by Helen Brenna
But can I do this?
Yes. This summer, with these kids, had taught her at least that. She was capable of having and supporting this child, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have Jamis’s baby.
LOST IN THE MIDST OF writing another chapter—apparently sex had done wonders to unblock him—Jamis was completely unaware of his surroundings. Until Snickers came and pawed his leg, he’d had no idea someone was outside. A moment later, a quiet knock sounded on the front door. Jamis crossed through the great room, opened the door and stepped back the moment he saw Natalie. Her expression was serious and determined. There was no point in fighting her. If she wanted in, she’d get in, one way or another.
Without a word, she came inside and glanced around. “Are you alone?”
He raised his eyebrows. “You seriously need to ask that?”
“I need to talk to you.”
Something was wrong. “Okay.” He shut the door.
She walked around the house, paced was more like it, from the great room into the kitchen, then out onto the porch, back into the great room. Jamis stayed where he was and waited. When she didn’t seem to be able to start the conversation, he said, “Natal—”
“I’m pregnant.” She stopped moving and stared at him.
He stared back at her, her words not completely registering. “With a baby? You’re going to have a baby?”
“Yes.”
Holy hell. Relax. Get the facts. He took a deep breath. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m making absolutely no judgment, but could you have been pregnant when you came to the island?”
“No.”
“Has there been any other man other than me?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“So you think…” Could she be lying to him? Could another man be responsible? The way Katherine had used and manipulated him ran through his mind.
“Jamis, I know,” she whispered. “You’re the father.”
He glanced into her face, her eyes, and knew she wouldn’t lie to him. This was Natalie not Katherine, so it had to be true. He’d fathered a child. A child. Good God. The room around him seemed to almost tilt as if on an axis.
He imagined Natalie pregnant, her belly growing round and beautiful. He imagined her giving birth, him holding a tiny bundle. He’d love everything about being a father. The baby-soft skin. The gurgles and gummy smiles. The bedtime rituals. Those wide, dark eyes looking into his soul as if in that moment nothing, no one else on earth, mattered. Even the diapers.
And he’d miss it all. He just couldn’t be a father again, not after messing it up so horribly the first time. “I can’t be. Natalie…I can’t be.”
A sad, melancholy sound escaped from her throat. “We had unprotected sex several weeks ago. You are this baby’s father.”
“That’s not what I meant. I believe you.” Jabbing his hands through his hair, he paced as panic set in. “I…I…can’t be a father.”
Silent, she studied him.
“Don’t you get it? I had two children, and I lost them. I don’t deserve a second chance.”
“Jamis, you’re wrong. Every person deserves a second chance.”
For a moment, he let himself believe what she said was true. He let himself imagine. Was she carrying a boy or a girl? If only he could—No. No, no, no. Don’t you dare think for one damned minute that you can have anything to do with this. “Not me.” He turned away from her. “Not after what I’ve done.”
She quickly grabbed his arm, made him look at her. “What did you do, Jamis? What?”
She needed to know. She deserved to know. He shrugged away from her. “Years ago, I met a woman, Katherine, at a nightclub.”
“Your wife.”
He nodded. “My career was skyrocketing. I’d just signed the biggest contract I could imagine and was celebrating with a group of friends.” He stepped away from her. “Katherine, I thought, was the icing on my cake. Sexy, sultry, mysterious. My limited experience with women made me, I guess, an easy mark. We were married six months later. A month after the wedding, despite all our talk about spending a few years alone before starting a family, she got pregnant. I remember being upset. All our plans would change. This would curtail our travel, our fun.”
Afraid if she uttered one sound he might stop, Natalie bit her tongue.
“But when Caitlin was born, I took one look at my daughter’s beautiful face and everything changed for me. I know it sounds corny, but she became the light of my life.” He smiled. The curve of his lips was so tender, yet so filled with agony, it was all Natalie could do not to reach out and hold him. “So when Katherine got pregnant again within the year, I was happy. A boy. Justin. Those chubby cheeks and legs. Those blue eyes. I was so delighted, I was blind to what was going on.”
