by A. D. Ellis
“We have two options in reducing the pressure on her heart. The first is the best choice regarding the baby. We will use a needle inserted to aspirate the blood from her chest. Our hope would be that the bleed will stop and nothing more will need to happen.” He stopped as if he didn’t want to speak about the other option.
“What if that doesn’t work?” I choked out.
“If the needle aspiration doesn’t work, we’d need to take her into surgery which would put the baby at a much higher risk.” He spoke matter-of-factly; I both appreciated his bluntness and hated it at the same time. “Now, I need to get back in there to assist with the needle aspiration. I will send someone out to let you know if it’s successful when we’re finished.”
“Thank you. Doctor? If it comes down to Josie or the baby, save Josie first and foremost.” My heart broke speaking those words, but I knew they were straight from my soul. I’d be haunted forever if I lost another child. But I’d cease to exist if I lost Josie before we even got the chance to live our lives.
Josie
“How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
My heart was pounding, my chest was a vice around my lungs, and the pain in my ribs took my breath away. I felt Kyle’s hand slip away and my world went black. Not a cold, scary black; more of a soft, calming black. Nothing hurt, I could breathe easily again, my ribs weren’t screaming in pain, and my head wasn’t throbbing. I looked around, looking for something familiar. “Kyle? Izzy?”
The black that started as soft and calming began to constrict around me and I wanted nothing more than to escape it. In a panic, I frantically began running toward the pinpoint of light I saw in front of me. I heard Kyle’s voice behind me, but the light pulled at me more forcefully than his broken timbre. I ran to escape the pain that was behind me; I ran to escape the uncertainty; I ran to escape the sheer exhaustion. As I got closer to the light, the incessant beeping behind me became a steady buzz until it disappeared altogether as I reached the light.
Opening a door, the blackness was filled with light and I gasped at the gorgeous scene in front of me. I immediately felt drawn to stay here; I wanted to be here, it was so comforting and beautiful. Searching for someone I recognized, my gaze fell on Izzy. Sweet Izzy.
Josie, you shouldn’t be here. You need to go back to Kyle and your baby.
Yes, yes….I should go back to them, right? But I was so relaxed and happy here in the light place. I loved it here. I wanted to stay. Maybe Kyle and our baby could come to this place with me.
Josie, I’m serious. You can’t stay here right now. Kyle and the baby need you. It’s not time for you to come here yet.
When I continued walking around this light place in a daze, Izzy moved in front of me, and I stopped short. Reaching out, I touched her cheek; my whole body filled with warmth. “Izzy, I want to stay here. It’s beautiful, and you’re here. Please, just let me stay for a while. I’m not ready to go back.” I gestured behind me to the darkness, “Back there I’m in pain, and I don’t know if our baby is going to survive. Can’t I just stay here until the pain back there is better?” I pleaded with her; I was so very tired of the exhaustion and the pain. If I could just rest here, for a short time, everything would be better.
Feeling a strong hand on my arm, I watched as I was forcefully turned back toward the door. No, Josie, you can’t just stay here, not even for a little bit. This place isn’t for you yet. You have a lifetime of happiness ahead of you. You belong with Kyle; he’s back there waiting on you, and he’s so very scared. I know things hurt right now, but be strong and go back. For Kyle. For you. For your future.
Without warning, Izzy shoved me back through the door and into the blackness. I sobbed as the door closed and I was completely alone. Head back to Kyle. Walk toward the voices, Josie.
With no other choice, I followed her instructions and walked toward the buzzing. As I got closer, the buzzing became a more distinct beep and within the sea of voices, I was able to discern familiar ones.
“So, did the needle aspiration work? Is she okay? What about our baby?” The panic in Kyle’s voice broke my heart. How could I have wanted to leave him?
