by Jo Raven
He responded just as I longed for, rocking my walls with alpha fierceness, and I screeched as my core clenched his cock in wild contractions. Fireworks went off inside me, thundering in my ears and buzzing me below the navel. “Jason! Uh, Jason, Jason!”
He gritted his teeth as he gave on final thrust. He collapsed on me with the rawest, “Uhhhh,” coming out of his mouth.
Fizzy bubbles blasted all over and popped with tickles of heat. Breathing recklessly, we embraced tightly as we unwound. He tugged off the condom, tied the end, and tossed it into the trashcan with a flick of his wrist.
I curled up on his chest when he finally flopped onto his back with a sigh of fulfillment, fulfillment I gave.
“Damn, Shay.”
“That was so beautiful,” I said.
“It was. Totally untouchable. The best ever, like, ever. Honestly.”
I believed him. Guilt for having lied to his face the other day gnawed at me as we cuddled. I scratched and kissed his tattoo. I didn’t want to be a thorny gouge to him, ever, or some soul bruise, by hiding lies, no matter what they were.
“Wanna take a shower with me?”
“Nah, that’s okay. Can I get dressed again?”
“As long as you’re not planning to do and ditch.”
“No, I’d never.”
He kissed my head and patted my butt as he slid out from under me. He closed the door to his bathroom behind him. When the shower came on, I got dressed and threw my gaze to his closet. I peeked in. Brutal stuff hung on hooks. I grabbed a wooden paddle, a belt and a cane. I didn’t want to be the slightest bit turned on, and these all scared me to death.
Armed and ready, I went out to his living room and pulled the shades. No. I put them back up. I could already feel the shame that possibly being seen in position would cause. I lied to him and I needed to suffer and burn.
Standing behind the couch with the implements from hell in hand, I gulped and took a deep breath. My heart was running a thousand miles a minute as slid my panties down to my thighs, bent over the back of the couch and flipped up my skirt. Holding the implements over the small of my back, I was breathing crazy as I waited.
I shivered when Jason came out, calling my name. I heard him gasp, but then he started saying shit, over and over, like dashes of perforation. He slammed his bedroom door.
He left me.
I waited … and waited. He didn’t come out. Was this wrong? A bad move? I started crying, sobbing into the cushion and losing tears. I didn’t budge. I lied, which is just so disrespectful. He needed to make me pay for that. I still waited, refusing to move until he punished me.
I’m pretty sure I was there for hours, waiting.
He finally came out, in boots. His footsteps thumped closer and closer and he placed a gentle hand between my shoulders. “You did something bad, Shayna?”
“Yes.”
“Against me?”
“Mmm hmm, yes, Sir.”
“Dammit. You know…” He let out a long sigh. “I’ve … dominated over two-hundred women, two-hundred twenty-seven to be exact, including two full-timers. You’d figure in the huge stack of subbies, each with a strong desire to please and obey and bring delight a Dominant’s soul, that it would occur to more than one fucking woman to come to me, on her own, for a spanking she deserves when she’s wronged me. It’s never happened. Not even once. Until now. Why did you choose the cane, the paddle and the belt?”
“Because I know they’ll hurt. I’m scared, but I need to hurt. I need you to fix it.”
“God, that is so worshipful, Pet. Do you know that? The willingness to suffer so you can get a clean slate with me, not because I demanded you get on my lap but because you can’t face me without it? That’s more stunning, more lovely, than anything. Shayna, this, right here, is something I’ve dreamed for as long as I’ve known about my bent. I mean, it’s just so damn simple, the purest, most honest submissive response, right? To have a woman care about my approval, my opinion, my delight more than she does her own fear and discomfort. I’ve always had to point out wrongdoing to a sub first and set up her punishment. Not you.”
“Well, this is good. You can spank me and make your fantasy come true at the same time.”
“I’m not gonna spank you, honey. Stand up.” He clutched the implements and lifted me slowly. I started to cry. “My fantasy isn’t about the spanking. It’s about the attitude and heart I’ve always longed to see.”
“But you have to, Jason, Sir. I need it. I lied to your face and I can’t stand that I did.”
