“Oh, and one more thing . . .”
“Yeah?” Mari leaned toward her.
“If you touch him in any way other than sisterly—I’ll break both your hands off!” And with that, Samara shut the door and wore a nasty smile that had “Killer!” written all over it.
A chill raced down Mari’s back, and she left before she could see what else Samara might do.
What the hell had she agreed to? And who was this nutso girl she’d just given a ride home?
Chapter 4
Sometimes I think he’s regressed to less than 12.
That was it. That was all he could see before the numbers almost took over completely, nearly blinding him. That was all it had to say on Sam’s phone to make him quake like this. Adam figured out pretty quickly who she said it to and what it meant regardless of how out of control and trembly he was, unable to focus all the way.
Mari must have been texting his sister. A sick, crawling feeling crept up his arms and made the hairs at the back of his neck prickle.
Adam charged straight into Sam’s room, shaking her phone in his fist.
“Why did you do this?”
“Do what?” Her eyes closed slowly like she was tired, then opened again, but she barely focused on him.
He opened his palm in front of her face with those words glaring at her. Now could she see what he meant?
“You’re determined to ruin any chance I have of having a friend. And not just a friend, but a girlfriend! I like her a lot! She’s special. We talk, and she smiles at me, but not just because she thinks I look like man-meat, or whatever it is you call it.” He shook his hand again with the phone in it. “She likes me. For me. She told me she doesn’t abandon her friends, but now she will because of you.”
She started to say something, but he glared at her, so she stopped whatever gibberish it was she was about to spout off.
“I’m telling you. She. Likes. Me! Or did, until you went and ruined it!” He fled her space since tears were welling in his eyes.
No—no tears this time. He’d cried too much the last few weeks as he begged and pleaded to go to school and start at the beginning of the year with his siblings. He knew he could conquer high school and get that diploma.
Sam would never get it, but Zach would understand.
He pushed open his brother’s door to find him perusing a magazine while lying on his bed with a blanket thrown over his lap.
“What’s up?” Zach asked, smirking. He was obviously doing something suspicious, and Adam had interrupted him.
“Sam’s making me crazy!” Adam’s neck was tense, and his head hurt.
“What’s she gone and done now?” Zach groaned.
“Nothing good. Never anything good. She’s nosy. And she ruins stuff,” Adam said, his head a jumbled-up mess. All he could see was Mari’s pretty eyes looking at him like he was a pariah because of what Sam had told his new friend.
“Is she arguing with Dad again about you being in school?” Zach shook his head. “A GED is not gonna suffice. I agree with you, bro. Not for you, when you can get the real thing. You’re way too smart to just settle.”
Adam nodded. “Exactly! For once I wanna do things the correct way—the normal way. No more breaking rules. I’m tired of it.”
“I don’t blame you.” Zach’s eyes drifted over to his magazine.
Adam tried not to look. It wasn’t any of his business what his brother read or looked at.
“Yeah, I got pulled the last two times I tried to finish my senior year, and things got out of hand with the blood and all, but this time’s different. I’m going to do this! We’re in a new city, a new state, and I’ve already made a ton of progress today, and it was only my first day. I have an actual friend. And one I can touch. This is a miracle! How come Sam can’t see this? I want her to, and keep out of my way!” Adam sniffed, and his eyes stung.
“No shit? A friend of yours touched you? Why didn’t you say so after school when we were hanging out in the gym and at football practice?” Zach’s lower lip jutted out, his left brow arched up and he hummed through a smile like he was very impressed.
“I don’t know. I was still kind of letting it all settle, you know what I mean?” Zach nodded, so Adam continued. “And yeah, she lets me touch her, and she’s a girl, and she’s pretty, and I like her.”
“Well, fuck, dude—that’s better than progress. That’s like a dream come true.” Zach chuckled.
“I know, but I . . .” Adam cleared his throat and his eyes finally roamed over to the magazine. Uh . . . “What’s that?” His palms moistened. “Do you know her?”
“I wish,” Zach said with a snort. “She’s fuck-hot, huh? Wanna see?” He held up the magazine for Adam.
“Well, I don’t know. You seem kinda busy.” Adam wiped his brow. It was sweating worse than his palms.
The last time he asked his brother what he was doing when there was a blanket over his lap and a magazine nearby, he had him sit down and watch a movie with a lot of naked people making noises like cats fighting in the backyard.
He was never the same after that night, and he was really sore for days. Walking became a chore, and his dad lectured them both on how it was rude to be so blatant about an erection in public.
Adam disliked that word. It made the numbers really strong. But he was careful to turn away from people if there was soreness present.
“C’mere. I’ll show you.” Zach motioned for Adam to sit on the edge of the bed. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, and if a girl’s touching you and you want her, then it’s high time you learn a little somethin’ about the opposite sex. Pussy’s good, and you should want it. A dude has needs. Stop ignoring them, and you’ll be much happier. Now, that’s something Sam’s never gonna understand.”
“Okay, but I—oh God!” Adam gasped when he really looked closely at the magazine.