“We feel, for the time being, that the procedure was successful. We will keep her moderately sedated to allow her body to heal before we begin waking her up. During that time, she can most likely hear you, so talk to her. We’ll be monitoring the baby as well as Ms. Decker’s heart, ribs, and head. If all goes well, we’ll keep her in ICU for 48-72 hours before moving her to a monitored floor. I can’t be 100% sure, but I’d say she’ll be here about a week. Mr. Martin, you can go in to see her. Everyone else can go in one at a time, but you need to be done visiting by 9:00 p.m.” I heard the doctor’s footsteps walking away and a heavy sigh from Kyle. I wanted to touch him, to hold him, to tell him I loved him.
The blackness around me began to swirl softly, and I felt like I was floating. It wasn’t as peaceful as the place of light, but the pain was bearable and the beeping and voices were only slightly irritating. I don’t know how long I floated like that, but too quickly my body was slammed with pain, and I felt as if I was thrown down onto the hospital bed. Dizziness threatened to overtake me; keeping my eyes closed, I waited for the spinning to stop. Taking deep breaths, I willed myself to assess the level of pain. Surprisingly, I was very sore, but the throbbing head and screaming ribs had dulled significantly. My mouth was cottony, and I longed for a drink.
Moving my hands, I felt the sheets and wires and IV tubing, but I also recognized the soft silkiness of Kyle’s hair under my fingertips. “Ky…Ky...” My voice was scratchy, but I tried again. “Kyle?” I pulled gently on his hair and choked out a giggle when his head popped up in surprise and confusion.
“Josie, baby, you’re back.” He leaned in to cup my face with his hands, “You don’t even know how much I’ve prayed for you to come back to us. I love you, Josie. Let me get the nurse.” He kissed my head and began to pull away.
“Wait, Kyle.” He stilled and sat down, waiting patiently for me to continue. “Can I get a drink?” He allowed me a small cup of water but no more until the nurse came in.
“Before you get the nurse, can you tell me what happened? I just want to talk to you before anyone else comes in.” I reached my hand out to him and breathed a small sigh of relief when he took my hand and settled on the edge of my bed.
My eyes filled with tears as I tried to gauge the expression on his face; I needed to know, but I was afraid to ask. Tears spilled over my cheeks, and a sob caught in my throat.
“Oh, Josie, baby…” His thumbs brushed away my tears.
“What about the baby?” I spoke in an unsure, shaky voice, petrified of what Kyle would tell me.
Kyle
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
“What about the baby?” Her voice was shaky, and I sensed her fear and anxiety.
“Jo, the baby is fine. It was you we were the most worried about. You’ve been in and out of consciousness for three solid days; they started trying to wake you up after 12 hours, but you were being stubborn and just wouldn’t come back to us. We’ve been worried sick waiting on you to wake up.” I gave her another sip of water and kissed her mouth.
“Eeew, Kyle, I’ve been out of it for three days, I’m sure my breath is atrocious.” I smiled as she covered her mouth.
“I’d kiss rot-mouth for the rest of my life if it meant I’d have you next to me. Listen, I’m going to get the nurse and let everyone know you’re awake. They’ll probably be ready
to move you to another floor pretty soon, so you can have more visitors. Rest a bit, and I’ll be back.” I smoothed her hair away from her face. “I love you, Josie. And I love our baby. Thank you for not leaving me.” Leaning down, I kissed that precious mouth I’d become so fond of and then went to find a nurse and tell our family that she was awake.
**********
Josie spent close to a week in the hospital. By the end of that time, she was up and moving around under doctor’s orders. We had follow-up appointments scheduled with her primary care physician, a cardiologist, and weekly appointments set up with our new OB for at least the next month or so since Josie was considered a high-risk pregnancy for the time being.
It turned out Wayne had been up to his eyeballs in illegal activity; his issues with Josie were just the icing on his cake. His public image had started to tarnish with the prostitutes and gambling, but it completely fell apart when it was leaked that he was embezzling money. Once this information started to get around, the doctor Wayne had blackmailed came forward admitting to writing the letter and Wayne bribing him. Between the assault on Josie, the drunk driving, the embezzlement, the bribes, and the prostitutes, even Wayne’s team of lawyers couldn’t save him, and he was spending at least the next 6 years in prison. Last we heard, he was on suicide watch.
