by Sarah Gai
“I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”
He was still bleary from sleep, but it made him so much more attractive to Autumn. She could not stay a moment longer; there was an urgent rush within her, screaming to get moving. She promised herself if everything was okay when she got back to camp, she would make it up to Eric for leaving in such haste.
As she raced through the woods, she thought about waking up with Eric every morning. She wished, with all her heart, that could be her life. Unfortunately, she was still a few months away from legally being an adult and safe from her father’s clutches.
Her father was waiting for her in the clearing by their camp. The tent was broken down and their belongings packed. When she saw how his face twisted in fury, her heart broke.
“Where were you?” he demanded, looking at her in her dress and her sleep-smeared make-up. “Where did you get that dress?”
“I borrowed it.”
“I told you we do not accept handouts!” Liam bellowed walking towards her with such strides, Autumn knew what was coming. He stood, towering over her. “Where were you? With that boy again?”
“Yes, I was,” Autumn held her head high. “Nothing happened. We just fell asleep.” She had to lie; besides, some things she had to keep tucked away.
“You just fell asleep? That’s BS. You are turning out cheap, just like your mother!”
His words stung, but she tolerated them. What was to come next would leave her speechless, like every other time. “You will never see him again.”
“You can’t do that! I’ll be eighteen in a few months. I’ll legally be an adult.”
“I am your father! I can do what I wish you stupid twit! You think you can get away from me?”
“I will see him again. I love him.”
“You don’t know what that means.”
“Maybe I don’t, but that’s because you raised me and you don’t know, either. But I’m beginning to know.”
“I do everything for you, you ungrateful—”
“You do everything for yourself!”
Liam’s face twisted in anger as Autumn cut him off mid-speech. His big bear claw of a hand hit the side of her face so hard she fell to the ground. He kicked her with his thick, booted feet, over and over, first in the ribs, then the hip, stomach, and finally in the temple; Autumn blacked out the second it connected.
When she woke, she found herself in the truck, the road rolling past them. Liam did a number on her this time; her face and body felt bruised and swollen. As she glanced in the side-view mirror, she was left speechless; not that she could have spoken much anyway as her lip was split and crusted in dry blood, her right eye swollen shut, and her cheek blue and motley. She knew there was no hope of visiting a hospital; Liam would rather her die than take her for care. From the way she was struggling to breath, Autumn was pretty sure he broke some of her ribs.
Looking down, she was still wearing Meg’s dress, which was covered in dirt and blood—ruined. She placed her hand in her pocket as panic took hold, but was relieved to find the Polaroid from last night still tucked inside. She already knew what they looked like—Eric, handsome and smiling in his tux, and her, radiant with her long hair in loose waves about her shoulders. She wished she had a way of contacting Eric, to explain her disappearance. She sighed, watching the other people in the cars around them, wishing to be any one of them.
“I need…to go to…the hospital,” Autumn struggled to say through her swollen lips.
“You’ll be fine. You brought this on yourself you know,” Liam huffed.
Did this man have any remorse? “I can’t…breath properly…my ribs,” Autumn managed to get out. She really didn’t think he would do it. Only once before had he caused this much damage to her; every other time she mended, wondering if she was even going to make it through the night.
Autumn didn’t even know what town they were in as she wavered in and out of consciousness. When a hand hit up the back of her head, Autumn opened her eyes to see her father had parked the car out front of an emergency entrance.
Getting out of the car, Liam strolled around to the passenger door, opening it up. Before helping Autumn out, he made sure she knew exactly what to say, or else.
“You listen to me dear daughter. I found you like this this morning. You were mugged when you were visiting the ladies room around the side of a gas station while I was inside paying. You don’t remember what they looked like.” As he continued with his cover story, Autumn nodded, especially after his last threat. “You do me in for something you brought on yourself and I will hunt down everyone you know. That boy will be first and I will make you live to regret your decision if you betray me. Got it? You ever try to leave me and I will kill them all. I have nothing left to live for.”
Autumn knew he would stay true to his promise. As he guided her through the hospital doors, Autumn needed to know one thing, “Why do you hate me so much?”
She thought he would at least take a moment to think about it, but instead he growled, “Because you are the reason your mother was going to leave me. Nobody leaves me. Remember that.”
Eric - August 2011
It had been a whole month since Eric returned for the summer and neither Autumn nor Liam Nash had been heard from by anyone in Ligonier in almost a year, when both had left suddenly without a trace.
Autumn promised to say goodbye before she left; Eric waited most of the day for her to turn up at his grandfather’s house, but as the sun set he began to worry, cautiously making his way to her campsite. His heart bottomed out when he found all of their belongings gone. He immediately began to panic, wondering if Liam had found out about their night together and hurt Autumn. Running all the way to town to see Ava, Eric found out it wasn't unusual for Liam to just up and take off.
Eric spent the next few weeks in Ligonier before returning to Memphis. Those last few weeks were solemn; he missed her so much. Her smile sprouted the cutest dimples, her blond hair blew every which way, her honesty ignited him, but, most of all, he missed her innocence. It wasn't every day you met someone who didn't spend every moment on Facebook checking her status. Heck, she didn't even own a cell phone.
