by Susan Fox
He reached for her hands and she let him take them, laughing as her suit jacket almost fell to the floor and they both let go to reach for it. “Hello, Ray.”
“It’s good to see you, Eden. You look terrific.”
“Thanks. You do, too.” There was comfort in seeing the familiar navy suit, white shirt, and burgundy tie; the chestnut hair that, despite a good haircut and styling products, always flopped over his forehead; the gray eyes behind gold-framed glasses.
He held her chair as she took a seat, and then he sat down across from her. “A glass of wine?” he offered.
Maybe she should stick to a nonalcoholic drink. She wasn’t driving and it was only a short walk home, but perhaps it was unwise to drink alcohol with Ray. But then she reminded herself that, even though he hadn’t been as understanding as she’d have liked when it came to her family commitments, he was still the same man. Decent, trustworthy. “Thanks. I will.”
She glanced at the menu. If she’d been outside, she’d have chosen something white and summery, but instead she picked a glass of cabernet sauvignon from an Ontario winery. And, because she’d cooled off since coming inside, she also put on her suit jacket.
Ray flagged a server and placed an order for two glasses of the cabernet, adding, “And kettle chips to share.” He hadn’t asked, but he knew Eden couldn’t resist them.
“So,” he said awkwardly, “you said your mother’s doing all right? I thought about calling her or your dad but wasn’t sure it was a good idea.”
It was nice of him to ask and to have been thinking of her mom—but then, he’d spent a lot of time with her family over the years. “They don’t hate you,” she said wryly. “I just told them we realized we weren’t as compatible as we’d thought and agreed to split up.” There’d been a time or two when she’d had the urge to curse or sniffle on her mom’s shoulder, but she’d pulled herself together. Eden and her dad needed to be strong for Mom, not give her more to worry about. Fortunately, the sniffly stage had passed quickly. Now, gazing at Ray, she felt only a twinge of the old hurt and anger. Mostly, it was just nice to see him again.
“Thanks for that.” He shoved the floppy hair off his forehead. “Is your mom still in treatment?”
“She recently finished the last of the radiation, thank heavens. She hated it, and of course the chemo, too. Now she does seem to be feeling better, both physically and emotionally.” At times, Eden had almost worried more about her mom’s mental health than her physical illness. If only Eden had come back from Destiny with the news that Lucy was healthy and happy, it would have given her mother a huge morale boost. Instead, Eden had seen how disappointed she was.
She deliberated a moment, but why shouldn’t she tell Ray about Lucy? He was smart and insightful. Maybe he’d come up with a new idea to pursue. As their wine arrived and they took the first sips, she gave him a concise summary, omitting any mention of Aaron. “There’s one couple, former commune members, who were away when I was there, but an islander promised to talk to them and let me know what they said. I’m not optimistic.” She hadn’t told her mom about the SkySongs, not wanting to give her false hope.
Ray, who had listened attentively, said, “It sounds as if your dad’s online search and your in-person one on Destiny Island were thorough. Of course it’s always possible the people you spoke to were lying for some reason, or failed to remember. It was a long time ago and, as you said, drugs may have messed up people’s memories. Something might occur to someone later. You left your contact information with all of them?”
“I did. And posters up on a few community bulletin boards.”
“Maybe it’s time to bring in a professional. You could hire a private investigator.”
“Dad and I are amateurs, aren’t we?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it as an insult, but—”
“No, I know. I didn’t take it that way.” She appreciated how Ray was trying to be on his best behavior. “And you’re right. That’s a good suggestion. Any idea where to find a good PI?”
“Among all the lawyers we both know, someone must work with a PI. Maybe the family lawyers or civil litigators.”
She cocked her head. “You’d help me with this?”
“Of course.” He gazed at her, blinked, and then said, “I’d help you with anything. I’ve missed you and I’ve done a lot of thinking.” He gulped, then blurted out, “I love you, Eden.”