“What was happening?”
“Katherine filed for a divorce a day after Justin’s first birthday.”
She sucked in a breath. That had to have crushed him. “Why?”
“She’d never loved me.” He shook his head and paced. “Even admitted it privately. She was too old to model, so she’d married me and had two children merely to secure her financial future. It was as simple as that. She smeared me in court, using my books as evidence that I was an abusive husband and an even sicker human being.”
How could anyone be so cruel? Her heart ached to comfort him, but she held back, waiting, knowing there was more.
“Like an idealistic idiot,” he went on, “I fought what was happening. We argued. Incessantly. Then finally, on Caitlin’s birthday, in the midst of nasty custody proceedings, I gave in. I went to the house. There was a winter storm that day, and the roads were icy, but I’d promised Caitlin we’d all go out to dinner together, like a real family. Before we left, I took Katherine aside. I offered her every penny I owned, every home, every car, everything in return for full custody of the children.” He covered his face with his hands. “Even that wasn’t good enough. She said the kids guaranteed her future child support payments. She would never, never give them up.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Two minutes later, we got into the car to go to dinner and that’s when I made the biggest mistake of my life.”
She held her breath.
“I made a wish.” He looked away, wouldn’t hold Natalie’s gaze. “I put every ounce of energy and hope and emotion I had in that one wish. I wished Katherine would just die, then my nightmare would be over. I wanted it so badly for her to simply go away. I even envisioned ways it could happen.”
Wish it, see it, make it happen. Natalie cringed inside.
“She could fall in the shower,” he continued, “and crack her head open. She could choke on one of her low-cal, high-fiber wrap sandwiches. She could slip down a flight of stairs. An elevator could crash. Lightning. Flood. Earthquake. Aliens. Ghosts. You name it, I pictured it. Including a car accident.” He spun away from her. “A minute later, I skidded through an icy intersection and we were broadsided by a truck.”
“Oh, my God,” she murmured, unable to imagine what he must’ve gone through. The guilt and shame. The agony.
“Everyone died, except for me.”
“And Snickers,” she whispered.
He glanced at her and the anguish in his eyes made her chest ache. “He was just a puppy. He was thrown from the car and landed in a pile of fresh snow in the ditch.”
“I’m so sorry.” She felt tears gathering, tears of sadness and understanding.
“Don’t look at me like that.” He glared at her. “I don’t deserve your empathy. If you’d seen my babies after that accident, you wouldn’t be so quick to make excuses for me. Justin. My sweet, chubby son took the brunt of the force. His body was barely recognizable. Caitlin. My beautiful little girl. Looked like she was sleeping. Sleeping. Except that the back of her head was smashed in and caked with blood. Me? I walked away without much more than a scratch.”
That wasn’t true, but Natalie imagined that
for Jamis anything less than his own death was mercy he didn’t deserve. She brushed away the tears streaming down her face.
“I never deserved those children.”
“Jamis, it was an accident. You didn’t mean for that to happ—”
“Doesn’t matter! I wished it. I saw it. I made it happen.”
“But you didn’t—”
“You believe. I know you do. That wishes can come true. How many times have you told your kids ‘wish it, see it, make it happen’?” He stepped toward her. “Natalie, I was driving. Sure the roads were icy, but I was distracted by my anger, by making that damned wish. I was the one who went through the red light. Not the truck driver. Me. How can you tell me that I didn’t make my wish happen?”
JAMIS HAD FATHERED another child. Of all the stupid, shortsighted, selfish things he could’ve done, this was the worst. Not even bothering to try to write, he sat at his desk and stared off into space. At the distinct sound of a child humming outside, Jamis glanced through his open window. Toni was sitting on the bottom branch of his maple, swinging her legs and peering innocently through the windows of his house. Her concentration was focused on his first floor, so she didn’t notice him upstairs.
