by A. D. Ellis
His eyes were magnified behind the thick glasses and I could see that they were a gorgeous hazel shade with flecks of gold. He smiled up at me and those eyes lit up. Disabilities or not, this was the cutest kid I had ever seen.
“Hi. My name is Beckett. Are you Nick’s friend?”
I struggled slightly to understand his words, his speech was a bit hard to decipher. I’m guessing from the hearing issues and the scar on his lip? But, after a second, I was able to comprehend what he was asking me. “Yes! Nick is my friend. Do you know him, too?” He must have seen me talking to Nicky the few times I’ve been here to see him or Beth.
The little boy, Beckett, turned that smile up even brighter and nodded his head. “Nick is my best friend here at the center. He’s coming today to make crafts with me.”
I couldn’t help but smile at Beckett. He too had fallen under the spell that was Nicky Morgan.
“That’s wonderful, Beckett, I bet you and Nicky will make great crafts today. Did you know that Miss Elizabeth is my sister? My name is Audrey.” I felt completely at ease talking to this adorable little boy; it was like his scar and his speech issue and his hearing aids, everything just disappeared and I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
Beckett’s eyes sparkled like jewels, the gold turning up in intensity. “I love Miss Elizabeth! She’s my very favorite teacher ever. I love Nick, but Miss Elizabeth reads the best stories and does the best crafts.”
Yep, Beckett had fallen hard for Beth just like Nicky had done. Nate Morgan, however, fell hard for Beth and she fell hard for him. Nicky didn’t seem to have a romantic love toward Beth; he loved her like a sister or a best friend. I was so happy that Beth and Nate had worked things out; I truly feel like they are perfectly made to love each other.
I smiled at Beckett, “Yep, Miss Elizabeth is pretty special.”
“Audrey, why do you look sad?” Beckett laid his little boy hand on mine. In the past, I would have jerked my hand away from this sort of personal touch, but today I just stared at his hand and felt a keen sense of rightness to see his hand on mine. I sighed, “Well, Mr. Beckett, I made a mistake and I am feeling bad about it. I guess that’s why I’m sad.” What in the hell am I doing pouring my troubles out to a little boy who probably has my problems trumped in spades.
Beckett giggled, “I like when you call me Mr. Beckett, it makes me sound like an old man.” I laughed with him and felt lighter than I had in, well, in forever I think.
“My daddy says that when we make a mistake, we should try to fix it and then move on. That’s what I try to do. One day I spilled my goldfish on the floor and I felt sad, but I fixed it by picking them up. After I picked them up, I said I was sorry and then things were okay. You should fix your mistake, say you’re sorry, and then move on.”
Beckett said these words solemnly, as if he was a miniature little psychiatrist dispensing advice to a patient. He even pushed his glasses up his nose like any good shrink would. Only, with Beckett, I felt the sincerity and simplicity of his words. He was right; I needed to fix this, apologize, and move on. Maybe easier said than done, but I would work on it. Because of this pint-sized psychotherapist. Because of Beckett.
Scott came around the corner from the auto shop about the time that Beth called the kids over to start the craft. I smiled at Scott, gave him the “one second” sign and went over to Beth.
“Hey, sister of mine. How are you? I miss you. If that fabulously romantic man of yours will ever share you, we should go out sometime so we can visit.”
Beth laughed because it’s funny just how romantic Nate Morgan can be, yet he’s a self-proclaimed non-romantic. I think Beth just brings out the best in him.
“Yes, we should go out sometime soon. I’ll talk to Nate. I know he has some out-of-town coaching soon, so maybe I could stay back and go out with you.” Beth gave me a hug and I drank in that closeness which was so new for us.
“Well, I’ve avoided Scott and his grim expression long enough. I better go face the music. I have a feeling that my car is toast.” I gave Beth another hug. On my way back to talk to Scott, I leaned down and said goodbye to Beckett. His smile was enough to spur me toward Scott and accept whatever he had to tell me. Who would have ever thought Audrey Decker would be feeling all warm and fuzzy over a little kid with special needs? Yeah, me neither.
