“Can ya feed yourself?” a woman’s voice asked. “I’d be glad to help ya.”
“Of course, I can—” Maddie started as she stood to slip into her jeans before glimpsing at the person who’d delivered her food. “Jan! What are ya doin’ here?”
Jan shrugged coquettishly and smiled. “I brought your lunch. It’s just chicken soup and a grilled cheese, but should be somethin’ ya can chew without too much difficulty.”
Maddie zipped her jeans, leaving the waist unbuttoned, and moved to the table slowly. She looked at Jan and grinned. “I haven’t had home cookin’ for a while. Thank you,” she lied softly as she ran her hand slowly up Jan’s back, lightly squeezing the muscle at the base of her neck. She grinned to herself when she felt Jan tremble involuntarily. “Join me,” she rasped.
Jan met Maddie’s eyes and searched them before answering. “I...uh...ate before I left my place,” she said. “Wanted to get this to ya while it was still reasonably warm. Ya want somethin’ to drink?”
“There’s water in the fridge,” Maddie said. “Get yourself somethin’ if ya want it. Buck’s probably got some wine coolers in there.”
Jan placed a water bottle next to Maddie’s food and sat down opposite her at the small kitchen table. Maddie ate slowly, taking small bites of the sandwich and chewing carefully. When she finished the sandwich, she reached over to the counter near her bunk and picked up a small bottle. She dumped a couple of pills into her hand and washed them down with the water.
“What’re those? Pain-killers?” Jan asked.
Maddie shrugged. “Beats the fuck outta me, but whatever they are, they work pretty damn good.”
“What’re ya plannin’ on doin’ when the carnival moves on?” Jan asked.
Maddie shrugged again. “Guess I could go with them, or I could set out on my own. Haven’t really thought about it much. No real reason to stay around here.”
“Can I ask ya a personal kinda question?” Jan asked.
“Depends,” Maddie answered, leaning back on her padded seat and lighting another cigarette.
Jan cleared her throat and took a drink. Then she looked at Maddie and took a deep breath.
“Just spit it out, baby,” Maddie forced out as she exhaled a stream of smoke.
“Where were ya before ya walked into the diner that night?” Jan finally asked.
Maddie blinked and gazed out the trailer window next to the table. “Incarcerated at Sand Ridge Women’s Correctional Facility over by Big Spring for the last ten years,” she finally answered with no emotion showing on her face. “As part of my rehabilitation, they even trained me to be a mechanic. Killed time, y’know.”
“Do the people here know that?”
“Of course. It’s a carnival. Most of them have done time and they don’t care if they’re workin’ next to another ex-con.” She looked at Jan and drew in another lungful of cigarette smoke. “Do you?”
“Not much.”
“Why?”
“Because I think you’re kinda cute, I guess,” Jan shrugged. “And maybe I’d like to get to know ya a little better, if you’re interested.”
Maddie grinned. “I’m definitely interested, but ain’t ready for nothin’ permanent right now.”
“I can live with that,” Jan said as she got up and carried Maddie’s soup bowl to the sink. Maddie stood up and stepped across the small space to rest her hands on Jan’s waist. Jan covered Maddie’s hands with her own. Maddie ran her hands over Jan’s ass and pulled her close against her body, nibbling and biting along her neck, ignoring the pain in her ribs. Jan turned to face Maddie and took her face in her hands. Her tongue darted out to lick Maddie’s lips. “That drives me crazy,” she breathed.
“Good to know,” Maddie said against Jan’s lips before taking her hand and leading her to her bunk. Jan stretched out and scooted over to make room on the small space. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like, okay,” Maddie whispered.
Jan nodded, as Maddie’s hands started exploring her body, her lips covering Jan’s deeply and possessively. Slowly Maddie removed Jan’s clothes one piece at a time and hungrily lavished attention on newly exposed skin. However, every time Jan attempted to touch Maddie in the same way, Maddie pushed her hands away.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Jan panted.
