I easily forgave him though. It was hard not to after the wonderful time we had with my dad last night, who very much liked and approved of Beck. Before we left, he gave me an all-encompassing hug and whispered in my ear, "I'm really happy for you, honey."
I'm happy for me too.
Will be much happier if I can get past tonight.
There is no doubt in my mind that I'm getting ready to face an incredibly hard few hours. To sit at a table with my rapist--a man who is so vile I want to scratch his eyes out and castrate him at the same time--has me wondering if I have the mettle within me to pull off such an act.
I should be able to do it. The first few weeks with Beck, much of what I showed him was nothing but a superb performance worthy of an Oscar. But that facade soon gave way to feelings and emotions that were genuine to my soul, and as I stand here now, looking in the mirror above the sink vanity, I know that if I'm going to keep the purity of my relationship with Beck, I need to stick to my new quest. I need to release my need for vengeance and pour my efforts into a relationship with a man I've come to care deeply for. In my heart, I know that my rewards will be infinitely greater if I manage to pull this off.
The doorbell rings and it startles me. No one ever comes to Beck's condo unless it's for a delivery of some sort, and I've found out that Beck likes to have things delivered to me. I've received countless flowers, candy, and even a set of naughty lingerie that he received the benefit of that one night when I greeted him at the door wearing it.
In fact, I'm betting there's probably a bouquet of daisies and freesia waiting on the other side, probably an unnecessary apology from Beck for his bailing on me today.
Smiling, I walk down the hallway, past the large dining room table and into the foyer, my heels clacking on the hardwood flooring. I pull the door open, expecting the smell of flowers to hit me, and instead find myself facing Jonathon Townsend.
He stands there casually, both hands tucked into the pockets of an expensive pair of black dress pants. His suit jacket is unbuttoned, showcasing a pristine starched white shirt underneath, sans tie and unbuttoned at his throat.
His eyes pin me in place and he gives me a smile that falls somewhere between licentious and bland. "Hello, Sela."
My fingers tighten on the knob and I resist the urge to slam the door in his face. I swallow past the dryness in my throat, will my heart rate to calm down, and ask, "What are you doing here?"
"Knew Beck was at work. He said you were taking a cab to the restaurant, so I had my driver stop by and figured I'd offer you a ride. We still have to swing by and pick up my date, of course, but she's just a few blocks down."
The room spins a little at the prospect of sitting in a car with this man, but I can't think of a sane reason to decline his invitation. It would be utterly ludicrous for me to insist I take a cab, and the only thing it would serve would be the fact it would make a very clear statement that I detest him. While I'm not in the slightest bit worried about hurting his feelings, I also don't want to make this evening any more unpleasant than I already know it will be. If I antagonize him now, I know the type of person JT is. He'll make it rough on all of us tonight.
And besides...I promised myself I'd never, ever do anything to let him know that I fear him. Because I don't. I detest and hate him. Loathe him so much that periodic flashes of murder will still pop within my mind. I know Jonathon is the type of man who likes to intimidate women. It makes him feel better about himself, so I'll be damned if I'm ever going to help him do that.
So I take a deep breath and decide the sooner I get this evening started, the sooner it will be over, and I can do this for Beck.
"Let me grab my purse," I say, my voice sounding frosty and not the least bit grateful, so I make a concerted effort. "Thank you for thinking of me."
I turn to the foyer table, pick up the black clutch I bought this weekend with some of my own money. It matches the black cocktail dress I have on, also bought with my money. I turn to JT and find his gaze lowered, clearly having been staring at my ass as I turned around. At this moment I wish my gun were in my purse, so I could pull it out and shoot him in the balls before putting a bullet in his brain.
His gaze comes up my body lazily and he gives me a sheepish smile. "Sorry."
Not sounding the least bit apologetic.
I don't respond but brush past him, pulling the door shut behind me.
