by Beth Andrews
Mostly, he wanted to have sex with her.
“Andrew,” she gasped, stopping him when he went to unbutton her jeans. “Wait.”
“What’s the matter?” he asked quietly. She was driving him crazy, her hands touching him all over his shoulders and back, down his chest. She was so soft and curvy and she smelled good, like mint. “Don’t you want to?”
“I...” She licked her lips and he got even harder imagining her licking him. “I’m not sure...”
“It’s okay,” he assured her, talking fast, trying to sound convincing. “My mom won’t be home for hours and I have condoms.”
She swallowed visibly. “It’s just I’ve never...you know.”
He hadn’t, either, but he didn’t want her to know that. “We’ll take it slow.” Though his body urged him to hurry up. “We’ll just...we’ll keep doing this and if it doesn’t feel good... Or if you...you really don’t want to, you tell me and I’ll stop. I just— I really, really like you, and I think about you all the time.”
She stared at him, eyes wide. “You do?”
He nodded. He did. Yeah, he thought about other girls, too, but she was the one he liked the most. “We won’t do anything you don’t want to do. I promise.”
She bit her lower lip. “You really like me?”
“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “I think...I think I love you.” He wasn’t sure that was true, but it seemed like the right thing to say at this moment. Especially if it convinced her to go all the way. Really, he wasn’t sure what love was or how you knew, for certain, when you were in it.
She sighed and then smiled up at him. He’d never seen anything as beautiful as her. “I love you, too.”
And though he wasn’t sure he’d meant it, not like he should have, she obviously did, because she kissed him sweetly, then let him do what he wanted. On that afternoon when his life was in the dumps, when he’d been kicked off the team and was pissed at the entire world, and wanted nothing to do with his mother, he lost his virginity with the girl next door in his bed.
Only after they were done and Gracie was cuddled up next to him did he realize he’d just made a huge mistake.
* * *
“CARE TO TELL me what that was all about out there?” Pops asked Leo after practice while they walked to Leo’s car.
“Not particularly.” He unlocked the doors, climbed in and waited for Pops to do the same. He felt like calling his brothers, having a beer with them, but they’d know something was wrong and would bug him until he spilled the details.
“I suppose an old man could guess,” Pops said, buckling up. “You tell me if I’m close. You and Andrew’s lovely mother have gotten closer and Andrew is less than thrilled with that turn of events.”
“That sums it up.” Leo pulled out of the parking lot. Tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Andrew has a hard time being told no and not getting his own way.” Leo just hoped getting kicked off the team taught the kid a lesson.
Pops laughed. “Sounds like a typical teenager to me.”
“Bree isn’t like that.”
“She’s only twelve. Give her a few more years. Oh, I’m not saying she’ll turn into some juvenile delinquent, but she will have moments where we’ll barely recognize her or when we’ll wonder what’s gotten into her. And just as quickly those moments will be gone and she’ll go back to being her usual self.”
“Yeah, well, I never acted that bad.”
“You had your own moments. Besides, we’re talking about you and Penelope and your future with her.”
“Actually, we were talking about Andrew.”
“Now we’ve moved on. Keep up, boy.”
Leo glanced at his grandfather. “Don’t start reading into things. Penelope and I are seeing each other, casually, that’s it.”
Pops snorted. “Didn’t seem so casual to her son. And by your reaction, to you, either.”
“Yeah, well, that’s Penelope’s own definition of what’s going on between us. Her definition. Her rules. I’m just trying to stay in the damned game,” Leo muttered. “Though I’m starting to wonder if I’d be better off forfeiting.”
“What’s this? You’re thinking of giving up? That doesn’t sound like you.”
Maybe not, but he also didn’t fight battles he couldn’t win. “Things between Penelope and I are complicated.”
Pops snorted. “Complicated. Life is complicated. When you find someone you care about, you make it work.”
“You shouldn’t have to make it work,” Leo said. “It’s either right, or it’s not. And maybe, in this case, it’s not right. Penelope has a teenage son who isn’t thrilled with me, and a lot going on in her life.”
“You telling me you’re going to walk away from a woman you obviously care a great deal for because her son is acting like a brat? You run into burning buildings and you can’t face one sixteen-year-old kid?”
Leo strangled the steering wheel. Imagined, for a brief second, it was Pops’s neck. “I never said I couldn’t handle Drew. It’s just, being a parent is a lot of work. I’m not ready to settle down.”
Wasn’t seriously considering settling down at any rate. Though the idea of doing so with Penelope didn’t seem so bad. Seeing her every day, waking up with her, going to sleep with her. Kissing her when he wanted, making her laugh.
His throat tightened. No, that didn’t seem like a bad thing at all.
“I haven’t had feelings this strong for anyone before,” Leo said. “I’m not sure how to handle it.”
Pops clapped him on the shoulder, almost causing him to drive off the road. “The first step in getting what you want is figuring out what you want.”
“I want Penelope in my life.”
“Why?”
“Because...” His throat got tight.
