One Step At A Time

by Brenda Adcock

  Maddie shoved her duffel beneath a stack of debris in the corner of the shack and straightened her wrinkled clothing as best she could. She made her way toward the fence line and stepped on the bottom wire to hold it down so she could step between it and the middle strand without cutting herself on the rusty barbed wire. She hadn’t gone far, but worked up a sweat due to the oppressive humidity that covered the area like a blanket. The group of shirtless men poked each other as she sauntered toward them, their skin glistining with sweat. They used an old towel to wipe down their heavily tanned bodies.

  “You bring any water, chica?” one of the men called out with a smile that showed off sparkling white teeth.

  “Nope,” she answered. “Just came over to see what’s goin’ on.”

  One of the younger men laughed and grabbed his crotch. “If it wasn’t so damn hot already, plenty might be goin’ on, girl,” he called out.

  Maddie looked at the young man and grinned. “If you can’t handle the heat, then I reckon you can’t handle me neither,” she said, setting off a round of laughter and hoots from the other men.

  Finally, a muscular man with ebony skin said, “In a few more hours this’ll be the Carson and Bailey Carnival. Got us a two-week gig during this little burg’s rodeo, and some kind of fair.”

  “Sounds like fun,” Maddie said. “You the boss?”

  “We is still in Texas, ain’t we?” he asked.

  Maddie nodded. “A mile or two.”

  “Then it ain’t likely this black boy is the boss, is it? If you’s lookin’ for a job,” he said, “then try that big Airstream trailer over yonder.” He pointed in the direction of the trailer. “Back to work, boys!” he called out. “It ain’t gettin’ no cooler.”

  Maddie started to walk away, but stopped. “Hey! What’s your name?”

  “Why?”

  She shrugged. “Just like to know who I’m talkin’ to is all.”

  “Apollo!” he called out with a laugh.

  “Like the Greek god?”

  “Fuck no. Like the theater in Harlem. My mama always wanted to go there.”

  Maddie trudged across the area that had been cleared by Apollo and his work crew and came to a stop at the door to the shiny Airstream trailer. She leaned against it to cool off for a minute before banging on the door with her fist. She heard scrambled movements inside and banged again. Finally, the door flew open and a red-faced man with thinning hair that had been badly combed over to cover his baldness stuck his head out. Cool air seeped out the door.

  “Jesus H. Christ! It’s hotter’n hell out here! What the hell you want?” the man snapped, running his hand down his hairy and suddenly perspiring chest. Red fingernails attached to slender fingers snaked their way over his shoulders and across his waist.

  “Come on, sugar. I can’t wait for you no longer,” a woman’s saccharine voice purred. Dark brown eyes met Maddie’s and a smile cut across the man’s face. Although he tried to hide it, Maddie clearly saw his body’s arousal.

  “I’m lookin’ for a job,” she blurted out as she tried to erase the sight of his erection from her mind.

  “What can you do?” the man asked as he fidgeted.

  “What do you need?” she asked, although she was pretty sure what he needed at that moment.

  “Twenty-five a day. Take it or leave it,” he snapped. “Plus food. No benefits. Find Buck. He’ll do the paperwork.” Immediately, the trailer door slammed shut in Maddie’s face, followed by a growl and a woman’s squealing laughter.

  Unsure where she was supposed to find the mysterious Buck, Maddie wandered around the dirt grounds asking total strangers for his location. After three or four tries a busy, middle-aged woman with flighty, unnaturally blonde hair pointed across the carnival grounds. “Try the Midway. He’s usually there somewhere. You can’t miss him.”

  Before Maddie could ask why, the woman looked at her. “He’s in one of them motorized wheelchairs.”

  “Thanks,” Maddie said.

  She strolled across the grounds, which were drying out enough to become dusty again, and looked around for the telltale wheelchair. On her second trip through the midway area she spotted pneumatic tires bumping over the entrance to one of the numerous booths that sat side by side.

  “You Buck?” she asked, leaning her forearms on the booth’s slightly sagging countertop.

