by A. D. Ellis
“Yeah, that’s a great idea. I’ll just go to the bank and get out money I don’t have and pay her off. I’m a single dad, I just started a new job, I have a new house, and my son has special needs. I can’t afford a lawyer to fight this, to fight her. I can’t afford to pay Shelly off. But, there’s no way she’s getting close to my son ever again.” The man shook his head in what started out as anger but fizzled into dismay, as if he was contemplating the desperateness of his situation. I ran my hand further up his thigh and I felt his leg muscle clench under my roaming fingers. I ignored the resoluteness of his voice; I don’t want to care about his situation. I shoved the words ‘my son has special needs’ to the back of my mind. I’m working on being more comfortable around people with mental and physical challenges, but it’s a struggle. His son is none of my concern; I just needed to get laid.
“Maybe you and I could help each other out here?” I asked in a low husky voice. He raised his eyebrow in question and I continued. “I’m having a really bad day; things at work are wearing me out mentally. I could use a little stress relief. It appears that you could also benefit from blowing off some steam. I say we help each other out and take our little bad day pity party to a more private location. What do you say?” I noticed that the man hesitated. He closed his eyes and breathed deep like he was trying to talk himself out of something. But, finally he sighed and shook his head. “Fine. Let’s go. I can’t be a saint forever. But, I need you to know that I’m not looking for anything serious, and I don’t want this to be more than a one-time thing. You ok with that?” The man looked at me as if he almost hoped his requirements would turn me off. Oh, little does he know.
“Oh, sweetie, you have no idea how OK I am with that. I’m not looking for anything even close to a relationship. A one-time thing is going to be perfect for me. Do you want to head to my place or yours?” I caressed my hand further up towards the part of his body I was the most interested in right then. He shifted and snorted out a laugh.
“Well, since I live with my son and my parents are there babysitting him, I think my house is off limits. We can go to your place. But, we should probably get going before I change my mind. I’ve got my truck, I’ve sobered up a little, are you ok with me driving?” I could see that he was starting to waiver. I didn’t want to let him go before I had my fun with him. Dr. Xander’s face appeared in my mind. I pushed him away, but not before I heard his warnings about not getting involved with a different addiction to cover up the original addiction. I wasn’t a huge drinker, but I noticed I’d turned to alcohol much more frequently recently, especially when I was catapulting myself off the wagon as I was right then. My mind was screaming at me to stop this, not turn to sex to fix something or block something out. But, my body craved the high that it knew it would get from the sexual contact. I tried to shut down my mind and just let my body feel. The little angel on my shoulder whispered to me just how upset I was going to be when this was all over and I realized that I had done it again. But, the devil on the other shoulder won out. She spoke to me in a louder voice, reminding me how much I enjoyed sex and how much being in control of something so familiar would feel so right. I leaned into his ear and whispered, “Your truck is fine. I don’t even need to know your name. Let’s just go.” I grabbed his hand as he threw down some bills on the bar.
Chapter 8
Audrey
The brightness of the security lights in the parking lot made me wince as we walked out of the dark bar. I glanced toward the truck we were heading toward. I had been hoping for something flashy and shiny. But, this guy was leading me toward an older model Ford Bronco. Not exactly my idea of a hot ride, but as I took in the Bronco and then checked him out again, I realized that this truck was an exact match for this man. Solid, muscular, classic good looks. He and the Bronco shared those characteristics. I was a little shook up when he opened the door for me and helped me into the truck with a soft caress on my lower back. I didn’t usually expect chivalry from my quick lays. I ignored the off-kilter feeling his gentlemanly touch brought forth in my heart; he was just helping me into the truck, it’s not like he was treating me like someone worth anything.
Once we were heading toward my place, I pushed those thoughts away and reminded myself that there was only one reason I was doing this. I wanted to be in control of something. I slid over next to him and rubbed my hand up and down his zipper. He was obviously letting himself get into the idea of this; I liked what I felt. I unzipped his jeans and pulled him out of his boxer briefs. The gasp of breath through his teeth that came from above me was enough to spur me on. I thrived on knowing that I was doing this to him. A few warning bells started going off in my head. Angel Audrey shouted in my ear telling me that I was about to give a blow job to a man I just met, a man whose name I didn’t even know, a man I hadn’t even kissed, but I was sitting in his truck preparing to suck him off. Instead of listening to Angel Audrey, I licked my lips and took him in my mouth. The jerk of his hips and hiss of his breath were enough to push her the rest of the way out of my head. As his left hand controlled the steering wheel, his right hand fisted in my hair and I felt Devil Audrey throwing a little party over my shoulder.
