by S. T. Bende
I cradled my head in my hands and breathed slowly. The immortals of Asgard were counting on me to keep their war god from falling into darkness. Because according to the Goddess of Love, I was his best match.
It would take years to process all of this.
“How does Henrik play into everything?” I rubbed my temples.
“Henrik is Tyr’s bodyguard.” Brynn pulled an emery board off her nightstand and started filing.
“Sweet, goofy Henrik… with the glasses always slipping down his nose… the guy who bakes… he’s the God of War’s bodyguard?”
“The glasses are for show. He thinks it makes him blend in. Please.” Brynn tossed her hair. “Do you think we have to worry about vision? We can see five times farther than mortals. In the dark. Some of us have X-ray abilities.”
How was that even possible?
“Why does the God of War need a bodyguard, anyway?” I asked.
“Who do you think the dark elves go after first when they move to debilitate Asgard? God of War. Take out the leader, it’s super easy to pick off the followers. It’s Combat 101.” Brynn went back to her nails.
“So why did Freya send you?”
“To protect you.” Brynn looked up.
“Of course. You’re here to protect me…” Suddenly Brynn’s ability to head fearlessly into a rodent-infested attic made sense. She probably saw a lot worse things as a valkyrie. Yeesh.
“We were worried the fire giants might follow us here—there was this revolt happening when we left. That’s why I wasn’t there to look out for you the day you arrived in Arcata—sorry about that, by the way. But the giants ended up not being an issue.”
“What exactly is a fire giant?” I pulled my knees to my chest.
“A really, really evil monster.” Brynn put down her file. “Trust me, you don’t want to go to Muspelheim.”
“Have you been there?” I asked.
“Of course. We visit all the realms in our training. Our primary function as valkyries is to bring fallen soldiers back to Asgard. The only requirement is that they be of solid moral character, so most are human soldiers, but occasionally we’ll find a diamond in the rough in one of the other realms. Anyway, we take half to Odin to defend the realm, and give half to Freya to disperse as she sees fit. I have no idea how she handles her job. Being warrior goddess of love sounds good on paper, but in reality they’re such different functions, you know?”
“Huh.” I paused. Maybe whoever said all’s fair in love and war was talking about Tyr’s bestie. “So what exactly are your duties? You bring dead soldiers to Freya and Odin. Anything else?”
“I’m Tyr’s second.” Brynn rested her head against her pillow.
“His second what?”
“His second bodyguard. Henrik’s his primary. Tyr’s got all kinds of fancy weapons at his disposal, but Henrik likes to kill with his hands. He’s the one you need to watch out for.”
I closed my eyes. My TA was a trained assassin, and my perky little roomie was a valkyrie. Jason was right—college was definitely not turning out the way I’d imagined.
“There are a lot of scary monsters in the realms, Mia. We can’t afford to take chances with the lives of our charges.”
“Doesn’t that make you nervous? Killing people?”
“Monsters,” Brynn corrected. “I’ve never killed a human. And not really. All gods and goddesses have extensive combat training from primary school on. Drop us in just about any situation and we’ve got it covered. Perps very rarely survive.”
“This is unreal.” Gods and monsters and perps and realms… my-black-and-white world crumbled into a million shades of grey. I examined my cuticles, wondering if I should be nervous about being alone with a trained assassin.
“Now that Fenrir’s back, Tyr will probably order me to protect you full-time.”
“Why?” My hands gripped the bed.
“Because.” Brynn looked at me as if I was a few needles short of a haystack. “Fenrir’s going after the people Tyr loves. Duh.”
My hair flew as I whipped my head back and forth. “Tyr doesn’t love me. We’ve only known each other a couple of months.”
Brynn rolled her eyes. “For a math genius, you’re unusually unobservant.”
