by Jo Raven
“What do you mean you saw him?” I pull away from him, now completely confused. How could Parker have seen Asher if he wasn't even there? What's going on?
“I was going to come,” he confesses. “I was running late. When I pulled up into the parking lot, I saw the two of you talking outside.”
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I can't even imagine how that looked. My evening could have been so amazing, but Asher completely ruined it. “He dragged me outside to talk about what happened between us.” There's no point in hiding the truth.
“I'm not surprised. He's been… very upset about what's going on between us, to say the least.” Parker's tone darkens as he takes another long sip of coffee, avoiding my gaze.
“What's going on between us?” I mirror the words. What has Parker told Asher? Now I'm curious.
“The fact that we're together like this.” He gestures around the apartment, though that still doesn't clarify things.
“Like this? What's this?” It's now or never. I need to find out where we stand.
“I'm sleeping in your bed, and he's not. It's driving him insane. To be honest, it's put a bit of a strain on our friendship.” He diverts again. The frown that's curved his lips keeps me from pressing for any more answers in regard to our relationship. He's obviously upset, and I feel somehow responsible, even though there's no way I could have known they were friends before I started sleeping with Parker.
“He'll get over it.” It's the only comfort I can offer, and I'm not even sure if it's sincere. Asher has clung on to the hope that I'd take him back for over six months now. Who knows how long he'll continue to pursue me?
Parker turns to me, looking earnest. “I don't care if he gets over it. All I care about is that you don't return his feelings.”
My heart skips a beat at the intensity of Parker's gaze. He's done this before, and it had the same effect on me, but if he's honestly so concerned about my relationship with Asher, then why does he keep our relationship in the shadows? “There's nothing going on between Asher and I. I promise.”
Parker scoops my hand up in his, drawing it to his lips. “Good. You're mine now. Asher's just going to have to give up and move on. That's all there is to it.”
I'm his, Parker says, but I can't tell if he means it on a romantic level, or if he just sees me as a possession.
***
“We spent the entire day together,” I tell Yolanda dreamily after a mid-afternoon cup of coffee. The day was magical, if truth be told. While we didn't venture out of my apartment, it was still nice. I made us both lunch and dinner, and we watched movies and television between our intermittent fucking.
“You're falling in love with him.” She stares at me over her coffee, and I can see a glimmer of concern behind her eyes.
“I am.” I look down, tracing the lid of my cup with my fingertip. It's high time that I admit it to myself. After spending the day with Parker, I can clearly see what our life could be like if we were a couple. And I want that so badly.
“How do you think he feels about you?” She leans back on her patio chair, holding her coffee.
“I don't know.” I shake my head. “Sometimes he acts like he's in love with me too. Other times…” I think about how casually he told me to make him coffee, like I was just an errand girl at the office. Not to mention the way he keeps avoiding my questions about what our relationship actually is. The only sign I have that he wants me as more than just a fuck buddy is his jealousy over Asher and I dating in the past.
“It's so weird that Asher showed up out of the blue. That he's still trying to get back with you.” She looks down at her coffee, and I can hear the edge in her words. It's obvious she thinks Asher's the better choice, especially after having seen him in the flesh.
“It was purely coincidence.” I wave the thought away. “Parker told me he's in a town for a business meeting they're having.”
“Still. You two keep bumping into each other. Maybe fate is trying to tell you something.” Her eyes dart up to meet mine.
“I think fate is trying to tell us that I should have been a dog, and he should have been a tick.” He sucks my emotional energy like a tick sucks blood.
Yolanda guffaws, covering her mouth to keep from spraying me with coffee. “Kira, that's horrible!”
“That's what I think. Now enough talking about Asher Shepard. Just saying his name spoils my mood.” I slide my elbow onto the table and prop my face up with my hand grumpily while I stir my coffee.
“I'm just saying that one guy is going above and beyond to get your attention while the other one won't even take you out in public. I think you kind of have your love interests mixed up.” She sticks out her palms and makes a motion to indicate some strange balance that's out of whack.
“Asher broke my heart.” My elbow drops from the table as I stare at her in disbelief. “Am I just supposed to let him back in because his marriage didn't work out? Yeah, he was great when we were dating, but I was obviously his second choice. If his wife hadn't started being a cunt to him again, he'd still be with her. No.” I shake my head vigorously. “I'm not going back to that. He completely blew it with me.”
She cowers back from me a bit. “Have you thought about maybe giving them both up?”
It's an intriguing idea, but what happens to my job when I stop sleeping with Parker? “I wish I could, but it's just not an option right now.”
***
“Kira, let me in. I know you're in there. I saw your car parked outside.”
I'm staring at Asher Shepard through the peephole in my apartment door. How in the hell did he get my address? Isn't the fact that I never responded to his text messages enough to make him leave me alone? The guy is two seconds away from having me call in a restraining order on him.
“I don't want to talk to you.” It sounds childish, but it's the truth.
“I know, but we need to talk. This isn't about us, it's about a job opportunity I have for you.” His words catch me off guard. If he thinks that I'm going to start sucking his dick for twenty dollars an hour, he's sorely mistaken.
