by Beth Andrews
He’d taken her for granted, and that shamed him.
A movement outside caught his eye, a flash of color. Gracie. His heart pounding, he raced out the door, not bothering to close it, just ran across the yard, his socks getting wet from the cold grass.
“Gracie,” he called. He tripped, landed on his knees, but was up again in a flash. “Gracie, wait.”
She didn’t. He chased her, hoping he’d get to her before she reached the front door. At the steps to her house, he caught her arm, swung her around.
She immediately yanked free. Stepped back and crossed her arms.
“Gracie.” That was it. All he could say, just her name. He hadn’t seen her since that morning in school with Kennedy. She’d gone home early and hadn’t returned all week.
“Andrew,” she said, sounding distant and cool, which was not like her at all.
He swallowed. “How are you? I mean, I stopped by the other day and your mom—your stepmom said you were sick.”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
But she wasn’t. She wasn’t acting like herself. She wasn’t looking at him like she used to, with warmth and love. Now she looked right through him.
His blood chilled. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
She lifted her chin. “About?”
“About, you know, what happened with Kennedy. I’m sorry we didn’t have room for you to sit with us at lunch. I don’t think you understood what I was saying.”
“I understood quite clearly. You didn’t want me to sit with you at lunch. You don’t want your friends to know you and I hooked up, or that we have hung out. You lied about our relationship because you’re embarrassed by me.”
He shook his head, chilled to the bone. “That’s not—”
“You’re ashamed to be seen with me because I’m not beautiful like Kennedy, because I don’t dress like her and her friends, because I don’t act like them. You told me you loved me so I’d have sex with you and now you think I’ll have sex with you again because I’m so pathetic and needy. That I’m so in love with you I’ll shove aside any small amount of pride I have, any self-respect, and open my legs for you whenever you want. And then you can ignore me or treat me horribly as soon as you’ve rolled off of me.” Her voice was flat, her eyes cold. “Does that about cover it?”
He wanted to throw up. Wanted to tell her she was wrong, about all of it. That of course he thought she was beautiful. “I...I...”
The denial stuck in his throat, choking him.
She looked at him with pity. Shook her head. “You lied to me. You used me. And you humiliated me. I don’t see what else there is for us to discuss.”
She turned to go and he knew he should let her, knew she was right about everything, that he didn’t deserve for her to hear him out, but the thought of her walking away made him feel as if he were breaking apart inside.
“Wait,” he said, not daring to touch her again. He leaped in front of her, blocking her from going into her house. “Just...give me two minutes. Please.”
“Two minutes.” She smiled, a thin, mean smile that should never be a part of who she was. “Only because Chandler is watching us and I don’t want him to get upset.”
Andrew glanced behind him, saw the kid with his face pressed against the smudged window next to the door. He’d never been so glad to see anyone in his life. “Okay. Sure.” But when he looked at her, he didn’t know what to say, or what to do to make this better.
But he had to try.
“You’re right, about a lot of things,” he finally said. “But you’re wrong, too. I did lie about us...hanging out. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I treated you that way in front of Kennedy. I’m sorry I let her treat you that way and didn’t say anything. But I really do like you.”
Fury flashed in her eyes. “Don’t.” Her voice was sharp as a whip. “Don’t lie to me again. We both know you got what you wanted. Any girl would have done. I just happened to be there. I made it so easy for you, didn’t I? Fawning all over you. Eating up every word you said.”
“No. It wasn’t like that.” Not completely. “I did like you. I do. It’s just...I’m not even sure what love is. I mean, how am I supposed to know when I’m in love?”
“You’re not,” she said flatly. “Because if you were, you wouldn’t have to ask that question. So please don’t try to act as if you’re confused or whatever because of your past problems. I used to feel sorry for you. That you had to go through so much. You must love that, huh? Now you can use it as an excuse for treating people like dirt.”
He wanted to touch her. To take her hand and promise her he’d never hurt her again. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness. “Please, Gracie. I’m sorry. Just...give me another chance. A chance to make it up to you.”
“You want another chance?” She shook her head, stood rigidly in front of him. “To what? Be my boyfriend? You going to tell your friends we’re together? Hold my hand in the halls?”
He dropped his gaze. “It’s complicated...”
“It’s not. It’s so very simple.” She pushed past him and opened the door.
Chandler ran over, grinned at Andrew and held up his arms. “Up.”
“Gracie, I...” Andrew swallowed. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
She picked up Chandler and turned. Studied him then nodded slowly. “I believe you are. But I don’t forgive you. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You used me. You knew I had feelings for you, and you used them to manipulate me. You made me feel stupid,” she continued, her voice not as strong, not as sure, and it tore him up inside, especially when he saw tears in her eyes. “But most of all,” she continued quietly, “you made me feel cheap. And I will never forgive you for that.”
