When I get to Keira’s house, I text her. Here.
Finally.
I’m not sure what to expect. Will she climb out one of those windows on the second story? Is she expecting me to go all Romeo here? But then there’s a sound like a window shutting on the right side of the house. Footsteps on grass. And then she’s right in front of me. I can barely make out her smile in the foggy dark, but it makes me grin. She carries a skateboard in one hand and she takes my hand with the other. “Let’s get outta here.”
“Where are we going?” I ask as she pulls me down the street. I don’t know what I expected, but this isn’t exactly it. She didn’t even kiss me—or give me an opportunity to kiss her.
“There’s this old couple my mom made friends with, and they have this huge drained pool in the back. I want to skate it.”
“Won’t we get caught?”
She stops and turns to me with a wicked smirk. “You scared?”
“No.”
Now she kisses me, her lips warm against my chilled face. “They’re on vacation. I know because my mom made me come with her to see them the day before they left. So there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Cool.”
We don’t go far, just down the street about five houses to this old one-story thing half-covered in vines. Keira unlatches the fence quickly. Too quickly.
“You’ve done this before,” I say.
She just smiles wider.
The backyard is huge, not at all what you’d expect from the front of the house. It’s at least an acre, maybe more, filled with an old deck, pool, and overgrown garden. “Holy…”
“I know, right?” Keira heads for the pool. “Mom said they owned all the land around here back in the day, and they slowly sold it off to developers. They kept this for themselves.”
“You don’t like your mom, do you?”
She stops. “What makes you say that?”
“Every time you call her ‘mom’ it sounds like it’s physically painful.” I do an imitation.
She laughs. “Fine, she’s not my favorite person. She does not approve of the manner in which I live my life.” She says it in a kind of nasal voice. I wonder if her mom really sounds like that.
“Why not?”
She shakes her head. “Because I’m not an idiot like her. Just because my dad left her, she stays with the worst husband in the world. He would yell at her just for not cleaning out the rice cooker properly. He expected her to read his mind, and when she couldn’t he kept trying to beat her into being exactly what he wanted. And she said she loved him for so long. If that’s what marriage is, screw it.” She puts her board on the edge of the pool. “Enough of this crap.”
As I watch her jump off, skating almost vertically down the side of the pool, one word comes to mind: fearless. She gets at least three feet of air and grabs her board at the end. Then she hits the pool side again, jumps again. Over and over. The sound is loud, to the point where I’d have to yell to get her attention. I’m suddenly very glad the property is as big as it is, though it doesn’t put me completely at ease.
I’ve never seen a girl skate like her. Not that I know anything about skating, but she must be good if Trent said she is. Her movements are so graceful and strong, her face set with determination. She’s amazing. But she’s also kind of crazy because she’s not wearing any protective gear. Once I realize how badly she could hurt herself, I hold my breath every time she goes up in the air.
When she finally lands poolside she lets out a breath. “Damn, that felt good.”
“Shouldn’t you be wearing a helmet?”
She scoffs. “Baby.”
“I think it’s a legitimate question.”
“Ugh.” Despite her attitude, she still sits right next to me. “Knowing I could go down any second—really get hurt—makes me focus. I always skate better when the risks are higher.”
I put my arm around her. “But it’s so all or nothing. Succeed or fail. Make it or die.”
She groans. “Don’t be so dramatic. If I was really being careless, I would have come alone. But I didn’t, because even if I’ve been skating for a long time I’m not that stupid. I know my limits.”
She gets up and plunges back into the empty pool. The more I watch, the less I see fearlessness. It’s something else. Every time Keira finishes a jump it’s like she’s proving to herself that she can do it alone. No help. No protection. Just someone on the sidelines ready to swoop in if she eats it.
I can’t help wondering if this is kind of like her actual life. She seems so alone, like she’s just trying to survive. Watching her mom go through all that abuse obviously did something to her.
She’s breathing hard the next time she sits by me. “Snack.”
I hand her an apple. “We should have brought water, too.”
“I’m fine.” She leans into me. “Russ?”
I put my hand on her waist. “Yeah?”
“Do you ever wish you could stop doing bad things, but it feels impossible?”
For a moment I don’t answer because she sounds on the verge of crying. Either my answer will ruin the night or make it perfect. “I feel that way all the time.”
She looks up at me. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I lean in closer and her breath tickles my chin. “But sometimes what you feel isn’t the truth. People can change if they want to.”
“Smart and hot.” Her lips graze mine. “Too good to be true.”
Then we kiss, and kiss, until my lips are numb.
Chapter Twenty-One
I know other stuff has happened in the last week, but all I can remember are Keira’s texts. Waiting for them. Hoping for them. Wondering if I’ll get to see her, hating that I can’t spend all my time with her.
Sunday: Mom forcing me 2 church. Late tonite?
Can’t. Busy. Curse Parker’s.
Monday: Lunch behind bleachers.
Okay.
Tuesday: After practice?
Meet me in library.