I'm silent as we make our way down to the lobby and I'm relieved when I see a driver standing next to an open door of a limousine with his hand extended to help me in. I'd hate for JT to get an attack of gentlemanly airs and try to give me assistance. As it is, I can feel his eyes on my ass again as I get in, which ensures the simmering anger continues to froth and bubble within my stomach. I wish I'd thought to put a pack of Tums in my purse.
JT thankfully takes the seat opposite of me and we pull away from the curb. He sits with his legs spread slightly and his hands resting on his thighs. He looks at me appraisingly, and says, "I don't think you'll like my date, or have much in common with her."
I blink in surprise, his voice sounding aloof and with airs typical of someone of his breeding. I cock at eyebrow. "Oh, why's that?"
I'm not imagining the slight curl to his lip, and while his voice is mild and pleasant enough, his snub is clear from his words. "It's just she's from money. Very old San Francisco money. Has the requisite blue in her blood, a fancy degree from Brown, and probably saving her virginity for marriage. You two would have nothing in common."
And in this moment, it's clear to me that not only is JT a rapist, a vile human being, and an abuser of women and his friends, but that he clearly doesn't like me at all. In fact, I'd even say there's a level of jealousy within his voice that speaks to his concern that I might turn his close friend and business partner against him.
This flushes me with power and I just smile at him sweetly. "It's true...I lost my virginity a long time ago." To you, you fucking slime-sucking piece of shit. "But Beck certainly likes what he sees in me."
"I'm sure," he says with a polite smile on his face, but his words are dry as the desert earth.
The limo comes to a slow halt in front of an expensive condominium and I can hear the driver get out. JT just stares at me across the expanse of the interior, and I turn my head to look out the window at the entrance doors.
"Aren't you going to go up and get her?" I ask as I swivel my head back to look at him.
"I had the driver call her when we left your place," he says with a wave of his hand. "Besides...I don't want Amelia thinking this is anything more than an arranged dinner between our meddling mothers. She's got marriage stars in her eyes and I don't want them getting any brighter."
What an asshole.
The door opens and I see a petite blond woman walking toward the car, a beige clutch in her perfectly manicured hand. She's got on a beige skirt and matching suit jacket with big black buttons that run up the side, and a pair of black heels that I'm betting cost more than my entire wardrobe. Her hair is done in a perfect chignon and her makeup is flawless. Large diamonds wink in her ears that I'm betting are no smaller than four carats.
The driver helps her into the car as JT slides over, and she sits down beside him, shooting me a quick glance.
She leans over and offers her cheek to JT. I'm wrapped up in a cloud of her perfume as I watch him kiss her cheek before turning to me.
"Amelia...this is Beck's date tonight, Sela Halstead. Sela, this is Amelia Baxter."
I smile and extend my hand across the limo. "Hello. Nice to meet you."
She offers a return smile that's neither warm nor cold, but merely accommodating, and shakes my hand. "It's lovely to meet you."
Amelia then turns from me and bestows a gorgeous smile on JT. "And how have you been doing, Jonathon? I can't tell you how excited I was to get your call inviting me out tonight. I know our mothers have been trying to throw us together for years, so I hope this wasn't their doing and that you've finally
come to your senses."
She gives a tinkling giggle and slaps her hand playfully on his chest. She stares at him with bright, earnest eyes, hoping beyond hope that she may have caught more than just a dinner date tonight. I can practically see her fantasizing about the size of the engagement ring she'll put on her finger, and it makes me feel incredibly sad for her.
JT shrugs carelessly and turns his gaze to me while answering her question. "It's just dinner, Amelia. So I can spend time getting to know Beck's new Sugar Baby."
While I can tell Amelia is immediately stung by his snub, she turns her head to me with eyes wide. She takes a cursory glance at my outfit, and then wrinkles her nose in distaste before turning back to JT. "She's a Sugar Baby?"
Before JT can answer, I tell her. "JT's mistaken. I'm not a Sugar Baby. I'm Beck's girlfriend."