She shut the door, not with a resounding bang, but a soft, quiet click that echoed in his ears. His vision blurred and he sniffed. Shoved his hands into his pockets.
He realized his mother was right. He wasn’t a good person. He hadn’t been for a long time. He just hoped he could change.
* * *
SUNDAY NIGHT, PENELOPE carried the pan of lasagna to the table and set it down. She’d hesitated about making it, mainly because doing so reminded her of when Leo had cooked for her and he’d told her no one threw together a lasagna.
She hadn’t. She’d asked Pops for his recipe. It had been nice speaking with him, seeing him, and now she had a new recipe. One that made enough for her and her son for at least eight meals.
Five if Andrew was really hungry.
He came in. Ever since their conversation a few days ago, he’d been quiet. Oh, him spending most of his time in his room was nothing new, but this was different. He’d been acting different, not sullen so much as...sad.
But she hadn’t asked him about it, was not going to worry. She’d realized that every emotion, every problem her son had did not need to be her responsibility. She refused to get upset or to try to coax him out of his silence as she would have done in the past.
She had her own issues and problems to focus on. Such as how she was going to get over Leo.
“Need any help?”
She glanced at Andrew, who looked like a little boy with his head ducked, his hands in his pockets. “You can get the drinks and salad,” she told him, not letting herself get overexcited about his lending a hand. “Thank you.”
A few minutes later, they sat down to eat.
She served them both huge slices of lasagna. It smelled delicious and was wonderfully gooey and cheesy.
Andrew frowned at his. “Are there mushrooms in here?”
“Yes.” She forked up a bite, blew on it then ate it. Fantastic.
“I don’t like mushrooms.”
She ate some more. “I know. Eat around them.”
Before she never would have added mushrooms to anything he was eating. She’d even stopped getting mushrooms on her half of their pizza because he claimed the smell contaminated his half.
No more.
Yes, she could have adde
d mushrooms to only half the mixture, baked his half of the lasagna without them, but she was making a point. To him and to herself.
They ate in silence. More time for her to think of Leo. To miss him. Had she made a mistake in breaking things off with him? He must not be too upset seeing as how he hadn’t tried to contact her since that day. Yes, yes, she’d told him they were through, but if he really loved her, wouldn’t he have made more of an effort?
Maybe he’d been in it for the chase. Someone like Leo lived for adventure. She had provided that, hadn’t she? Simply by not falling at his feet, forcing him to convince her to give him a chance. And by being the complete opposite of the women he usually dated.
Andrew cleared his throat, bringing her out of her internal musings. “It’s good,” he said.
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
He flushed. “Dinner. It’s really good.”
“Thank you,” she said slowly.
He helped himself to another slice of lasagna and added it to his plate, which was littered with the remains of mushrooms. “About what happened the other day...” He pressed his lips together, then raised his head. “When we were fighting and the condom and everything. I...I’ve made up my mind.”
Her heart skipped a beat. Despite what she’d said about letting him choose to stay or go, she was still nervous. A part of her, a big part, didn’t want to let him leave. But she couldn’t live like this any longer. “Oh?”
“I want to stay,” he blurted. “Here. I mean, with you, whether that’s in Shady Grove, or if you decide to move somewhere else. Not that I want to live in your basement as an adult or anything. But until I go to college, I think the best place for me is with you. I want to be with you.”
Relief flooded her. “I’m glad. I love you. So much, and I have faith you’ll figure out all the things you’ve been dealing with. I’m here if you need me, though I won’t be asking you about them all the time. You need to come to me. If you need help, with anything, you let me know, and if you think you’d like to talk to someone...a professional...about what you’ve been through, what you’re going through now, we’ll work that out, too.”
“You mean like a shrink?”
“A psychologist. Or a counselor. Just someone you can open up to.”
“I’ll think about it.” He fiddled with his butter knife. “It’s okay with me if you want to date Coach...I mean, Leo. Not that you need my permission,” he added quickly, obviously having picked up a few things from their talk. “I just wanted to let you know I won’t be an asshole about it.”
“I appreciate that.” She sipped her wine, set it down carefully. “But Leo and I have decided not to see each other anymore.”
“Because of me?”
“Because we’re too different.”
He frowned. “So? What are you afraid of?”
“Leo is all about living in the now, living for the moment, and I look to the future. I like to plan and take things slow and think things through. He jumps into situations, then figures it out as he goes.”
Andrew sat back. “I used to be scared of the future,” he admitted quietly. “I guess I still am sometimes. I’m scared of getting sick again. Of dying.”
Her heart about stopped. “Oh, honey...”
“But I realized maybe there’s a way to live in the now and have hope for the future. That’s what you’ve taught me. To always have hope, no matter how bad things get.”
Shocked, Penelope sat unable to move while Andrew dug into his second helping of dinner. Always have hope. But it was fleeting, so nebulous.
