‘I’m used to it I suppose.’ He saw my face and reached for me. ‘He has no problem with you, I promise. And even if he did, it wouldn’t matter to me. You make me so happy being here.’
‘Even if I’m too scared of the animals, hate getting up early, am cold all the time, and burst into tears this morning when I dropped the cat food all over the kitchen floor?’
Rory grinned. ‘Even then. Why do you always give yourself such a hard time? You don’t need to worry about any of that. And you’re pregnant. Doesn’t that give you a free pass to be tired and emotional?’ He pulled me to him and I relaxed a little in his embrace. ‘How did I end up falling for such a worry wart, huh?’
‘Worry wart? Are we living in the 1950s?’ I smiled though, his jokes always cheered me up.
‘Living here sometimes feels like that.’ He dropped a kiss on my lips. ‘Right, let’s go and feed the cows. And I promise that I’ll always be here so you don’t have to feel scared or worried, okay? I’m looking after you from now on. If you would just bloody let me.’
‘Okay, but I warn you now after Beth told me about the time a cow chased after her and Drew in the field, I’m not at all excited to be around those cows of yours.’
‘The poor cow was terrified at the sight of two teenagers kissing in the middle of its field. Besides, Drew has zero affinity with animals, that’s why he’s a doctor, so don’t listen to any of his stories. My dad once said he’d never met anyone less suited to living on a farm.’ He held out his hand and I took it, letting him lead me out towards the field, all the time worrying that I’d turn out to be just like his brother, and any enthusiasm he had for me being here would soon disappear. I glanced back and saw Angus giving Duke more food, evidently thinking I hadn’t filled up the trough enough. I suddenly wanted to re-pack all my bags and scurry back to the safety of my childhood home.
* * *
I had become more comfortable here than I would have thought possible back on that first morning but I still felt like I didn’t really belong, and I still worried that both Angus and Rory thought the same thing sometimes. Stewart had given voice to those worries by being so surprised to see me working and living here. He thought I belonged in an office with him.
Was he right?
Rory had repeatedly told me that I did have talent for designing. And so had Beth and Emily when they asked me to design the festive trail banner, and the logo and menus in the bakery. I had taken some classes at college and done well at them. I always enjoyed that work, and had thought of pursuing it when Harry was older. Stewart was now offering me a chance to do it, and with much less risk than my starting up my own business would pose.
Failure scared me still. It had followed me to and from university. So, I had often followed the easy route in life. Taking the library job was an example, to be honest. It had been an easy job, but I had been grieving at the time. I didn’t think I could handle anything that would challenge me.
Falling for Rory and moving on to his farm, having Harry – they had been the first risks I had ever taken in my life, and they both challenged and scared me still every day. I could tell Stewart found those life moves hard to process, and I didn’t blame him. So did I, after all.
I wasn’t particularly good at making decisions. I never had been. My mum once said I thought too much about everything, and she had been right. I always envied how carefree she was. Once I lost her influence in my life, I think it all got a bit worse. The worrying, the anxiety about making the wrong choice… And here I was, with a choice to make once again, and no clue what to do.
Leaving my dad and Harry asleep upstairs, I slipped into the kitchen and had a quick cup of strong, hot coffee, before pulling on my thick parka, covering my hair with the hood, and wellies, and walking out of the back door. As I walked around into the yard to collect the chicken feed, I heard a strange noise. It was a low groaning sound.
Frowning, I changed direction to follow the sound.
It was so dark, I could barely see but I was sure it was coming from the direction of the field. I walked over and the noise got louder. As I approached I could see the gate was open slightly and one of the cows was standing by it, making a pitiful noise.
I pulled out my phone and switched on the torch. I could see the cow’s right leg was trapped in the opening. He must have seen that the gate was slightly ajar and tried to push it open but his leg had got stuck on some mud and he was now trapped, and clearly distressed because of it.