“Whatever,” I muttered. This wasn’t a conversation I was ready to have with myself, much less anyone else. And especially with someone other than Tyr. We had a pretty heavy State of the Union talk ahead of us, and I wasn’t about to have it with someone else, first. “So you and Henrik are here to protect Tyr. Tyr’s here to protect Elsa. Fenrir’s out to hurt pretty much everyone.” I paused. “What about Elsa? Besides being Tyr’s sister, how does she play into all of this? She’s not a war god too, is she?”
“Oh, gosh no. She’s way too valuable to allow in combat. She’s a High Healer, someone who can perform extremely improbable healings. She’s got super intense magic. Well they both do, from what I understand.” Brynn wiggled her eyebrows. “Like I said, you’d make a great Unifier if you and Tyr make it permanent.”
My head felt like I was on an out-of-control carousel.
“You look exhausted.” Brynn patted my hand. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? I’ll be up for a while if you have any more questions.”
I couldn’t imagine getting any sleep tonight, let alone having some job in Asgard. And a future with Tyr.
“I think I’m all questioned out for now. I should probably go think about all of this. Thanks for talking.” I stood and walked to the door, opening it slowly. When I stepped into the hall, Brynn called out.
“I’m here if you need anything. Anything.”
“Thanks.” I gave a small wave, then walked into my room and flopped face-down on my bed.
My boyfriend was an immortal warrior, my roommate was a valkyrie, and whoever married Tyr might be the key to intergalactic peace. And it could very well be me.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I DIDN’T GET ANY sleep Friday night, and I spent all of Saturday going back and forth on whether I could handle being with Tyr, now that I knew what he was, and what was expected of him… and what was expected of the girl he ended up with. Tyr had only just come into my life, and up until last night, I’d thought he might become a semi-permanent fixture. But now… now I realized he wasn’t at all what I’d believed him to be. How could I be in a relationship with someone who’d pretended to be something they weren’t? But then, how could I walk away from the first guy I’d ever fallen this hard for? Tyr made me feel things I’d never felt for anyone, ever. Which was problematic, considering I’d been ready to sleep with him, and our entire relationship was built on a lie. Or was it? Technically, Tyr had never outright lied to me. Everything he told me about his friendships with Brynn and Henrik, his life in Malmö, and even about his parents and his sister had all been true. He’d lied through omission, which was pretty lousy, but he’d always changed the subject when things got too complicated, or too close to the truth.
The truth.
The truth was, Tyr was an almost one-thousand-year-old Norse God. G.O.D. Apparently he was a very important one, because he had a big-deal job. And if I understood correctly, he was a totally unflappable killing machine. My first real boyfriend was an immortal assassin, tasked with defending the universe from perma-destruction.
What had I gotten myself into?
Could I really be in a relationship with Tyr, knowing everything that would come with it? He was a god—a god. He’d live forever, or until something killed him. He’d look twenty years old for at least the next couple of centuries. He’d always have monsters and demons and evil elves and giant dogs trying to kill him, and if I chose to be his girlfriend, and maybe someday his wife, all those creatures would come after me, too. I’d have to take a whole new kind of self-defense class, which would have been exciting if it didn’t involve fighting Hel. Literally. A perky blond bodyguard would follow me around twenty-four hours a day, and even if she was one of the best friends I’d
made at Redwood, I’d still have no semblance of privacy. I’d have to lie to my parents and Jason; that one bothered me the most. Tyr didn’t just go traipsing around telling humans what he was. Being with him would mean keeping his secret and secrets were a rare breed in the Ahlström household. Eventually my folks would want to meet Tyr, and then what would I do? Bring him to Connecticut and hope he won them over with his charm? He was a stickler for bringing flowers, a point that would earn him favor with my Southern mother, but what would happen if we dated for a few years? My dad would expect him to propose. Would he want to do that? Would I want him to do that? And what about children? We were from different planets, or realms, or whatever; could we even have kids together? Would Tyr want to? What if we did get married? What would happen in three decades when I had crow’s feet and the occasional grey hair, and Tyr still looked like a twenty-year-old frat boy? How would we explain that?
