by Ivy Rose
The nurse shakes her head.
I hear a sob behind me as the doctor charges the machine again.
“Stand back.”
I feel the pain in the chest as if I’m feeling her pain and rub a hand over my chest.
Deep sobs break through my body as if I was made of glass.
“Stop.” Nothing but a coarse whisper.
I close my eyes against the pain that is coming. I open my eyes and face the people trying to save my beautiful wife, their eyes full of sorrow.
I swallow hard as chest tightens my breathing becomes harsh. “Let her go.”
I don’t register the pain as my knees hit the ground or the pity in everyone eyes, but I register the scream, the scream like I’ve never heard before. It’s the type of scream that once you hear it, you never forget it. It’s so haunting, so full of anguish and raw pain, that I’m surprised the person is still alive. It sounds as though their soul is being ripped from their body. Their chest being split open, their heart being torn out.
My body flinches from the pain they feel. It's as though I can hear their world shattering. That person will never be the same. Their life has changed forever.
I feel big arms that hold me tightly, as if trying to hold me together.
That when I realize I’m the one screaming.
Dominic
Somebody helps me up. As I stumble to the bed, I notice the doctors and nurses have already removed her tubes.
I push her hair out of her face. She looks so damn beautiful—my angel.
“It’s okay, beautiful. I'll be waiting for you to find me. I’ll wait forever.”
My tears land on her pale skin and I place a kiss on her cold lips.
I’m sorry, my baby. I let you down. I didn't protect you. You saved me, beautiful, you always saved me.
I take off my ring for the first time since I said our vows and place it on her finger. Taking hers, I hold it clenched in my hand.
I walk out of the hospital, ignoring them as they shout my name.
Dominic
Three days, six hours, thirty-five minutes since my beautiful left the world. How does someone live without their air? Navigate the darkness with no stars?
There is a knock on the door. Carter and Mac stand on the opposite side.
Cooper comes running inside. He runs for our bedroom. After he comes down, he wines and lays down—he's looking for her.
I sit next to him on the stairs, trying to swallow past the fucking lump in my throat. “She’s not here.”
He makes a noise like he knows exactly what I said as he whimpers.
“Fuck, Stone, have you slept at all?” Mac hands me a cup of coffee.
I shake my head. He doesn't understand that Avery was my dream catcher. After the first night I dozed off, I woke reaching for her, only to have my hand land on the coldness of the sheets. The pain was indescribable. It ripped me open, shattering me.
“Come on, man. We’re going to be late.”
Carters gruff voice makes me jump.
He puts his hand on shoulder.
I get up. “I can't say goodbye to her. I can't let her go.”
He nods. “You just get through today because today’s not the hardest day, tomorrow is. That’s when you’ll realize she’s gone.” The pain and truth in his eyes makes me suck in a breath.
Today is our anniversary. No has mentioned it, do they even remember?
Today I should have surprised her with a bunch of flowers. Instead, they lay on the black coffin in the car in front of me. I'm not taking her out to her favorite restaurant. Instead, I’m burying her in the ground.
We pull up to the church.
“I’ve never seen so many people,” Mac whispers.
So many people loved my beautiful. She touched so many lives. It was impossible not to love her.
As we get out of the car, I move away from the crowds.
A little boy comes up to me, his bottom lip trembling. “Miss, miss, Stone, Miss Stone, was my, was my teacher.” Tears run down his face. “Mama, mama, said she's, she said she went…to heaven. That it’s really far.” He sniffles. wiping his nose on his jumper “I’m, I am going, going, I'm going to miss her.” His bottom lip trembling.
I kneel down. “Reese?”
He nods his head.
I knew it was him when he started speaking. My girl had told me all about him. “Miss Stone was very proud of you.”
A fresh wave of tears fall from his eyes as he runs into my body.
“Oh, I’m sorry. My son was a student of Avery’s. He's taking it harder than I thought he would.” She apologizes softly.
I lift my head up and the woman takes a step back.
“Oh God. You’re Dominic, Avery’s husband.”
I nod as her eyes tear up.
“I know you know this already, but your wife was very special.”
I nod, unable to say any more. I walk into the church. I stumble when I see the coffin and the photos of my beautiful girl smiling. Those eyes.
Cecelia stands up. She looks nothing like the woman we have come to know. Her hair lies limp, her eyes haunted. She sucks in a breath and tears streak her face.
Molly runs up beside her, and grabs her hand as Cecelia starts singing a slow version of. “In the Arms of an Angel”.
Clenching my teeth together as I hang my head. Blocking out the sound of the painful cries that echo from the walls, I wait for the pain to come and take me under, but it doesn’t. Neither do the tears. I don't feel anything. That's the moment I feel the new me die right alongside my heart.
“Avery was the spotlight. When she walked into a room, you couldn't help but be blinded by not just her beauty, but her heart. She loved so freely, but she didn't love anyone like she loved her husband and daughter, Juliet. That little girl may never meet her mama, but I promise you, Avery…I promise you that I will let her know how special her mama was. I will never forget you, Avery.” Cecelia’s lips tremble the whole way through. Molly holding her hand.