“Ok, Scott, hit me with it. I can tell things aren’t good by that distressed look on your face.” I grabbed the bull by the horns and told Scott to lay it all out for me.
“Well, Miss Audrey, I have to tell you that I’m thrilled with what’s wrong with your car because it means my students and I have a ton to work on. I’m sorry about what’s wrong with your car because it’s not going to be good for you. I’ve written down all the problems that need fixed here on this paper. You can see the estimate there at the bottom. Now, you can take this to other shops and get an estimate for the work, but I’ll tell you that you won’t find a better deal because I’m only charging you for the parts. We can certainly use the work on your car here at the center for the students to use as training so I won’t charge you labor. But, unfortunately, the parts that are needed aren’t cheap.” Scott’s full and ruddy face is grim, yet I could tell he’s excited about getting to work on my car with his students. I took a look at the price listed for the parts. Holy shit! If the check I just wrote to the tow truck guy doesn’t bounce, this amount would surely put me in the red. I sighed heavily, the familiar out of control feeling coming back. I hate when I can’t control things. I closed my eyes and thought for a second. All of a sudden, I felt a little warm hand in mine. I looked down quickly, surprised to see Beckett standing next to me holding my hand.
“Hey Mr. Beckett, does Miss Elizabeth know you’re over here?” I knelt down to be at eye level with this little boy who somehow already had my heart.
“Yes, Miss Elizabeth knows I’m over here. I saw you looking sad again and you looked a little scared too, so I came to hold your hand. My daddy always holds my hand if I’m scared of something. Whatever you’re scared of, it’s usually not as bad as you make it seem in your mind.” And, once again, just like that, a four-year-old had schooled me on how to approach things in life.
“Thank you, Beckett, having you here has truly helped me feel better. Now, you run back to the craft table so you don’t miss out on making something awesome with Miss Elizabeth.” I ruffled his light brown hair and sent him off. Without hesitation, because of Beckett, I turned around to Scott.
“Scott, I really appreciate you taking my car on as a project and I’m beyond blessed that you won’t charge me labor. I don’t have the money to pay upfront, but I will pay it, you have my word. It’s not like you don’t know where to find me.” I said this with a sincere smile and Scott laughed.
“Yeah, I don’t think you could skip out on paying here in Torey Hope. Everyone knows everyone else and their comings and goings. I’m sorry your car is in need of so much work, but I’m really glad the students get to work on it. We’ll do a good job, I can promise you that.” Scott was itching to get back to my car, I could tell, so I say goodbye to him and headed to the exit of the center. I needed to get to the bus stop so I wasn’t late to see Dr. Xander.
Chapter 12
Audrey
An hour and a half later, I was leaving Dr. Xander’s office. I hadn’t walked in feeling guilty about my poor choices. I think, because of my talk with Beckett, I was better able to acknowledge that I’d made a mistake, say I’m sorry, and move on. Dr. Xander noticed the difference in me right away.
“What was different about the sex you had last night, Audrey?” His patient yet penetrating gaze pinned me to the large brown chair I was sitting in.
I attempted to change the subject. I tried to joke my way out of it. I even pulled a shitty attitude. Dr. X just waited. He always just waits. Without a single word, he broke me down and the truth came pouring out.
“I don’t know! I didn’t plan on it being different. It was supposed
to be just sex. Me controlling sex. Me feeling good even if just for those few moments. But, instead, this guy took total control. He wasn’t rough, at least not in a bad way, but he domineered the entire situation. It pissed me off. It scared me a little.” I spoke with frustration as I tried to explain how last night had been different.
“Why were you scared, Audrey? You said your partner wasn’t rough, why did he scare you?” Dr. Xander again asked his simple question and then waited. Pale green eyes, just waiting, watching. I got the feeling he knew the answer before I even admitted it to myself.
“You know why I was scared. I didn’t have control. That scares me.” I answered, desperately hoping that Dr. X would take that answer. But, did he? No, of course not. He just kept staring at me.