Despite my bitter thoughts, which are admittedly misdirected, I crack the door and peek out at him. “A job opportunity?” This is probably a trap.
“If you let me in, we can discuss it.” He looks calm and professional, standing stiffly in one of his business suits. He must have just come back from a meeting or an important dinner.
“Where would this potential job opportunity be?” I hate that I sound so curious, but I am. The thought of breaking free from being Parker Bernier's personal prostitute is uplifting, though if the job has anything to do with seeing Asher every day instead, I know I'll turn it down.
“It would be in San Francisco.” Asher's expression is deadpan. He knows that alone will make me refuse.
“I have no interest in going back to San Francisco, thank you.” I move to close the door, but he wedges his foot inside.
“I know what you do for Parker in that massage room.” Asher’s words are strained, biting at the core of my heart. “I know how it must make you feel.”
He has no idea how cheap it makes me feel. And knowing that Parker shared the intimate details of our arrangement only makes me feel worse. “You know nothing,” I whisper through clenched teeth, tears starting to form at the corners of my eyes.
“I know Parker Bernier better than you ever will, Kira. I think it's in your best interest if we have this chat.” Asher pulls his foot from the door, giving me the opportunity to slam it on him.
I don't though. He's going to tell me things about Parker.
“Come in.” I unlock the door with hurried motions and open it before I retreat to the sofa. I don't want to be anywhere near Asher, but I know that's easier said than done when I'm letting him inside my apartment.
He closes the door softly behind himself and follows, giving my small living space a quick look before he returns his attention to me. As predicted, he sits right next to me, which only p
rompts me to move over. The thought that I'm sharing the same space with him yet again is suffocating, but I want to hear what he has to say.
“If you come to San Francisco to work for me, it won't be like it is with him.” Asher stares into the void between us, his voice calm and soothing. It was a voice I grew to trust during my time in San Francisco. I have to keep reminding myself that it belongs to a viper—a man who lies and hides things. Important things. Devastating things. “You'll have a normal job in my office. Parker told me you originally applied for the receptionist position. I'm fully staffed right now, but I wouldn't mind opening up an extra spot for you. The job would be easy, and I'd never require you to perform any… special favors for me.” Asher’s tone dips in disgust.
It's hard for me to believe him. If Parker thinks it's okay to take advantage of me, and I go along with it, then why wouldn't Asher? This isn't as innocent as it sounds; I'm certain of it. “Why would you do this for me?”
“Because I care about you, Kira.” He reaches for my hand, and for some reason, I don't pull away. “I love you.”
“You don't love me, Asher. You think you do, but you don't.” I shake my head before I finally withdraw my hand from his grasp. His words are like knives. Even though I don't love him anymore, they still hurt. They remind me of better days, when I was carefree and life didn't feel so complicated. Of course, I was going to college back then, so it wasn't really carefree, but everything was flowing like it was supposed to. Life was as close to perfect as it had ever been.
“I do love you. Whether you believe it or not is irrelevant. The whole point is that I want to help you. Even if you no longer have any romantic interest in me, I feel obligated to get you away from him.”
Now we reach the core of things. Asher can't stand the thought that I'm fucking his best friend. This is all just a game of possession to the two of them. “It drives you insane that I'm fucking Parker, doesn't it?” I quirk a sadistic smirk in Asher's direction. Maybe if I stab at his heart, he'll slither back off into the hole he came from.
He turns to me and grabs my wrist, gazing at me intently. “It drives me insane because I know what kind of man Parker is. You think you know him, but you don't.”
“Then enlighten me, Asher. Tell me about this monster who's so much worse than you.” I jerk my hand out of his grasp again. My anger is shining through, and I can't control it. These are all just words to rattle me. I never should have let him in.
“He's never taken you out on a date. He's never taken you out in public.” Asher’s words lash into me. How could he know this unless Parker told him?
“What does that matter? It doesn't mean anything.” I tilt my face away from him and avert my eyes.
“It means everything.”
My jaw is clenched so tightly that I worry my teeth might crack. I know what's coming next. Next is a hard truth. He's going to tell me what I don't want to hear, that Parker is just using me for sex, that that's all Parker's ever wanted me for.
Asher's tone softens as he realizes I'm getting upset. “If Parker cared about you, he would show you. If he loved you, he'd want to be seen with you. I know you don't want to believe it, but you're just a go-between for him. He's no better than I was, Kira. He's still waiting for her. And when she does finally come to him, he'll discard you like yesterday's trash.”
A tear rolls down my cheeks. I'm pretty sure I know who he's talking about. It's that woman Parker told me about, the one with the abusive boyfriend. “I don't believe you.” It's a lie. Everything he said makes perfect sense.
Asher wraps his arms around me, and I allow it, feeling like I need any type of comfort I can get. He's so warm, so incredibly warm. I bury my face in his shoulder, letting the tears fall, though I refuse to go into uncontrollable sobbing in front of him. “He told you about her, didn't he?”
“She's the one he met at the grocery store. The one whose boyfriend put her in the hospital,” I mutter against him.
