“You don’t have to, baby. We still have to bake all those damn cookies,” Dani chuckled.
Maddie looked at her. “You’re kiddin’, right?”
Dani shoved her playfully in the back. “You have a problem with naked, or half-naked in your case, baking?”
“Betty Crocker never does it.”
“Then she has no idea what she’s missing.”
“How the hell do you expect me to get anythin’ done when you’re jigglin’ around in front of me buck naked?”
Dani hopped off the bed and sashayed toward the hall. “Not my problem, studly,” she said over her shoulder. “And I don’t jiggle.”
Maddie pulled her shirt back on and walked to the kitchen in time to see Dani bending down in front of the oven, sliding a cookie tray in, her naked butt sticking out temptingly. When she stood, Dani wiped her hands on the apron, once again tied around her neck and waist. “If you’ll take those out when the timer goes off, I’ll get the next sheet ready to go in. Okay?” Dani asked.
“I think I can do that. Do you want me to put the cookies on that rack to cool? My mother used to do that.”
“Sure. Then we can keep a pretty steady pace going.”
“Are you mad at me?” Maddie asked softly.
“Why would I be?” Dani answered with a shrug, then added, “Maybe a little disappointed, but I’ll get over it.”
“Did I disappoint you?”
Dani whirled around and looked at Maddie tenderly. “God, no, baby. Don’t ever think that. I’m just sorry I couldn’t satisfy you. It’s a trust thing and hopefully one day you’ll be able to trust me.”
“Thank you,” Maddie mumbled.
“But that doesn’t mean I plan to give up,” Dani snickered.
“Great,” Maddie said under her breath just as the timer for the oven buzzed. She carefully pulled the cookie sheet out and used a spatula to move the cookies onto the cooling racks. She scooped up a cookie and stuffed it into her mouth before carrying a second one to the counter where Dani was working.
“They taste good to me,” Maddie said, waving the cookie in front of Dani. “Take a bite,” she said, her other hand brushing over the soft, smooth rise of Dani’s butt.
Dani turned and chewed the cookie thoughtfully. “They’re perfect, but don’t steal a couple from every sheet.” Cookie dough coated both of her hands thickly and before she could turn away again, Maddie drew her into a deep, searching kiss.
“So sweet,” Maddie said as the kiss ended, her hot breath mingling with Dani’s.
Dani leaned back and smiled. “Don’t try to distract me or we’ll never finish these cookies. But I love the way you kiss me...everywhere.”
“Where do you enjoy bein’ kissed the most?” Maddie asked as she nuzzled against Dani’s neck.
“In the bedroom, of course,” Dani teased with a grin. “Turn off the oven, baby,” she whispered.
A few minutes later, Maddie followed Dani down the hall for the second time. Dani removed her apron, then approached Maddie to push her shirt off again and leaned over to suck in her breast. “Wanting you so much makes me feel...absolutely wanton,” she muttered, covering Maddie’s mouth with her own. Her hand roamed smoothly over Maddie’s torso, gradually venturing to her crotch and cupping it. Maddie attempted to move away, but Dani wrapped her leg around Maddie’s calf and held her in place.
“Please don’t,” Maddie said, her voice strained. “I don’t want to hurt you or be hurt.”
“I won’t hurt you, baby,” Dani whispered as her fingers pressed against Maddie’s crotch. She could feel the damp heat through her jeans.
“But you are,” Maddie croaked. She grabbed Dani arms and forced her away. “Why can’t you understand that?”
“I only want to please you, Maddie. I can’t just lay there like a box of rocks and not touch you,” Dani said.
“Then I’m not the one you want,” Maddie said flatly. “I won’t let you hurt me like the others. I can’t take it again!” She slapped her hand against her chest. “This is who I am now. It’s my choice, but I’m not a fuckin’ freak!” She grabbed her shirt and pulled it on, then left the bedroom and walked out of the house, slamming the front door.
THE NEXT MORNING, although she was exhausted, Dani drove to Flo’s place, carrying a couple of containers of cookies. When Sal opened the door, still in her robe and house shoes, a mug of coffee in her hand, Dani went inside and glanced around. “Brought you and the girls some cookies,” she said with an attempt at a smile. “Happy Holidays. Where’s Flo?”