“Nothin’,” Maddie grunted as her lips encircled a taut nipple and her thigh pushed between Jan’s legs to be coated by her copious, slick wetness. “Don’t worry about me. I’m just fine, baby.”
Maddie slid down Jan’s body and took her with her lips and tongue until she felt Jan arch and stiffen, her hands grasping Maddie’s hair to pull her tighter against her pulsing sex. At the last moment, Maddie slipped her fingers inside and felt Jan explode. Then she pushed up to hungrily kiss her as she felt the proof of Jan’s orgasm flow over her hand. A moment later, Maddie buried her head between Jan’s breasts and curled up slightly, breathing heavily and shuddering uncontrollably, as her body, driven by the pleasure she knew she’d given the other woman, released. When she raised her head, Jan smiled and ran her fingers through Maddie’s sweaty hair.
“Fuck, baby,” Jan croaked. “I really wanted to touch ya while ya came.”
“I’m good,” Maddie said before resting her head on Jan’s chest. “Thank you.”
Jan looked at Maddie. “Hey, you’re cheek’s bleedin’. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just fine,” Maddie sighed. “Might need a nap though. Those pain-killers make me drowsy. Sorry,” she mumbled.
When Maddie awoke two hours later, Jan was gone, but Maddie found a note on the counter telling her about an auto repair shop in the next town that might hire her, if she was interested. And there was a boarding house not far away that didn’t charge much until she could get on her feet again. Jan signed the note, The one who got away.
With no idea what that meant, Maddie took a quick shower to wake up completely, then looked around the small trailer and decided to do a little cleaning. In the process, she discovered a dusty old guitar case in the bedroom under Buck’s bed. She flipped the silver latches open and lifted out an old Gibson ES 140. It was a vintage guitar and she wondered why Buck had it. Two of its steel strings were broken and although she hadn’t played in ten years, she decided to give it a try.
She found a new package of strings in the bottom of the guitar case. After restringing the instrument and tuning it, she sat down and placed it across her thighs, smiling at the feel of it in her hands. It was comfortable as she ran her fingers down the strings and over the frets. She closed her eyes and slowly began to pick out a few simple tunes, remembering the feel and sound of the electric guitar she once used.
Gradually, the music began to come back to her as she lost herself in the chords. She had always loved playing, but now her fingers were tender as her callouses had faded away. Despite her sore fingers, she started to hum a song and eventually opened her mouth to sing softly. She was interrupted by the trailer door opening and the whirring sound of Buck’s lift. A minute later, he backed into the trailer and turned his wheelchair to face Maddie.
“I’m guessin’ your redheaded friend is gone,” he said with a grin.
“Yeah. I took a couple of your pain-killers and the damn things put me to sleep,” Maddie nodded. “But she left satisfied.”
“She seemed real concerned about how ya was doin’,” he chuckled.
Maddie glanced at him and simply grinned as she stroked the wooden veneer of the guitar. “When I woke up I decided to move around a little and cleaned up some,” she said.
“Where’d ya find my guitar? Haven’t seen it in a while.”
“Under your bed. Ya play?” she asked.
“Used to. Give it up after my accident, but couldn’t part with it. Good memories.”
“It’s a 140, isn’t it? I haven’t seen one in years. Still has a good tone,” Maddie said.
“What did you play?”
“A custom-made Flyin’ V. I liked its heavier tonal quality.”
“Rocker, huh?”
“Nah, just a wannabe,” Maddie said softly, standing to put the old guitar back in its case.
“Well, play somethin’ for me while I eat one of these burritos Alice sent over in case ya was hungry,” Buck said as he began unrolling a small aluminum-wrapped package in his lap. He took a big bite and said as he chewed, “Make it somethin’ I know the words to in case I decide to sing along.”