“Whoa, Sweets, we’re going to have to push pause until we are off the road. Tell me which way to go.” I popped off of him with a loud smack and gave him directions for the last one mile of our drive.
When we reached my place, I quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him inside my apartment. I tried desperately to ignore the path my thoughts took as we entered my kitchen; me, on my knees, having sex with a drug dealer named Max. I owed him for pills I had used to drug my sister, Beth, and her boyfriend, Nate. I took advantage of Beth and Nate being out of it, and I purposely had sex with Nate, knowing that Beth would walk in and see us. Angel Audrey was being a total bitch and yanked me back by my hair, digging her heels into the carpet as I led this man towards my bedroom. Luckily, my body’s need for sexual release, teamed with Devil Audrey, was strong enough to knock that little priss on her ass. I left her in the hallway outside of my bedroom begging me to stop and think about what I was doing. I WAS thinking about what I was doing. I wanted, no, I needed, to control something and I could always control sex. This is what I needed, body, mind, soul. And how perfect is it that my willing partner happens to be drop dead gorgeous, right in front of me, and he wants no strings attached?
It was almost dark in my room, the only light filtering through my shades from the street light outside; I turned on a small lamp in the hall for a little more light. Once I plugged my phone in and turned on some music, I took a long look at the man in front of me and I saw that he was about ready to bolt. No, he needed to hang in there until this is over. He could bolt as soon as we both shuddered our last breathless moan from a quickie lay. I stripped my shirt over my head, knowing that the sports bra I was wearing wasn’t doing any favors for my perky, full breasts; luckily they didn’t need a lot of assistance. I watched his eyes drift downward and darken slightly. I shimmied out of my tight, black capri pants, revealing the gray cotton thong I had donned to wear to the gym. I knew that I looked good, and I knew that this guy was fully appreciating the view in front of him. What I didn’t know was why he seemed so hesitant to continue this. I knew he was interested by the hooded look in his eyes and the growing bulge in his pants. “Hey,” I said as I stepped forward, my body a whisper away from touching his, “this is good, we’ve got this, let’s just have a little fun.”
I glanced down as he clenched his fists at his sides. I wasn’t used to having to persuade someone into having sex with me; I felt like I’d been knocked down a couple notches on the pedestal I’d placed myself on. I reached up and cupped his face and kissed him. I didn’t want to admit it, but I’d never felt a kiss as electric as this one. This was supposed to be a quick fuck, nothing more; yet here I was, having to convince a guy to touch me and getting a kiss that absolutely lit my insides on fire. He wasn’t even putting his all into the kiss, he was hold
ing back, I could feel it, but my body was liquefying as the kiss progressed. I don’t get into kisses; kisses are the quick beginning to the really good stuff, I don’t dwell on them. But, this kiss? It was the best kiss I’d ever had. Well, I needed to remedy this situation quickly; I don’t get caught up on kisses. I stepped back and pulled his shirt over his head. In the split second it took for his shirt to hit the floor, his mind must have committed to what his body already knew it wanted, because he grabbed me by the waist and hauled me back into him. My chest hit his and I felt like I’d run into a rock wall. Soft as cashmere under my fingers, yet like hot, hard, unyielding granite. His hands grabbed the back of my head and angled my head so that he had complete control over the kiss he leaned in to give me. Between the lava flowing in my belly, the wetness pooling between my legs, the electric heat on my lips, and the jumble of freaked out thoughts trampling my brain, I couldn’t get a single coherent thought to form in my head; the only thing that I could think of was, “No! He’s not going to control this, I’m in control, I lead in this!” But, this man in front of me clearly had other ideas. Never before, well at least not since I started having sex on my own terms, have I ever felt like a partner controlled a sexual situation, yet he towered over me and consumed me. My brain felt as though it was taking in powerful drugs through his kiss, I couldn’t pull away, didn’t want to. NO! I pushed at his chest and backed away from him a little, panting breathlessly. Before speaking, I quickly appraised his upper body; I’ve never been a huge fan of tattoos, but on this man they were perfection and did nothing more than encourage my body’s need.