“Fine! I was scared because I liked it, okay!? I liked the way he took control. I liked the way he manipulated my body. I loved the feelings my body experienced at his touch and with his words. I’m scared because I liked it and I want more. I never want more from a guy. And, I’m scared because I agreed to a one-time thing with him. So, even if I were to pursue more, which I’m not, I couldn’t even do that because I told him straight up that this could only be no strings attached.” I slumped in my chair, feeling defeated to admit being scared, but also feeling free to have that off my chest.
“Well, Audrey, I think it’s good that you can admit you were scared. I was wondering when we’d ever get to work through relationship feelings.” Dr. X held his hands up to hush me as I started to protest at his words, so I shut up. “I’m not saying you’re ready for a relationship, but I’m also not saying that it’s a bad idea. You will have to figure out if you’re ready for one, and I’ll be here to help you throughout it. Will it be with the guy last night? I’m not sure, and I’m not sure it should be, but that’s not for me to decide. But, just know, I’m giving you the thumbs up to attempt a relationship when you feel ready for it. I’m not saying it will be easy, relationships are never easy, and what you’ve been through and your healing will make it even harder. But, I think the fact that your experience last night elicited such different feelings and responses than your usual sexual exploits, shows that maybe it’s time to move on. However, first, I think you may want to speak to this guy and clear the air, maybe even find out his name?”
Dr. Xander indicated that it was time to call it quits for the day. He told me to be sure to make an appointment for my next session as I walked out and reminded me that I could text him at any time.
I thanked him and left, feeling strange. I never feel bad after leaving Dr. X, but today I felt different than usual. I don’t do relationships, so why do I feel giddy that Dr. X just gave me the go-ahead to have one? What am I going to do, just go find some guy and call him my boyfriend? A certain guy floated into my head. I loved the feeling that ran through me when I thought of him. But, NO! He was a mistake. I can start over, but not with him. He was just my gateway to a possible relationship. He was clearly not interested; he stated very adamantly that he wanted nothing more than the one time. I won’t embarrass myself by begging for more.
I looked up and noticed a red Jeep and knew instantly that Beth had sent Nate to pick me up. How do I deserve this? I screwed Beth over most of her life, I screwed Nate over literally and figuratively, yet here he was on his lunch break from his job, to pick me up since Beth knows my car is out of commission.
I waved at Nate who was leaning casually against his Jeep. The man is drop dead gorgeous, no doubt, but now that he’s with Beth, I don’t have any interest in him. He’s going to be my brother-in-law soon, I’m sure of it.
“Libby told me you may need a ride. Where do you need to go?” Nate’s voice rumbled out and I got the impression, rightly so, that he’s still not my biggest fan. But, he’s here because he loves Libby beyond measure and he’d do anything for her.
“Thanks, Nate, could you just take me home? I’ve got a lot to do with work today. I need to get some more parties booked so I can pay for that piece of crap car to get fixed.” I huffed out and the worry started to niggle at my brain again. I pictured sweet Beckett’s face, and I felt calmer.
Nate grinned wryly, and started the Jeep; he was probably thinking something about Karma being a complete bitch since I was getting a nice little payback. We headed the couple miles to my apartment. I could have walked, but I appreciated the gesture from both Beth and Nate. “So, did you ever touch base with Jeremiah Jordan about his son’s birthday party?” Nate asked. He had given Mr. Jordan my number, knowing I needed the business.
“Yeah, we spoke. I’m just not sure about him. He’s former military and I’m sure Beth has told you that I avoid military guys.” I didn’t elaborate.
“Your business, your choice, Audrey. I’m just thinking that you need the business, the word of mouth, the money. Maybe, since it’s just a birthday party, you could overlook his past and just help him make his kid’s birthday perfect? I play ball with him, he seems like a great guy and he loves his kid to no end.” Nate spoke casually, but I could tell he was really hoping that I would take this party.
