“She hates me.” His voice was shaky. “I thought it would be okay, but now I know . . . It’s not all right for her to think I’m bad for you, because I’m not.” He took a deep breath and repeated, “She hates me. Too much.” His voice cracked hard.
Kind of like her insides right about now. They were breaking into bits. “She’s pissed at me. It has nothing to do with you.”
He took a short burst of a breath. “No—she really, really hates me. Like—an intense dislike.”
“She does not. She probably likes you more than me since you were so honest. She’s sick of having a lying sack for a daughter. You’re reading her wrong.” She patted his back as he hunched over. “I should have warned you that she and I don’t always get along. And I’m such a snot, I talk back all the time.”
“I was kind of afraid of what you might do.” He took in a few gasping breaths.
“What did I promise you? I’ll keep you safe,” she reminded him.
He stood tall and mumbled an acceptance of her statement. “I think I’m ready to leave now.” His face was grim.
“Smart man.” She’d be ready too if she were him. She wenched open the sticky passenger’s door. “I’m gonna drive this time, okay?”
“I think that’s best. I need time to think about some things.” He got inside the car and kept his gaze off her.
Guilt swept through her. This was good, though. He really did need to stay away from her, and she obviously had no self-control with him. Something about him was irresistible. It was infuriating how insatiable she was when it came to his innocence and unassuming charm.
The worst part was she barely knew the guy.
He was quiet the entire drive home. It was very unlike him. She grew more tense with each passing, silent moment.
He was pulling away. That was good. Real good.
Good.
Good.
Good.
So why the hell did this hurt so bad?
They arrived at his home, and before he got out, she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Promise?”
He turned to look her in the eye. Her throat constricted, and her stomach was churning bile like crazy because of the sad, almost defeated look in his eyes she had put there.
“I do.” She smiled, but it was forced. It had to be when he was in pain like this.
“All right.” He slipped out the door, closed it much easier than she could’ve, and he disappeared into his house.
She sighed, pulled out and headed to her favorite place in the whole world.
In ten minutes she was in the parking lot, texted her mom real quick and grabbed her gym bag she always had stuffed under her seat.
She went inside, checked in at the Y and had her iPhone blasting in her ears as she worked out harder than ever.
With each stretch of her legs as she ran on the treadmill, she chanted in her head, “Fat ass, fat ass, move that fat ass!” It helped her get past that wall she hit. Normally she ran for thirty minutes straight, but this time she pulled out forty-five.
When she was sweating profusely and her legs were like limp noodles, she got on the elliptical and put in another thirty minutes. She was barely able to get through it.
Her thoughts burned with Adam and what tomorrow might be like.
Legs flexed, arms strained, she poured her heart into each moment.
If nothing else, she could at least try to look less ridiculous as a cow holding this gorgeous man’s hand. If she could lose those twenty-five pounds, she’d stand out less. Really, she’d like to lose thirty-five to get back to where she’d once been before her whole life was ruined, but that seemed unattainable and completely unrealistic when she struggled with each and every pound she shed.
After her cardio, she put in thirty minutes of weights and ab work, continuing to strain the whole time.
In the end, she could barely feel her body. It was all numb, and she was so relaxed she’d probably go home, shower and then crash in bed. Forget her mom and dinner.
When Mari got home, her mom was on her the second she was out of the Jeep. “Smoking in the Jeep? Lying to me again by pretending you were at the gym?”
Mari moved past her and snickered. For once, she didn’t lie to her mom about where she was going, and this time her mother didn’t believe her. It was too funny. Her mom followed her inside into the kitchen.
Mari grabbed a cold water bottle out of the fridge and took a few gulps.
As usual, her mom continued to glare and wait for an explanation.
“I know you were with him!”
“Yeah, Mom, I wore this outfit to entice him as I made out with him and smoked some more in your Jeep. Hell, when I was done being manhandled by him, I went out and bought some weed, just for the hell of it.” Mari leaned back against the fridge and looked far off out the kitchen window. What would it be like to be away from here? To do what she wanted without somebody constantly on her back about it?
She looked back at her mother.
“Shut up.” Her mom rolled her eyes. “You think you’re some kind of badass, but you’re not. You’re just some messed up, idiot kid.” She slammed her drink down on the counter. “And I’m sick of it. Do you hear me? No more excuses! What do you honestly think you’re going to do to help that guy? I can tell he’s not all there. You can’t help somebody when you have nothing to give. You need more help than he does.”
“He chose me!” Mari said, jaw snapping shut as soon as the words were out.
“Probably because you’re such a wide expanse of train wreckage, he couldn’t help himself. Stay away from him, or I’ll send you to go live with your dad. I’m not gonna have this guy on my conscience. It’s bad enough what happened to you before. I can’t take any more of your drama.” Her mom huffed, nostrils flaring and eyes blazing at her.
Her mother put away her cup and in the next moment, rubbed her hands on her eyes like she was dead tired, then braced her hands on the edge of the kitchen sink as she leaned forward with her shoulders hunched and her elbows straight. “You know, I really do try with you. But there’s only so much I can do as your mom. You never listen, and I’m just running out of options of how to handle all this shit.”