“In the kitchen fixin’ breakfast,” Sal said after swallowing a gulp of coffee. “We slept in a while and got a late start. Want some coffee?”
“I can get it, thanks,” Dani said and carried the containers of cookies into the kitchen.
“Mornin’, Dani,” Flo said cheerfully as Dani set the containers on the counter and took a mug from the cabinet above.
“Morning, Flo,” Dani responded as she sipped her coffee.
“Have you had breakfast yet? We have plenty,” Flo offered.
“No, thanks. Is Maddie sleeping in?”
“She’s gone, honey. Came home last night, packed her shit, and split with zero explanation. Looked a little upset, but didn’t want to talk.”
“We had an argument. Where did she go?”
“Don’t know and she didn’t say. Paid me for this week and called Oscar to quit her job. Woke the poor man up. Made a couple of other calls and left. Tried to get her to talk to me, but she was closed down tighter than a damn clam,” Flo said as she heaped scrambled eggs, bacon and buttered toast onto five plates. “I don’t wanna crawl up in your bus’ness, but what did you argue over?” she asked.
“It was personal, Flo,” Dani answered sullenly. “I...I love her.”
“But you can’t accept her, right?”
“Not all of her,” Dani confessed.
“I don’t know what happened to her in the past, but whatever it was, she’s decided to shut herself off so it don’t happen again,” Flo said.
“I know, but I would never hurt her, Flo,” Dani said with tears in her eyes.
“In her mind I reckon you already have, honey,” Flo consoled.
“I know,” Dani said, breaking down and sobbing. “I ruined her life and have to find a way to make it up to her. I...I’m the only...one who can...fix it,” she hiccuped. “But I don’t know what to do, Flo.”
“We’ll figure it out, honey,” Flo said, hugging Dani.
“I need to own up to what I did and turn myself in,” Dani muttered miserably. “Then maybe Maddie will be able to forgive me.”
“For what?” Flo asked.
Dani looked at her friend and forced herself to say, “I killed Bryan Melendez. Maddie told the police she was driving to protect me, but she wasn’t. I was and she did ten years for a crime she didn’t commit. I owe her at least that much.”
“Why do you think she did that, honey?” Flo asked.
Dani shrugged.
“How old were you?”
“Sixteen,” Dani admitted. “I was a scared kid.”
“Takin’ the blame for Bryan’s death was the only good thing Maddie James ever done,” Flo insisted. “She was a drug addict and tearin’ up the road to nowhere. She’d have died within a few years if she hadn’t gone to prison and got herself straightened out.”
“It wasn’t worth being beaten and stabbed,” Dani argued. “I can clear her name and give her her life back.”
“Do you really think you would be better off if you’d gone through what she did?” Flo asked. “She gave you the chance to do somethin’ good with your life and you have. Don’t let Maddie’s sacrifice be for nothin’, Dani,” she said. “She chose to do a good thing, so just accept it for the gift it was.”
Chapter Fourteen
TWO DAYS BEFORE Christmas, Buck and Alice sat next to one another, huddled close to a fire. “Should be
ready in a little bit,” Alice said. “Damn wind’s not helpin’.”
Buck rubbed his gloved hand briskly up and down her back. “I gotta fix your damn stove in the trailer soon so we won’t have to act like a couple of freakin’ Eskimos,” he said, looking at the sky. “Snow’ll be here b’fore long.”
“Get me the parts, old man, and I’ll fix it for ya,” a familiar voice behind him said. “Ya look like a couple of popsicles sittin’ out here.”
“Maddie!” Alice squealed as she jumped up and flew to the younger woman, taking her in her arms in a crushing embrace. Maddie dropped her duffel bag and guitar case to hug Alice warmly.
“Where the hell ya been, kid?” Buck asked gruffly, spinning his wheelchair around.
“Workin’ down in Wichita Falls,” Maddie answered.
“Ain’t a damn thing in Wichita Falls,” Buck huffed. “We got coffee. If you want some, he’p yourself.”
Maddie released Alice and rubbed her hands together, moving closer to the fire and filling a blue porcelain cup. “Appreciate it. Pretty nipply out here,” she smiled.