‘Oh, bugger,’ I muttered. I couldn’t understand why the gate had even opened slightly for him. I thought back to walking up the hill with Stewart. I had definitely closed the gate behind us, hadn’t I? ‘It’s okay, boy, don’t worry, I’ll get you out,’ I promised him even though I had no idea how to deliver on it. The cattle were friendly but as he was distressed, I didn’t fancy getting in there with him alone, and I wouldn’t have the strength to pull him free by myself either, it didn’t look like.
I needed help and I really didn’t want to ask the only person around I could ask. I turned to see the lights were on in the cottage. ‘Angus it is,’ I said to the cow. ‘Wish me luck, and don’t go anywhere, okay? I’ll be right back.’ I tried to smile at my weak joke but I couldn’t raise one. This was exactly what I worried about with Rory away – something going wrong here. And I was worried I had let this happen by leaving the gate unlocked. The responsibility felt like a weight on my shoulders as I hurried to Angus’s cottage and knocked loudly on the door.
‘Where’s the fire?’ Angus asked grumpily, opening the door with a frown.
‘Angus, one of the cows is trapped by the gate, stuck in some mud. Can you come and help?’
‘Go and get a torch from the barn, I’ll grab some rope,’ he replied, closing the door abruptly on me.
I didn’t have time to complain about his manners so I hurried off to find a torch, went back to the field and turned it on. The cow hadn’t managed to free himself and some of the others had moved closer, drawn by his cries I assumed. ‘It’s okay, guys,’ I called out soothingly. ‘We’re going to help him.’
Angus appeared, now in a coat and holding a thick rope. ‘How did he get the gate open?’ Angus asked, looking at me accusingly.
‘I honestly thought it was locked,’ I said, helpless, annoyed at myself. I hated that this was my fault. I bet he was thinking he’d been right all along about me.
He snorted instead of responding. ‘Right, let’s get this around him.’ I helped him wrap the rope around the cow, who let out another moan. ‘You go around that side of him, I’ll take this side,’ he said, climbing over the fence and getting into the field. I stayed near the gate and watched as he climbed in beside the cow. ‘You got a good footing?’
‘I think so,’ I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. I held tightly onto the rope with one hand, and with the other held the torch so we could see.
‘Okay, you pull with the rope, and I’ll push him, we just need to free that leg from the mud. Go gently so we don’t hurt him.’
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘On three,’ I said, counting us down, and then tugging on the rope. Angus grunted as he pushed the cow’s flank, and the cow whimpered as he tried to kick his legs. I felt him slip a little forward. ‘Not that way,’ I said, pulling harder. I put the torch down and pulled again using both hands. Angus was saying words of encouragement to the cow who scrambled in mud. ‘Almost,’ I cried, trying to hold him steady. ‘God, he’s heavy.’
‘One more go,’ Angus cried quickly. Heat rose up my face with the effort as I pulled again. Angus pushed the cow towards me and I felt his leg move. He shuffled backwards, freeing himself from the mud. I let go of the rope as he found his footing and climbed out of the mud back onto the grass. Angus quickly pulled the rope off him as the cow hurried off to find the others, letting out a snort that could either mean ‘thank you’ or ‘about bloody time’.
Angus held the torch up to watch the cow re-join the herd. ‘He isn’t limpi
ng,’ he said with relief as the cow let out one last grunt and disappeared into the darkness. Angus quickly slammed the gate shut and locked it.
I flopped against the fence. ‘Thank goodness.’ I wiped my sweaty brow and sucked in a breath. That cow weighed a bloody ton. I wondered if I should start lifting weights but that really seemed like too much work to be honest.
‘Good job, Heather,’ Angus said, throwing the rope over his shoulders.
I stared at him, startled by the praise. ‘Oh, thanks. I really thought the gate was secure.’
‘It could have been the cold not letting it shut properly, it has happened before, I’ll check it when it’s light.’
‘I know it’s such a basic thing…’ I trailed off, feeling really cross with myself.
‘All’s well that ends well,’ he said, surprising me by not giving me a lecture or anything. He looked at me. ‘What were you doing up so early, mind?’