I hear a baby cry and I physically flinch at the sound. I have never heard her cry, but I know it’s our daughter, our Juliet. I can’t take it anymore and stand up. “Son.”
I clench my hands together, spinning around as a low growl escapes. “I’m not your son.”
Derek swallows before taking a step toward me with his hands up in surrender, as if he’s approaching a wild animal. “You’re family, Dominic. Avery would want us together.”
I shake my head, looking at the coffin where my wife, my girl lives. “I can’t watch as they bury her. I can’t say goodbye. It was meant to be me. That bullet was meant for me. It should be me in that box, not her…God, not her, never her…” I grab my hair, pulling at it.
Sharon steps forward next to her husband. “Juliet needs you.”
At the sound of her name, I look up, seeing the small bundle in Sharon’s arms. As if someone else is controlling me, I take the first look at my daughter. Sucking in a sharp breath, I take a step closer. She looks so much like Avery. Her eyes open, looking at me just like Avery did, with such innocence. But I’m there, too. Juliet is part of us.
She reaches out, as if knowing who I am, grabbing my finger. Her grip is tight. We had so many plans and dreams, but they were all shattered. He did not just kill Avery, he killed our dream, our promises, and shattered our love.
I lean in and kiss her head. “We love you so much, Juliet, our beautiful baby girl.” I stand back, taking one last look at my daughter’s face.
“Stone.”
I glare at Carter, my hands go to his, who are linked with Molly’s. I look back up daring him to say something.
“What about Juliet? You can’t just walk away.”
I look at Cecelia. “She will never go where I’m going. You keep Juliet far away from me. As far as you can, you hear me? If you all loved Avery, then do this, because Juliet will only ever know the sunshine.”
I make it to the place that was my only home. It still smells
of her, memories of her in every corner, her smiling face in every photo. The walls hold a hundred secret memories.
Cooper slowly walks up to me, but I walk straight past him.
I need to get out of here.
I shove stuff into a bag and grab my jeans, boots and leather jacket from the back of the wardrobe. I catch myself in the mirror. A boy from my past looks back at me, mocking me.
Just as my front door slams open, my hands rest on the gun under my jacket. I walk toward Carter and Mac, who are standing in the doorway.
“Where are you going?” Mac looks at me with confusion in his eyes.
I shrug as I grab a photo, shoving it in the bag. I head into the garage. Grabbing Cooper, I hand him over to Carter. I kneel down. “You be a good boy.” I scratch his ear.
Mac curses as his phone rings before walking off.
Carter pulls at his hair
“You’re coming back, right?” I look into the distance before looking back at the man that’s become my best friend my brother, I know he see the truth in my eyes.
They widen as the realization hits him and he goes pale. “Fuck, you’re going after them.”
I don’t answer his question.
He already knows the answer. “You don’t even know who it was.”
I stare at Him, anger burning through me like lava. “I’ll find them, if it’s the last thing I do.”
He looks at me. Finally nodding. “If you need anything…”
I roll the bike toward him, chucking him the house keys. “It’s Jul—” I swallow. “It’s Juliet’s.”
He opens his mouth to say something. Instead, he nods.
I ride away from the life I built.
From my beautiful, from my baby girl.
Dominic
I roll my bike to a stop at the lookout, looking over the town and the two opposite lives I lived there.
The place that built me up, gave me everything, and let me believe that I deserved my girl, her love. It made me believe that I deserved the family I had always dreamed of and the beautiful little girl who would call me Daddy.
Just to rip it all away.
I pull out a packet of cigarettes, inhaling the smoke that claims my lungs like an old friend.
I close my eyes, letting the darkness finally take over and opening the cage where my demons live so they can run free.
A smirk lifts my lips because hell is coming to those that took my beautiful. They don’t realize what taking her away did.
They unleashed the man I have kept hidden. I’m the darkness. I was born to it. Only this time, there is no one to save me.
No beautiful heart to stop me.
My shattered pieces make me bleed, reminding me of the pain of what they’ve done.
I hold my hand over my heart.
I swear to you, beautiful, I couldn’t protect you, but I will revenge you.
I will keep our baby girl safe. I will send them all to hell, even if it means I go with them.
I push my foot down, starting the bike. The roar of the pipes vibrates through me.
I look at the town. Chucking my cigarette on the ground, I ride away.
When you’re lost and broken
Don’t hide away
My arms are always open
My love will never fade
When you’re smothered by the darkness
And you’re searching for the light
Come to me, I’ll bring you back
I’ll hold you through the night
When your heart feels like it’s breaking
And your world is crumbling down
Call for me, I’m always here
I’ll always be around
And when you’re all but shattered
And love seems all but lost
Remember I will love you
No matter what the cost.
By Julie Anne Addicott ©
Twenty years later
Dominic
The first punch comes out of nowhere, the second from the right. I dodge both and bounce left, raising both fists to protect my face. As soon as they get your eye, it’s fucking over. Not that the place has any fucking rules.