“Oh!” It came out as a surprised squeak. This was the last thing she’d expected when he invited her for a drink.
He started to reach for her hand and then stopped himself. “I’m sorry I got upset that you weren’t spending much time with me. You had so much to worry about, and I should have supported you rather than been selfish.”
“I would have liked that.” She glanced away, thinking back to how it had been. Despite what she’d told her parents, in her own mind she had laid the blame for the breakup on Ray, but now she realized that some of the fault lay with her. Slowly, she said, “But maybe that was unfair. I had my priorities: my mom and my job. Yes, you and our relationship were important to me, but I shoved them to the bottom of the priority list.”
He nodded. “That’s how it felt.”
“I expected a lot of you.”
“And I didn’t live up to your expectations.”
“No.” She gave a rueful smile. “But nor did I live up to yours. We were living together. You had a right to expect me to devote some time and attention to you.”
He winced. “Not like it was another task on your list, though. Because you wanted to. Because you loved me. Like how it was with your mother.”
She bit her lip. “Mom always told me that even the best relationship takes work. She said you put in that work, even when it’s tough, because of how much you love the other person. You have to hold on to the long-term goal even when you’re frustrated or mad about day-to-day stuff.”
“Sounds like good advice. I’m sorry I didn’t put in the work.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t, as well.”
He reached out again and this time didn’t change his mind. He cradled her hand in his, his touch so warm and familiar. “Can we try again? Older and wiser?”
“Oh,” she breathed. “I . . . need to think.” Gently, she tugged her hand free, picked up her wineglass, and sipped slowly as her heart and mind raced.
Not long ago, she’d believed her future lay with this man. She had loved him. She’d figured they would marry and have children, support each other, build a rewarding life together. He was exactly the kind of man she wanted, long-term. Now that they’d cleared the air and both admitted to their share of the blame, they likely wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.
Ray hadn’t changed. Or, rather, he’d changed for the better.
She’d changed for the better, too. Her visit to Destiny Island had given her a different perspective. She was more flexible, less judgmental, and willing to admit she wasn’t perfect.
Objectively speaking, she and Ray now stood an even better chance of achieving that rewarding, happy, loving future.
Except . . . something was missing. Perhaps she didn’t truly love him because that objectively speaking picture didn’t resonate in her heart. What about passion? Excitement? Fun? Ray was a good man, handsome, smart, successful, with strong values. Yet he now seemed kind of pale and flat.
In comparison with Aaron. Being with Aaron had taught her that she wanted something more than what Ray had to offer. She wanted a man who combined the best qualities of both men. Did he exist? If not...
No, she wouldn’t settle. That would be an insult to Ray, who deserved a woman who loved him fully and passionately.
“You don’t want to,” he said sadly.
The man did know her well. This time it was Eden who reached out to take his hand. She held it as if it was something precious, which it truly was. “I’m sorry. I’ve done some thinking, too. As much as I care for you and respect you, I don’t think we’re right together. I think that some
where down the road, we’re each going to find an even better match.”
He pressed his lips together and finally said, in a grudging tone, “You may be right.” He squeezed her hand. “But I don’t want to lose you. I enjoy your company. You’re great to talk to. Can we stay friends?”
Relief and warmth flooded her and to her surprise, she realized her eyes were damp. “I’d like that, Ray.” She let go of his hand and reached for her purse, fumbling inside for a tissue. Her hand brushed her cell phone, which was pulsing. Habit had her casting a glance at the display screen, to see the word Mom before the phone stopped throbbing.
“What’s wrong?” Ray asked.
“I just missed a call from my mom. Would you mind if . . .” She quickly scrolled to see that she’d missed more than one call and a couple of texts from her family. She checked a text from her mother, which said, “Where are you? Eden, call home as soon as you get this.”
“I’m sorry,” she told Ray, her heart racing. “I wouldn’t do this except that there’ve been a bunch of messages from home. Something’s going on.”
“Of course. Go ahead.”