  “Who’s askin’?” he answered brusquely.

  “I...uh...just got hired by the guy in the Airstream and he told me to find you, so here I am.”

  “Did he finish fuckin’ that girl yet?” Buck asked.

  “Still workin’ on it, I think,” Maddie answered with a smile.

  Buck pushed his Stetson back and glanced at his wristwatch. “Well, he better hurry the hell up before that damn pill wears off,” he chuckled. He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. “Drag that fuckin’ box in here. I got a leak in the trailer and when we got caught in that downpour last night some of the prizes got a little damp, but they should be okay after a few hours in the fresh air and sunshine. God giveth and God taketh away, y’know.”

  “Amen, brother,” Maddie muttered as she dragged the heavy box into the booth.

  Buck maneuvered his wheelchair close to the box and flipped it open. The musty smell of damp stuffed animals wafted up and stung Maddie’s nose slightly.

  “Smells like my grandma’s fuckin’ attic,” Buck groused as he attached a large panda to a hook and lifted it to the top row of hangers that filled three sides of the booth. “So, what did old man Carson hire ya to do?” he asked as he grabbed a second stuffed animal, staring at Maddie. “Your tits for sure ain’t big enough for him to be interested in,” he chuckled.

  “Whatever needs to be done,” Maddie answered. She stretched as far as she could to hang a stuffed alligator.

  “Well, that’s not very specific.”

  “I’m a trained mechanic and follow orders pretty well.”

  Buck stared at her, squinting one eye. “When did ya get out of the joint, kid?”

  “What makes you think I was in prison?”

  Buck fished a cigarette out of his shirt pocket and lit it. Then he held up one finger. “I know the state has a decent program for training inmates.” A second finger went up. “Some inmates, the smart ones anyway, learn to follow orders and not ask too many questions.” Third finger. “Inmates don’t want much so they’ll take the cheap-assed twenty-five a day plus food.” Fourth finger. “Ya got that sort of haunted look about ya. Ya on probation?”

  “Nope,” Maddie said a little defiantly.

  “Did your whole time, huh? Must not have been much.”

  “Ten fuckin’ years!” Maddie snapped. “That long enough for you?”

  “What were ya in for?”

  “Vehicular manslaughter while under the influence.” Maddie glared at Buck. “I paid my debt. Any more questions, smart-ass?”

  “Maybe later. We need to finish hangin’ this shit.”

  “What happened to you?” Maddie asked while they continued hanging the prizes in the box.

  “Got stepped on by a horse...while under the influence,” he chuckled. “Got a life sentence as a result. And believe me, kid, she wasn’t worth it. Nobody fucks that good.”

  They worked the rest of the afternoon silently. By the time the last box was done, Buck said, “I don’t know about you, kid, but I’m gettin’ hungry. How do ya feel about fried pork chops and a mess of home fries?”

  “Sounds good to me. You cookin’?”

  “Hell no! Alice, one of the carnies, promised to cook for me if I set up her booth. It was her crap we just finished. She’s always tryin’ to fatten me up and cooks too much. Besides, since ya did more’n half the work, I reckon she owes ya too.”

  WHEN THEY ARRIVED at a faded blue and silver trailer, Maddie saw a middle-aged woman bending over an outdoor oven. A large, cast iron skillet rested on a rack about a foot above a low fire. Dough
was wrapped around dowels stuck out at various angles along the edges of the glowing embers.

  “Alice is the queen of campfire cookin’,” Buck semi-whispered. “You’ll want to kiss her after ya eat her cookin’.”

  Maddie hadn’t eaten anything since the trail bar she’d called breakfast and the scent of real food caused her stomach to emit a low rumble.

  “I brung ya a new customer, Alice,” Buck said as he rolled up next to Alice and playfully swatted her ass.

  Alice spun around and batted his hand away, but the look in her eyes didn’t show any anger. “You better watch them hands, boy, or they might find their way onto my menu,” she said. She raised her eyes and scanned Maddie’s rangy body. “Who’s this? Ya find another stray?”