Hot;)
Wednesday: Girl’s bathroom, 3rd period.
Shut up. No way.
Wuss.
Too risky, babe.
Thursday: Park, dinnertime.
I’ll bring food.
I keep going over them, one after another, as Garret and I chill out in front of the TV at his house. He flips through channels. I sip at a can of Dew. We’re both tired. Coach has been working us to death for the semi-final game tonight. Buchanan High is probably better than us overall, which means the game rides on Garret, the star.
“Mercedes talked to me today,” Garret says out of nowhere.
I almost spit out my soda, and in my effort to keep it in it goes half up my nose.
Garret laughs at my coughing and spluttering.
“What’d she want?” I finally manage to get out. I have this sinking feeling I already know.
“The usual stuff. She gave me back the necklace I bought her, and she wants me to give back her blue sweater. I don’t think it’s even here, by the way.” He flips channels again when commercials come on. “And she asked about you.”
I set down my soda. “Uh oh.”
“She asked me if I’d be mad if you dated her.”
I hang my head. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“She said she really likes you, that she did even before we dated. Something about you misreading her cues.”
“Cues?”
“Apparently she wanted to get with you, but you acted all disinterested and set her up with me. She just went along with it.” Garret leans his head back, and going by his body language I can tell he’s pretty upset.
I don’t know what to say, but I also kind of like hearing I was the one she actually wanted. I’m starting to feel less and less like second best. “She was probably messing with you. She’s just out for revenge.”
“I don’t know, Russ.” He looks at me, serious. “I know when she’s lying, and it didn’t look like she was lying.”
>
“I’m not gonna date her, man. You know that’s my policy.”
He offers the smallest smile. One that says he’s glad because it would piss him off. “That’s what I told her.”
“Good.”
I’m kind of dazed by the news. It’s good that we’re just watching TV, because I have an excuse to look out of it. I can’t believe Mercedes talked to Garret about that. What is she trying to do to me? Everyone probably knows she wants me, so now it looks like I think I’m too good for the hottest girl in school.
Then my phone buzzes. Mom out til 8. Come over.
I try not to smile. “I gotta go.”
“Who was that?” Garr asks.
“Izzy. I guess Mom made dinner for once and she wants us there.” I grab my backpack.
“Have fun with that.”
“Yeah.” It’s good that I’m not actually eating, because I feel sick about lying to Garr like that. Lying to him so I can meet up with the girl he likes. And it came so easily, too. I’ve become such a good liar it’s scary. I think about what Keira said on Halloween, how sometimes you wish you could stop doing bad things. It’s like a landslide; once you start it in motion all you can do is watch it destroy stuff.
#
I barely make it to the game on time, and I hope no one can tell I’ve been making out with Keira for the last hour. Everything is a blur. I do my job, run the plays, but I’m not there. I’m with Keira, on her couch, with her body pressed up against mine. Luckily it doesn’t matter much, because Dallas hardly ever passes the ball to me.
At the half, Coach looks like he’s about to blow. “We can’t keep throwing, boys. They have Taylor covered.”
“No kidding,” Garr says. He’s got a big scrape on his forearm to prove it.
Coach points at Dallas. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you got beef with Pearson. Get over it and pass him the damn ball.”
Dallas glares at me. “Yes, sir.”
I try to turn off the part of my brain that has Keira running in it 24/7. Gotta focus. We need to win this game.
“Better not drop my balls, Russ,” Dallas says as we head out for the second half. “Otherwise I might have to take the team out to Parker’s late one night.”
He walks off before I can answer, though I’m sure he saw my eye roll at his lame joke. He didn’t want an answer anyway. He just wanted to remind me I’m in his debt, and if I step out of line he’ll make sure everyone knows I’m a burger boy.
The change works. They’re covering Garr so hard that I have wide-open paths to run through. Before they pick up on things, we’re up two touchdowns. And when they try to cover me, Dallas throws to Garr.
It turns out to be a winning strategy, and just like that we’re headed to the finals. The whole team bumps heads and hollers.
“Party at my place!” Dallas yells.
Garr glances at me, and as much as I hate to say it, I do anyway. “I’ll cover for you.”
He smiles. “Thanks, man.”
I make an appearance at the party, fake drinking a few beers, and then go to Parker’s for my shift. I’d rather be with Keira at anime night. Sometimes the secret thing is fun and exciting, but right now it sucks.
#
Old Man Parker lets me on the grill tonight, which is just what I need to get my mind off things. The orders come in fast and furious, thanks to the after-game crowd. It’s a good thing they like having me in the kitchen, otherwise half the town would have seen me tonight.
“Good, good,” Old Man Parker says as I flip three burgers onto their buns. Charlie takes them to get “dressed up,” as they say.
Being at the grill is relaxing. I have to give it all of my attention because I will not burn a burger. It would be shameful. Even if this is my last day, I want to impress Old Man Parker and show him what I’ve learned here.
And then it hits.