My head pounded from all the questions, and by late Saturday afternoon I couldn’t take it anymore. I called the one person whose advice had never steered me wrong.
“Hey, Sis.” Jason answered on the first ring. “Shouldn’t you be out with that dreamboat of yours? Tire?”
“Tee-er,” I corrected. “And yeah. I should be. But we sort of had a disagreement last night. So we’re spending the day apart.”
“Trouble in paradise? Last time we talked, things were good. In fact, I believe a certain little sister of mine was asking me how soon was too soon to do the deed.” I could practically see Jason’s eyebrows waggling through the phone.
“Jason! I did not ask you that.” I would never ask my brother that question… but I might have hinted at it.
“Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that’s where you’re heading, if you’re not there already. And if you’re there already, I don’t want to know. Because then I’d have to come and kill the dude.”
“Ew. I am not having this conversation with my brother.” I shuddered.
“In that case, what was your disagreement about?”
I chose my words very carefully. “He kind of kept a big secret from me about his life back home. He didn’t lie; he just omitted something kind of important. And I’m not sure how I feel about it.”
“Do you want me to come kick his ass, or do you want relationship advice?”
“Definitely the latter. Depending on how it works out, maybe the former too.” I smiled. Jason always had my back.
“Huh.” Jason paused. It was a testament to his Yankee-Southern manners that he didn’t ask me to share Tyr’s secret, though he did have to cover his brotherly bases. “Is the secret something that would hurt you?”
I paused to consider that. Would it? “No,” I decided, truthfully. “If anything, it’s going to make sure I’m always safe.” From everything. Ever. Unless one of the monsters got to me. Then I’d be dead.
“Is the secret something that requires you to compromise your morals? I assume he’s not asking you to join him in a life of crime or something, or you’d be running the other way.”
Tyr was wrapped up in a life of crime, all right, but he was the one fighting it. “Don’t worry. My morals are intact.”
“Hmm. Is it something that changes the way you feel about him? Does it fundamentally affect what you know of his character? Because last I checked, you were halfway to falling in love with this guy. A little soon for my tastes, but you’re a girl. I forgive you.”
I sighed. “I’m not in love with him. Not yet. But yeah, I could see it getting there someday. And the secret doesn’t exactly change his character, but it does change how I see him. Not in a good or a bad way, it’s just different.” So very different.
“Got it.” Jason sighed. “Listen, Mees, it sucks the guy kept something from you, but if it’s not a bad secret, he probably had a reason for waiting until now to tell you. And if the secret doesn’t change how you feel about him, I say live a little.”
“That’s your advice for everything.”
“That’s my advice for everything with you. Life’s short, Mia. You only get one shot at it, and you only get one shot at being young, too. This is the time to make those impetuous decisions. Stop notebooking this—”
“What?” I asked.
“Notebooking this. Don’t try to tell me you don’t have at least half a notebook filled with pros and cons of whether to drop the guy over this.”
“I filled three-quarters of one since he told me his secret,” I admitted.
Jason laughed. “Well, stop. You’ve sounded really into Tree—”
“Tyr,” I corrected again.
“—really into Tyr for months. Throw the notebook away and follow your gut on this one. You’re smart. Your instincts won’t steer you wrong.”
“That simple, huh?”
“Yep. But remember if he hurts you, I’ll come straight out there and end him.”
“I love you, Jase.” I smiled.
“I love you, Sis. I’ve got a date, otherwise I could talk longer. You okay?” he asked.
“I will be. Go have fun. Bye.”
“Bye.” Jason hung up.
I dropped my head into my hands. I’d done everything I could think of to make an informed decision about whether or not to stay with Tyr. I’d filled a quarter of a notebook with pro and con lists, another quarter with all of the “what ifs” I’d come up with while I wasn’t sleeping, and had a third section containing potential solutions to our human/god dating quandary. But I was as confused as I’d felt when I saw Tyr fly. Nothing good ever came from making an emotional decision, and clearly I couldn’t rationalize my way through this one. Maybe more facts were necessary. And if that didn’t help, a cup of coffee would be nice.