“Let’s move on to something a little more fun than just kissing.” I said this with a wink as I reached to undo his belt and unzip him. Fuck this man; he chuckled and grabbed my shoulders, turning us around and pushing me onto the bed in front of him while his deep voice rumbled, “Ah, Sweets, I think that ‘just kissing’ was getting pretty fun and I’ll decide when we move on.” And with that, his mouth crashed back down on mine. What. The. Fuck? He doesn’t get to decide anything about this! This is my situation to control.
“Listen, I can appreciate the whole alpha male domination thing here, but I invited you here and I like to control sex, so I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me call the shots here. Okay?” I pushed on his chest and looked him right in the eyes. I was used to getting what I wanted. I expected him to concede. But, instead, the asshole laughed at me.
“No, Sweets, that’s not ‘okay’.” He continued laughing and I noticed I was right about his eyes twinkling and dancing when he laughed. Stop it, damn it. Stop thinking about his eyes. You need to get the upper hand here, Audrey. “Listen, Angel, I haven’t done this for a very long time and I’m really arguing with myself right now about whether or not I should continue it. If I do go through with it though, it will be on MY terms. I’m not going to give myself over to a quick lay just to have the beautiful woman I’m with controlling all the shots. If I fuck you, which I’m pretty sure every part of me wants to do, I’m going to lead it. You invited me here, you’re obviously willing, so you can cut the ‘I’m in control here’ shit. Just relax, lie back, and let me take care of you before my smarter more responsible side wins out and I leave you laying here.”
Before I could sputter out my exasperated pissed off response, his mouth came down on mine. His lips were hot and hard and began to travel to my neck, placing kisses along my jaw as he went. I’ve never given over control during sex. Never. But, this man didn’t appear to be the type to give up once he’d made up his mind. Either way, me controlling it or him controlling it, I was going to get what I’d set out to get, so I swallowed the argument that I wanted to give him and relaxed into his fiery mouth on my neck. He must have realized when I gave in to him because I felt him smile and he said, “There you go, Angel, just enjoy it. I know I’m going to.” At the use of that ridiculous name, Angel Audrey appeared on my shoulder again, urging me to change my mind. However, as usual, Devil Audrey, who was perhaps living vicariously through the incredibly hot things this man was doing to me with his mouth, pushed Angel off my shoulder and settled in for the whole ride.
His hands roamed up my torso and under the sports bra I was wearing. “Get rid of this, Sweets. I want to see what you’ve got hiding under there.” I maneuvered the bra over my head and watched his eyes as he took in my breasts. I knew that I was better off than many in the chest department. He must have agreed as his hands filled with me and his mouth hungrily came down to take me in. Lips, tongue, teeth, it was all too much and I cried out. I had never involuntarily cried out during sex since the first time. I make perfectly timed, perfectly pitched moans and whimpers to urge my partner on, but it’s always more of an act than the result of all consuming passion. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the physical act of sex, but I just need the filling, stretching, pumping, and the release. I don’t need the foreplay. So, to have this man elicit a cry from me with just his mouth on my breast was unnerving to say the least. I needed him to fuck me and get the hell away from me; I didn’t need to be having feelings during sex. His tongue and mouth, after paying attention to both breasts, journeyed down my abdomen and stopped to dip into my belly button. I felt the scruff of his chin against my flesh and my body shuddered as he slid my underwear down my legs. “Shhh, Angel, I’ve got you. Just let go.” His deep voice soothed me as his lips found my center and my hips bucked off the bed. His arm came up to hold my hips down as he slid a finger inside. “Damn, Sweets, you’re soaking wet. Too bad I’m planning on taking my time before I fuck you. I don’t plan on making a bad decision like this again anytime soon, so I’m going to enjoy this thoroughly before it’s over.” His tongue continued its tormenting of my center as another finger joined the first and I began to feel the first stirrings of an orgasm. I needed him inside when I come. Once I come, I’m done and I’m ready for my partner to leave. “Please, fuck me. I want to come.” I hated the way my voice was breathless and pleading.
“Oh, don’t worry, Angel, you’re going to come. You’re going to come very soon, but it’s going to be a while still before you come with me inside of you.” And with that, he gave his fingers a quick flick inside of me as his tongue flicked on the outside, and I screamed out as waves of pleasure consumed me. “Ahhh, that’s gorgeous, Angel.” I could feel his heated gaze on me as I rode out the orgasm on his fingers.