This is my last day. I thought I’d be more excited about being finished, but I’ll miss working. I’ll miss being able to leave my life for a few hours and make good food.
When the place slows down, Fred and Buck head home. Charlie and I get to prepping for the next day. For the first time since I’ve worked here, Old Man Parker helps by slicing onions. They have to dry out overnight, otherwise you get soggy rings. “You know, Russ,” he says. “I’m not sure this place can get along without you now.”
I smile, knowing there’s no bigger compliment from him. “You guys won’t even miss me.”
“Not true!” Charlie says. “We need your prodigy chef brain for more awesome burgers.”
I laugh, but stop when Old Man Parker gets serious. You can tell the change in him. It’s small, like going from glower to grimace. He looks me straight in the eye and says, “If you wanna stay, we’d be happy to have you as a paid employee.”
My eyes go wide. “Oh.”
Charlie punches my arm. “The late night shift would be boring without you.”
Nobody works at Parker’s but, well, Parkers. It’s like he’s asking me to be part of his family, and that’s a huge honor. But at the same time, I don’t know if I can swing it. The hours have been killing me. And if I really did take it as a job, I’d have to admit to people that I flip burgers. The best burgers around, but still.
“Can I think about it?” I say. “With school and stuff, I’m just not sure.”
Old Man Parker nods. “The offer stands. Whenever you want to take it, it’s there.”
“Thanks.” I look down and swallow the lump in my throat. “That means a lot.”
The bell rings for a customer. I automatically head out, since Charlie’s covered in dough and Old Man Parker traditionally has the grill. It’s almost 3 a.m. anyway, so I should be safe. I push through the two-way door. “Sorry for th—”
I freeze.
Garret stands there, his arm wrapped around Keira.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I try to move, try to speak, but nothing comes. All I can see is Keira’s face, her wide eyes and open mouth. She doesn’t have to say anything for me to know what she’s thinking: Oh shit, I got caught.
And I’m caught, too, but not quite like she is.
“Russ?” Garret finally breaks the silence. “You work here?”
I suck in a breath and try to contain the pressure building in my chest. “Not exactly.”
He and Keira exchange a confused look.
“Let’s just say I lost a bet with Trent.”
“Ah.” Garret smiles, but it cracks. “Um, sorry I didn’t tell you about us. We didn’t tell anyone. I just broke up with Mercedes, and with the…uh…”
“We wanted to ease people into it.” Keira hardly looks guilty, though she won’t meet my eyes.
“Yeah.” Garret squeezes her. “That’s it. I felt really bad about not telling you. We had to make it look like we weren’t together because we didn’t want everyone to freak out. I hope you’re not mad at me.”
I shake my head. No, I’m not mad at him. As much as it hurts, I have to ask, “How long?”
He winces. “That first night we met her here. Keira told me to come over, so we hooked up after I took you home.”
Hearing that is like a punch to the gut. I thought I had a chance, but I had no clue just how good my competition was. What was I thinking trying to beat Garr at this game? He’s a pro when it comes to girls, and I’m an amateur. I’m an idiot for feeling like I was anything more than the sidekick.
“Wow,” is all I manage to get out.
“I’m so sorry,” he says again, like that’ll help.
It’s all coming together now, how he used me. He made me think he was trying to impress her, but he’d already done more than enough of that. I was the tool they planned to use to “ease people into it,” and I did exactly what they wanted me to. I got Garr into anime night. I kept things in balance at school. I gave them their dance on Halloween. I covered for him whenever Dallas got suspicious.
“Don’t worry about it.” I just want to get them out
of here as fast as possible. “I should probably take your order now.”
“Oh, right.” Garret orders his usual double meal, and then looks to Keira. “What do you want, babe?”
The intimate way he says it makes my skin crawl. I called her that. I held her that way. Earlier today, actually. How could she do that to me? She knows Garr and I are best friends, and she turned me into an even bigger traitor than I thought I already was. But maybe that’s why she took the risk. She’s knows I won’t say a word, both for Garret’s sake and my own.
“I’m not really hungry,” Keira says.
I’ll bet she’s not.
Garret frowns. “But you just said you were starving.”
She sighs. “I’ll have a single, then.”
“Are you sure you don’t want two? You could always save the other one for later,” I say.
For a second she looks hurt, but she brushes it off. “One’s just fine.”
I put in their order, get their drinks, serve them their food. They sit next to each other in a booth, not facing me. She laughs at something he says, like nothing’s wrong. And here I am, the burger boy that served them. In more ways than one.
Second best.
Late to the game.
A loser.
I take out my anger on the dough, kneading and pounding it as hard as I can. I can’t stop thinking about her, how she said I made things difficult, how she couldn’t stop thinking about me. She was already with Garret. She was the one who knew she was doing something wrong, and she did it anyway.
Not just once, either. How long would it have gone on if they hadn’t come in tonight? How far would we have gone? It’s only been a week, and she was already hinting that I should buy condoms. She was totally fine convincing both of us to keep it a secret. She used our friendship against us.
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