“EWWW! That’s disgusting!” complained Suzy. “Mum, tell him!”
“That’s disgusting, Bertie,” said Mum. “Use your fork.”
“It takes too long,” said Bertie. “How quick was that?”
“We weren’t timing you!” said Dad.
“About ten seconds,” said Bertie. “I bet that’s a world record!”
After supper, Bertie went in search of his copy of The Bumper Book of Records. It turned out the record for eating a tin of baked beans was under seven seconds. That was incredibly fast. It would take him longer than that to get the tin open. Bertie flicked through the pages of the book. The world’s tallest man, the longest toenails, the deadliest snake, the fastest dog on a skateboard… Wait! What was that again?
“The fastest skateboarding dog is Tillman the bulldog from California, USA. Tillman skateboarded 100 metres across a car park in 19.678 seconds.”
Bertie stared at the picture. A dog on a skateboard – why had he never thought of that before? It was brilliant – the greatest record ever! Much better than making a stupid pyramid out of pennies. He still had his skateboard in the shed. All he needed now was Whiffer.
CHAPTER 3
Two weeks later, the day of Pudsley Junior’s world record attempt arrived. Bertie walked to school with Whiffer on a lead and his skateboard jammed into his backpack. He explained his genius idea to Darren and Eugene on the way.
“What about your mum?” asked Darren. “How did you persuade her to let you bring Whiffer to school?”
“Simple,” said Bertie. “I told her that it was Bring your Pet to School day.”
“And she believed you?” said Darren amazed.
Bertie nodded.
“But what if Miss Boot sees him?” said Eugene. “Dogs aren’t allowed in school.”
“She won’t,” said Bertie. “We’ll smuggle him into the book cupboard before the bell goes.”
“What if he barks?” objected Eugene.
“He won’t. I’ve brought him some dog food,” said Bertie. “Anyway, it’s not for long, only till we go outside.”
Eugene shook his head. “You’re mad, Bertie! Miss Boot will go up the wall!”
“Well, I think it’s a great idea,” said Darren. “Just think, we’ll be famous! The world’s fastest skateboarding dog!”
Eugene glanced at Whiffer doubtfully. “You think he can do it?”
“Of course he can,” said Bertie. “He’s been practising all week. Trust me, this will work!”
After the register, Miss Boot inspected the pennies her class had collected.
“Hands up anyone who has collected fifty or more?” she asked.
Almost every hand went up. Bertie groaned. He’d only collected twenty-four and most of those came from his gran.
“More than a hundred?” asked Miss Boot. “More than five hundred?”
Royston Rich was the only one left with his hand up.
“Well done, Royston!” said Miss Boot. “You’re the winner! How many pennies did you collect?”
Royston heaved a sack on to the table. “Two thousand,” he said.
“Two thousand?”
“It was easy,” said Royston smugly. “My dad went to the bank and changed a twenty pound note.”
“Oh,” said Miss Boot. “Well, here’s your prize. Perhaps you can start your own penny collection with this.” Royston stared glumly at the Peter Rabbit Money Box.
Miss Boot collected in all the pennies and divided them into buckets. She explained that they would be building the penny pyramid out in the playground. Everyone would have a chance to take part.
“And we have some special visitors,” she said. “The Pudsley Post is sending a photographer to take our picture. Not only that, but someone is coming from The Bumper Book of Records.”
The class cheered excitedly.
“WOOF!” barked Whiffer in the book cupboard.
Miss Boot frowned. “What was that?”
“Um … it was me,” said Bertie. “I’ve got a cough.”
Miss Boot narrowed her eyes. “It sounded like a dog.”
“Yes, it’s a barking cough,” said Bertie. “Woof woof! ”
Miss Boot scowled. “Well, don’t cough over anyone else,” she said. “Right, everyone line up at the door.”
Bertie breathed out. It was a close thing, but he’d got away with it.
CHAPTER 4
Outside, the penny pyramid gleamed in the sun. They had begun by laying hundreds of pennies in a square to act as the base. Then each layer had to be added carefully on top, getting smaller to create the shape of a pyramid. It was a delicate task. One slip and the whole pile would come crashing down.
They had been working for three hours in the sun. The children stood patiently waiting their turn. Miss Boot had forbidden them to run, make a noise or even whisper. The Pudsley Post photographer took pictures while the woman from The Bumper Book of Records filmed on her camcorder.
Bertie peeped round the side of the school.
“You’re sure this is a good idea?” whispered Eugene.
“Stop worrying!” said Bertie.
“Yeah, it’s going to be great,” said Darren.
Bertie was certain Whiffer would rise to the occasion. After all, if Tillman the bulldog could ride a skateboard, any dog could do it.
“Okay, let’s go,” he whispered. The three of them crept out from their hiding place. Bertie kept a close eye on Miss Boot, who luckily had her back to them. He hauled Whiffer on to the skateboard and took off his lead. It took three or four attempts to get him to stay on. He kept climbing off or facing the wrong way. But at last they got him standing in position.
“Ready?” whispered Bertie. “When I say ‘go’ we’ll push him off.”
Eugene nodded and set the timer on his watch.
Whiffer didn’t look thrilled to be attempting the world doggie skateboarding record. His crash helmet had slipped down over one eye and he was chewing the strap.
Miss Boot was helping Trevor to lay the next step of pennies. A few more and the pyramid would be finished. Bertie started the countdown.
“Three, two, one … GO!” he yelled.
They launched the skateboard with a mighty push. Whiffer gave a yelp as it went zooming across the playground. His ears flapped like a pair of windsocks.
“Uh oh,” said Bertie.
Miss Boot had turned round – just in time to see a skateboarding dog hurtling towards her at the speed of light. For a moment she thought she must be dreaming. She stepped in front of the precious pyramid to try and prevent disaster.
“NO, STOP! STOP!” she yelled, waving her arms.
Whiffer couldn’t stop, he only knew it was time to get off. He leaped into Miss Boot’s arms. The skateboard zoomed on by itself.
“NOOOOOO!” yelled Miss Boot, tottering backwards.
CRASH!
Bertie hid his eyes. When he looked again Whiffer was standing on Miss Boot’s chest. The class stared in horror. There were thousands of pennies scattered all over the playground.
Miss Boot pushed Whiffer off and staggered to her feet. She glared round, breathing hard. There was only one person who could have done this, and there he was trying to sneak away.
“BERTIE!” she roared. “COME HERE!”
Bertie turned round. “It wasn’t my fault,” he mumbled.
Miss Boot stomped towards him, purple with fury.
“LOOK!” she raged. “ALL OUR HARD WORK! WASTED! BECAUSE OF YOU!”
“I can explain,” gulped Bertie.
“We might have broken the record,” Miss Boot stormed. “Our picture would have been in the paper! You’ve ruined everything!”
“Not everything,” mumbled Bertie. “We could always start again?”
“START AGAIN?” screamed Miss Boot. “That took us nearly FOUR HOURS!”
“Okay,” said Bertie. “I’ve got another idea.”
Miss Boot’s eyes blazed. “For your sake, Bertie, it had
better be good.”
“It is,” said Bertie. “You’ll love it. All we need is a lot of fizzy orange!”
Copyright
STRIPES PUBLISHING
An imprint of Little Tiger Press
1 The Coda Centre, 189 Munster Road,
London SW6 6AW
Characters created by David Roberts
Text copyright © Alan MacDonald, 2011
Illustrations copyright © David Roberts, 2011
First published as an ebook by Stripes Publishing in 2012.
eISBN: 978-1-84715-408-8
The right of Alan MacDonald and David Rober ts to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved.
Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any forms, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
www.stripespublishing.co.uk
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