Throughout the morning, the status was updated: one package had been delivered at the visa centre and then, shortly after, the second package was delivered too. Our lawyer hotfooted it over and sent me a text which read ‘I have both the passports in my hand. And they are both correct!’ I could hardly believe it, so we made an appointment to sign the paperwork at the embassy on that very Friday afternoon. Krzysztof and I found flights with our points, but they were leaving the next day via Hong Kong and then on to London. All we needed was the passports now, so we kissed and cuddled the babies and headed off to meet Claire, our lawyer, at the embassy and notarise all the paperwork we needed to travel. As we pulled up at the embassy, I could see Claire sitting waiting for us, and as we walked up to her she proudly presented us with the passports. I could barely believe I was holding them. Krzysztof and I pored over them, checking them for any mistakes and waiting in line to get into the embassy. We went in and signed everything we needed to and left, thanking everyone for their help.
1 month old
Walking out with the paperwork was a great relief. We had the passports in our hands and all the documents – affidavits, consents and powers of attorney, DNA tests and copies of IDs, to name but a few – were filed neatly in a folder for us by Claire. I messaged Grace that we had all the documents and passports now and that we wanted to see her. I asked her to come to the hotel to spend some time with the babies and for us to say goodbye to her. I added that, in accordance with our lawyer’s instructions, it might help us leave if she saw us again at the airport in case immigration wanted to ask any questions, so we arranged to meet there the next day as well. All we had to do now was confirm the flights and pack. We sat down at our computer and chose the flight via Hong Kong, which left the next evening at 7pm. We decided to go to the airport at 1pm in preparation for the immigration process and to say goodbye to Grace. The hotel arranged everything to get us to the airport. An email came through that the flights were confirmed. Owen from the hotel took us to the spirit house at the front of the hotel for a short blessing, since we were leaving our home. I did my best to sleep. I couldn’t, though, and kept waking up thinking it was a dream, until I glanced at the suitcases all lined up and gazed at the babies, unaware of the big trip they were about to embark on. As daylight broke, it was time to go – time to go home.
Chapter 26
London Calling
We had accumulated lots of stuff, and lots of it that we didn’t use we had already sent home, but we still had about eight suitcases to travel with us, in addition to the car seats, pram and cots. I was scared stiff about transiting through immigration at the airport, and I realised that since we’d begun to imagine the babies being in our lives, I really hadn’t thought about anything past getting us home to the UK. We had made no plans further than the trip home. It was exciting to be embarking on our return journey, but I was more worried than excited, then more excited than nervous. It’s a long trip at the best of times, but with the stress of immigration and the need to soothe the babies through a long journey and not be completely exhausted ourselves, it was a tricky situation to get my head around.
We gave a few things to Leah, and I could see she was getting emotional about having to let Leo and Olivia go home. After all, she had been there since the day we arrived home from hospital, and we were all going to miss each other. The hotel packed everything into a van for us and we were ready to leave. We stood in the lobby as all the staff that had looked after us during the whole time came down to say goodbye. There were tears and laughter, and as we finally settled into the van to go to the airport, I was more and more scared but excited that it might actually happen, that we might eventually be going home, and today looked like it was the day. We waved back to everyone and I couldn’t believe we were moving, that we would be at the airport in about thirty minutes. The babies were content and looking up at us and all the suitcases. I wondered what they might be thinking. Krzysztof knew what I was thinking. I was worried about getting all the luggage on the plane and making it through immigration. I grasped the folder with all the documents and held back the tears as we pulled into Suvarnabhumi Airport. We were here, and it was time to continue the journey that we really had only just started. Krzysztof seemed more worried about the luggage, and I was more worried about immigration so at least we were in balance. Krzysztof and I wheeled up to the Cathay Pacific check-in with our beautiful babies, airport check-in support staff and about five trollies for our luggage and asked to be checked in for our flights to Hong Kong and then on to London. Grace met us there as they were loading our luggage onto the belts, and I was struggling to hold in the tears as I knew we had to break away from Grace and walk up to the immigration officers. She held both of the babies and chatted to them and kissed them and, after a long cuddle, handed Leo and Olivia back to Krzysztof and me. Our lawyer’s Thai-speaking associate, Nichola, was with her in case immigration needed to talk to her. I hugged her too and said goodbye. Krzysztof and I walked away holding the babies, and I could barely look back as the tears were rolling down my face. I was overwhelmed.
We somehow got all four of us and our seven carry-on bags through the scanner – baby milk, premixed milk (litres of it), and powdered milk in case the premixed wasn’t allowed on board, prams and warm clothes. Then suddenly we were walking towards the immigration line. I stood in front of the first available officer and handed him our three British passports and Krzysztof’s Polish passport. I was feeling weary from leaving Grace, and the officer asked us to move to a different area so he could ask us some more questions. My heart sank. This is what I was dreading, but I was prepared and had all the documents in order.