A singular bulb swings between us and we fight on the concert floor like animals, using our bare knuckles and legs to gain the upper hand, fighting for dominance in these final few moments.
I take a swing. I feel my fist contact flesh and hear the sound of a crack. He falls into the crowd, his upper lip split and his eye so swollen he can barely see out of it.
“Finish him!” the crowd roars, throwing him back in the makeshift ring.
He looks around for his pack he came with, but only wads of money waved like flags in the air can be seen.
People scream, making last-minute bets at our expense, maybe even our deaths.
He adjusts back into a fighting position. He's a kid in his prime.
I’m just an older version of him. My breathing rapid, I watch from the dark outskirts of our ring. I know my coolness scares him. He saw it in my eyes. I don't fear death. Sometimes I welcome it, pray for it, but not until I get the blood of the one who took everything away from me.
He is fighting for the money, greedy to show how big his dick is.
I am fighting for information that will hopefully lead me another step closer to the man who took my beautiful.
“Fight me, old man!” he yells, showing a fake confidence, but I see the fear in his eyes.
I stalk forward.
The look in my eyes makes him take a step back. He glances nervously at the man who is screaming at him from the corner and bounces his weight from one foot to the other, most likely a move he learned from watching some fight film.
Anyone can see he is wet behind the ears. He pumps iron at the gym and automatically thinks he can fucking play with the big boys. He isn't prepared for what comes next.
There is a shimmering band of light that blinds me for a mere second. I suck in a breath as a figure appears, a figure that I've reached for every night.
“Beautiful?” Is this it? Am I dying? Has hell finally had enough of me?
My head falls to the right as I feel the impact and my body goes down. I look where the figure was, but it’s just a young kid filming on his mobile phone.
I jump up to my feet before he can think about taking the next hit. I pounce.
His eyes widen as I take my first punch.
Right, right, left.
I can see he's dizzy. Before he finds his footing, I swing with a sharp left, knocking him completely to the floor and his eyes roll before his head falls to the side.
I walk a lonely path, diverting through the back roads and alleys that are brimming with those who live for the dark. I have to be careful how much illegal fighting I do. There are only so many times before your sergeant gets suspicious and pulls you up.
I snake my way to the place they call no man’s land. It’s about a mile long. Not many of my colleagues will even come up this far in a patrol car, let alone take their chances walking, but I belong here. They recognize the darkness that lives in me.
I push open the doors to the last building on the left. The paint is peeling off and its window is boarded up where it has been broken.
It’s packed. A bar is filled with the hapless and beer sloshes to the floor. The crowd parts and I’m met by a pair of hungry eyes.
“He’s out the back,” she smiles, leaning on the counter. She has the act perfectly written. Ever since I started coming in, she has been playing the game. To her it’s a game of cat and mouse. Me ignoring her somehow meant I was to be chased.
What she will never understand, no matter how fucking blunt I have been with her, is that I’m not even playing the game. My wife may be dead, but she took my heart with her. I promised her I would love her until I took my last breath and that was a promise I will never break. A thousand women could try to turn my head or warm my bed, but none will succeed in seducing me to be unfaithful to my girl.
; I bang my knuckles on the door and pain shoots up my hand. I feel my fingers. Looking down at my hand, I see the knuckles are already swollen.
“Yeah.” His raspy voice comes through the door. You could never mistake his sixty-a-day habit.
I push through the doors and he looks up at me. I chuck the wad on money on the table. There’s at least a couple of thousand there.
He grabs it, greedily shoving it in his top draw. He slides a piece of paper across the desk. “This seems like a man that you want to talk to.”
I grab the piece of paper in my clenched hands before walking away. I don’t say goodbye. We’re not friends. Benny is a fucking crock that has his hands in too many pies, both in the law and out of it. He’s missing a few fingers and he’ll be lucky to be alive in a few years, but that’s not my concern. As long as he keeps getting me the information, I keep making him money.
The sun comes through the blind and I lift my arm to shield myself from its brightness. I roll over, grasping nothing but air and my chest starts hammering with anxiety. She’s gone.
After all this time, I thought my body and mind would accept it and learn to live without its sun, but not a single fucking day have I woken up and not reached for my girl. It’s like I believe I can wake from this nightmare and she’ll be there next to me, that sleepy, sexy look in her eyes as she stretches that gorgeous body of hers, her pouty lips in a soft smile.
I hear the front door, rumbling with the impact of three knocks. Only one person is stupid enough to knock on my door.
Shrugging on the nearest pair of sweatpants, I drag a hand through my hair and open the door. I skip the fucking hellos. He knows he’s not welcome here—no one is.
His eyes widen when he notices the bruises, he won’t anything he hasn’t for years after he realized he couldn’t save me, he shakes his head.
“Someone hasn’t slept.”
I don't sleep. The most I get is an hour or two.
At first, I slept as much as I fucking could, trying to find her. Some nights she found me and I would dream of the plans we had. Other nights, she would hold me tight, as if she was trying to put my shattered pieces together. But waking up after dreaming of her, touching her, smelling her, it was worse, torture. Every fucking time I woke, I lost her again.