“It’s a fuckin’ cornfield,” Buck coughed. “Ain’t much else in damn Iowa.”
“Got a gig?”
“Carson was offered a chance to do a winter festival, so here we are, freezin’ our asses off. Openin’ the day after Christmas. Locals swear this’ll blow over in a day or two. If it don’t we’ll need blow torches to get the gears on the rides to move. After this, we’re done for the season and are headin’ south to spend the winter gettin’ the equipment back in shape before spring.”
“Need a mechanic?”
“Always need a good mechanic. Know any?” Buck jibbed. “I was pretty pissed when ya up and split like ya did,” he added. “Took me a few days to cheer Alice up. Hell, I almost starved to death,” he grinned.
“Yeah, sorry about that, but there was somethin’ I needed to do,” Maddie said.
“Get it taken care of?”
Maddie nodded. “Yeah, it’s done.”
“Well, sit down and eat breakfast. You’re lookin’ a little skinny,” Alice said, handing Maddie a loaded plate.
“Isn’t this yours?” Maddie asked.
“I can make more in a jiffy. Eat!”
“How’d ya get here?” Buck asked.
“Hitched and walked mostly,” Maddie answered, stuffing her mouth with eggs and biscuits and gravy. She looked at Alice and grinned. “Really missed your cookin’,” she hummed with happiness.
“Got a special job for ya tomorrow, kid,” Buck said, winking at Alice while he washed his food down.
“What’s that?” Maddie asked, running a chunk of toast over her plate to sop up the remaining gravy.
“I need ya to take the lift off my old trailer and put it on Alice’s.” He reached out and grasped Alice’s hand, tugging her into his lap. “Me and Alice got hitched a couple of weeks ago and I’m gettin’ tired of draggin’ my horny ass inside ever night to be with my woman.”
Maddie swallowed hard. “Congratulations. It’s about damn time, old man,” she said with a broad smile.
“Well, I didn’t wanna saddle her with someone who wasn’t whole, but she convinced me she didn’t care and I finally gave up. Besides, she knows how to satisfy me in ever way possible,” he chuckled.
Alice smacked him on the chest, blushing furiously. “She don’t need to know that, Buck.”
“She don’t care, my dove,” Buck responded, pulling Alice into a hungry kiss and skimming his hand over her full breasts.
Maddie smiled, finishing her coffee. Like Buck, she wasn’t whole. Like Alice, Dani had tried to find a way to satisfy her completely, but Maddie hadn’t been brave enough to let go of her fears. Instead, she’d chosen to run away again. “Where are your tools? I can get Alice’s stove workin’ today and move your lift tomorrow,” she said. “Did you get a new trailer?”
He swept his arm around and asked, “Ya like it? Much roomier than Alice’s old one.”
“Looks good. When did you get it?”
“Two or three months ago. It was used, but we like it. I checked ever damn thing on it, except the stove, before we bought it. I replaced the propane lines and tank, the water lines, and the compressor in the a/c. By the time I pointed out what needed to be replaced, the price dropped so much the guy made a package deal for the SUV to tow it. Overall, it was a doable deal. Alice sold her old trailer to a new guy who joined the carnival down in Missouri. We did a few things to make it suit our needs better. Even got us a king-size bed,” he added with a wink. “Got a damn grill and sink built into the side. Slides out so we can cook outdoors when the weather gets warmer.”
“Fancy,” Maddie grinned. “If you decide to retire, you can park it anywhere.”
“That’s the plan in a couple of years,” Alice nodded.
“Me and Alice don’t need two trailers,” Buck said, nuzzling Alice’s neck. “If you’re stickin’ around, ya can bunk in mine. Might need to fix it up some, but we’ve already moved most of my stuff to Alice’s.”
“Dependin’ on how much ya want, I might could buy it and the truck from ya. Let me know what you want for ’em and I’ll let you know if I can swing it,” Maddie said.
Buck nodded and patted Alice on the butt when she stood up. “We got work to do, woman, and better get to it,” he laughed.
“I’m tired from all that walkin’ and now I’ve got a full belly. I might need a quick nap, so get me up in about an hour, will ya?” Maddie asked.