"But Beck paid for your college, right?" JT says, and it irks me that he knows that. Irks me a little that Beck told him that, which makes me feel less than what I'd believed I was to him.
"Yes, but we did away with our agreement," I say, my voice slightly shaking in anger and embarrassment.
JT shrugs again and turns to Amelia. His hand drops to her thigh, which is more than adequately covered by her sedate skirt that doesn't even have a slit in it. His gaze roams over her face and his hand slides higher up her leg. He leans over, whispering in her ear still plenty loud enough for me to hear. "You look beautiful tonight. New blond highlights?"
His hand slides up a little higher and Amelia's face goes red. Not sure if it's from his creeping hand or the compliment he just paid her hair, which seriously...what guy ever notices shit like that?
Amelia nervously pats the back of her chignon and nods. "I did in fact get new highlights. I'm glad you like them."
JT's long fingers grip into her thigh, his hand resting practically near her hip. He growls seductively at her and murmurs, "Well, you know I love blondes."
My lips curl in absolute disgust. I can tell that JT doesn't have an ounce of attraction toward Amelia other than perhaps wanting to fuck her tonight because she's handy and available. I imagine it will be quick and focused only on getting his rocks off, and I'm sure he'll leave her the minute he pulls out. Watching Amelia blush again and then give a little sigh of appreciation makes me even more sad for her.
I start to turn my head to look out the window, but JT's gaze snaps back over to mine, halting me. He stares at me a moment and then his lips curve upward. "You know, Sela...I think you'd make a terrific-looking blonde."
My gut churns, and is it my imagination, or is that a taunt?
"I mean...you're stunning as a brunette, but I think blond would look more natural with your skin tone. Of course, I can't say what Beck's preference is. He's an equal opportunity man...fucked blondes, brunettes, redheads. He loves them all."
His direct attempt to make me jealous is almost pathetic because he rattled me enough with the blonde comment and it wasn't needed. I can't tell to what extent JT is fucking with me, and I'm wondering if he knows who I am. I can't imagine it. He's too self-centered to recognize the woman he destroyed all those years ago. I'm sure of it.
Amelia makes a sound of dismay deep in her throat, because she's not missed the seductive nature of JT's tone when he told me I would look natural as a blonde. She sniffs and says, "Honestly, JT. That's crude to say right in front of your date."
"It's not a date, Amelia," he says, his eyes still trained on me. "It's a favor owed to my mother. Don't make it more than what it is."
I wince, because that was harsh.
Amelia gasps and her face flames red. "Well, I don't think this night is exactly what I had anticipated, so if you don't mind, I'd like for you to just take me back--"
JT spins on her and his hand flexes, digging down into her thigh. Amelia's mouth snaps shut in surprise and she even leans back a little from JT when he presses toward her. His voice is soft, low, and rich with promise as he plays her right into his hands. "But relax, Amelia. I'm sure it has the potential to be so much more."
And just like that, she melts into him. I see the fantasy of the engagement ring getting bigger as her hand covers his on her thigh and she sighs like a lovestruck puppy. Just like that, JT managed to insult her and then have her practically spreading her virgin legs for him.
It sickens me, and the bubbling in my gut burns hotter.
Thankfully, I'm spared any more of JT's mind fucks as the limo pulls up in front of the restaurant. JT turns to me, nods with a condescending smirk, and I curl my fingers into my hands to stop my own fantasy made real of clawing his eyes out.
Then the door is opening and I see Beck standing there beside the driver, his eyes warm upon me. He extends his hand and I take it, letting him help me from the car, where he pulls me right into an embrace.
"Hey," he says, snuggling his face into my neck before pulling back and giving me a soft kiss on my lips. "You look fantastic."
"Thanks," I murmur as he pulls me back a few steps so JT and Amelia can get out of the car. "You look amazing too."
And he does, the dark gray of his suit setting off those light blue eyes as they stare at me with happiness.