Josie was feeling completely healed and had returned to painting and scrapbooking. Watching as her belly popped out and expanded, seemingly before my very eyes, was something I would cherish forever. The swell of her belly against my body and the fullness of her breasts as they changed in preparation for our baby, well, I didn’t think there was anything sexier.
The day had come that I had been planning since she’d come home from the hospital. The girls had helped me with the details, and I could only hope that Josie would be open to it.
“Hey, Josie, can you come down here for a minute please?” I hollered up the stairs, hoping my voice didn’t sound as nervous as I felt.
“Can you wait 15 minutes, so I can finish this piece?” Not the answer I had been planning on. So, I hung out in the kitchen, flipping through pages on my phone, trying not to let my anxiety win out. When I heard the music she was playing switch off, I knew she’d head to the kitchen to wash her hands. I quickly placed the bottle on the counter and snuck out of the room. I waited in my bedroom, knowing that was where the trail of bottles would lead her.
I had left 3 wine bottles, all with different clues leading to the next bottle throughout the house. The fourth and final bottle would be in my bedroom. I sat on the bed and waited for her to find all the clues.
Listening to her laugh and comment on my clues as she scavenger-hunted her way through the house was music to my ears. “There better be a big treat waiting for me when I find the end of this game, KJ!” I stifled a laugh so that she wouldn’t know where I, or the final bottle, was located.
“You’re crazy, you know that? Where did you find all of the actual glass bottles? Are we moving up in the world?” She smiled that gorgeous, heart-melting smile of hers as she sauntered into my bedroom. I rolled the final bottle toward her feet and watched silently as she bent over to pick it up.
“How did you know to look for the final bottle here, Jo?” I was teasing her, but I wanted to hear her say it.
“Well, your clue said ‘the one room you’d be happy to spend the rest of your life in if I was with you,’ and I automatically thought of your bedroom.” She blushed as she admitted it to me, but I had known that my clue would lead her straight to my bed.
“Read the message, Jo.” As she opened the roll of paper, I stood and walked slowly toward her. With trembling hands and tears rolling down her face, she read the note. Right as she finished reading and looked up at me with a tearful smile, I dropped to one knee and took her hand.
“Josie, you are my light, my hope, my future. You saved me from darkness, but more than that you brought the light back to my life. I want you in my life forever. Josie Marie Decker, will you marry me?” I waited until she nodded her head before retrieving the ring box I’d shoved in my pocket.
“The girls helped me out, but the final decision was mine. I already asked the Captain and he gave us his blessing. Josie, wear this ring and be my wife.” I slid the understated diamond ring onto her finger and stood up, gathering her into a fierce hug and then dropping my lips to hers in an even fiercer kiss. Coming up for air, I leaned back slightly. “Um, one more thing. Do you think you’d like to marry me today?” Her eyes widened in complete disbelief, and I had to laugh at my sweet girl gaping at me like a fish.
Josie
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~Lucille Ball
Mrs. Josie Martin. It had a nice ring to it. Kyle and I had been married a week, and I still hadn’t tired of hearing my new name or writing it on forms. I rolled over in bed to watch my gorgeous, magnificent husband sleeping. I would never tired of waking up in his bed, now our bed. Glancing down at my ever-growing belly, I thought back to our simple yet beautifully perfect wedding.
**********
After I finally picked my jaw up off the floor, I realized that Kyle was serious about getting married the exact day he proposed to me. How he knew that I wouldn’t want another huge wedding, I don’t know, but it proved to me yet again how perfect we were for each other.