Maddie sat down and rubbed her sore fingers down her thigh before swinging the guitar back onto her lap. “How about this one?” she asked, hoping she would remember the chords. “First piece I ever learned, but it’s kinda old,” she said as she placed the fingers of her left hand on the strings and strummed the first chord of “Summertime” with her right thumb. She cleared her throat and sang the first words of the old song. Buck set his burrito on the counter and joined her. Their voices blended well together and Maddie smiled. Buck’s voice was a mellow baritone that harmonized well with her lower range alto. They both laughed when they reached the end of the tune.
Singing with Buck and playing the old guitar had brought back bittersweet memories for Maddie—but filled her with a sense of calm she hadn’t felt for years. But it was only a temporary feeling and she knew it.
“Hey, ya know what we should do?” Buck said.
“Get our asses back to work?” Maddie answered as she closed the old guitar case.
“Besides that. I should gather some of the guys and convince Carson to offer live music and a free dance our last weekend here,” he said. “Go out with a bang, y’know.”
Maddie shook her head. “You’ve got a decent voice, Buck, but count me out.”
“Why, kid? I can tell by the way ya play, you’d be real good. Afraid you’d be successful?”
She turned and glared at her friend. “I’ve been successful, old man,” she snapped. “It ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.” She hadn’t performed in public for years and was afraid her voice either wouldn’t hold up or be as powerful as it once was.
“We’d be a carnie group and not likely to go beyond carnie gigs, but we might at least have a little fun,” Buck grumbled. “Nothin’ wrong with that, kid.”
DESPITE MADDIE’S PROTESTS Buck rounded up a small group of amateur musicians, two guitarists, a drummer, a keyboard player, and a couple of back-up singers. After some confusion, they finally rehearsed after the carnival closed for the next five or six evenings and talked Maddie into at least giving it a try for one night, maybe a second if the first went well. She only agreed because she didn’t want to disappoint the people who had befriended her when she had no one. She talked Alice into cutting her hair, which had grown down to her shoulders, back to its old familiar spiky length and style.
The last weekend of the carnival, Maddie walked onto the stage to perform during the free dance. When she finally stepped in front of the microphone, images from her past invaded her mind and she was transported to a time when she was fresh, and new, and hungry, just beginning her career. It was the most exciting time of her life and she’d loved it. Everything was fun and easy as they traveled from small club to small club, perfecting their own unique sound.
Until the night Shay and her entourage invaded the club where Maddie and her band were performing as a warm-up group. Maddie remembered feeling Shay’s eyes follow her as she moved across the stage, sweat running down her hyped-up body as she raised her arms to acknowledge the cheers of the audience. Shortly after Maddie and her band left the stage, they were interrupted by a knock on their small dressing room door. When the door opened, Shay seemed to fill the opening with her magnetic presence. She was friendly, charming, and mildly flirtatious when she invited them to join her group for drinks and conversation. One drink turned into several fairly quickly until Maddie found herself being pressed closely against Shay’s body as they danced on the small, intimate dancefloor. Maddie found Shay’s dark eyes mesmerizing as they seemed to look deeply into her soul, wordlessly inviting her to let the older woman guide her on a stroll into the wild life. After that night, Maddie’s life changed and everything gradually spiraled out of control.
As the carnie group warmed up, Maddie gazed out over the small crowd. A group of teenaged girls rested their arms on the front edge of the stage and stared up at Maddie. She hadn’t been able to replicate the outfit she used to wear onstage but got as close as she could with tight black pants and a loose, flowing black shirt, trimmed with silver piping. Her light blonde hair stood out against the black outfit and seemed to glow under the hot lights over her.
Maddie closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them again, for an instant, the faces of the girls at the apron of the stage were replaced by the faces of Shay and Courtney grinning up at her, tempting her. Maddie turned away quickly to face the other musicians and erase the ache of the pain the two faces brought back. She blinked several times and saw the members of the band staring at each other, waiting for Maddie to begin the first song. She swallowed and forced herself into automatic pilot, shutting down the painful past. She spun around and stomped her foot on the wooden platform three times before striking the first chord soundly and confidently.