Zach handed it to him, and without thinking, Adam turned the page to find even more naked women. Some were blonde, some were redheads, but he really liked the one brunette with light blue eyes. Her breasts weren’t as big as the others, so she looked more like Mari, only she was too skinny. Mari didn’t look like she would break if Adam accidentally fell on top of her and her pretty boobs. She was strong, and she was pretty, and God, he was sore . . .
“Nice racks, right? Especially the blonde with the long legs,” Zach said. “I’d do her right now if she was here, and you could watch. I’m generous like that.” He laughed.
Adam took a closer look at all of them. “Are these ladies homeless? That makes me sad. Money must be scarce if they’re choosing food over clothing.” His soreness persisted anyway, regardless of his pity for them and their hopeless situation.
“I hope so. Then maybe they’d let me take them home.” Zach cracked up, laughing even harder. “I can make room for all four of them.”
“That’s a good idea. If they don’t have things like clothes, then it stands to reason they don’t have beds either, so they’ll need that. And maybe Sam could share some of her clothes with them.” Adam looked around the room. Zach’s room was spacious. He could fit them if they needed to. “She has lots of clothes, and you have lots of space. I can make sure they eat better, too. Some of them are awfully thin.”
Zach stopped in the middle of his cackling. “Wait—are you serious? You live with me, and you don’t know what porn is? Sacrilege! I thought I’d taught you enough with that video last year.” He smiled and motioned for Adam to turn another page.
Adam didn’t, though. Something told him he should stop looking at this.
“I’ve heard that word before. Dad said it was evil and to avoid it. Is it like soda, where you and Sam get to have some, but I don’t because I can’t handle it?”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that.” Zach sighed. “Porn’s not bad. Dad’s just old school. He thinks it’s not very gentlemanly or some stupid shit like that. I say, when you need to beat off, do it. What’s the harm? I’d rather do that th
an do something stupid and get some girl pregnant because I forgot to bring a rubber or it broke or something lame like that.”
“But this doesn’t make sense. Nobody in this house will ever explain anything to me, except Dad, and he brings out books I don’t wanna see.” Adam gripped the back of his neck and squeezed. Sometimes it helped keep the numbers away.
“Nobody wants to see that fucked up shit. Medical textbooks are the worst way to explain sex to somebody,” Zach said, shaking his head and sighing with a laugh at the end. “I hate those talks he gives. But they’re great to make fun of later with my friends.”
“And nobody curses around me either, except you. I’m not a child anymore. Everybody here needs to figure that out! I think cursing can be good, like porn.” Adam’s eyes were still stuck on that brunette. She really was pretty. He wished she wore less makeup though so he could see what her skin naturally looked like. Mari had really nice skin. It was all glowing and felt soft to the touch. She was like a shiny Christmas ball on the tree that he liked to rub his fingertips over.
“Okay, fine. What do you want to know?” Zach looked up at him, but there was a touch of worry in his eyes.
“I won’t tell Dad, I swear.” Adam paused and glanced at the door. “I want to know what to do about this girl.”
“Pfft. Get her naked. Next question?” Zach rolled his index finger in the air. Was he in a hurry? Was this a timed question and answer session?
No one told Adam. He wished he would’ve known, because then he would’ve tried to come more prepared with his questions written down.
“I get sore when she touches me, and a little when she looks at me or talks to me, too. And her smell does that to me in a big way. She smells really nice.” Adam held his breath. Should he think of more questions now so he didn’t waste his brother’s time?
Zach groaned, hopped up off the bed and started pacing. It looked like he was sore right now.
“Is a blanket the way to hide it? Should I bring one to school?” Adam asked.
“Noooo,” Zach drawled and rolled his eyes. He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. “That’s a bad idea. You need to whack it in the bathroom.”
“Whack what?”
“Rub one out. You know . . .”
“Rub what? My penis?” Adam’s eyes went down to his lap. How was rubbing it going to help? It felt good to do that, but it only made the soreness worse when he did that before.
Zach groaned even louder. “Why do you have to call it that? Nobody says that word except doctors.”
“Oh.” Adam rubbed the back of his neck since he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to rub. His brother had yet to answer the first question. And now Adam wondered what he was supposed to call his penis. Long knob?
“It got really sore today. She kissed me,” Adam admitted.
“Whoa! No way! Tell me about it—tongue? Did she suck on your lower lip? Any groping? Did she rub up on you like she wanted to be mounted? Grinding girls are hot!”
“Tongue? What does that have to do with it?” Adam’s brow furrowed.
“Good Lord . . . I’m sending you some Internet clips so you can get eduporncated Zach style. And since I’m not into giving lessons on how to jack-off, consider these links a late birthday gift.” He tapped his temple and raised his eyebrows. “And when you’re done with that, could you do a remix of these?” He handed Adam a sticky with two songs listed on it.
Adam said he could and left the room. When would Zach figure out he was smart—smarter than he let on?
It was sad his brother thought himself good for nothing but being good-looking and fun to be around.
* * *
Adam watched the links several times his brother sent him. The most disturbing part was when some whitish fluid came out of the end of some man’s penis after the man pumped himself several times. Was it supposed to really look like that? In Dad’s textbooks, it was always dripping, not spraying.
And it seemed clear, not pearly in color.
Was that man ill in the video footage?