“Don’t overthink it, boy. Just spit it out.”
Overthink? Leo almost laughed. Pops was accusing him of the same thing Leo had accused Penelope of doing. “Because I want to be with her.” Because he thought of her all the time. Missed her when they weren’t together. “But it won’t work. It’s already too difficult, too complicated. Relationships should be easy and fun and without conflict.”
Pops laughed so hard, he ended up gasping for air.
“What’s so funny?” Leo demanded, wondering if it would be considered elder abuse to drop off the old guy here and make him walk the mile and a half home.
“You sure have a skewed vision of what a relationship is like,” Pops said, still chuckling. “No one ever said life was easy or fair. I know you weren’t brought up to believe that, so why would you think you wanted a relationship that wasn’t complicated? Complicated women are the most interesting, if you ask me.”
Penelope certainly was complicated. And fascinating. “I’m not sure I’m up to being with a woman who already has a mostly grown son.”
“Do you care for her?”
“Yeah.” And admitting that wasn’t so hard, after all.
“Do you care for Andrew?”
He sighed. Even when he was pissed at the kid, he still cared about him. He nodded.
“You’ve forgotten what your brothers and sister went through before they were able to work through their problems with their significant others,” Pops said, counting off Leo’s siblings with his fingers. “Maddie had to forgive Neil and accept her part in what happened between them. James had to convince Sadie to give him a chance as her lover and not just her friend. Eddie and Harper are still working through her grief and guilt over being with Eddie after her husband’s death. Life is constantly evolving. You go from being single to falling in love to getting married and maybe having kids. And every step of the way you have to figure out who you are as a husband or wife, a father or mother. You have to compromise and communicate, mesh your parenting styles, how you feel about spending money, where you want to live, values, beliefs, everything.”
“That’s what Penelope said,” Leo told him, pulling into Pops’s driveway. “She said couples
need to be compatible in every sense.”
“I’d say it’s more important that they be willing to compromise and work through their issues. To care for each other enough to set aside preconceived notions and be willing to bend a little bit.”
Pops climbed out of the car, then leaned down. “I asked your grandmother to marry me three times before she finally said yes. Those rejections hurt, bruised my heart and my pride but I didn’t give up, thank God. It was worth it...she was worth it. The most important things in life are worth the effort. Besides, since when do you give up on something because it’s hard? Because it might be difficult or take extra effort on your part?”
Pops was right. Leo didn’t give up. Never had.
“I don’t want to lose her,” he heard himself say, and he realized he’d never meant anything more. “I don’t ever want to give her up.”
He wanted a future with Penelope. He even wanted to be a part of Drew’s life.
Pops grinned. “Then go get her.”
* * *
“LEO,” PENELOPE SAID, and frowned at him. “What are you doing here?”
They had agreed just yesterday he would give her a few days, that he would wait for her to call him, yet here he was at her back door.
“Have you talked to Drew?” Leo asked, looking grim.
“I just got home and I don’t think he’s here,” she said, stepping aside and letting him in. Simply because he hadn’t upheld his part of their bargain was no reason for her to be rude. “Why? Did something happen at football practice?” she asked, her stomach falling.
Leo removed his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “We got into it a little bit and, long story short, I kicked him off the team.”
Penelope blinked. “Wow, that must be some long story.” Part of her was relieved Andrew was no longer playing such a dangerous sport, but part of her was sympathetic toward her son. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything to me. I wanted to tell you, in person, my side of things. He was openly disrespectful and disobedient and refused to do anything I asked. I can’t let one of my players act that way. I won’t. It disrupts practice and his bad attitude makes it harder on the rest of the team.”
Insulted on behalf of her son, she bristled and crossed to the refrigerator. Pulled out a package of chicken. “I’m sure Andrew didn’t mean to be disrespectful. Weren’t you the one who told me before he was a good kid?”
“He is a good kid, but he’s not perfect.”
Her head snapped back. “I never expected him to be.”
“Didn’t you?” Leo asked quietly.
“That’s a ridiculous and hurtful thing to say.” She slammed the chicken on the counter. She needed to get dinner ready for herself and her son, she didn’t have time to argue with Leo. Didn’t want to have to explain herself to him. “All I’ve ever wanted is for him to be healthy and happy.”
“You’ve devoted your life to keeping him healthy, to making him happy. Except no one can make someone else happy. Your job as his mother is to keep him safe and raise him to be a good person, but even then there are no guarantees. People, kids, all human beings, have free will, and right now Drew is using that free will to be resentful and selfish.” Leo leaned against the counter, looking tired and dusty from being at the practice field. “Look, I do think Drew is a good kid, but even good kids make mistakes.”
“Thank you,” she said drily. “For that expert parenting analysis.”
“I may not be a parent, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about Drew.”
She felt ashamed for being so snide, but he’d just kicked her son off the team. The very same team he’d persuaded her to let Andrew join. It felt like manipulation, and she was so tired of being manipulated. “I’m not sure why you came here,” she said, turning on the oven, then pulling out a bag of potatoes from a lower cupboard. “What were you hoping to accomplish? You’ve kicked Andrew off the team. Was there something else you needed? Permission from me to do so?”