There was nothing fake about Autumn; she didn't pretend to be someone she wasn't and Eric missed it. Missed her. He knew she thought she was stupid and uneducated, but she was wrong. Autumn saw and heard everything. She was smart; she just didn't realize it.
When Eric returned to Memphis the start of last fall, his only focus was to get through the year until he could again see the girl who completely changed his life. He wanted to be better than he was, to be all he could be. He had to believe God brought him to his grandfather’s not only to learn from his mistakes, but also to gift him with a second chance, to see what riches life truly held for him. Never in his life did he believe in love at first sight; however, the moment he laid eyes on Autumn that day at her campsite, his heart almost exploded with an unfamiliar feeling. It physically hurt to look at her—she was so perfect in his eyes.
The weeks that followed only cemented his feelings as a sense of protectiveness and love overtook his every thought when Autumn came to mind. Those hours he was not with her were lonely and a longing to be in her presence churned within his very being.
The past year held so many changes for Eric. He transferred from his arts college into a seminary, where he was working on a degree in missionary work. He began to teach music and art out of his home, taking his hobby for Jazz guitar and sculpting and cashing in. Every day, he thought about Autumn, regretting he had never gave her his number; surely, she could have gotten in contact with his grandfather by now?
He wasn't sure how far Liam would go; his rage for Autumn was all-consuming and dark. Eric felt guilty he had been the one to keep her out all night; it would have looked bad to even a docile-mannered parent. He should never have allowed her to return to the campsite. He should have taken off with her and kept her safe. Liam was the last person she should have ever been
around.
The past few weeks being back in Ligonier awaiting her return was pure torture on his heart. Eric could barely bring himself to eat or sleep as a thousand different thoughts ran through his mind.
Eric heard the front doorbell of his grandfather's home ring and went to answer it. He returned to Ligonier, as he promised Autumn the year before, anticipating her return also to town and into his arms. Reaching the front door, Eric opened it to find Ava on the front step.
"Hi Eric," she greeted. She looked as though she aged a decade in the past year; her once sparkling eyes were dim and tired.
"Hi Miss Ava! Come on in," he said, stepping back to let her enter. "I'll go get my grandfather."
She nodded, clasping her hands in front of her. She began stopping by every day since the middle of June, when everyone became concerned the Nashes were not showing up in Ligonier.
"Grandpa?" he yelled in the direction of Pastor Graham's study where he retired for the afternoon in order to do some reading.
The pastor peered out of his study. "Yes, Eric?"
"Ava's here."
The pastor nodded and began to walk down the hallway. Seeing Ava, he reached out his arms, folding her into a hug. "Ava, how are you doing today my dear?"
"I'm so worried about them," she cried, and Eric knew she was referring to Autumn. "Not them, really. I know Liam's safe. It's Autumn. I don't doubt that...well…"
Graham was leading her into the sitting room, a supportive hand on her back. "Eric, why don't you come in, as well?" his grandfather said. Eric followed, sitting on the couch beside Ava, who was on the verge of tears. "Do you know where they were headed by any chance Eric?"
"New York, to pick apples in the fall."
"They could have gone anywhere," Ava moaned hopelessly. "The only place they ever returned to was Ligonier."
"Why?" Eric asked.
Graham and Ava glanced at each other, neither saying a word as a silent understanding passed between them.
Ava sighed tiredly. "I should have done more. I had the power to," she burst into tears. As Ava cried her heart out, she told Eric everything.
Eric walked out of the house; his grandfather retreated to his study and Ava was headed for the police station to file a Missing Persons report on Autumn, fearing for her safety. He strode purposefully toward the clearing where Autumn and her father lived the previous summer. He wondered if it was the last place Autumn was alive.
Standing in the clearing, he wondered if she could see him there, if she was still alive somewhere. Does she picture him still waiting for her? Was he even a thought to her?
Something broke inside of him then. He spent the past year bettering himself and planning for a brighter future only because Autumn was in it. He saw Liam Nash in action, though, and his heart told him Autumn was gone. She would have tried to make some kind of contact if she was still alive. Graham's church could easily be Googled, after all. Did she even know how to Google? Surely, if he meant half as much to her as she did him, Autumn would have found a way to contact him.
Eric was losing his mind. He had been just about every place around Ligonier he and Autumn had once visited. He finally headed for the spot where they spent their last night together; remembering the fairy lights, the music, and the dancing. It was the best day of his life, and he thought it was hers, too.
Making his way towards the stream, Eric sat down and waited. Stupidly, he listened for any sound, even a twig snapping, hoping by some miracle Autumn would magically appear and all will be right in his world again.
He could not stand being inactive anymore; waiting and worrying was killing him. Charging through the woods, Eric raced back toward the house, entering through the kitchen door, and immediately racing towards his grandfather’s study. Barging in unannounced, he came to a halt in front of Graham's desk.
"I need you to help me. I can’t wait anymore," Eric pleaded, out of breath from his run home.
His grandfather stood up and made his way around the desk, taking a position next to his grandson and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Tell me what you have in mind and I’ll help you any way I can," he reassured.
