“That too, I guess,” Jackson said, but he didn’t return the smile.
“You missed a good time.”
“There’ll be others.”
“I don’t know that I can say the same.” Garrett’s gaze drifted over the horizon. “I have to go back in a few days, and while I’d like to say I’ll make it home again, you never know.”
Jackson didn’t know what he could say that didn’t sound like lip service.
“That’s why I’m milking this experience for all it’s worth,” Garrett continued. “Making some good memories to carry with me and hold me over for a while.”
“You could make some better memories by finding a hot woman,” Jackson said before he realized what he was saying.
Garrett smiled. “I may still do that.”
“Look, if you want to go for Jill, I’m not going to stop you, but I don’t really want to hear about it.”
“Why would I go for Jill when we both know it’s you she wants?”
Jackson snorted. “My nuts say otherwise.”
Garrett laughed. “You probably could have spared yourself that pain if you’d told her the truth.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about telling Jillian that you love her as much as she loves you. That you’ve never stopped loving her and you never will.”
“In case you missed it, Jill and I are far from being in love, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
“You are one stubborn son of a bitch.” Garrett shook his head. “I would kill for what you have. I would kill to have the love and devotion of a beautiful and talented woman like Jillian Somers. You have it, and you don’t even care.”
“The kind of love you’re talking about isn’t real,” Jackson said. “Real love is a cruel bitch. It makes you believe in the possibility of happily ever after, but then it’s gone. Snuffed out, and you’re nothing but a shell of the man you used to be.”
Garrett’s mouth dropped open, but he didn’t say anything.
“Thanks for the beer.” Jackson got to his feet. “If I don’t see you again before you head out, good luck over there, wherever there is.”
“Jackson, I ”
“Night, Garrett. Enjoy your evening.”
Leaving the man still on the porch, Jackson headed inside.
“That’s not really what you think, is it?”
Jackson started at the sound of his father’s voice. Vince sat on the recliner, his eyes full of pity for his poor disillusioned son.
“You didn’t have to eavesdrop. You could have joined us, had yourself a beer.”
“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. You left the front door open, and I heard you through the screen door.”
“Fine, you weren’t eavesdropping. I’m going to bed.”
“Not until you answer my question. Is that really what you think love is?”
“I know it is. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”
Not giving his father the chance to say anything else, Jackson retreated for his bedroom.
No matter what everyone else thought, no matter what he might think he wanted, Jackson couldn’t let himself give in to his feelings for Jillian. It was best for both of them if they stayed buried where they belonged.
Chapter Ten
Jackson nearly jumped ten feet in the air when he opened his eyes to find his grandpa sitting at the foot of his bed. “What the hell, Gramps?”
“I thought you might like some breakfast.”
Jackson groaned. “You woke me up for that?”
“Yep, now get your ass out of this bed and get to my table before it gets cold.”
“Wait, you cooked?”
“Damn right I did.”
“I thought you wanted me to go to Dottie’s with you.”
“Not going to Dottie’s today. Get moving, boy.”
When his grandpa stood up, Jackson frowned at the black leather jacket and dark washed jeans hanging outside of his closet door. Since when did he have a leather jacket?
“What the hell is that?”
Walt didn’t even spare a glance at the odd ensemble. “Your costume.”
“My what?”
“You heard me, it’s your costume, but we’ll talk about that later. I’ll expect you at the table in five minutes.”
Knowing it was pointless to argue, Jackson dragged himself out of bed and pulled a pair of knit pants over his boxers.
His father and grandfather were already seated at the table by the time he joined them in the kitchen. Jackson slid into his chair and took inventory of his plate; scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and hash brown potatoes.
“Looks good,” Jackson said.
“Probably tastes even better,” Walt said.
Grinning, Jackson dug into his food. “So, Gramps, what’s with the costume?”
“It’s Danny Zuko. You know, from the movie Grease.”
“What’s it doing in my room?”
“You’re going to need it for the Monster Mash tonight.”
“Say what?”
“I have it on good authority that Jilly’s going to be dressed as Sandy so I thought you’d want to go as Danny.”
Jackson’s good mood slipped away. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Walt gave him a deadly glare. “I do not appreciate that kind of crude language at the table, and no, I’m not kidding.”
“I’m not going to the Monster Mash dressed in a costume to match Jill because Jill and I are not together, and I don’t appreciate everyone trying to shove us together,” Jackson shot back.
“That’s because you don’t know what’s good for you,” Vince spoke up.
“And you do?” Jackson said. “You’re gonna tell me you think Jill and I should get married when you know better than anyone that’s not how it works?”
“What are you on about, boy?” Walt asked.
“Jackson thinks love is a lie, thinks it was a mistake for me to love his mother,” Vince answered.
“What?” Walt’s brow furrowed. “That can’t be right. The love of a good woman is the greatest gift a man can be lucky enough to be given.”
“Lucky,” Jackson scoffed, glaring at his father. “You fell into a bottle when Mom died and left me alone to figure everything out. You think I want that for me?”