Yeah, I can say the same about you . . . Mari stood in place and shifted her weight into her right leg. Her left was feeling particularly weak after all that running. She needed to stretch tonight real good.
“So, here’s how it’s gonna go . . . If you smoke in the Jeep again, you’ll be back to riding your bike to school. The Jeep’s a privilege I allow you because you’ve continued to be clean, but I’m not gonna allow you to make my car smell like a disgusting ashtray.”
“Fine.”
“No making out with that boy. No sex. No blow jobs. Knowing you—you’ll get knocked up, and I won’t have a baby in this house, not when I’m already dealing with a toddler in a teenager’s body.”
“Yeah, fine. I wasn’t planning on it. I won’t be dating him at all.” Mari’s heart sunk, even though she was only speaking out loud what she’d been thinking for the last hour and a half straight. If it was the truth, then why did it make her legs feel even less sturdy?
“And one more thing . . . Your dad called.”
“Ugh!” Mari threw her head back and closed her eyes tight. She banged the back of her head repeatedly up against the surface of the kitchen cabinets.
“You’re going to visit him for your entire fall break. You owe him that much after what he did for you with that kid. Goodnight.” Her mom left the room.
The only thing Mari came away with after that lopsided conversation was that she was never going to have a parent that understood or listened.
Oh yeah—and no sex with Adam. Ever. Period.
Even if she had a stash of condoms calling to her, all tucked away in her closet, for the off chance she might want to be intimate with someone.
And not just someone—Adam.
Sexy, sweet, endearing Adam.
&n
bsp; The one that made her chest pound harder than a furious workout at the gym did for her tonight.
* * *
Adam walked slowly inside his home. So many things to consider.
Mari’s mom . . . Was she a mean, cruel person, or was Mari right—was her mom just angry with her, and he kind of stepped in the middle of it?
No, Mari didn’t lie to him. He had seen her lie—she told Kendra he was lactose intolerant, but it was done to help him, so it was good.
“Where have you been?” Sam shrieked as she all but fell on him.
“Leave your brother alone. He’s allowed to go out with friends,” their dad said as he sauntered into the room.
“Hi,” Adam greeted him.
“Hi there. Have some fun? You sure caused a stir here at home.” His dad wore a humorous twinkle in his eyes.
“I did, but then I didn’t.” Adam scratched at his stubbled jaw. “But I was with Mari.”
“Her again?” Sam groaned. Her shoulders flopped forward. “They’ve got a thing for each other.” She only spoke to their father, not to him. Was she trying to tattle? “I thought it was cute at first, and good for him, but you know she’s jerking him around.”
It made a wave of hideous feelings coat Adam’s stomach. “Mari’s not like that. She’s the nicest person I’ve ever met!”
“She lies. I’ve seen her do it,” Sam said.
“I don’t care. She only does it when it helps somebody else.” Adam breathed hard, and his chest puffed out.
“Yeah, like herself!” Sam’s chin lifted along with her voice.
“All right, all right—Sammie, why don’t you get to your homework. Adam and I are going to talk some more on our own,” their dad said.
“When’s it going to stop? You didn’t do anything about him changing his schedule. Indulging him never ends well.” Sam frowned. “You’re not there. You don’t see what it’s like.”
“You’re not my mother!” Adam hollered.
Sam’s eyes filled with tears. She turned and left in a rush.
The door slammed upstairs when Sam was inside her room.
“Tell me more about Mari.” His dad’s dark brown eyes were soft.
Adam followed him into the living room without being told to do it.
When his dad found his chair and bent over to sit, Adam couldn’t help but notice how much more his dad’s dark hair was thinning on top. All at once, he seemed so much older and weary. He was still a fit man for his age, but he moved slower, more purposefully—almost with more caution.
Even with all those things that made him maybe less attractive to a younger crowd, Adam still wished he was just like Dustin Latham. He was everything Adam wanted to be.
Smart. Kind. Good sense of humor. An excellent provider and a very wonderful physician.
And he was the best dad ever.
“So? Tell me, please. I want to know what’s important to you—and this new girl clearly is.” His dad smiled as he sat back into the high-backed, well-padded chair in the living room.
Adam always liked that squishy seat. It was very comfortable.
He took his seat on the couch a few feet away.
This was where they sat when they played cards or board games together.
His dad stared at him, waiting patiently to hear about Mari.
Adam held his breath, then released it in a burst. “Puuuhhhh.” He paused. Where to start? “She likes me for me. She treats me like a person. She’s my friend. I told you already she makes the numbers go away. I want to be around her all the time.”
“That’s great, but what does she get out of it?” His dad’s eyes hardened with scrutiny, and Adam felt small as could be.
“I . . . I don’t . . .”
“What happens if you get closer and then she ends it when she becomes interested in somebody else?” His dad’s lips were tight together.
“I haven’t—”
“And what do you do when she graduates and moves on, maybe even leaves this state? Do you plan to follow her?” His dad’s voice rose at the end.