She returned her mother’s call, to have the phone picked up immediately.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Where are you? I called your office, your cell. No, never mind, that doesn’t matter. Just come home. Now.”
Anxiety turned to panic. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, we’re all fine. We’re all here. Just get home now.” Her mother hung up.
“I have to go,” Eden said, rising.
Ray jerked to his feet. “Do you need a ride? My car’s in the parking lot.”
“Thank you so much. I don’t know what’s going on, but it sounds important.”
He was tossing money on the table. “Has your mom had a bad spell?”
As they hurried across the room, she said, “She says she’s fine. She sounded excited, really. With a big sense of urgency.”
Ray was a good driver. He didn’t speak as he negotiated the light traffic, leaving Eden to wonder what on earth was going on at her parents’ house. Her sense of panic had subsided after hearing her mother’s reassurance that she was fine. Dad and Kelsey were, too, and they were at the house to hand-hold her mom through whatever was going on.
Being away for a week had taught Eden that she wasn’t indispensable at home any more than she was at work. Kelsey was still a little scattered, but she brought something positive to the healing process, ensuring their mother’s life included some fun and spontaneity, and wasn’t only about disease and its aftermath.
Kelsey was only twenty-one. At that age, Eden had been superresponsible, but now she could admit she likely wasn’t the norm. That would be Kelsey, casual and unfocused but well-meaning. Her sister benefitted more from support and encouragement than from orders and criticism. That realization had made Eden wonder if Lucy had been the same. If Nana and Grandpa had treated her with more patience and understanding, would she have run away?
“Worried?” Ray’s voice broke into her thoughts. They were in the neighborhood known as the Glebe, where she’d grown up. “More curious than worried,” she said as he turned onto the street where the family home was located. “Thanks so much for the ride.”
“Call me if you need anything.” He pulled into the driveway of the three-story house. The warm early evening lighting made the red brick facade with its white trim look even more homey and appealing. “And I won’t forget about looking for a PI. We’ll talk soon. Okay?”
“We will.” She was even looking forward to it. But for now, she was eager to get inside and find out what was going on.
She jumped out of the car and, as she hurried up the front walk, saw her sister’s face at the living room window. The door opened as she reached it. “Kelsey?”
Her sister was beaming and her bright blue eyes danced. “You’re not going to believe this, Sis.” She grabbed Eden’s hand and pulled her toward the kitchen.
In the spacious room with the old red Formica table where the family had shared so many meals, Eden’s mom and dad were sitting in their usual places across from each other. Her mother jumped to her feet. “There you are! Finally!” Except for the short skim of silver hair she didn’t bother covering with a wig when she was at home, she looked like her old self, pink-cheeked and vibrant.
“Mom, what’s going on?”
Her mother caught Eden’s hands and gripped them tightly. Voice trembling with excitement, she said, “Lucy called!”
Eden gaped at her. “Lucy? Your sister Lucy? She phoned?”
Her mother nodded vigorously.
Eden sank onto the red vinyl chair that had always been hers. “How? Where is she?”
“On Destiny Island!” Mom cried.
Dad rested his hand on Eden’s, his eyes serious behind his rimless glasses. “It’s thanks to you this happened.”
Kelsey sat down across from Eden. “Mom, sit. Tell Eden the story.”
Their mother perched on the edge of her chair and clasped her hands on the table in front of her. “I’m almost too excited to talk about it.”
“Mom!” Eden protested.
“I answered the phone,” Kelsey said. “Mom and I were in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Dad hadn’t come home yet. So this woman asks for Helen, and I pass the phone to Mom.”
“Lucy’s lived on Destiny Island all this time,” their mom said. “Can you believe it? And Barry, too.”
“But I talked to—” Eden started, and then she realized. “Not the SkySongs?”
Her mom nodded. “After they ran away from home and reached the West Coast, they changed their names. Lucy always liked the Beatles’ song, ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.’ She took it personally, the way you do if your name’s in a special song. She liked the whole mood of the song and decided to be Diamond.”