“No, I don’t,” Vince agreed. “I’m not proud of the man I became when your mother died. I lost my way, and I almost lost you. I made a mistake, lots of them actually, but loving your mother was not one of those mistakes.”
“It sure wasn’t. Loving Sonia was one of the smartest things you ever did,” Walt said, and Jackson snorted “You’re sittin’ in a pretty big glass house, boy. I suggest you stop throwing stones. You may think everyone else is going to buy that line of bull you’re selling, but I’m sure as hell not.”
“What line of bull?” Jackson demanded.
“You’re lying to yourself and everyone around you.” Walt shook his head. “You love Jilly. You’re hiding behind the excuse that love makes a man weak when the truth is you’re already weak.”
“Last night you said I was a coward. Today, I’m weak. Gee, Gramps, I never knew I was such a disappointment to you.” Jackson pushed his chair back from the table. “Unless there are any more of my character flaws you want to point out, I think I’ll go for a run.”
Neither of them offered any protest when he stormed out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. Scowling at that stupid costume, Jackson traded his lounge pants and ragged sleep shirt for a pair of jogging shorts and a clean T-shirt before pulling on his socks and shoes.
After a quick stop in the bathroom to brush his teeth and swipe on some deodorant, he slipped his ear buds into his ear. Before heading out, he turned up the music loud enough to make sure it would drown out anything his dad or grandpa might want to say.
Stepping onto the porch, he did a few warm up stretches. Irritated or not, he wasn’t going to risk pulling a muscle.
Instead of getti
ng into the truck to drive to the high school track, Jackson trotted down the porch. Jackson didn’t care where he ended up. All he wanted was to get rid of the confusion and frustration that had plagued him the past week.
As his feet thumped against the pavement, Jackson tried to ignore the thoughts and voices tangled up in his head.
‘I always thought she’d end up with you.’ ‘That’s why she turned down Garrett’s proposal.’ ‘She still wears that necklace you gave her.’
Ten years later, Jillian still wore the necklace he’d given her for her fifteenth birthday. Ten years and Jackson could remember every detail about the day he’d given it to her. The way her eyes sparkled with excitement as she tore open the wrapping paper. The excitement became awe when she peeked inside the box, and the awe turned to admiration as she looked up at him and whispered thank you.
Jackson had a plan for how he was going to kiss her that day, and he’d pulled it off perfectly. Standing in front of her, he’d hooked the necklace behind her neck. Then, he’d leaned forward and kissed her.
‘You said it was the perfect present for the perfect girl.’ ‘Ten minutes, ten years, it doesn’t matter. You don’t just get over feelings like those.’
Jackson had loved Jillian then. It didn’t matter that they were only fifteen years old. Fifteen years he’d known her, grown up with her and been best friends with her.
They were Jack and Jill.
They’d climbed trees and jumped their bikes over homemade ramps. They’d gone fishing and skimmed the river for crawdads. They’d played catch and hunted zombies together every Halloween.
Jackson had spent hours sitting at her side, listening to her play the piano. The only time he didn’t hate the piano was when Jillian played. No one could make the kind of beautiful music she could.
‘You can play piano for me every night.’ ‘We’ll be living together.’ ‘Like husband and wife.’ ‘Do you want to marry me, Jill?’
‘It’s all I’ve ever wanted, Jack.’
It was all Jackson had ever wanted too. To marry Jill and move into their own little house. Jill would play piano, maybe teach it, and Jackson would work with his dad and grandpa.
They would be happy in that little house, even happier than his parents had been. They would make their kids laugh when they danced the two-step in their living room. They would sit in rockers on their porch when it was nice out. They wouldn’t even have to talk. Just being together would be enough.
And of course, she would play the piano for him every night.
‘I’m gonna go to the University of Nebraska and play football, and you’re gonna come with me.’ ‘You can take music classes while I’m making Huskers football history.’ ‘After we’re done with college, we’re either gonna live off all the money I make from the NFL or all the money you make playing piano all over the world like your mom did.’
Jackson hadn’t gone to the University of Nebraska or any other university. What was the point when he wasn’t going to do anything with his education? Like his father and grandfather before him, Jackson was going to be a plumber. No sense wasting time and money on school for that.
Jillian hadn’t gone to college either. Like her mother had done, Jillian taught piano and introduced a new generation to the beauty of music.
It seemed like the dreams they had were right there. All they had to do was take that next step. Get married and move into that little house Jackson had always pictured in his mind when they were kids.
For some reason, Jackson never imagined them living in a grand mansion. In his mind, it was always a simple two-story farm house with a bright, open kitchen and a living room big enough for a piano.
‘We’re gonna be friends forever, Jill’ ‘You’re never getting rid of me.’
It wasn’t Jillian who’d gotten rid of him. It was the other way around.
After his mother died, he’d pushed Jill out of his life and tried to close off his heart to keep her from getting back in. Jillian hadn’t closed off her heart though. She’d kept it open, waiting for him to give her some sign of the truth.
And the truth was that everyone was right. Jackson loved her. That hadn’t gone away. It was there, buried deep inside him, waiting for him to accept it and let her in.