The group played a variety of country-western songs with a few heavier rock tunes thrown in for the younger crowd. After the show Maddie was stopped by the attractive young woman, Dani, who had been with Jan on the Midway. She was shy and seemed somewhat reticent, but still looked vaguely familiar to Maddie.
While Maddie packed up at the end of the last dance set, Dani sat on a folding chair nearby. Maddie looked at her and nodded. “Somethin’ I can do for you?” she asked.
Dani shook her head—but continued staring at Maddie. Finally, she said, “Your voice has changed, but I like it more now, I think. Somehow it seems mellower, richer.” Dani shrugged. “Maybe it’s just me.”
“I’ll have to work on that then. It’s been a while since I sang,” Maddie said.
“I know. Ten or eleven years. I was at your last performance,” Dani said, fiddling with her fingers nervously.
“Yeah, that was a memorable night,” Maddie commented. “Hope you enjoyed the show.”
“I enjoyed tonight’s more. It felt like it was the real you.”
Maddie stood up straight and planted her hands on her hips with a grin. “Yeah, well, everyone’s a fuckin’ critic, but thanks.”
“I don’t expect you to remember me, but I wanted to thank you.”
“For singin’?”
Dani shook her head again and looked frustrated. “No. I was with you when you were arrested that night and wanted to thank you for taking the blame for the accident.”
Maddie didn’t know what to say. Honestly, she hadn’t believed she’d actually go to prison over it. It was just another bad decision in what now seemed like a lifetime of bad decisions. The girl with her was nothin’ more than a vague memory. Maddie took the rap because if she hadn’t been so blasted, the girl wouldn’t have been driving. She had taken too many drugs and picked Dani up because she was angry with the woman with her, who minutes earlier had fucked her brains out.
At last, she said, “I was out of control. It wasn’t your fault, kid.”
Maddie picked up her guitar case and walked off. Dani followed her to the Midway. She approached Maddie again as she helped Alice close up her booth. Maddie lit a cigarette and lowered a plywood barrier to the front of the booth.
“Go home,” Maddie said when she saw Dani. “I already said it wasn’t your fault. Get over it.”
“I can’t. A man died and I...I was responsible.”
Maddie scowled at her. “Look, kid, I’m not your priest, your preacher, or your rabbi. If you feel guilty, take it up with one of them. Just leave me alone. I can’t do a fuckin’ thing for you,” she said as she tightened down the last screw holding the plywood and yanked on the board to assure herself it was secure.
“To fuck you?” Maddie grinned.
“Of course not! I want to apologize for being too young and too scared to take the blame myself.”
Maddie leaned closer. “I was higher than a fuckin’ kite that night. I had no idea what I was doin’, but never believed it would cost me ten years of my life or my fuckin’ career,” she said with a bite in her voice. She tossed her cigarette away and looked at Dani. “Go home, kid.”
“Stop calling me that. I’m not a kid anymore.”
Maddie’s eyes raked slowly up and down Dani’s body and she smiled, licking her lips. “Yeah, I noticed that. Now get the hell outta here before I forget it. I need to finish this so I can get my beauty sleep.”
THE NEXT NIGHT Dani returned to the carnival and dance. Maddie stared at Dani as she struck the strings of the guitar to begin the driving beat of a song about the pain of lust and desire.
Baby, baby, baby!
Kiss me,
Love me,
Tell me that you want me.
She moved as close to the microphone as possible, bent her knees slightly, and grabbed the microphone stand, giving the appearance she was making love to the microphone, her hands stroking the metal stand, all the while staring at Dani with hooded eyes. Although the song began with a heavy rock beat, it morphed into a slower rhythm that was easy to dance to, with plenty of room for periodic blissful groans or growls as Maddie swayed. She smiled as she watched Dani’s face. She would make the young woman suffer in her own sweet way.
The beast inside me wants to feel your young body pressed against mine.
Needs to touch your soft skin,
Hungers for the heat of your lips on mine,
Driving me out of my mind with desire.
One Step At A Time Page 6