  “Carson hired her,” Buck said. He grabbed Alice’s wrist and pulled her down a little. “She helped me stock your booth. Figured ya owed her.”

  Alice straightened and stuck a hand out. “You’re always welcome at Alice’s Diner. Anyone who puts up with this worthless cowboy deserves a good meal.” Alice smiled. “Alice,” she added.

  Maddie took the offered hand, but didn’t smile. “Maddie. ‘preciate it.”

  Alice was a bottle blonde, middle-aged, and had apparently enjoyed a little too much of her own cooking. Her round face was highlighted by friendly brown eyes.

  “Why don’t y’all wash up,” Alice said. “The biscuits are about done.”

  Maddie caught the gleam in Buck’s eyes when Alice patted him on the shoulder and squeezed it. She followed his chair to a nearby hose attached to a faucet sticking out of the ground. She turned it on and waited as the brownish water sputtered into a clear stream. She held the hose while Buck cupped his hands and splashed water on his face and neck. Someone had fashioned a towel rack out of heavy metal and stuck it in the ground nearby. Maddie tossed the towel to Buck. Once his face and hands were dried, he shoved his hat on and reached for the hose.

  “I got it,” Maddie said. She squeezed her knees together to hold the hose while she washed her face and hands.

  “Still workin’ on that trust thing?” Buck asked.

  “Maybe,” Maddie answered as she stood up straight and let the water drip off her face and run beneath her shirt. She ran the towel under her shirt and over her sweaty chest and stomach. She wondered if there was any way to return later and strip off her clothes to let the cool water sluice down her body. It would be her first free shower and she wouldn’t have to look over her shoulder all the time for unwanted fingers.

  “Alice has a shower in her trailer. I’m sure she’d let ya use it, but ya’d have to refill her tanks,” Buck stated.

  “What are you? A fuckin’ mind reader?” Maddie snapped.

  Buck shrugged. “Just a suggestion.”

  “She your woman?” Maddie asked as she turned the water off.

  “From time to time,” Buck said with a grin. “I don’t mind a little bounce to the ounce and in my current situation, bounce works pretty damn good, if you catch my drift.” He laughed as he started back to Alice’s.

  Maddie spent the next hour savoring the delicious meal Alice had prepared and watching the flirting going on between Buck and Alice. She was sure Buck would finish off the evening with a smile. In his own way, he was a kinda charming guy. The look on his face when Alice placed a hand on his thigh and slid it onto his inner leg as they chatted reminded Maddie of something she was forced to give up long ago, before she couldn’t stand to be touched so intimately.

  Maddie stood and stretched. “Thanks for the chow, Alice. I think I’ll go to bed now. What’s up for tomorrow, Buck?”

  “I’m finishing the midway, but ya can probably help out Manuel. He’s puttin’ a couple of kiddie rides together and he don’t read English so good.” He glanced at Alice and worked his fingers into his jean pocket. He tossed a key to Maddie. “I’m gonna spend a little more time with Alice here. Go to my trailer, the red and white one, and grab a shower, kiddo. I got two big-assed water tanks and you’ll sleep better after a shower.” He looked back at Alice. “That okay with ya, baby?”

  She waved a hand at Maddie, shooing her away. “If we run out of things to talk about, I know other ways to keep you occupied, cowboy,” she promised with a smile.

  “If I was standin’ up, we’d be about the same height, give or take an inch. Borrow a pair of jeans and a T-shirt ‘til payday. I got plenty,” Buck added as Maddie walked away.

  Although she tried to talk herself out of it, Maddie felt gritty and grimy after sweating all day. She retrieved her duffel from the shack and let herself into Buck’s trailer. She rummaged around in his cabinets until she found an older, faded pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. They were obviously old, but looked better than the clothes she received before walking out the prison gates. She luxuriated beneath the warm water as she washed her hair and body. She borrowed Buck’s straightedge razor to shave her legs and armpits. She knew she needed a haircut, too, but it would have to wait for payday. She only had sixty bucks left from her gate money and needed that to get through the next week.