“Now, Sweets, I’m going to give you exactly what you want; exactly what you had in mind when you picked me up in that bar. This isn’t your show; it’s either my show or we can share the spotlight. You okay with that?” I wanted to be pissed at his sarcastic tone and the way he seemed to know that him controlling this was making me angry, but all I could do was shake my head yes; I was too desperate to get him inside of me. He leaned down and pulled a condom out of his pants pocket. “Are you on the pill? I can’t actually vouch for the effectiveness of this thing. It’s been in my wallet since, well, it’s been in there a long time.” He looked unsure, embarrassed, and sheepish as he asked his question, his head hanging a bit as he looked at me through dark lashes.
I reached for the drawer of my nightstand and produced a condom. “Yes, I am on the pill, but let’s not take any chances. This one hasn’t reached its expiration date yet.” I ripped the foil open as he tossed the old condom on the ground. He sat back on his knees and allowed me to roll the thin material down the very impressive length of him. But, after letting me have that one moment, he pushed me back down onto my back and settled in between my legs. “That’s all you get, Sweets; I’m back in the driver’s seat now.” I thought he was going to thrust into me, but he started back at the beginning and kissed me. I was going insane. I needed him to fuck me and get the hell out of here. I was feeling way too much around this guy. I was enjoying his kisses and his caresses and his words much more than I should have been. Therapy had turned me soft, I guess. Angel Audrey piped up to remind me that I hadn’t felt like this with any of the other partners I’d had when I’d sl
ipped up after leaving therapy and turning over a new leaf. I focused on his mouth on my breasts instead of listening to her.
When his mouth found my core again, I whimpered in frustration. “What’s wrong, Angel? Frustrated? Wishing I would slide into you and fill you up and make you scream? I think you can wait a bit longer.” His lips left my center and traveled back up to my lips. The taste of myself on his lips did nothing more than stir up my desire and I thrust my hips up toward him.
Finally, finally, he centered himself over me and grabbed my face with his hands. “Look at me, Sweets, I want to watch your eyes when I fuck you. I want you to see who is in control here.” I felt nothing but sweet relief as he thrust inside. Filled doesn’t begin to describe the feeling. He paused as he let my body adjust to his size. And then, as my body stretched to an almost painful point, he began to move and my world was complete. My brain said, “Finish this off and get what you set out for.” My body said, “Keep this man right here. Forever.” My heart said, “Get him away from you, he’s an entanglement you don’t need.” But, then, my traitorous heart sighed and breathlessly said, “Or, on second thought, get to know him and let him stick around. He’s dreamy.” My brain and body and heart are obviously not on the same page. So, which one do I listen to? Brain. Yep, brain is always right. Brain is the smart one, right?
We rode out our orgasms together and he collapsed on top of me. Usually, at this point, I’m rolling my partner off of me and gathering up our clothes while I say goodbye. Since he didn’t know my usual procedure, I allowed myself to lie there a little bit longer and enjoy the feel of his hard, heavy, hot body on top of mine.
What the hell? Nope! This isn’t after-glow snuggle time. It’s time for him to get out. “Well, Sexy, that was great, but it’s time for you to go.” I pushed on his chest and rolled him off of me. Ignoring the stab of loss I felt as soon as he leaves me, I took a deep breath and mustered up as much nonchalance as I could. “I’m guessing you can see yourself out, right? I think I’m going to take a nap.” I peered at him from my bed, the sheet draped haphazardly across my hips; my breasts were pushed up as I leaned up on my elbows. I was quite pleased when I saw his eyes drift to my chest and hesitate. He may have just controlled that whole sexual encounter, derailing my master plan, but I was back in control now. Well, I was in control as he quickly pulled his jeans up, slipped his shirt on, and slid his boots back on his feet. A split second after that, my control in the situation was shattered as he stalked toward the bed, leaned down as he cupped my face in his large hand, and kissed me like his life depended on it. “You’re right, Angel, that was great. Enjoy your nap.” And, with that, he chuckled as he left my room. I listened for the front door to close and I heard his Bronco rev as he backed out. I flopped back down on my bed and realized that I wouldn’t be sleeping for a very long time.