I picked up my phone and called Tyr.
“Hei hei.” He answered on the first ring.
“Hi. Can you come over? And bring coffee?”
“I’ll be there in ten.” His voice sounded scratchy, as if he was as exhausted as I was. Well, good. If I had to lose sleep over this situation, he could too.
Of course, he probably didn’t have the thick purple bags under his eyes that I did. Being a god sure had its perks.
When Tyr pulled up to Daffodil Drive, I was already sitting on the porch steps, a fresh coat of concealer masking my purple raccoon rings. Tyr got out of his car carrying two cups of coffee, and walked in clipped strides up our path. His hair was out of place, his jaw looked tense, and I noticed small lines around his eyes. “Hei.” He held out a cup at arm’s length.
“Thanks.” I took the liquid caffeine, and patted the stair next to me. “Have a seat.”
Tyr sat stiffly, his back straight as he lowered himself onto the step. He stretched out his long legs and stayed unnaturally still.
“I’m not afraid of you.” I rolled my eyes. “You can move.”
“I just don’t want to overwhelm you.” Tyr leaned over and brushed his lips against my hair.
“I’m pretty sure we passed the overwhelm point somewhere between ‘I’m a god’ and ‘the monsters of the underworld want me dead. ’ But thanks for thinking of me.”
“Mia—” Tyr’s voice broke.
“Wait. Before I decide whether this is a life I can sign up for—for however long—I have to ask you a few questions.”
“Shoot.” Anxiety colored his tone.
I took a sip of my coffee and glanced down at my notebook. It was filled with pages of worries, and I opened my mouth to recite the first one. But then I looked at the guy sitting next to me. Large hands gripped his cup so tightly it looked as if it was about to explode and send hot coffee flying everywhere. Ramrod straight posture was compromised by the elbow bouncing almost unnoticeably at his side. His jaw was locked down so hard, I was surprised I couldn’t hear his teeth grinding. He hadn’t called me since last night—he’d given me the space I’d asked for. But it was adorably obvious he was as stressed out about my decision as I was.
I closed my notebook and pushed it aside.
“Oka
y.” I turned toward Tyr so our knees were touching. “Number one. Is there anything else you’re keeping from me? And do you plan to keep secrets from me in the future?”
“No,” Tyr answered quickly. “I mean, there are lots of things about Asgard I haven’t explained to you yet, but I’ll answer any questions you have. I promise.”
“You better. I’m someone who requires all the facts before making an informed decision.”
To his credit, Tyr did not smile. He simply responded, “I understand.”
“Brynn said something last night about there being a lot of darkness inside you. What was she talking about?” I clenched my coffee cup.
“Do we have to get into this?” Tyr ground his jaw.
“Yes.”
“All right. I’m not pure Asgardian, like the rest of my colleagues. I have giant blood in me.” Tyr watched me carefully. “It means my temper isn’t as mild as the rest of the Aesir, and occasionally I struggle to stay on the side of the light. We can talk more about it if you want to, but the short story is that my family tree is crooked. It’s not something I’m proud of.”
Well, that sure accounted for the broad shoulders. And the height. Cheese and crackers. He was a god and a giant. Could this relationship get any stranger?
Follow your gut. Jason’s advice echoed in my head. Did I believe Tyr was a good man—er, god? Yes. Then what did it matter if he was a god/giant, or the tooth fairy? He was giving me total honesty, bizarre as it was, and the least I could give him back was an open mind.
“Fair enough. Number two. If we do proceed, and if we end up staying together for a while, how are we going to deal with our age difference? Obviously I’m going to age at the normal human rate. And you’re going to age at… one fiftieth of that rate? So in twenty years I’ll look thirty-eight, but you’re still going to look like you’re in college.” I waited.
“I thought about that last night.” Tyr leaned forward slightly. “I’m going to like the way you look at every age, but I understand you might feel weird being with a twenty-year-old when you’re fifty. Or eighty.”