  She peeked out from behind the shower curtain of the small stall after drying off and sat down to pull on fresh underwear before wiggling into the jeans and T-shirt. By the time the carnival packed up and moved on, she might have enough money for a decent pair of shoes, ones that actually fit.

  After she was cleaned up, combined with a full stomach, she felt drowsy. She fumbled around in her duffel and pulled out a hairbrush and a cigarette. Maddie took a deep drag and ran the brush through her hair. She styled both sides into a peak over the center of her head, disappointed when the hair was too long to stay up. She saw a small corkboard against the wall behind the table that served as a dining table and general catchall. She stood and leaned over it and glanced at the yellowed, old newspaper articles pinned to the cork while she finished her cigarette. A thin blue haze climbed over her and she slid a window open, watching the haze drift away as she read. Old Buck must have been quite a cowboy in his day, she thought as she tried to stifle a yawn. She stretched out on a padded bench that served as a couch behind the small dining table. She had no sooner lay down than she fell asleep.

  THE SOUND OF a motor running shook her from her sleep. She rolled onto her side in time to see Buck’s wheelchair being lifted into the trailer on a small platform. She sat up quickly and grabbed her duffel.

  “Go back to sleep, kid,” Buck said when he saw her. “I’ll be asleep myself real soon.”

  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. You okay?”

  “I reckon I’m finer’n peach fuzz,” he said with a grin, spinning his chair around to face Maddie. He grinned and shook his head. “That woman rode me like a bronc buster tonight. Yee-haw!”

  “Surprised to see you then.”

  “Her trailer’s too small for me. I can stretch out better in my own bed. You find the clothes?”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  “I’ll catch you on the flip-flop then, kid. I’m usually up kinda early,” he said as he guided his chair along the narrow aisle that ran the length of the trailer and into the bedroom. He slid the door shut and Maddie lay back down. A moment later a pillow landed on her chest and she raised her head in time to see the bedroom door close again before the lights blinked off.

  THE SMELL OF coffee and sizzling bacon roused Maddie from a sound, but dreamless sleep. There was a time when she slept like a rock, but many of those nights were induced by drugs, alcohol or exhaustion following sex. Ten years behind bars had changed that when she was forced to listen for the unwelcome intrusion of strangers in the night. A hand on her shoulder made her surge into defense mode and she swiftly wrapped her hand around a soft wrist, ready to hurt whoever dared to touch her.

  “Ow!” a voice yelped as Maddie squeezed the straying arm tightly. She sat up and glared into wincing brown eyes. What the fuck was Alice doing there? Maddie released Alice’s arm and rubbed her face.

  “Bad
dream,” Maddie muttered. “Sorry.”

  Alice shook her arm and massaged her wrist. “Breakfast is ready, kid,” she said.

  Maddie nodded and sat up. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” she asked as she tried to calm her flare of anger.

  “It’d take a heap more’n that,” Alice grunted, still rubbing her wrist as she exited the trailer.

  When Maddie stepped out, she saw Buck pouring a cup of coffee. A plate laden with bacon and fried eggs rested on a small folding table next to him. A second table near a camp stool waited across from him. Maddie picked up the empty cup next to her plate to fill it.

  “Where’s Alice?” she asked.

  “Went back to her trailer to get ready for the day,” Buck said as he stuffed his mouth full of eggs and bacon. “I don’t know what happened when she went inside to fetch ya, girl, but if ya ever hurt her, I’ll mess your skinny ass up good. Understand?”

  “It won’t happen again,” Maddie said. “She startled me. I don’t like bein’ touched.”

  Buck swallowed the food in his mouth and washed it down with a gulp of coffee. He looked at Maddie for a moment. “Don’t know what all you been through or really care, but you’re back in the world now and can’t treat everyone like the enemy. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

  “I got it,” Maddie said brusquely. She quickly stuffed the last bite of food into her mouth and stood to begin cleaning up. Water was already heating on the small cooker. She stuck her finger in and jerked it out quickly. She located a container filled with cooler water and a bottle of pink store-brand dishwashing liquid and began washing the dishes and pans.