As the officer asked me for each document, one by one, I could tell he realised that the babies had been born via surrogacy. As soon as he had looked through all the paperwork, he asked to speak to Grace. I called her from my phone and they chatted; I imagine they confirmed that she was happy for us to travel and that all the documentation was in order. I was sweating because of the heat, and we seemed to be there for such a long time, although in fact it was probably only a few minutes. As the officer was talking to Grace, we could see her through the glass wall. The officer was pointing to us, and she was nodding and waving, and then Krzysztof nudged me. He pointed to the fact that the second officer was preparing departure cards for the babies because as they’d been born here they had obviously not had one completed before. Were we actually getting ready to leave? Yes! They began stamping our passports and I turned, sweating even more, and we waved our final goodbyes to Grace, holding Leo’s and Olivia’s hands up to let them wave as we turned and began the first few steps into the departure lounge.
My brain couldn’t really compute the fact that we were moving, that everything I had been dreading had passed relatively smoothly and that, indeed, we were on our way home to London. I felt faint and thirsty but overwhelmingly exhausted and emotional too from having left Grace. I hugged our babies tightly and could finally imagine what was ahead for us. My mind was racing. I needed to take a break for a few minutes and wander about the airport to think through what was actually happening. I left Krzysztof with the babies in a room at the transit hotel to gather my thoughts and stay calm. I needed some water. I was getting a headache.
Just before the first flight, we settled into the lounge – just the four of us – looking at each other, not quite believing that we were finally going home. I emailed the lawyer to let them know we had passed through immigration and thanked them. However, since everything had moved so quickly over the last forty-eight hours, we decided to keep it a secret that we were travelling, in the hope that it would be a big surprise when we arrived home. I wanted to tell Emma and Lily and my family that we were coming home, but I knew they would still worry, so the best thing was to keep it a surprise now we had got this far. It was only a few more hours and then we could tell everyone.
It was soon time to board our flight to Hon
g Kong and, as we got on, all the staff on the plane were extremely helpful. We had two bassinets for the babies, and as the plane taxied, I managed to hold three hands tightly and we sped along Suvarnabhumi Airport runway and up into the night sky. My eyes were filled with tears of joy and relief as we headed off to Hong Kong.
The first flight was great. We fed Leo and Olivia some milk as we took off and landed, and they slept. Then they stayed calm while awake as we transited through Hong Kong Airport. We stopped in the lounge and were lucky enough to get hold of one of the cabanas where we could have a bath and refresh before the long flight to London. With a new set of sterilised bottles and freshly pampered babies and dads, we trundled proudly off to the departure gate with our babies sleeping in the pram.
As we got on board, the staff were just as helpful and settled us in so that we had everything we needed. I was so grateful and excited to be travelling in such relative comfort. I unpacked all of our things and let the babies stretch out to sleep a little before we took off. As we took off into the inky sky again, bottle in hand, with Leo and Olivia drinking some milk, they were soon ready to go to sleep, and the attendants built them a bassinet above our seats. They went to sleep straight away, which gave me a chance to enjoy some dinner before going to bed myself. I said goodnight to Krzysztof, Leo and Olivia and lay there dozing but feeling the excitement building that we were going to be home in London in only a few hours, and nobody knew we were on our way. As the journey rolled on, I snuggled in with Krzysztof and the babies on what really was the journey of a lifetime. In the middle of the night I sat up and watched Krzysztof, Leo and Olivia sleeping. It was a beautiful moment to be still and consider where we had all come from, what we had all been through, and where we were all going as a family. I gave the babies some milk when they woke, kept them warm, and gently soothed them off to sleep again.
As morning broke, we all sat together and had breakfast at the table on board, and then we prepared to land by getting changed and packed up. I have travelled for a week’s holiday with less luggage than we had in our carry-on, but it still all needed to be packed. I had arranged to be met by Heathrow’s meet-and-greet staff who escorted us from inside the airplane, swiftly through UK immigration and into the luggage hall. Piece by piece our luggage came off the belt, and we began moving towards the exit. I could feel the cold air hit our faces, and it was strange to see the babies all snuggled up in winter suits to keep them warm. My usual driver from work, Ricky, was there to meet us with a colleague as he needed a separate van for all our luggage. We fixed the car seats into the vehicle and eased the babies into them, and I grasped Krzysztof’s hand as we sped along the road towards London from Heathrow and asked him if he could actually believe we were home. He nodded, but I knew he was as stunned as I was that we had gone through everything we had in the last twenty-four hours, ten weeks and ten months.
We walked up to the door of our apartment with Leo and Olivia in our arms and put the key in the door. As I turned the key and entered the flat, I said, ‘Welcome to your new home,’ kissed them, and then we all slumped down on the sofa as they were falling asleep. ‘I’ll put the kettle on. Would you like a coffee?’ I said to Krzysztof, as I looked around in amazement at our family, finally home. It was time to let everyone know and get ready for lots of visitors. The Dudek-Phillips were home.
