Ben running, Spaz’s bike closing the distance—yet everything slowed as though time chose to unfold my worst nightmare at half-speed as some cruel gift. Life clouded. I barely recognized Izzy’s ragged breaths in tune with my own, or Ryan stepping up beside me to watch the madness.
The bike hit the ramp, its engine’s noise settling some as he eased off the throttle. I gasped as it took air then held my breath, waiting for the landing. As soon as he hit, I knew it wasn’t good. The throttle backed off completely and Gavin’s outline split from the bike.
Panic took over. My feet worked f
or me, one after the other, bounding forward with no thoughts, just fear. My brain zeroed in on my target as his figure rolled onto the ground, letting out a single guttural scream.
“Gavin!” I shrieked.
“Shit, Gavin! What the hell?” Ben said as I took my last strides toward them. The words were harsh, but his voice was calm as he slid a hand under Gavin’s left arm, supporting his elbow.
I fell to my knees beside them. “Are you okay? Oh God, Gavin. Are you okay?”
He sat up, sucking air through his teeth. “I think I broke my arm.”
“Where?” Ben asked.
“Forearm. My shoulder’s fine. I put my hand down when I landed.”
“Are you sure nothing else is jacked up?” Ben said, standing up.
“Maybe your bike, man. I’m sorry. That was so stupid. I thought I could make it,” Gavin replied, letting Ben help him to his feet.
I stood with them. Izzy placed her hand on my shoulder while Spaz ran over to Ben’s bike and turned off the engine.
“Don’t worry about my bike. How’s everything else? Can you walk?”
“Yeah,” Gavin answered, testing his legs with small steps.
“What the hell were you thinking, Gavin?” I blurted out in a shaky voice, anger taking the place of fear now that I knew he was safe.
He opened his mouth, but Ben spoke first. “You need to get to the hospital to have this X-rayed.”
“I don’t have a car,” I uttered. Dad was at work. Oh, God, what’s Dad going to think?
“You have mine,” Ben replied, looking at me, his eyes soft.
“Ben, you’ve been drinking, so no driving road vehicles,” Izzy said. “I can drive you, LJ,” she offered.
I didn’t want to burden them because I knew her and Spaz would insist on staying and I had no idea how long it would take. “I…”
“Take the Cuda, LJ,” Ben suggested, noticing my delay. “You’ll have your own ride if you run into any problems.” He kept his eyes on me as we all started to walk back toward his house. I nodded. I wasn’t surprised he knew what I wanted, but I was surprised he didn’t insist on coming.