Eric ran a hand through his hair as he collected his thoughts. "I don't know where to start. All I know is there has to be something…places we can look, things we can do like call the hospitals or the police. I...just can't breathe knowing something might have happened to her," he admitted, almost breaking into tears.
"Okay, give me half an hour and I’ll be right back. Can you do that?"
Eric nodded as he leaned against the desk. Graham patted down his shirt and pants pockets until he heard the jingle of car keys and exited the room.
Half an hour later, Eric's grandfather returned, his arms overloaded with newspapers—bundles of them. Placing them on the table, he wiped at his brow. "Now, I know you've got that whole Google thing going on, but I’m old school. A reporter friend of mine, Harry, helped me find every newspaper, regardless of month or state. You search on your phone for obituaries or accidents for the last year and I’ll try my best to see what's in these here papers," Graham said as he sat down at the kitchen table and began to search.
Eric had no words; he was beyond grateful. They looked for what seemed like days, but discovered nothing—not a damn clue to where she could be or if she was alive.
Ava came by and helped as best as she could. The police inquiry went nowhere and the hospitals refused to give out any information on patients. It was as if she just up and disappeared.
Eric's emotions were all over the place. If Autumn was alive, she must have moved on without him, he thought one minute, but the next moment he wondered if she was crying out for him and hurt somewhere. He no longer wished to think about the alternative if she was dead or dying—it was too horrible. Ava hid information from all of them, except for the pastor, concerning what she could have done to help Autumn.
Eric should have dealt with Liam and made Autumn stay with him, to be the knight-in-shining-armor she deserved. Either way, Eric let her down...and he couldn't deal with it. It was crippling, but as it stood, there was nothing in his search to indicate Autumn passed away. He was relieved, yet at the same time it stirred up hurt and anger at his situation. He couldn't understand why she didn’t try to get in contact with him or even Ava at the very least. Was it too much to ask for just a simple call?
Without so much as a second thought, Eric set off riding his motorcycle in a fury back toward Memphis, leaving a note saying goodbye on the kitchen table for his grandfather.
Eric - July 2012
He thought he saw her, as he sped down Highway 51, just outside of Memphis. It wasn't the first time Eric mistook someone for Autumn. People probably thought he was crazy for the amount of times he turned around or ran after someone, thinking for a brief moment he had found her.
For just a second though, Eric slowed as he passed the roadside fruit stand. His eyes must have been playing tricks on him as he passes a girl he swore was Autumn—the same hair and smile, only wearing sunglasses, but the likeness was uncanny and his chest constricted. He shook his head and sped up, dismissing the idea. He promised himself he was not going to do that, as he rode along the highway away from the girl, away from another false sense of hope.
Tonight he was going to push his troubles away; tuck them deep down and enjoy the night with his brothers. He was due to meet Trevor and the boys at Jack’s BBQ bar right after his appointment with the tattooist. The past year his ink started slowly trailing its way up his arms and he loved it, but today was his final piece--the signatures of his Heathen brothers, and Eric couldn't wait.
With his new ink finally done and proudly displayed on his left shoulder, Eric pulled up at the bar. The boys were all there yapping out the front, leaning against their rides. Some random people passing stopped to admire the bikes and some to admire the club girls hanging off of them.
It looked as though it was going to be one major party. Normally, celebrations for
newly-patched members would take place at the compound, but Trevor insisted they celebrate out on the town.
Eric backed his bike up to the curb and kicked the stand down. Before he could even dismount from the bike, Sally, one of the club girls, came bounding over, thrusting herself at him, and kissing him as she threw her leg over the bike to straddle him. She was sweet and beautiful with her midnight black hair and small stature. Once upon a time, Eric could have even seen her as old lady material one day. But she wasn't Autumn.
He smacked his forehead for doing it once again and chastised himself for thinking about her. Prying Sally away from him long enough to speak, he grumbled, "Sal, we've been over this. I’m. Not. Interested."
The boys roared with laughter; Sally lowered her head in embarrassment, disembarked from the bike, and walked away.
"Sally, don't be like that," he followed her lead and jumped off the bike, grabbing her by the arm to stop her from leaving as she tried to hurry away.
"You need to stop waiting for a ghost Eric," she looked up at him woefully.
He knew she was right, but his heart did not want to listen. Eric turned his head toward Baptist Memorial hospital and it happened again—the daily image haunting him—a girl, running into the hospital, with long blonde hair and the same frame as Autumn. He closed his eyes and looked again. The girl stopped and turned to look at him. She may have been a fair distance away, but Eric swore he knew those sad eyes glistening with newly shed tears.
Letting go of Sally, he bolted, dodging oncoming traffic. "Autumn!" Eric yelled.
The girl turned and ran straight through the hospital doors and out of sight. Eric followed her through the entrance, but once in the main emergency department, he stopped, catching his breath and peered around. Where could she be? He stood there for five minutes questioning himself—and his sanity.
Shaking his head again and laughing, he left the hospital; he needed a strong drink, and fast. Of all the places Autumn could be, he was pretty sure there was a slim chance she was in Memphis.