“What did you lie about?”
“The mugger. He died days ago. He was shot and killed in a break-in. I learned that the morning I was flipping out and I lied when you asked me about what police had said. I was selfish. I didn’t want you to send me home. I didn’t want to be away from you. That’s bad. So, you have to spank me, you see?”
Looking down at the stuff in his hand, he turned his huff into a, “Shit.” His watery gaze flew up to my eyes. “I am not spanking you. You don’t deserve it.”
“Please! I do. You said lying’s a punishable infraction. You said. Besides, I internally need it. I can’t stand that I lied to you.”
He caressed my face. “Shayna, I love you, I love you so much, and I can’t see how I can make us work with my job, but I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. You’ve shown me, again and again, and just proved to me now, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that no woman could ever top you in my eyes or heart. I’ve kept my ticker locked in shackles in a dungeon in a fortress behind a towering, impenetrable wall.” His face got red as he grimaced, I think to scrunch away tears, but they fell. He huffed and wiped them away with a downward smear. “And you smashed all that shit down, little dancer. Now you hold my pulse in your tiny, hand. And you are going to hate me, absolutely hate me, and crush the very thing I have protected and never given to anyone else.”
I touched his hand. “Jason, I couldn’t.”
“You will. Because my lie is far, far worse.”
“What lie? When?”
“Today.”
“When did you lie? We hardly spoke.”
“It was a lie of omission. I learned today, uh, God...” His lips puckered and trembled as he exhaled. “I found out, shit … that we’re not, um, not legally married. You have to pay and apply for a license at the county clerk’s office first, which we, obviously, did not do. This was all Brian, playing a twisted joke on me so I could get some pussy.”
My heart sank and I felt like I was going to vomit. “Wait. But we just... just...” I looked at his bedroom door with burning, spilling eyes when the avalanche hit me. “Why? Why did you do that? Let that happen!” I screeched. “You knew? My god! You knew how I felt about that and what I wanted, and you took what you wanted instead?”
“It wasn’t like that! We had that sex bungle, and I couldn’t live with that, with that dud and mar on the beauty of our affection and passion or with you thinking you’re not sexy.”
“Well, now, we have nothing beautiful! That was the most amazing thing, what we just shared...”
“It was! For me too!”
“Fuck you, Jason! Just shut the hell up! I knew you were a selfish asshole.”
“You were begging me, crying and shit, and I wanted to make it better. I wanted to show you how sexy you are.”
“Get real! You did this for yourself! So I wouldn’t have that shitty lay to remember you by.”
“In part that’s true, yeah, that’s what I meant by a mar, but I wanted us to have something beautiful and scorching instead.”
I was sobbing so hard, I tripped on my words. “Well, guess what, you fucker, it’s not beautiful. It turned into a hideous beast that’s now gashing and slashing us apart forever. You’re right. You were always right. We are absolutely nothing to each other. Goodbye, Asshole.”
He called out to me, but I stormed out, launching myself into a more tumultuous storm that rammed a tornado of fury, guilt
, and pain right at me. There was no escape from total decimation no matter where I went.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jason
For the past two weeks, it was hard to function and work with my heart in dust. It was hard to watch that sexy freak without feeling the hole in my chest, but she was irresistible, and I kept coming back to see her fly. Without her, I felt like I was dying. I tried to stay away, to stop clicking that damn curled arrow. My resistance lasted twelve hours. I nearly fell out of my chair when I went back for another hit of my drug and saw 118,560 views. What. The. Hell? About fifty were mine, but that’s a shitload of views for one day. That was one day! It was just shy of 10,000 when I last looked. Shay and I had gone viral within twelve hours. We were hot. People loved us, loved the music, the chemistry, the heat. Finally, people will get to see the same beauty I do, not only in the sax, violin and guitar and BDSM, but in Shayna, my ray of light.