We arrived at my place and I hopped out. “Thanks, Nate, for the ride and for helping me out. I’ll give Mr. Jordan a call today and see if we can get something figured out. You’re right; I need the money, so I’ll swallow my no military rule for a while. It’s not like I’m going to date him, just plan his kid’s party.” I quipped with a smile and waved at Nate as he drove away. I feel guilty every time I’m around Nate for what I did to him and Beth; but I’m grateful that Nate loves her so much that he can forgive me for what I did to them.
Once inside, I grabbed my cell phone. I had forgotten it in the hurry to get my car towed to the center. I had a text from Beth letting me know Nate would pick me up after my session with Dr. Xander. I also had a missed call and voice mail. I listened to it and felt a slight shiver as Mr. Jordan’s voice reverberated in my ear.
“Hi, Miss Decker, this is Jeremiah Jordan. I was hoping that we could speak today about my son’s birthday party. I’m really hoping that you’ve decided you can fit it into your schedule because I’m feeling clueless and totally out of my element here. Please call me at this number so we can discuss it further. Thanks.”
Why did I feel shaky listening to this message? Maybe it was just because I knew I had to take the party, even though I really didn’t want to. I dialed the number back, before I lost my nerve.
Chapter 13
Jeremiah
Jeremiah’s phone vibrated on his desk at work; his heart beats a little faster when he saw it was the party planner. Was she calling to accept or turn down the party? He glanced at the clock and saw that it was way past his break time, so he grabbed the phone and headed outside so he could talk for a few minutes.
“Hello?” Jeremiah cringed as he noticed his voice hitched slightly. How could one party planner’s decision make him so nervous? If she says no, it will be ok. Jeremiah’s mom and dad would help him and they would pull off a perfect party for Beckett. He just wants dinosaurs and cake with some friends, surely that can’t be that hard, right? All the same, Jeremiah was very much hoping that Ms. Decker could fit the party in.
“Hi, Mr. Jordan, this is Audrey Decker the party planner you had contacted about your son’s birthday party. I was wondering if you had a moment to discuss the party.” Audrey’s voice sounded strong and sure and strangely familiar to Jeremiah. His breathing quickened upon hearing her voice. Had he ever reacted to a woman’s voice this way? No, never. It probably wasn’t her voice that caused his pulse to race, it was the fact that it sounded like she may be leaning toward taking the party. That was it; that was the only thing that made sense.
“Please, call me Jeremiah, Ms. Decker. Yeah, I have a few minutes here at work that I can talk. Does this mean that you’re taking the party?” Jeremiah tried not to let his anxiousness come through his voice, but he was pretty sure he failed miserably at that.
Audrey laughed and his gut tightened. “Ok, well, if
I’m calling you Jeremiah, you have to call me Audrey. Deal?” When Jeremiah laughed and agreed, Audrey continued. “Yes, I think I can fit your son’s birthday party in. I was hoping that maybe the three of us could meet up and talk about what he’s wanting and what you’re wanting so I can get an idea of the direction to head and an estimate on the cost. Would you be available Saturday?”
Jeremiah quickly thought about what was on the calendar; Beckett had a physical therapy appointment Saturday morning and speech therapy directly after, but they should be done by 11am.
“Yeah, we have a couple appointments Saturday morning, but we should be done by about 11am. I’ll grab him a Happy Meal© and we’ll meet you at the park. Will that work? That way, after you talk to him, he can eat and play while you and I talk about the rest of the party.” Jeremiah felt foolish feeling slightly jittery and excited about meeting Audrey at the park. It was a meeting to discuss a birthday party. It wasn’t a date. He didn’t have time to date. He didn’t have the desire to date. A certain sweet angel popped into his head; what would happen if he found her and told her that he wanted a few strings attached? What the hell was wrong with him?! No, no strings, that’s what they had agreed to. He’d gotten that out of his system now and he was good for another long while. He had Beckett and his job and his parents to think of; he didn’t have the time or energy for entanglements with a woman. Not even the most alluring woman he’d ever been with. Not even the only woman who had ever made him feel alive during sex.