“I came here because I wanted to tell you what happened and I thought, maybe, we could figure out a way to handle this. Together.”
She sighed. She felt pressured by his showing up after he told her he’d give her space. And she was taking the resultant anxiety out on him. He hadn’t even mentioned their relationship, so she needed to stop jumping to conclusions.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m still upset about yesterday.” She scrubbed potatoes, then put them into the oven. “I’ll talk to Andrew. I’m sure he’s upset about being off the team, but you were right not to let him disrespect you.”
“I thought we could talk to him together.”
She frowned. “Why? You mean, as his coach?”
“No. As his mother’s...boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” She laughed. “I’m not sure we’re at that stage yet.” Wasn’t sure she wanted to be at that stage. Besides, she was too old to have a boyfriend, wasn’t she?
“I care about you and we slept together,” Leo said, sounding calm enough, but his eyes flashed. “We spend time together and neither of us is seeing anyone else. Sounds to me like we’re together. And being together means we’re a team. My parents were a team when it came to raising me and my siblings and that’s what I want for us.”
A team? She wasn’t on anyone’s team. She was on her own. She’d always been on her own. “I appreciate the sentiment and the offer, but I’m not comfortable turning to anyone for help or relying on anyone for it.”
“You and your ex didn’t help each other when Drew was sick?”
He sounded shocked, but then, he had a very close family, a completely different experience from what she’d had growing up. And he’d never been the parent of a sick child. “We were both focused on keeping things as normal as possible, but I focused more on Andrew and his health while my ex worked.”
She’d taken control of the situation, and her ex had let her.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Leo said. “I’m here and I want to be by your side. All you have to do is reach for me.”
Penelope’s eyes stung, but she blinked the tears away. “I appreciate the offer. However, I’m used to standing on my own two feet. I’ve got things covered and I can handle raising my son just fine on my own.”
His expression darkened. “You don’t want me in your life.”
“I didn’t say that.” Honestly, she didn’t know what she wanted. She had no idea how to fix things with Andrew, how to fix him. How to make things between her and Leo better. Or if she even should. Her life was spiraling out of control, away from the well-ordered existence she preferred, and she had no idea how to stop it except to go back to the way things were.
If she didn’t, she’d get caught up in the vortex and she was terrified of that free fall.
Leo closed the distance between them and took her arms, turned her to face him. “Penelope, I’m here. Right here. I’m not going anywhere. I want us to have a future together. I want to be a part of your life. A part of Drew’s life.”
She gaped at him, her stomach falling. “It’s too much, too soon.”
“It’s not if it’s right, and you and I are right.”
He seemed so sincere, so earnest. But how could he be? They’d known each other only a month or so. They couldn’t possibly commit to each other at this stage.
She broke free of his hold and crossed to the French doors. “Things are so out of control right now, my life is out of control. I can’t even think about tomorrow, let alone make a commitment to you after such a short period of time. I have to focus on getting my life in order, in helping Andrew deal with the idea of me dating.”
Leo frowned. “Your son needs to step up and deal with that on his own. He’s two years shy of adulthood. It’s time he stopped acting like a kid, blaming you for every little thing that doesn’t go his way.”
“He’s a child. He’s my child.” She shook her head. “You couldn’t possibly understand.”
/> “Why not? Because I don’t have kids? Because I’ve never been through anything like what you and Drew went through with his illness? You wear that like a badge of honor, a way to keep yourself above the rest of us mere mortals.”
She gasped, felt her face lose color. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”
“It’s the truth. You hold yourself above other parents who haven’t been through it. What happened to you all was horrible, but you can’t keep using it as an excuse to not fully live. You need to take chances.”
“I need to take things slow. Things between you and I are moving too fast, can’t you see that? I like a slow and steady pace.”
He gripped her hands. “Slow and steady will get you there eventually, but wouldn’t you rather take a risk? Jump off the cliff? You need to expand, to explore your other options and step out of your comfort zone.”
Her mouth thinned and she tugged her hands free. “Why? Because that’s what you do? I like being in my comfort zone. I like my pace. If you truly accepted me for who I am, you’d understand that and you wouldn’t pressure me to change.”
He looked stricken. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It is. You don’t understand my fears. If you did, you wouldn’t keep pushing me. I need to go slow, to be cautious, but you keep asking for more than I’m ready to give. I already failed at my marriage, and I’m not in a hurry to repeat that mistake.”
“We are not a mistake.”
Exhausted, emotionally and physically, she leaned against the door frame. “We’re not exactly a good bet, either. There’s too much between us,” she said gently, though it felt as if her world were ripping apart. “We’re too different. Yes, in the short term those differences don’t matter. We can fool ourselves into thinking we can get past them, but if we tried to make this work between us long-term? It would be a disaster. I’m sorry you can’t see that and I’m sorry you expected more from me than I can give, but I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.”