"You okay?" Beck asks as he looks down at me.
"Sure," I say with a smile, trying to relax my facial features that still may have been holding some disgust over JT's behavior in the car. "Just happy to see you."
Beck likes that...I can tell because he gives me another kiss as his hand squeezes my waist reflexively. Then he releases me, turns to Amelia, and bends over to kiss her cheek. "Amelia...good to see you."
I'm not surprised Beck knows her. I knew JT's and Beck's mothers ran in the same social circles, so I figured they were all just one big, happy clique of rich friends.
Then Beck reaches his hand out toward JT. "Thanks for picking my girl up."
JT takes Beck's hand and gives him a warm grin before pulling him in and giving him a half hug while they clap each other on the back. "What are friends for?" JT says as he squeezes Beck in a brotherly embrace.
My eyes trail up to Beck's face, and I almost reel back from what I see.
Beck beaming pure happiness to be here with his buddy.
Grateful his friend looked out for his girl for him.
Beck completely stoked with the new "JT" and completely oblivious to the fact his friend and business partner is a douche and a rapist.
Willing to let him back into his life as if there's nothing to worry about and all of the shitty things JT's done are simply forgiven and forgotten.
The burning in my stomach turns hotter.
Chapter 24
Beck
"Good morning," Linda chirps as I walk by her desk.
"Morning," I grumble, completely not feeling her sunny attitude.
She stands up from her chair, grabs some folders off her desk, and follows me into my office. "Well, you're all bright and chipper this morning," she says sarcastically.
"And not in the mood," I tell her darkly as I plop down in my chair before rolling my mouse across the pad to disengage my screensavers.
Her voice is brisk and efficient when she lays the folders on my desk. "Mr. Townsend would like you to go over these proposals, and your two o'clock meeting got pushed back to three because Mr. Perkins' flight got delayed out of LaGuardia."
I reach for the folders and flip through them briefly with a sigh. "Okay, thank you, Linda."
"Anything else you need from me right now?"
"No, I'm good," I tell her distractedly as I log on to the system. She turns to leave and then I change my mind. "Wait...I could use some help locating a service that could deliver a Christmas tree to the condo."
Linda just blinks at me, confusion reigning supreme on her face. "I'm sorry?"
"A tree...you know, something green and Christmasy-smelling that Sela and I can decorate."
A bright, knowing smile spreads across Linda's face, making the wrinkles at her eyes and corners of her mouth deepen with romantic ap
preciation. "Oh, that's lovely. Of course I can locate something. Would you like something in spruce, or maybe pine? Those smell so good."
Shaking my head, I give her a quick eye roll and tell her, "I don't care. Just see if you can get something delivered today. Sela will be there all day."
Lying in bed moping, I'm sure, but she'll be there all day.
Linda leaves and closes the door behind her. Rather than jump into work, I turn my chair to look out the windows, contemplating the conundrum that Sela has recently become. While our dinner with her dad and Maria went fantastically Friday night, things started going downhill on Saturday. I don't think she was mad that I couldn't pick her up, but she was almost coldly reserved during dinner with JT and Amelia.
And I didn't get it.
JT was making an honest effort with Sela. From the moment we all sat down at the restaurant, he was charming and tried to engage her. He spoke warmly to her, was interested in her background, and tried to win her over with absolutely no success. I know he may have been laying it on a little thick, but JT was trying. He was happy that I found someone, and he could guess well enough that Sela was in my life to stay and he was honestly trying. He'd shown up at work every day fresh and lucid, rolling up his shirtsleeves and diving back into his business with renewed vigor and passion. We joked around like the old days, and it was even refreshing to see him with Amelia. She's a sweet girl, a little naive, but JT doted on her all night. When it became clear that Sela wasn't going to participate in the conversation with JT, he turned his polite and engaging attention on Amelia, making her preen and swoon under his attention. It was the JT of old...the one who made me excited with the possibilities of a bright future.
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