by A. D. Ellis
We have been blessed. I finally got over some of the PTSD I was dealing with from my time overseas. It bothers me that I suffered for so long and mine was mild; I feel for my fellow military who have PTSD so much more debilitating than me and there is such a stigma surrounding it that they don’t get help or they don’t even know where to look. I feel like my family and I were hand delivered to Torey Hope and then Audrey was brought to me for so many reasons. We needed her and she needed us. My mom saw it right away; I’m so blessed that Audrey allowed us to give her a second chance. She told me once that she believes all of the blessings in our life started because of Beckett. We don’t think the blessings came from Beck, but the fact that he showed compassion and caring towards her one day at The Center started the ball rolling and brought us all together.
Carly
Hello, my name is Carly Malone. Well, it’s Carly Morgan now. I probably have the longest story to tell and I hope you’ll take a moment to listen.
I grew up in a terribly abusive home. My mother killed my father when I was just twelve. He had beaten her once too many times and she hit him in the back of the head with a baseball bat, killing him instantly. I’m not sure she cared that he had also beaten me daily, I think she only cared that he beat her. Sometimes I wonder if she even remembered I was around most of the time.
After she killed him, we took off and spent the next 5 years hiding out, running, and sleeping on one dirty, bug infested couch after another. The running and hiding got tiresome but being away from my abusive father was a time of peace for me. That peace ended when I turned 18; my mom kicked me out. We didn’t even have a home but she told me she didn’t want me slowing her down anymore. She told me to scram or offered me the chance to marry Bruce. He was the guy who had been letting us sleep on his couch most recently. I knew he’d been sleeping with my mother so the thought of marrying him was repulsive. But, Bruce and my mother both made the point that I had no schooling, I had no skills, and I had no money. I was at a dead end. Bruce paid my mother $500 for me and she was gone by evening. Bruce got me cleaned up; I got a haircut and a new dress and he took me to a friend of his who had gotten a license online. In retrospect, I’m not sure our marriage was legit. But, I was an eighteen-year-old, unschooled, scared girl and I had just been sold to a man more than twice my age. I didn’t miss my father and I didn’t really miss my mother, but I was scared to death of what being married to Bruce would mean for me.
For a while it meant that I got to play house. I cleaned up his place; he even let me buy a spray for the ants and a trap for the cockroaches. I washed everything that could be washed in scalding hot water to kill the germs and get rid of the grime. I may not have known a lot but I knew how to clean and it gave me an outlet and something to keep me busy. I cooked supper every night. I never knew where Bruce went during the day, but he usually came home smelling of perfume so I assumed he was with a woman. This didn’t bother me because if he was with a woman it meant he wasn’t with me and being with him in the way I knew my mother had been with him was my biggest fear.
Bruce must have just been biding his time, waiting for me to settle in and let my guard down. He came home one night and threw supper all over the kitchen and beat me within an inch of my life. He left me alone until the bruises had faded to just an ugly yellowish green. My jaw still ached; I was sure one of his fists had broken it. Once he deemed me healed, he took me out on the town. He dressed me as nice I’d ever been dressed and we ate in a real restaurant. That night he told me that he had given me as much time as he could and that he had needs that I needed to meet. I was pretty sure what was supposed to happen in the bedroom between a husband and a wife didn’t include what he did to me that night.
At least two to three times a week from that point on he beat me or raped me or both. I became a shell of a woman; I don’t even know what kept me alive. There were so many times that I wanted to just close my eyes when he was forcing himself on me and never wake up. But in the back of my mind something kept telling me that there was something better waiting for me.
I started making a plan on how to escape. I had seen a women’s shelter in town and I planned on going there. I had no doubt that Bruce would kill me if he ever found out my plan. By the grace of God, Bruce had a massive heart attack in the bed of a prostitute a week before I planned on leaving. The kind police officer who came to tell me the news seemed to understand that condolences were not in order. She kept the delivery very factual and asked me if I had family to help me out. I told her that I was planning on going to the women’s shelter; she drove me there herself.