* * *
It is said that the journey is the important aspect, for it leads in all ways to a new journey. Each one is different and unique to the travellers – ours is but one of many. Yet, if others find our experience helpful guidance in a journey of their own, we are honoured to help. I had written a few letters to everyone in preparation for our arrival at home as I wanted to document my feelings and intentions. Here they are:
Dear Grace,
You are an inspiration to me how you have gone on this journey with us. You are an amazing woman. From the moment we met and chatted at the clinic, I knew I wanted you to be my sister – as soon as we took our first selfie photo and started chatting on WhatsApp straight away. Meeting you was wonderful, and I could finally imagine how the future would be, blessing us with the babies you have carried for us. From the beginning, during every intimate moment and especially the heartbreak I felt when the first two attempts at IVF were unsuccessful, your support to me was amazing when I felt I should have been doing more to support you. When I found out you were pregnant, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life, and I was so glad to share those moments with you and Krzysztof. And being in Thailand on the island of Koh Chang was such a bonus.
I was so grateful to be able to be at the baby scans and see and hear the tiny heartbeats when we found out there were two babies. It was a truly joyful moment for me and I could see, without words, how happy you were for me. Through every moment, you have kept us informed, excited, complete and ‘in touch’ with every milestone so far. Your integrity and honesty that meant you told me everything has allowed me – someone who you know worries so much – not to worry too much, and for this I am truly grateful to you. I will be the best dad I can be, and Krzysztof will be the best dad he can be too. Together, we will be the best parents we can be and welcome you as part of our lives, as much as you want to be. Leo and Olivia have wonderful godmothers in Emma and Sara, and of course, their big sister, Lily, will look after them at every turn.
I wish you and your family all the best in your lives and hope that the birth of our two babies spreads joy throughout your family as it does through ours.
I am glad to call you my sister. See you soon.
All my love,
James xxx
Dear Krzysztof,
Congratulations! Finally, we are dads together. I am so happy that we are able to cherish these two babies for the rest of our lives. Leo and Olivia will be proud of you as their dad, and I am proud of you as my partner. Here we are with two bundles of joy looking at us, waving at us for food and love – what more could we want in this world? What a journey to get us to this point, and what a wonderful and fast start to their lives, our son and our daughter!
When we met, I couldn’t have imagined the moment that we would become fathers together, and I am grateful and blessed to enjoy our family which has come to us with authenticity and love. We are one of only a few to be given the privilege to become parents in a same-sex relationship. Our integrity should continue with our children because the honesty of becoming parents this way has allowed us to become a family, and I am excited for both of our families to join together.
Most of all I am excited for the lazy mornings and days together we will spend (eventually!) and I know I will look over to you and the babies and smile because I love you all. Our adventures continue, and as I look around now I still have to pinch myself to believe that everything is real. I know that as we continue, we can only grow stronger and stronger together.
I love you, and I love our family,
James xxxx
Dear Lily,
Your brother and sister, Leo and Olivia, are finally home, and I am so happy to see you all together. The moment you met them I was totally in love with all three of you. I see your eyes light up when you help look after them and love them. They will look up to you and love you, and I hope you will always love them and look out for them too.
I love you,
Dad xxxx
Dear Olivia,
I love you, my darling! You are so beautiful I can hardly take my eyes off you. I have known you now for only two days so far, and I spend my time peering at you through your little crib, and clutching you and holding your hand. You smiled at me for the first time yesterday when you were one day old and I got the chance to look into your beautiful eyes when I saw you open them for the first time. Your brother Leo is nearby you all the time and I can’t wait to reunite you so you can hold hands and have a cuddle together. I’m sure you miss him but don’t worry, he’s keeping his eyes on you.
I think he was born with his eyes open and has been looking over at you ever since. Your other dad loves spending time with you too, and he took the most beautiful picture of you yesterday – I will put it in your book. He loves you so much and can’t wait to get you home too.
Your dad xxxx
Dear Leo,
Hello, my handsome boy! I met you for the first time two days ago as you were born, and I have kept the closest eye on you. I love to see you and hold your hand, and my eyes are filled with the happiest of tears when I hold your chest and your breathing gets a little calmer and stronger. I love you and will look after you with your dad, and want to thank you for coming into our lives – and he is completely in love with you too. My heart hurts when I imagine all the happy times and adventures we will have as a family. Your sister is just across the room and I can see you looking around for her when you are having your milk. I know those tubes are uncomfortable for you, but I know they are helping you get stronger, and I will give you the biggest cuddle when I can get you out of your Tupperware.
Stay strong, my beautiful boy, and we will get you out of here in no time to have cuddles with your dad and your sister.
Surrogacy Page 17