“No one told me Di SkySong’s name was Diamond or I might have guessed.” Eden pressed a hand to her temple, remembering how Azalea had mentioned that song. Had the old hippie been telling Eden in her own unique way and Eden had completely missed it?
“Lucy—Di—told me that after she and Barry— Seal—left the commune, she decided Diamond wasn’t a name she wanted to live with. She didn’t want Lucy either, the name our parents gave her. She liked the new person she’d become, and most people called her Di anyhow, so she kept it at that.”
“Wow. I’m . . . wow. Stunned.” Eden shook her head. “If they’d been on the island when I was there, I’d have met them. She’d have told me. At least I hope she would.”
Her mom nodded. “She would. She said that when they flew home and the pilot mentioned you visiting the island and looking for Lucy, she was so shocked she almost fainted.”
Aaron. Aaron had brought this amazing gift to her mother. Eden had told her parents that the pilot who’d flown her to Destiny had been very helpful and had also shown her some of the island’s sights. She hadn’t mentioned their relationship, nor that Aaron was young, handsome, and charming. Her parents hadn’t guessed that she and Aaron had been more than friends—and why would they, considering how slowly her relationships had moved in the past? Fortunately, Kelsey had kept her secret. Eden didn’t want her mom and dad thinking she was as free and easy about her sex life as Kelsey seemed to be.
Her mother gripped Eden’s hand. “After our parents kicked her out and then never wrote back to her, Lucy tried to forget she ever had a family. She knew that if she got in touch with me, it’d make trouble for me with them. She said she knew I was a strong, capable girl and that I’d do okay, but she said she’d thought of me so often over the years.” She gave a tremulous smile. “She even still remembers my birthday. After almost fifty years.”
Eden glanced at Kelsey and her sister gave her a small smile, suggesting they were thinking the same thing. No matter how much they might squabble, it was inconceivable that the two of them would be out of touch for a week, much less fifty years.
“
The pilot told her that our parents had died,” Mom went on, “and mentioned that I’d been ill. He told her I was Helen Blaine now, and still living in Ottawa. Lucy—Di—said that as soon as she got home, she and Seal found my phone number online and she called.”
Her dad rose. “Have you had dinner, Eden? We had ours while we were waiting for you to call back.”
“I haven’t. Do you have leftovers?” She started to get up.
“Sit. Listen to your mother’s story and I’ll fix you a plate.”
“Thanks, Dad.” She turned back to her mom. “What else did she say?”
“Seal never got in touch with his family either. They were in Nova Scotia, on a Mi’kmaq First Nation reserve. He didn’t get along with them.” She shook her head. “Our parents’ two biggest prejudices were against hippies and Indians—so wasn’t it just like Lucy to take up with a boy who was both?”
“Thank God you and Dad aren’t like that,” Kelsey said in a heartfelt tone.
“Anyhow,” Mom went on, “he and Lucy—Di—were both happy to make a fresh start on Destiny Island. They never married because, she said, they didn’t want either the church’s or the state’s approval of their union. But they both took the name SkySong to symbolize their commitment to each other. They raised a daughter and a son, both of whom have left Destiny Island but often come back to visit. They have three grandchildren, two boys and a girl.” Helen gave a tremulous smile. “Relatives! All these new relatives. I hope I get a chance to know them.”
“Of course you will,” Eden and Kelsey said simultaneously.
Their dad rested his hand on his wife’s shoulder from behind and then came around to put a plate of steaming-hot veggie lasagna in front of Eden before sitting down again.
“They have a retreat center, don’t they?” Eden asked, forking up a bite.
“Yes,” Mom responded, “though I’m afraid I don’t remember all the details. Stupid brain.” She pressed her fingers to her flushed cheeks. “I’ve never before in my life been this scattered.” She complained frequently that since she’d started undergoing treatment, her brain hadn’t been as sharp as before.