The only way Adam would find out was if he performed those actions on himself. He was definitely in good health. But he was unsure if he could actually do that.
Adam was stuck with these thoughts the next day when he entered his first class he shared with Mari.
She smiled at him and waved.
So far he was fine—no numbers and no soreness.
Sam stood out in the hallway, and he waved her away. There was no need for her to be there. He was doing well.
Besides, she’d meddled enough already. He made it through first period just fine without holding Sam’s hand. This was second period, and it was a slower-paced environment. And anyway, he wanted Sam to stay far away from Mari.
He walked right past the other tables in study hall, sat down next to his partner, and without him even asking, she held her hand out for him.
“Thank you,” he said. A crooked smile settled on his lips and her scent invaded his nostrils, making the soreness threaten to appear. “You look nice today, and even though I think this ASC class is a waste of time, I’m happy to see you. Yesterday, I wasn’t able to bring myself to come to this class. I thought it was lowering myself beyond what I could bear. But since I knew you’d be here from now on, I was okay to do it.”
“Well, good morning to you, too.” She smiled. “I’m glad you’re here, then, if it’s that frustrating to you.”
He nodded. He watched her, satisfied at his choice to attend. “It is—but you’re worth it—you’re a good reason to show up. So, thank you, again, for holding my hand without my even having to ask.” A warm, buzzy feeling spread through his chest when she squeezed his hand.
Something about her was safe all the time, even in the Academic Support Center—she controlled the numbers when all he could do was control his breathing. He was able to remember to do that part, at least.
There was only one other thing in his life that controlled the numbers, but his dad disapproved.
Mari would probably be on Dad’s list of okay things for Adam to be involved with even though she was sweet like sugar.
“You’re welcome, Adam. I’m more than happy to help you by holding your hand. And thanks for the compliment about how I look today.” Mari smiled. “I hope my hand’s not too sweaty. It’s hot out this morning.”
“It’s perfect and warm—like you.” He smiled bigger. This time his cheeks were so tight, it was hard to keep his eyes fully open to see her as much as possible. His goal was to see as much of her as he could today. Without the soreness, if possible. The sight of her was worth it though, if his body decided it needed to fight against him.
Maybe she could give him a ride home after school rather than Sam. Then he could get even more viewing time of Mari.
Soon he hoped to have his own car back and drive her around himself. If she could only see him as a responsible adult, things would be different.
Adam cleared his throat. His whole chest was moist, and he was shaking inside. How did everyday people have conversations? How did they keep from being awestruck and losing all train of thought around her especially?
“The weather seems decent today, doesn’t it?” he began, hoping this was an ordinary way to start one. She said it was hot, but hot could be pleasant.
“The weather here sucks Schweddy Balls, or at least for half the year, but it doesn’t matter. As soon as I graduate in nine months, I’m outta here.” She smiled like a memory took her away someplace better.
“Where do you want to go?” And can I come with you?
“Probably L.A. or a suburb nearby. I like the water. I love swimming in the ocean. I’ve only done it a few times, gone swimming in the river once when I visited my dad and he took me fishing. I loved it. I want to be somewhere that isn’t blazing sunshine every damned day. I need some rain once in a while. It’s unnatural how we have to artificially water everything here. Blue’s my favorite color—the color of water. But it annoys
the shit out of me that we waste so much of it to make plants that aren’t native grow here. It’s forced and fake.” She huffed.
His eyes twitched. Blue was her favorite? Blue was on him—in his eyes. Had she noticed? “I have to mow the lawn at our house, and the green in our yard isn’t fake. We don’t use Astroturf. Maybe you could come sit on the lawn with me when you need some real green and some real blue?” His voice shook, but he hoped she didn’t notice.
She smiled and turned her head. “How is it watered? With sprinklers?”
“With irrigation. It smells sometimes, and there are fish I like to try to catch in that water when Dad’s not looking. We even had ducks in our yard once in that water.” He sat a little taller.
“Irrigation is better for plants because it has trace minerals in it.”
He smiled. She wasn’t mocking him. They were honestly enjoying speaking to each other, and it didn’t involve any of his oddities. “It rains here—”
Right as he was about to impress her with his local knowledge of how much rain Phoenix got, they were interrupted.
“Oh, God, you’re talking to chubster here about the weather? Are you serious? And I thought she couldn’t get any more pathetic than eating a salad every day as if that was going to magically transform her into somebody attractive,” a very thin, dark-haired girl said with a nasally voice.
“We are discussing things we both enjoy. And weather and plants happen to be on our list. And why would you call her chubster?” Adam asked.
Mari flinched on the final word of his sentence.
The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes.
“Adam, this is Tara. She’s Kendra’s cousin.” Mari leaned away from the girl a little bit.
Now Adam flinched. Kendra? Oh yuck. She was not fun, even if he talked to her about weather and grass.
“You, my friend,” Tara said to Adam directly, “are invited this Friday to join Kendra and me after school for some pizza and beer before the football game. You’re also going to discuss the Homecoming Dance next week. We both want you to take us, so you’ll have to choose.” Tara batted her lashes, and her sparkling blue eyes reminded him of blueberries.
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