Adam’s gaze shifted to the floor. His hands fisted on top of his thighs. “Yes.”
“How are you going to do that? You’ll need to have more funds than what you have now.” His dad moved over to the couch, sat down and patted the spot where he wanted Adam to join him since he was on the other end of it.
“I’ll get a job.”
“Doing what?” His dad’s dark brown eyes were ice cold. “Think this all through.”
“I’m trying to but you’re . . . You’re confusing me!” Numbers circled in Adam’s head like vultures, ready to eat everything good out of him.
“What does she want to do when she graduates? College?” His dad’s hand rested on the spot where he wanted Adam to sit.
“Don’t know.”
His dad huffed. “Why would you choose to follow somebody you know nothing about?”
“What about you?” Adam gritted his teeth, and his eyes narrowed. “How well did you know Mom, ‘cause you were shocked when she left.”
“You watch it, young man,” his dad said, his voice smooth and even.
“Watch what? Watch my family get in the way of me being with the one person that accepts me as I am? I may never find this again. She doesn’t look at me like I’m sick or a freak. And she also doesn’t forbid me to do things, or tell me what to do.”
His dad groaned and pulled at his face. “Of course she doesn’t. Why would she? She doesn’t love you like we do. She barely knows you, so it means little to her. It’s not her problem if you eat something bad for you and have a terrible reaction. Why should she care if you’re yanked away from us?”
“That’s not gonna happen. I’m behaving, and everything’s fine.” Adam wanted to turn away from him, but he couldn’t. He knew his father meant well—he simply didn’t get it.
“For now . . .” His dad’s hands went lax and fell in his lap. “I only want you to be happy,” he whispered.
“Then stop getting in the way. She makes me so happy I almost get dizzy with joy.” Adam stood up and towered over his dad. “And I want my car back. I’ve served my time.”
“I heard she smokes.”
Adam nodded.
“I don’t want her smoking around you, and especially not in your car.”
“Do I own this car?” Adam asked.
“You do,” his dad agreed.
“Then if she wants to smoke in it and I want to let her, it’s none of your concern.” Adam got up and left the room.
Sam slipped out of her room and into the hallway right before Adam stepped into his.
“Are you really happy? Really? Because you’ve had more meltdowns in the last week than you’ve had in months.” She slammed into him and hugged him as she cried.
“I’m fine. I am happy. With Mari, I can be normal. That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he said. He remembered how Mari patted his back when he was upset. He did the same for Sam now. “Be happy for me—that’s all I ask.”
“I’m trying,” she said with an emotional rasp, fisting his shirt. “It’s hard to let go. It’s even harder to know you don’t really need me that much anymore.”
He smiled. “That’s a good thing. You can’t always protect me, and someday you’re gonna meet somebody and move away with him. I’ll be an uncle and buy them soda.” He chuckled.
“I already have met somebody.”
“You have?” His voice spiked.
“Mmhmm . . . It’s the reason I feel so guilty. I’ve been less than on top of what you’re doing because I can’t stop thinking about him every second of every day.” She sniffed.
He gripped her by the upper arms, created some distance between them and looked her straight in the eye. “That’s exactly how I feel about her. Would you like it if I sabotaged what you’ve got with this guy?”
“No!”
“Then stop it. Stop worrying. I have to do this my own way.”
“But I’m not gonna
stop answering her questions about you,” she warned.
“That’s fine, as long as you’re doing it to help, not to be a stumbling block.” Once more, he smiled and pulled her back into a hug.
“I love you.” She sniffled even harder.
“I love you too, and even kind of like that it’s making you a little crazy that I want to be with Mari more than I do with you.”
She smacked his chest playfully. “No more of that talk.”
“Just know I’ll burn your phone if you talk bad about me through texts,” he said.
She laughed, let go, wiped away the tears and offered a parting smile.
“Sweet dreams, big brother.”
“Sweet dreams, little nugget,” he replied and stepped inside his room, then shut the door.
As soon as the house was quiet, he plugged his earbuds into his iPhone and listened to some music. He was breaking more rules, but they wouldn’t know.
Maybe he could be honest most of the time, but sometimes do stuff he wanted.
* * *
The next morning at school, he was dragging with exhaustion. Numbers had been hounding his brain since the music had ended, waking him up all night long.
He dreamed at one point he was decorating Mari’s naked body with numbers and making sure they were angled precisely right so he could see them at any angle he chose.
Her body shined and glittered like a star. She smiled, cooed at him and when he asked her to, she kissed him on demand.
It was a good dream, but he was sore a lot!
Adam stepped into their first class together, and Mari was oblivious of his presence.
He walked with heavy steps so she’d look up, but she kept her head down. She was reading something on her phone.
He slammed himself down into his seat to make more noise and get her attention. “Hi.”
“Morning,” she mumbled, her eyes still downcast.
“Mari, I think I need a hug right now.” His tone was anything but friendly, but the numbers were cracking inside him.
“Oh, sorry.” She shoved her phone into her pocket. “C’mere.”
He slumped up against her, wrapped his arms around her, sliding them under her arms, high up on her ribs.
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