I was nineteen-years-old living in a shelter for homeless and abused women. This place was a life-saving miracle for me. They offered me classes to gain workplace skills. After two years at the shelter, I had a degree in media technology; I began looking for a job. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was brought to Torey Hope for a reason. The shelter gave me a small sum of money to help me pay for a hotel room until I was able to get my first few paychecks. The director of the shelter drove me to Torey Hope and I was in a meeting with Libby Morgan within thirty minutes of my arrival.
I was to take over her job at The Center because she was leaving to have a baby. She wasn’t sure if she was returning in a full-time or part-time capacity but the job was mine for at least six months. Libby had to be the kindest, most caring, compassionate woman I had ever met. She said I was absolutely not staying in a hotel while I got my feet under me. She made a call to her husband who called his parents and within 2 hours of arriving in Torey Hope I was in the basement of the Morgan family home, staring around at the most perfect little apartment type living space I’d ever seen. One of their sons, Nate, had lived there during college and their other son, Nicky, had attempted to live down there for a while but he liked his upstairs room better. Or so they said. I got the feeling that Nicky had been quickly evicted to make room for me.
The Morgans made me feel right at home and gave me love while still giving me space. They all recognized how I flinched at sudden movements and kept my head down and never spoke above a whisper. Libby’s sister, Audrey, was one of my first friends aside from Libby. Audrey insisted I see her therapist, Dr. Xander. She said he did some free cases, but I got the feeling that she was paying for a lot of my therapy. After I finally settled in and had quite a few rounds of therapy, I was able to start really taking in my surroundings. I was able to pay attention to more than just my job requirements and my responsibilities at the Morgan home. When my eyes first opened from the curtain of fear that I’d been living behind, I saw Nicky Morgan.
He was the cutest man I’d ever seen. I had never looked at a man as attractive; men always hurt me or those around me. But, Nicky was safe and gentle and just plain old hot in my eyes. I caught myself giggling when I’d think about him. I had two best guys at work. One was Beckett Jordan and he gave Nicky a run for his money in the friend department. That child always just seemed to know what I needed; some days he was my shoulder to lean on, some days he was my laugh for the day, some days he just let me be quiet, other days he talked my ear off.
My other best guy was Nicky. He was my friend from day one on the job; I could always ask him questions and he would know the answer or he’d find the answer. I felt silly in the beginning because I could tell that Nicky was fairly simple and I didn’t think he had any inkling of attraction towards me. After about six months of friendship, Nicky began to act strange every time he was around me. I was hurt in the beginning because I thought I’d done something to make him not want to be friends with me. I didn’t have much experience with men or friendship or relationships.
One day, Beckett crawled on my lap and said, “Nicky wants to be your boyfriend but he doesn’t know if you’d like that.” I was shocked but so touched. I decided to talk to Libby and Audrey about this.
The two of them were even more shocked than me. At first, I think they thought I was against this idea because they started talking about b
eing honest with Nicky and just letting him down easily. But when I hesitated, Audrey grabbed me gently by the shoulders, “Wait just a darn minute! Carly! Do you like Nicky like that?!” She was smiling broadly as if she already knew the answer. When I shyly nodded my head and smiled she and Libby both squealed and hugged me.
Nate Morgan was a bit of a harder sell on Nicky and I dating. He felt that his brother wasn’t capable of dating a woman and understanding all that went into a relationship. But Libby quickly convinced him that Nicky and I were perfect for each other. Nicky was a great communicator and I had no expectations. We could learn the ropes together.
We started dating. Our dates were always with Jeremiah and Audrey Jordan or with Nate and Libby Morgan at first. But then someone would take us somewhere and drop us off by ourselves. I felt a little ridiculous to be on a date as a grown woman being dropped off and picked up like a preteen but neither of us drove or had a car.