‘Couldn’t sleep for worrying,’ I replied honestly. And this incident wasn’t going to help stop that. It could have been really bad. The cow could have got injured or worse actually got out of the field and been hurt, or escaped. In fact, the whole herd could have gotten out. I shuddered at the very thought. What would Rory have said?
‘A day of worry is more tiring than a week of work, as my Pa used to say,’ he replied. ‘We’ll make a farmer of you yet,’ he added, sloping off with a whistle.
I watched him go, amazed. I really thought he wished I wasn’t around. Mind you, with Angus those words could have either been a promise or threat.
The sun was rising then, and I watched the cow munching on the grass, as if nothing had just happened. I pulled out my phone, wanting to capture this moment. I felt so satisfied with what I’d been able to do without Rory here.
I went over to the cow, and for the first time in my life I took a selfie with one. He lifted his head obligingly for the picture, chewing on the grass, and almost looked as if he was smiling along with me. I looked at the photo – my hair was a frizzy mess, my cheeks red from the cold, and the exertion of moving the cow, but my eyes were bright, and my smile was wide. I looked proud of myself – I was proud of myself. I sent it to Rory, telling him what had happened.
And then I opened up Instagram to post it on there. It was my first selfie but I wasn’t as nervous as I might have been before. I thought about how connected people had been to the post about my mother so I decided to be honest in the caption again. Just writing it made me smile, reassuring me that I was doing the right thing.
I’ve lived on Fraser Farm for two years now but my boyfriend Rory has always dealt with our cattle, not me. This morning, he isn’t here so when I saw this cow stuck in the mud, I had to step in. Along with Angus, who works with us, I managed to help free the cow and he’s now happily back with the herd scoffing his face with grass. It’s a small thing to everyone else but to me, it feels like the first time I’ve felt capable out here. For someone who used to work in a library, and has been nervous around the animals since I moved in, I feel like a superstar right now. And I’m going to try to hang on to this feeling, and not be so worried that I can’t do this.
Because today, I’ve proved to myself that I can!
Chapter Fourteen
Rory didn’t get back until the evening. I stood outside as he drove up in his van, a now empty trailer attached, and shivered in the cold wind, some snowflakes still floating around me.
I broke into a smile when he climbed out of the car. I really had missed him. ‘You’re back!’ I cried cheerfully, hurrying towards him. Then I saw his face. He looked confused, even a little hurt, as he stopped by the van. ‘Rory?’ I said, stopping in front of him, nervous as I’d never seen him look at me like that before.
‘I stopped off at the shop to drop off some marmalade I bought at the auction and a customer said they saw you last night in a pub with a man he’d never seen before, and you looked, I quote, “very cosy” together.’ He lifted his hands to make the speech marks in the air.
‘I can explain,’ I said quickly, before I realised that sentence made it sound like I’d done something wrong. Which I suppose I had by not telling him that I was going for dinner with Stewart in the first place. I should have realised Glendale was too small a place for me to have not been seen by someone. ‘Let’s go in the warm and have a coffee, and I’ll explain everything. Okay?’
‘Fine,’ he said, walking past me inside, shrugging off his coat and boots.
‘I just took Harry up. Dad’s watching a film,’ I said quietly, leading him into the kitchen. Rory watched me pour two cups of coffee out and sat down at the table.
‘What’s going on?’ He broke the silence finally as I sat down opposite him, passing over his coffee.
‘I was having dinner with Stewart. My ex-boyfriend from university. He’s in Glendale because he wants to buy Hilltop Farm. He wants to turn it into a hotel and golf course,’ I said, all in a rush. ‘I didn’t want to worry anyone yet, that’s why I didn’t tell you.’
‘Why would it worry me?’ He frowned, trying to catch up.
I pulled out the folder Stewart had given me in the pub and opened it up on the kitchen table. ‘It turns out the lower field, over the hill, the land we thought we owned, it actually belongs to Hilltop.’ I showed him the boundary marked on the map he had given me. ‘Which would mean the golf course would run right up to the edge of our farm. But Stewart has said he would be willing to work something out so the farm isn’t impacted, if I come on board and help with the project.’