“Yes. That's Veronica. That's the woman he's in love with.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I spend Monday in a numb daze—the living dead. Asher's words play through my head, and the truth of them stings me just like the moment they left his lips. My heart might not be broken, but it's certainly fractured. I highly doubt he was lying to me. The pieces all fit together. It just makes too much sense.
This might be my last day working for Enkidu Industries. I can't handle this anymore. Can't handle feeling like a paid whore. Can't handle loving a man who obviously doesn't give a shit about me outside of getting between my legs. Depending on what Parker says today, I might never see him again.
He's waiting for me as usual with his gorgeous muscular body and his cock hanging out. Normally, it would put a smile on my face. Not today though. Today, I'm full of spite and unanswered questions. There will be no diverting today. I'm done with his bullshit.
“You're running late.” He crosses his arms over his chest, looking disappointed.
“I'm well aware of that.” I skirt past him to twist the lid off the massage cream container. It's a silent way of telling him that I'm not in the mood for sex today. This afternoon is all business. He's going to get to pay me for what he hired me for.
As he crawls up onto the massage table, I think about why I was really late. Not because I was backed up with work, but because I took a ten-minute detour to the bathroom to still my nerves and imagine how this would all play out. No matter how I stack it, there's no happy ending. Once I call him out on what he's doing to me, it will all be over.
“What's on your agenda for the weekend?” I turn to him and press my fingers into his back, fanning them out to disperse the massage cream.
“I'm supposed to play golf with some business colleagues.” His voice sounds every bit as tense as mine. Maybe he knows something is wrong.
“You're not going out to the club or anything?” It's a strange question, but my brain is so muddled that I have no idea how to launch into this coherently.
“The club?”
“Yeah. The club where you pick up girls.” I lean into him, sliding my hands all the way down his back in one fluid motion.
“What are you talking about?” He pulls his head out of the cradle, turning it to face me.
I shrug. “I just thought you might be getting tired of me.” Just saying it is painful, and I know how insecure it sounds.
“Hey.” He pushes himself into a sitting position, causing me to take a few steps back. “What's gotten into you?”
“I'm just curious if you're fucking someone else, is all.” I look away from him, trying to make my words seem nonchalant. There's no way they come out like that though. They're so ripe with meaning and accusation.
“I'm only fucking you, Kira.” He furrows his eyebrows.
“Really?” Maybe he isn't fucking someone else, but that doesn't mean I mean anything to him.
“Come here.” He makes grabby hands at me. “Talk to me. What's going on?”
Even though he wants me to come to him, I stay firmly planted in place. I can feel myself beginning to cave, and I hate it. There's too much going on inside my head to contain it inside my body. The pressure is building and threatening to spill over into sobs. It's now or never. “Well, we've been seeing each other for a while now. Or rather, I've been working for you for a while now. And we've been fucking.” Way to state the obvious, Kira. He fucks you almost every day. “And you say that you care about me, but we've never gone out on a date before.”
“Is that what this is about?” His shoulders droop as he sighs.
“Yes. That's what this is about.” I cross my arms over my chest, searching his face for a reaction. If anything, he just looks weary.
“You're mad because I haven't taken you out on a date.” He says the words slowly, as if he's processing them.
“Yes.” I nod, feeling selfish, though I don't know why. He had to have suspected I was going to bring this up eventually. The guy isn't completely dense.<
br />
“Kira, we see each other almost every day.” His eyes roam the room.
“At work. This is work, Parker, in case you forgot. It feels like you pay me to fuck you.” It's the painful truth. The pathetic, painful truth. “Asher offered me a job.” I lean back against the wall.
Parker’s eyes shoot up with the first sign of panic. Now that's something he didn't like hearing. “Asher what?”
“As a receptionist.” I wave my hand in the direction that the receptionist's desk would be in if we weren't three stories up. “It was the job I originally applied for here, if you remember. I'd have all the same benefits, except I wouldn't have to fuck him everyday.”
“I thought you liked fucking me.” Parker pushes himself off of the table and takes a few steps towards me. Instinctively, I shrink back against the wall. It feels like I'm being cornered by a predator. He is a predator. To my heart.
“I want more than just fucking you.” I can't even look at him when I say it.
He places a hand on the wall above my shoulder, caging me in. “You can't get enough of fucking me.” His breath whispers across my cheek as he leans in to kiss me.
I narrowly avoid him and step several feet away, turning to face him and wrapping my arms around myself protectively. “I'm not doing this with you anymore.” I can't. It's just too painful. “I'm not your whore, Parker.”
His mouth drops open as if I've just slapped him. “Is that what you think this is?” He gestures around the room. The pissed-off look on his face makes me want to cower back, but I do my best to hold my composure. I'm certain he's about to launch into a speech about how he's been so generous to me, hiring me on for a job that was far more than I deserved with my level of experience, how he's paying for my schooling, and how he's even carved out an extra space in his mail room for me so that I can work full-time hours, even though that's not what he wanted me for. I expect him to say all of that, but instead, he takes long strides up to me and wraps me in his arms, drawing me to him and nuzzling my head with his. “Dear God, Kira, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.”