She peeked through the windows and sighed. Swung her legs and hummed a little louder, clearly trying to get his attention. He tried to summon some anger, or at least a little agitation, but all his steam seemed to have blown off when he’d spilled his guts to Natalie. He just didn’t have it in him anymore. It wasn’t Toni’s fault she reminded him of Caitlin. It wasn’t her fault he missed his children.
Caitlin and Justin. And an unknown, a boy or girl growing inside Natalie. He desperately wanted to be a part of that baby’s life, but somehow it didn’t seem fair to go on without Caitlin and Justin as if they’d never existed. It was time he accepted that there was no wish, no magic spell, no fairy dust he could sprinkle to get them back. He swung around, opened the bottom drawer of his credenza, and pulled out that last picture he’d taken of his children. Reverently, he ran his fingers over the smooth glass and then set it on his desk, near the screen, so he could see them as he worked. Then he pulled out everything else he had in the drawer and walked around his house displaying the items.
Clay figures Caitlin had made with him on a lazy Sunday in winter, he set on his desk. Several photos he arranged in his kitchen and great room, his favorite on his bedside table. He’d framed a couple of the pictures they’d drawn, so those he hung on a wall downstairs. He could never forget his children—didn’t want to even try—but at least for today he could remember them with a smile in his heart.
As Toni watched him through the window, he walked over to the front door and stepped out onto the porch. She straightened and smiled hopefully. “You again,” he said, trying to sound gruff. “You know you shouldn’t be in that tree.”
“But I’m a good climber.”
“Even the best fall. Don’t you think Natalie would be sad if you got hurt?”
She grimaced. “Oh, all right.” Swinging down from the branch, she jumped the remaining few feet to the ground.
“I’ve got an idea.”
“What?” She glanced up.
“How ’bout I make you and the other kids a simple tree house? In your yard?” It would only take him a few days and give them a fun way to end the summer.
“Really? You could do that?”
Nodding, he smiled. “If it’s okay with Natalie.”
When Natalie came back to Mirabelle next summer, Jamis would be gone. He had no other option. A tree house wouldn’t be much, but it’d be something to remember him by.
SHE SHOULD’VE SAID NO.
Natalie had known she’d made a mistake within a few hours of agreeing to let Jamis build that damned tree house for the kids. For three days, she’d watched him through the kitchen windows, measuring, planning, sawing and hammering the wood. And for three days, she’d been nothing short of tortured, watching the concentration on his face and his strength as his muscles flexed and released. She wanted him even now. But this was her body reacting irrationally, and her body had gotten her in enough trouble already.
How could she reconcile in her mind the cranky man she’d met on move-in day what seemed a lifetime ago to the quiet, peaceful man who’d read aloud to her kids when she’d had her first massive bout with morning sickness? How could a man put up no-trespassing signs one day and a few weeks later build the very same people he’d tried keeping off his property a tree house? If that wasn’t enough, the patience he’d showed over and over again with Galen these past three days, who’d adamantly insisted on forgoing craft time to help construct the tree house, had been nothing short of admirable. But how could she put aside his wish about Katherine, without bringing into question and discounting everything she believed? Her conviction that wishes came true was the entire reason for this camp.
Natalie was in the kitchen folding clothes when she glanced outside to gauge progress on the tree house. About eight feet above ground in a mature maple in the backyard, the tree house sat on a large platform that Jamis had first built supported by two large branches. He’d then secured a tall railing around the edges, foregoing solid walls. Natalie’s only condition was that she be able to see the kids at all times to be sure they were safe. Jamis and Galen were now putting the finishing touches on the roof when she saw Garrett pulling into the yard on a golf cart.
Immediately, she dropped the clothes and went outside. “Hey, Garrett.”