At the end, she walks away from me in her black bra and panty set, shimmering aqua and black organza butterfly wings that I made her, shoulders high, arms waving in freedom. When I turn around in my leather pants and vest, viewers see that I am bound and alone. That’s how I wanted it to end, but seeing the damnation on my face in the dark forest lighting, this time, I was pissed. I hated that guy. Such an idiot. When I wrote Chrysalis, it ended the same way my previous relationships did, with me alone and miserable. I looked at that bound fool, lacking a very sexy butterfly companion. He’s a chickenshit wimp. He could chase after her. He could break out. He could sprout wings too. But he doesn’t. He’s chosen the chains. Why? It may be safer, but it’s misery, it’s hell. And everyone can damn see it. It’s in the comments!
I’m not impenetrable. Not anymore. I’m scared but not that scared, not enough to lose. I’m not gonna be that guy. No fucking way. Not again. I want my heart coming to life and pumping again … and she still has it. I want a damn sequel with a better ending.
I want my sexy, ballerina butterfly dammit, and I’ll sell my soul, I will BLEED, to make that happen … to make you mine.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Shayna
Standing, backside to the mirror, in my bedroom in the basement in Chi Alpha Delta Sigma, I looked over my shoulder and rubbed my pale ass. I squeezed for a moment, holding the grip, and let go. Finger-pink only lasted a few seconds before fading away. It had been three weeks since my last bit of color faded. What I wouldn’t give for a warm blush right now, not because I deserved it but because it would soothe me. I craved the building sting, the spreading heat, the peaceful afterglow. There’s no way in hell I’m asking Jason though. He can kiss my ass. Well, not even that. There’s a very high probability that would turn me on. All I wanted to do was forget the way his fingers made me flutter and find a less selfish, brutish Dom to play with. Maybe then I wouldn’t miss him and his touch so damn much. Maybe my heart wouldn’t hurt.
I snatched my plastic hairbrush, fingered the smooth, cool oval on the backside. I was naked and still holding the devil in my hand when my sorority sister Jett burst in. Normally, I’d flash red and rush to cover up, but I really didn’t care.
Her black hair with magenta and turquoise stripes flopped into her face as she bobbed her head in excitement. Her smile said she had the best news in the world, but a gawk supplanted it. “What the hell, Shayna! You look like a wreck. You need to be ready. Now! Just say the word, and I’ll get a primp team in here with a snap of my fingers.”
“Um, what?” I scrunched my nose in confusion and put down the brush. “Ready for what?”
“Your date, duh.” She rushed to my closet. “The hottest, and I mean hottest dude, I’ve ever seen in my life is here to pick you up. In a limo. In a penguin suit.”
“What?” I muttered, shaking away the cotton balls in my brain. “Aw, crap.”
Celia, another sister, rushed in with several bouquets mixed with at least three different kinds of purple roses. I couldn’t even tell where one bunch left off and another began. “Ohmygod. These are for you. How romantic.”
Not romantic. Pandering. What an asshole. Prom! I growled and said, “He can’t be serious.” I snatched a wrapped cluster of garbage from Celia.
Finally seeing my state of undress when she peered around the blooms, she cried, “Why the hell aren’t you dressed?” I saw the revelation sprout in her eyes. “Wait! Hold on a minute. The video! That’s you two? That’s you two.”
“Right!” Jett cried. “Why didn’t you say anything? You’re famous. Do you know how many more rushers we could get?”
“I’m already regretting shooting it. Tell him he can take this floral shit and his stupid limo and shove them up his goddamn ass.”
They both gawked like I had two heads, probably because they’ve never heard me swear.
“I’m not going to prom with him. Or anywhere.”
“Prom?” Jett cried. “He’s in high school? Shit! How?”
“No. He’s just someone I don’t want to see right now. He’s trying to impress me or whatever, because I never went to prom, but it won’t work.”
The big smiles on both of their faces flattened to straight lines.
“What?” Jett said. “If you’re not goin’ with him, then, shit, I will. He’s smokin’ hot. How could this not drop your jaw and panties on the spot? No guy has ever done anything so sweet for me.”
“Yeah,” Celia said. “What the heck’s wrong with you? Is he an abuser or something?”
“Hell no!” I insisted. “Don’t ever say that. He’s no abuser.” Jason held a lot of shitty tags, but I’d never let him be pegged as that. Never. “He’s just … not what’s best for me. And he already knows it and why. Tell him … he’s just wasting his time chasing after me.”