When I laughed and agreed that I could marry him that day, he made a quick text and all the family swooped in within twenty minutes. By 4:00 that afternoon, I was manicured and pedicured, massaged and exfoliated, face made up and hair swept up, and stepping into the most gorgeously simple white dress. I adored that my friends had picked something simple yet elegant; I also appreciated the fact that the empire waist was very forgiving and hid my small baby bump quite nicely.
At 4:30 p.m., in my uncle’s springtime backyard, I walked down the aisle. I was on the arm of the only man I would ever consider as a dad; Uncle Robert squeezed my hand gently and kissed my cheek. Whispering in my ear he spoke, “Josie, I’m sorry for all that brought you to Torey Hope, but I’m so very glad you came here. I love you and I want nothing more than for you to be happy.” Tears glistening in his eyes, he placed my hand in Kyle’s and took his place next to Janie in the front row.
Kyle and I said “I do” in front of our small group of family and friends. I cried when he read what he had written on the final note I found during the scavenger hunt just that morning.
Josie, my light, my hope, my future:
We were brought to Torey Hope to find the love of our family and friends, but we also found love in each other. Just when I thought I’d never escape the blackness, your smile and your heart and your spirit brought sunshine and warmth back to my life. We have both suffered heartache, but out of that heartache we have learned to love again. You are my hope, I am your promise, and our baby is our future.
My eyes welled with tears again as he read those words and we spoke our vows; vows which would bind us together forever. When I escaped my former marriage, I had no plans on ever marrying again or being with a man again, but the love that grew between Kyle and me was too much and too beautiful to ignore.
Our wedding celebration took place in the Captain’s home, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Audrey was in her element and had planned a fabulous little feast and party to celebrate our nuptials. We spent the evening eating and drinking and talking and laughing; for a girl who grew up unloved and unwanted, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect wedding celebration.
“Since I planned our honeymoon to the mountains to see the wild horses for after the baby arrives, I guess we’ll just have to spend the next couple of days honeymooning in our bed, Jo. You okay with that?” My husband kissed me and, true to his word, kept me in our bed for the next couple days.
**********
I couldn’t keep my roaming hands off of him any longer. Reaching out, I ran my palms down his back and listened with sati
sfaction as he moaned slightly in his sleep. Wanting more than he was providing at that moment, I ran my hand over his hip, up his obliques, and back down to the front of his briefs. Taking hold of exactly what I was looking for, I leaned in and dotted kisses along his back, taking pleasure in knowing that the hardening taking place in my hand was all for me.
“Jo, you can play for about thirty more seconds and then I’m going to roll you over and claim your body as mine. And I’ll keep claiming you as mine until neither of our bodies can move anymore. So, enjoy your game, Mrs. Martin….” His voice trailed off, and I felt him stiffen in my hand. “Time’s up, Jo.” And with that I found myself rolled to my back, clothing stripped, and a very hot, very hard man nestled between my legs. “Good morning, wife.”
I grinned like a fool at his words. Before I could speak, his mouth consumed mine. My body, on fire from the touch of his hands roaming in all the right places, writhed underneath his. Breaking the kiss, I smiled, “Good morning to you, husband.”
Kyle spent several sweet moments in which he spoke to our baby, whispering his “I love you’s” to my tummy. I laughed out loud when he whispered, “Soon those beautiful breasts will be yours, but until then, Daddy is going to enjoy them. Now, go put on some headphones so you don’t hear me making your mommy scream.” A final kiss to my belly and all baby talk was put on hold.
“Jo, I loved your body before, but you’re killing me with all of these swells and curves you’ve got now. I think I want to keep you pregnant all the time.” He nipped at my breast and then kissed away my whimper, “Or at least have fun trying to keep you pregnant all the time.”
Audrey, Libby, Carly and I may have spent several hours together earlier in the week and we may have discussed several sexual positions that may or may not supposedly be sensational during pregnancy. Gathering my sexual prowess, I pushed at Kyle’s chest to make him move from on top of me. “What’s wrong, Jo?” His confusion and poutiness was cute.