“Sluffin’ off already, huh?” Buck chuckled. “Go stretch out, kid. You’re lookin’ a little droopy. Trailer’s open.”
MADDIE BLINKED HER eyes open and let them adjust to the dim light finding its way into Buck’s old trailer. “Fuck,” she muttered, running a hand over her face to wake up. She threw off the blanket she’d wrapped over her body, swung her feet to the floor, and shook her head. She pulled her work boots on and charged out the door of the trailer, running across the grounds to Alice’s. No one was outside and she banged on the door with her fist, looking at the blinking Christmas lights that outlined the door and side windows. Alice’s smiling face greeted her a moment later. “Dinner will be ready as soon as the cornbread comes out of the oven. Sleep well?”
“You or Buck were supposed to wake me up so I could fix your stove,” Maddie groused. “Not let me sleep all damn day, Alice.”
“Buck checked it out and it was only a gummed-up pilot light, so he fixed it. Don’t you get grumpy with me, kid,” Alice admonished.
“Sorry, but I promised to look at it. I hate people who make promises, then don’t keep them. Guess I ate too much, got warm, and couldn’t stay awake.”
“Buck’s washin’ up. Come on in. Chili this evenin’,” Alice said. “The carnival won’t even open until the day after Christmas. There’ll be plenty of time to get everthin’ goin’.”
A small Christmas tree was on a table beneath the side windows. Little Christmas ornaments and figurines were scattered throughout the front living area. “Nice tree,” Maddie commented.
“Thanks. I love decoratin’ for Christmas, but not that crazy about puttin’ it all away afterward,” Alice said as she opened the oven to check her cornbread.
“Hey!” Buck said loudly. “It’s Sleepin’ Beauty,” he laughed.
“I’ll get on that lift tomorrow mornin’,” Maddie said. “Shouldn’t take too long.”
THE DAY BEFORE Christmas, Maddie joined Buck and Alice for an early Christmas dinner at their trailer since on Christmas Day they would all be busy setting up the rides and games for opening day. Maddie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen so much food. Probably not since the Christmas before her parents died. Seeing everything laid out, she suddenly felt overwhelmed by loneliness, something she’d rarely felt before. She’d had glimpses of how real people lived occasionally, had allowed her fears to stop her from fully engaging. As she blinked to clear her mind, every time
she blinked, a picture flickered through her mind like a slide show. She saw the gruff, but gentle face of Flo, the obvious love when Flo and Sal gazed at one another, the red, unforgiving face of Natalie Melendez who was still letting her anger control her life.
Then Maddie smiled at the memory of Dani wearing nothing other than her apron as she made cookies the night Maddie stormed out of her house, unwilling to be touched by another woman who claimed to love her. She rubbed her fingers together, feeling the soft warmth of Dani’s skin as she gave herself freely to Maddie. All Dani had asked in return was to touch Maddie. But after being hurt and used so many times, how could Maddie trust her? Now she was where no one judged her and accepted her unconditionally. Wasn’t that enough? All she really wanted or needed?
Early Christmas morning, Maddie ran cold water in the kitchen sink and splashed it on her face. She lit a cigarette and inhaled a long drag. After she dressed, she pushed the trailer door open and felt a cold breeze on her face. She started down the metal steps to examine how the lift was connected under the trailer. She glanced down and saw a round metal tin with a large bow attached to the lid. She picked it up and shook it before popping the top open. A note rested on top of the cookies inside. Probably Alice, she thought, as she flipped open the note.
You helped bake them, so I thought you should have a few. Merry Christmas. D—
Maddie squinted into the sun, her eyes searching the campgrounds, her heart beating against her chest. Finally, she spotted Buck, directing carnies who were unloading and hauling brightly painted booth sections to the eventual Midway area. She trotted over to him, but before she could speak, he reached into the tin and grabbed a cookie.
“Did you see who left these outside the trailer?” she asked.
“Yeah. Pretty brunette lady,” he answered around a mouthful of cookie. “Not a bad cookie,” he nodded, reaching for another one.
“Take them all,” Maddie said with a hint of urgency in her voice as she deposited the tin in his lap. “Just tell me where she went.”
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