“Okay-ay.” Jett stormed out, to deliver my message hopefully.
Celia said, “What do you want me to do with these then?”
“Don’t care. Chuck ’em in the dumpster for all I care.”
“The dumpster?” She didn’t. She tossed them on my bed with flair. A little envelope fell to the floor. “Geez, you suck. You could at least try to make it right. He’s probably the whole reason you’ve been in a funk since we got back this year. Don’t be an idiot and do something you’ll regret.”
“I’m not.” I think.
She walked out.
My eyes burned as I stared at the little Pandora’s Box, flat, but menacing nonetheless. Tears fell when I snatched it up. I tore into it and pulled out a card.
I know only having to call five florists to find one to fill my special angel face, wildblue yonder and lavender floribunda order doesn’t constitute much of a quest, but I hope you can appreciate my start. I intend to find all the keys to unlock every speck of your happiness, if you’ll just let me and give me a shot at being YOURS. I have so much to tell you. But the most important thing is that I love you. I love you, Shayna, Sunshine, owner of my heart.
My tears grew more powerful than my ability to contain them and they slid down to his pen-scrolled note and made the letters bleed. “Screw you. Why do you have to be so damn Jasonish?”
Addison came in, pointing her thumb to the door. “A mugging? Yeah. There’s a whole lot Jason left out of the story he told Logan. He’s here. For you!”
I slid a nightie on and sent the roses to the floor with a brush of my arm so I could flop down and die. “I know. I’m not going anywhere with that asshole.”
She slid her auburn hair behind her ears. “Asshole? Since when are you trash-mouthed? I usually have to drag unsavory words out of you. Why is Jason an asshole?”
“That blond, conceited, dommie douche who acts and looks like He-Man? He just is. I hate his guts.”
“Dommie douche? Are you acquainted with his domination, bad girl?”
“Oh yeah. I also know all about how he plays sax … flogs … fucks.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. You fucked him? For real? But you were waiting.”
“You haven’t seen his Chrysalis video that
’s gone viral?”
“No, I’ve been, um, busy. I haven’t been online at all in two weeks.”
“Well, we met when I was mugged at the club, and I agreed to dance for him in exchange for him teaching me the ins and outs of Domination and submission.” I told her about all the things he made me feel and what happened with our exchange and marriage debacle. “Anyway, it was all a joke by his idiot friend, and he sexed me up anyway. And I hate him for it.”
“Wow, that’s unbelievable! I’m sorry he messed with you like that. I don’t understand, though, how you guys thought you were married. Did you get a license?”
“No. I don’t know about the technicalities. I never looked into it. We both fully believed we were hitched for a day. He claims to have real feelings for me, but I don’t know how you could do that to someone you care about.”
“Me neither. Man, I’m gonna clock that fucker in the jaw. And then the nuts.”
I grabbed her arm. “No, please don’t do that. It’s just not worth it.”
Jett came back in and said, “He’s not leaving without you.”
“Brute,” I said.
Addison said, “Don’t worry. I’ll get rid of him.” She rushed out with Jett.
I sighed as I slid on panties because even though I was pissed, I still didn’t want Jason to get hurt.
I don’t know what Addison said, but she came back in and said, “He’s gone and he won’t be bothering you again.”
“Well, good.” I slumped on my bed and curled up as tears dribbled out of my eyes. I coughed and licked my lips. I was disappointed he gave up so easily. Fight for me, dammit.
“Shit, Shay.” Addison curled in bed with me and stroked my hair. “You love him. Why on earth did you let me do that then?”
“He won’t stop screwing up. He insulted me, tanked my park program, lied, made love to me … and he left. I wanted him to fight for me, dammit, and prove how much he truly wants me. I know he’s been through a lot, but I don’t know that he’s man enough for me.”
She shrugged. “You want him, clearly. You’re just gonna have to be the man then. Go be happy instead of miserable. What good is this doing anyone? Just so you can save face or prove your fury’s stronger than your affection when it’s most definitely not?”