The night Nicky first kissed me ranks in the top ten nights of my life. He was so nervous. “I talked to Nate about how to kiss. He didn’t want to tell me but Libby made him show me what to do. I want to kiss you if that’s ok with you.” Nicky was always so honest and upfront; you never had to guess with him. I had never been kissed in a way that was pleasant so I had nothing to compare it to, but the moment Nicky’s mouth touched mine I was transported. I had never felt the sensations I was feeling. I think we both scared ourselves because we backed away and kept our kisses pretty calm for a while following that.
Within six months, Nicky and I were inseparable. I was still living in the basement and Nicky spent most of his time at home down there with me. The Morgans were so good about giving us time together; we were grown-ups and they knew that Nicky would stop if something made either of us uncomfortable.
Nicky started writing me love notes before we even started dating. He would tell me he liked the shirt I was wearing or the color of my green eyes or that he loved my short, black curly hair. One day, after we’d been together over a year, he brought a love note to me in the basement and said he wanted to read it to me. I still have it:
Dear Carly,
I love you. You are my best friend. I love kissing you. I want to marry you and live in the basement with you and give you babies. I’ve talked to Nate about how to make babies. He says it involves kissing and a little more. He turned red and Libby said they couldn’t show me how to make babies. Libby says we’ll know what to do when it happens. But we should be married to have babies. I know you love me, will you marry me?
Love,
Nicky
Looking back on it, I have to laugh when I think of Nicky asking Nate to show him how to make babies. Luckily, Nate has never mentioned this to me; I’m pretty sure I’d die of embarrassment.
Nicky and I were married in the church in a very small ceremony with just family and friends. Beckett was our ring bearer, Abby was our flower girl but she was too little to walk down the aisle.
Our wedding night was magical. It’s gotten better every time since that night, but the first time was so very special. It may not have been the first time for me and I knew the mechanics, but sex had never been pleasurable for me. Sex always brought pain. But with Nicky, sex was so much more. It’s true that two people in love will just know what to do when the time is right.
After that first time, Nicky was insatiable. Not that I was complaining; we spent quite a bit of time in the basement the week after we were married. I had spoken to Libby and Audrey about getting pregnant; they wanted to be sure I knew how to prevent it if I didn’t want a baby.
I spoke to Nicky about it and he assured me that he very much wanted a baby. I’m sure that comes as no surprise to the reader. Come to find out that getting pregnant was going to be harder for me than for some. Bruce had caused some damage with his beatings and our doctor said, unless we wanted to spend money for medical assistance to get pregnant, we’d just have to keep trying.
Nicky and I spoke about it and decided we wanted the baby to happen naturally, that way we’d know it was meant to be.
Baby or no baby, Nicky is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember back to those nights when I’d be tasting my blood and feeling Bruce ripping me apart and all I wanted was to die, but then I’d think there had to be something better. There was. What kept me alive during those tortuous nights? I was living for Nicky.
Nicky
I never knew about romantic love. That’s what it’s called when you love someone who isn’t a family member or friend. Nate and Libby told me about romantic love and it’s what I have for Carly. She’s my wife and I have more than just romantic love for her; she’s my best friend too. Nate is my friend because he’s my brother. Libby is my friend and sister. Beckett is my friend but he’s not a grown up friend. Carly is my family, my friend, my wife, my life.
Learning how to kiss her was special, marrying her was more special, but getting to learn how to make babies with her was the most special of all. There’s never a time when I don’t want to make babies with Carly.
The doctor said we could pay for them to help her have a baby. I worried sometimes that my baby would have the same problems I was born with even though my mom and the doctor said that the chances of that were slim. But, we decided that we wanted a baby to come naturally, we didn’t want to pay for it or force it. That way, if we had a baby we’d know it was meant to be.