‘Help how?’ Rory asked, staring at the map between us. He traced the red marked line with his finger, shaking his head.
‘Help Stewart design it all. I could make sure the farm isn’t impacted by it…’ I said, trailing off when he looked up at ne.
‘And it wouldn’t be impacted if you go off to work on this hotel?’
‘Well, yes, I know but I just said I’d think about it, I didn’t say yes or anything.’
‘And that’s what you want? To work with your ex-boyfriend?’ He leaned back in his chair, watching me, his face unreadable.
‘It’s not about him,’ I said uncertainly. ‘I have always liked the idea of designing… and if I helped, I could make sure the farm is okay.’ What had made sense when Stewart said it, felt awkward with Rory watching me silently. ‘I said I’d think about it, that’s all,’ I added. ‘He just sprung it on me last night.’
Rory looked at the plans again, not saying anything for a whole minute. Then he looked up. ‘And why did he choose this spot for his hotel? Because you live next door?’
‘No, he didn’t know that. I mean, he assumed I was still in Glendale, but he didn’t know I lived here until he asked about me in the village.’
‘And you really believe that?’
‘Why would he lie about it?’
Rory looked away. ‘Why indeed?’ He sighed. ‘That land has always been ours, there must be a mistake.’ He stood up abruptly. ‘I’m really tired, Heather. I need to go to bed. We can talk again in the morning. I’ll ring up our solicitor first thing.’
‘Okay. I think it will be fine. I mean, Stewart is reasonable, I’m sure that he won’t do anything to hurt us.’
‘I don’t know how you can say that when he’s already hurt you. Didn’t you tell me it broke your heart when he refused to come to Glendale to be with you?’
‘Yes,’ I whispered. ‘That was a long time ago though…’
He walked to the door, shaking his head. Then he paused, and looked back. ‘People don’t change, Heth. And I don’t doubt he wouldn’t give a toss about hurting me or this farm. I’m not going to trust anything he says, and maybe you shouldn’t either.’ He left me alone then, the tiredness clear in his voice and his bowed head as he went slowly up to bed, the first time he had done so without asking me if I was going to join him.
It hadn’t been an argument, not exactly, that was never Rory’s style, but I knew he was disappointed. And not just in th
e situation we had found ourselves in, but with how I had handled it. Why did I keep on getting things so wrong?
I wrapped my hands around my coffee cup, hoping it might warm them up. I didn’t know what I could do to fix things but I desperately wanted to. I couldn’t stop thinking about Stewart’s offer; if I worked with him then surely the farm would be okay, and Rory could get in help here with the money I would be making. Harry would have to go to nursery or if Dad moved in then he could look after him, I suppose. I put my head in my hands as I tried to think about how I could make it all work. And make everyone happy.
But I wasn’t at all sure that would even be possible.
Chapter Fifteen
‘Our solicitor can fit me in this morning,’ Rory said when he came in through the back door, wiping his muddy boots on the mat. It was a rainy morning, dark and miserable, and we both had got wet and muddy doing the morning chores. Harry and my dad had stayed in the dry farmhouse, and were in the living room watching cartoons as I made breakfast for us all. ‘So, I’ll shower and head straight into Inverness. Do you need anything while I’m there?’
‘I don’t think so, I have everything for Christmas, just need to do a final food shop a couple of days before Christmas Eve,’ I replied, glancing at him to see if he was still angry with me. ‘I hope the solicitor can help.’
‘So do I. This has been farming land for centuries, the thought of it being developed, of our way of life out here changing, I don’t want that for Harry,’ he replied quietly. ‘You’ll be okay having him this morning then?’
‘Of course,’ I said, thinking over what he had said as he walked upstairs to take a shower. I hadn’t thought about the future but I supposed if the hotel did go ahead then it could potentially harm our way of life enough that we might not be able to continue farming here. Surely not. I turned back to the milk I was warming up for our son. Like Rory, I had assumed the farm would be around for years to come, that if Harry wanted to then he would take it over one day.
Hopeful Hearts at Glendale Hall Page 11