“Hi, Natalie.” He stepped off the cart and looked up into the tree. “Sweet tree house. Who’s building that?”
“Galen and Jamis.”
“Jamis?” Garrett said. “First he was babysitting and now this.”
“I know. Strange.”
Garrett shrugged. “I came out to give you and Galen some good news.”
“Yeah?”
“Dustin and Chad confessed to robbing Hendersons’.”
“They did?”
He nodded. “When I found out you guys didn’t have a DVD player, I put some more pressure on the girls who were with the boys that night. Turns out their stories pretty much matched Galen. After I told Chad and Dustin’s parents what was going on, they decided to search through the boys’ rooms and found the DVDs. It’s a done deal. They’ve signed confessions.”
“So Galen wasn’t involved at all?”
Garrett shook his head. “Not at all.”
“Does the town council board know?”
“They will, Natalie. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Thanks, Garrett. For getting to the bottom of it.”
“That’s my job.” He glanced back up into the tree. “Tell Galen I hope there’s no hard feelings.”
“Oh, I think he’ll just be glad it’s over.”
Galen glanced over the edge of the tree house railing just as Garrett hopped back onto his golf cart and drove away. “What did he want?” he called down to Natalie.
She smiled at him. “I’ll tell you when you get down.”
“We’re almost finished.”
Then as if the word finished had echoed all the way into the house, Toni came running outside, followed closely by Arianna and Ella. Ryan, Chase, Blake and Sam weren’t far behind the young girls. “Are they done yet? Are they done?” Toni asked excitedly.
“Almost.”
“Can we go up and see?”
“Not yet,” Natalie said. “They’ll let us know when it’s ready.”
Toni and the kids stood there for a few minutes before Toni called out, “When can we come up?”
“In a minute,” Jamis called back. “We’re putting the last board on the roof and then it’s all yours.”
A drill sounded, some pounding, and then a moment later Jamis climbed down the ladder with a load of tools and scrap wood. His feet had no sooner touched the ground, than Toni ran to him, throwing her arms around his waist.
“Thank you, Jamis!” She grinned.
“You’re welcome,
” he said, ruffling her hair and stepping back. “Now up you go!”
One by one, the kids all scrambled up the ladder.
“Galen!” Jamis called up to the tree house.
“Yeah?” The teenager stuck his head out over the rail.
“Show them how to lock the gate, so you all stay safe up there.”
“Will do.”
Jamis glanced at Natalie and asked quietly, “How are you feeling?”
“All right.” She crossed her arms, hugging herself. “I’ve been keeping soda crackers by my bed and pop a few in my mouth before I get up. Eating more often, smaller meals. It’s all helping.”
He looked away. “Good.”
“Thank you, Jamis. For the tree house. You and Galen did a beautiful job.”
He glanced back at her and his eyes were filled with so many emotions Natalie couldn’t name them all. Quickly, he looked away. “I hope they like it.”
“Are you kidding? I won’t be able to get them down from there.” All eight kids fit with plenty of room for more. “Next summer, we’ll have to put in a swing set and other play equipment.”
Jamis was silent.
“Maybe you could help?” she asked, holding her breath. She wanted him to at least see his child so he’d know who he’d be turning his back on.
“Next summer.” He nodded at her, but she couldn’t read what was going on inside his head. “Right.”
She watched him walking slowly away, confusion rattling her thoughts. Who was Jamis Quinn? Really? There was something he wasn’t telling her, something she hadn’t figured out.
“What did Garrett Taylor want?” Galen had climbed down from the tree house and his shoulders looked tense, his expression worried.
She grinned. “Chad and Dustin confessed.” She relayed everything Garrett had told her.
Galen relaxed and smiled. “Sweet.”
“I didn’t even think about telling him we didn’t have a DVD player. How’d he find out?”
“Jamis told him.”
“Jamis?”
“That day you were sick.”
“He did?”
Galen nodded. “Turns out he’s pretty cool.”