I still write Carly love notes. She’s my wife and I should always let her know how beautiful she is and how much I love her. That’s what Libby and Audrey told me. We were at the table in my parents’ kitchen, well it’s our kitchen too because we live in the basement, but we were there to celebrate Father’s Day. Carly quietly stood up got everyone’s attention. This surprised me because she’s always quiet and shy.
“Nicky, I wanted to read a love note I wrote to you. ‘Dear Nicky, We’ve been waiting for a baby to come to us for a while now. Today, on Father’s Day, I want you to know that our baby has finally made its way to us. You’re going to be a daddy, Nicky. I love you so very much. Happy Father’s Day’.” Carly was crying and I worried that she was sad. I wrapped her in my arms and asked if she was ok. “These are happy tears, Nicky. I’m so happy to give you a baby.” Her whisper in my ear gave me all the answer I needed.
“We made a baby!” My whooping and hollering brought laughs from all of our family and friends gathered in the kitchen as they wiped away their tears.
I don’t always get jokes like other people do, but Nate and I laugh about making babies. I was so excited for him and Libby to make babies and now that I know what making babies is all about, I don’t go shouting it to everyone like I used to. Carly is happy that I don’t do that anymore. I always want to keep her happy.
For nine months I got to watch my pretty wife get bigger and bigger with our baby. Everyone always complimented me on being upfront and honest, but after I told Carly that she looked like she swallowed a watermelon and she started to cry during a birthday party, Libby and Audrey told me that I shouldn’t be honest about her size or her belly. They said I didn’t have to lie, but I shouldn’t say anything that would make her feel bad. So I started just telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is and how excited I was to meet our baby. At least that didn’t make her cry.
We didn’t find out if our baby was a boy or girl. We just set up a little corner nursery in the basement and also put a tiny bassinet next to our bed in the bedroom area. My mom was going to retire from her spot at The Center and babysit for us so that Carly and I could both keep working. Libby and Audrey were also great babysitters.
Our son, Zachery Malone Morgan was born four months ago. Carly wanted her maiden name as his middle name to help her remember all the bad stuff she went through and how blessed she is to have survived it all.
I was very scared when our baby was born. I worried that he would be like me and I didn’t want him to have to face those challenges. But, there was nothing to worry about; Zach i
s perfect. He cries a lot and I don’t like changing his stinky diapers but everyone says I’m a good daddy. That makes me feel proud; I never even knew about romantic love then Carly came into The Center and now I have a wife and a baby.
Beckett
My mommy and daddy say that they are together because of me. I think they are together because they needed each other and I needed them. I’m so glad I met Nicky and Nate and Miss Libby and Audrey because they are part of our family now.
I love my baby sister, Megan. She’s so pretty and super cute. She makes messes but I am teaching her how to clean them up. I don’t think she’s old enough to teach her all the things I know yet, but someday she will be and I’ll teach her important stuff.
I know I’m not very old, but the biggest lesson I have learned in my life is that you can’t let mistakes control you. You need to learn from your mistakes and move on; leave the past in the past. I try to remember this when I think of my real mom; I don’t let her decisions control me. I have also learned that everyone deserves a second chance; that person may not accept the second chance, but he or she always deserves the chance to learn from their mistakes and move on. I’m so glad that Daddy and I gave Audrey a second chance and that she took it because it means she’s in our life forever now.
I’m in school now and I only have problems with reading and numbers. I turn my letters around and it makes reading hard. My numbers get turned around too. I understand math but the numbers get confusing when they are backwards and out of order. I have a special teacher who helps me with these things. I’m also in the PeaceMakers club at school. It’s a club that patrols the playground at recess and helps to keep everyone peaceful. I like that job because I get to help students stay out of fights and stay out of trouble. I think I want a job like Uncle Nicky or Uncle Nate when I grow up so I can work with people and help them. A lot of times, people just need to talk about their problems; hearing their problems out loud sometimes helps them realize that it’s not so scary or big. If it’s still scary or big then talking to someone about it is good.