And oh, so necessary. What kind of life would she have, what kind of world would this be, if there were no hope? Hope for her son to have a healthy future and a long life. Hope that Leo truly did love her, that they could build a life together.
Hope that she could get Leo back.
* * *
LEO, GETTING READY to head into work for an extra shift, crossed the living room to answer the knock at his front door. The past week he’d taken on several extra shifts to get his mind off of Penelope.
It hadn’t worked.
He’d keep trying. Something would eventually kick in and he’d stop thinking about her.
He opened the door, and his hand tightened on the handle. Of course, that would be easier to do if she wasn’t standing on his porch.
“Penelope.” He sounded calm enough, but his stomach flipped. She looked so beautiful, her cheeks flushed from the cold, her hair blowing in the breeze. He could hardly stand to look at her. “I don’t mean to be rude but I was just on my way to work—”
“This won’t take long,” she said, her voice trembling slightly. She sounded and looked nervous. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t take slight satisfaction in it. “Please. I just need a few minutes.”
He sighed and let her in. “I hope you don’t mind if I continue getting ready.”
He didn’t wait for her answer, but went into the other room and gathered the things he’d need for his shift.
“I—I wanted you to know that Andrew and I had a long talk, several actually, and we’ve worked out quite a few things. I think we’ll be okay.”
“I’m glad.” And he was. He may be pissed at her for breaking his heart, but that didn’t mean he wanted her and her son to be at odds.
“You were right. About a lot of things.”
He froze. He hadn’t expected that. She constantly surprised him. “Such as?”
“Such as how I shouldn’t give up my life trying to make Andrew happy. How he needs to live by my rules.”
He shrugged on his jacket. “Good to know. Now, I really do have to—”
“I’m sorry,” she blurted.
He pressed his lips together. “Look, I appreciate it, but you didn’t have to come over here to tell me. You’re the one who decided we weren’t good together, that we had no future.”
She twisted her fingers together at her waist. “I may have been wrong about that. But my concerns were legitimate. For instance, if we are to try to stay together, we need to discuss some very important issues, such as what does us having a future together even mean? Marriage? Because I wouldn’t feel right only living with you while Andrew still lived at home.”
Leo was stunned. And confused. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying there are things we need to decide. If we are talking the possibility of marriage, what about children? I’m unable to have any more, and I’m assuming you’ll want at least one child of your own. I wouldn’t be opposed to adopting, maybe an older child, but I don’t want you to miss out on having a baby.” She was rambling, her words coming fast and furious and all he could do was stare.
“And what about your job? It’s dangerous. I would never ask you to quit it for me because I know how much you love it, but I’m not going to lie. I’d worry about you every day. And what about your family? They’ve been very nice to me and Andrew, but that was when they thought we were just another kid you coached and his mother. They probably want someone—”
“Whoa, whoa,” Leo said, taking hold of her upper arms. “Breathe. Just inhale for me.” He waited until she did so. “Good. Now let it out slowly. Better?”
She nodded.
“I don’t have the answers to those questions,” he told her, amazed and so grateful she was even asking those questions, that she was considering giving them another chance. “If we decide to do this, it’ll work. We’ll make it work. Together.”
“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “But I don’t want to be. I want to be brave. For you. For us. I just...I don’t want to hurt you again. It’s so frightening, having this vision of a future, one that’s so bright and shiny with so many possibilities. A future with you, making a family of our own, having a life I’ve never thought possible.” She cupped his face and his heart swelled with hope. “But I want that life. I want it more than I’ve wanted anything in a long, long time. I’m terrified I’ll get it only to have it snatched away.”
“I can’t guarantee Drew will never get sick again or hurt. Or that he won’t make a mistake and piss us both off. I can’t guarantee I’ll never get hurt on the job, or we won’t argue or have different opinions. Just like you can’t guarantee nothing will ever happen to you, that you’ll never be taken away from me and Drew or grow to hate winters in Shady Grove.” His voice grew husky and he tugged her to him, reveling in the feel of her body against his. “But I can guarantee I will always love you, and I will do everything in my power to prove that to you each and every day of our lives.”
She sniffed. Smiled. “It won’t always be easy.”
He grinned. “I thrive on a challenge.”
She laughed and hooked her hands behind his neck, her fingers warm on his skin. “Being together will make all the effort worth it. You don’t give up. You won’t give up on me or us.”
“Never.”
“I promise never to give up on you. Never again. Life is too precious not to be with the person you love, to waste a single day. I know that better than most. I want to be with you, Leo. I want you to be my future. Forever.”
Humbled and so grateful his knees were weak, he kissed her. Leaned back and stared into her eyes. “Forever.”
* * * * *
Look for the next IN SHADY GROVE book by Beth Andrews!
Coming in 2015 from Harlequin Superromance.
Keep reading for an excerpt from STARTING WITH JUNE by Emilie Rose.
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