‘The love of a good woman is the greatest gift a man can be lucky enough to be given.’ ‘I would kill to have the love and devotion of a beautiful and talented woman like Jillian Somers.’ ‘She’s never said that’s why she turned him down, but what other reason could there be when she still wears that necklace you gave her?’ ‘You and I both know you and Jilly belong together.’ ‘And I suppose you expect me to believe you don’t think you and Jillian belong together?’
‘Since when am I your baby, Jackson Wilder?’ ‘Since you were born.’
Jackson’s stride faltered as the cemetery came into view. Going to the cemetery hadn’t been his intent. Seeing it now reminded him of how long it had been since he’d visited his mother’s grave.
When she’d first passed away, the visits had been frequent. Every holiday, big or small, he and his dad and grandpa had taken a trip to the cemetery. That was along with her birthday and the anniversary of her death. New flowers were brought to replace the old ones.
The more years that passed, the fewer visits they made. They didn’t even come together anymore.
Jackson contemplated turning around and going back the way he came, but he pressed on. Though he hadn’t planned on being at the cemetery, now that he was there, he was overcome with the need to see his mother.
As he passed through the gates, Jackson slowed and began to walk. Interlocking his fingers behind his head, his lungs heaved as he tried to slow his breathing to its normal pace.
The headstone was just as he remembered. A beautiful piece of granite with his mother’s name and birth and death dates. Beneath her name and those dates the inscription read ‘Beloved wife, mother and daughter’. Roses had been etched into each of the corners.
“Hey, Mama,” Jackson said softly. “I know it’s been a long time, and I’m sorry.”
Kneeling down, he brushed away the dirt and leaves gathered atop the stone. The lack of flowers, even those long past their prime, told him that he wasn’t the only one ignoring her grave.
Satisfied with his efforts, he dropped down to sit cross legged in front of her. “I messed up with Jill, Mama.”
The words took him back to another time when he’d said the same thing.
‘What’s wrong, Jackson?’ Sonia asked. ‘You look like someone just told you the Huskers were cutting out their football program.’
The way he was feeling he wouldn’t be surprised if that actually happened.
Sonia took a seat across from him at the kitchen table. ‘It’s that bad, huh?’
Jackson nodded.
‘Well, let’s hear it. Maybe if we talk it out, you’ll feel better.’
‘I messed up with Jill, Mama.’
‘Did you hit her?’
Jackson glared at his mama. ‘You know I’d never hit a girl, especially not Jill.’
‘Did you try to force her to kiss you or cop a feel?’
‘Mom!’ Jackson’s face heated.
Sonia gave an unapologetic shrug. ‘I had to ask, but if you didn’t do any of the big three then you can probably fix whatever this is.’
Jackson frowned. ‘The big three?’
‘The big three,’ Sonia repeated and began to tick them off on her fingers. ‘Number one, hitting her. Number two, forcing yourself on her sexually, and number three, accusing her of being just like her mama.’
‘Are you serious with that last one?’
‘Yes, I am. No woman ever wants to hear that she’s just like her mama.’
‘Why not? Jill’s mama is great and so are you.’
Sonia smiled. ‘Thank you, but that’s just the way it is. Never tell a woman she’s just like her mama, especially when y’all are in the middle of a fight.’
‘
Okay, I won’t, and I didn’t.’
‘Good. Now that we’ve ruled out the big three, we can fix this.’
‘Ya think so?’
‘I know so, but it would help if I knew how you messed up.’
Jackson’s shoulders sagged. ‘Jill told me that Zane Connelly wants to be her date to the Monster Mash, and I told her to go on ahead and go with him if she liked him.’
‘And what did Jill say to that?’
‘She said maybe she would just go with him since I obviously didn’t care.’
‘But you do care?’
‘Of course I care. I didn’t embarrass myself learning the two-step just so she could try it out with some other guy,’ Jackson said, grimacing. ‘Especially not a loser like Zane Connelly.’
Sonia smiled. ‘What makes Zane Connelly such a loser? I’ve always thought he was a nice boy.’
‘He can’t play football for shit.”
‘Jackson Walter Wilder!’
‘Sorry, ma’am, I mean he can’t play football well.’
‘And you think the measure of a man is his ability to play football?’
‘No, not totally, but it sure makes a difference. Besides, he’s not good enough for Jill.’
‘Why is that? Is he a liar or a thief? Does he treat girls like they’re only worth what’s between their legs?’
Jackson huffed out a frustrated breath. ‘No, but that doesn’t matter. None of that matters. The guy could be the greatest football player ever, the richest guy in town or a million other great things, but none of that matters because Jill belongs to me.’
Sonia’s smile grew bigger. ‘She does?’
‘Yes, damn it! I’m the one she’s supposed to go to that party with, and I’m the one she’s supposed to marry and have babies with,’ Jackson insisted. ‘I’m the one that’s supposed to sit next to her every night while she plays piano. Not Zane Connelly or any other guy. Me.’
‘Did you tell her that?’ Sonia asked. ‘When she said Zane asked her to be his date, did you tell her any of that, or did you just let your stubborn pride keep you from telling her the truth?’
‘Why do I have to tell her? She already knows.’
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