“We all have our faults.” He squeezed the back of the chair. “I love her.”
“I think we’ll go back to the hotel.” She slipped from Kyle’s embrace and stood.
“What about the last visiting time?”
“I think you and Mom need to talk. I’ll see her in the morning and if anything happens, you and the nurses have my number.” She stifled a yawn. “I’m exhausted, but I’ll be back in the morning to speak with the doctors.”
“I’m not leaving, so if there’s any change, I’ll call you.”
Admiring the love he had for her mother and how he wore it on his sleeve, she smiled at him. She truly hoped the two of them would work things out.
“The chairs in here aren’t very comfortable but I hope you’re able to get some sleep. Tomorrow she should be out of the ICU and in a private room so at least you won’t have to be stuck in a waiting room.”
She didn’t wait for him to comment. She grabbed her bag and headed to the door, Kyle next to her. She needed to get to the hotel and recharge. The private room might be a benefit to Colin and his sleep, but it would do little for them all being together. The doctors had warned that Mom was not to be stressed. Tomorrow, it was going to prove difficult to accomplish that. Tonight, however, she needed to explore something different…
Kyle.
9
Chapter Nine
Kyle stepped back into the room after depositing the room service tray in the hallway for the staff to collect. Dinner had been okay but the company had seemed to have something on her mind and he was about to get to the bottom of it. It seemed more than just worry about her mother, or the crap Colin had said. Was she still upset about the ranch? He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and checked the screen. Nothing. Earlier in the day he had called a fellow injured vet, who had some crazy skills when it came to computers, to have him see what he could find out about the Cline ranch. He remembered the old saying, no news is good news, but he wasn’t sure that was always the case.
He closed the door behind him and glanced to where Staci stood by the window. She tugged the cardigan tight around her, hiding the way the tank top curved to her body. Her hair hung down around her shoulders in soft cascading curls. She was beautiful. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” She glanced at him and shot him a halfhearted smile.
“Don’t lie to me.” He closed the distance to her. “Are you upset about Colin?”
“No, that’s their business and they’ll work it out.” She turned away from the window to face him. “Am I imagining this?”
Inches from her, he wanted to reach out and caress her. “Imagining what?”
“This…us.” Her cheeks burned red.
“Do you want to be imagining it?” He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before letting his fingers travel down her neck, teasing softly along the curve of it. “Or do you want this?”
“I put you in a sensitive spot earlier with the fiancé comment, but we’re alone now. If this is an act…”
“Is that what you want, for this to be an act?” He wanted her to say it. To say that she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. He hated feeling vulnerable—an emotion he hadn’t experienced since he had come back from overseas in his current condition. All the time and work that had transpired since he woke up to find himself a cripple in the hospital, and now, in some ways, he felt like he had ended up back there. Only, this time, more vulnerable than ever.
“Stop returning each question with one of your own. I just want to know where we stand. I mean…I don’t want there to be any confusion, any mixed signals.”
“Mixed signals…” So it had all been an act for her. It might have been one for her but it sure hadn’t been for him. He had started to fall for her nearly from the beginning. She had been in his thoughts since she strolled into his hospital room with her whiskey brown eyes, and her sweet country accent. “I think I’ll go work out. You can think about your mixed signals and decide what you really want.”
He went to the suitcase but stopped before grabbing workout clothes. What had he been thinking? He couldn’t use a hotel gym. People would stare and while normally that would bother him, right now it would be like shoving a second knife though his back. He left the clothes and headed for the door. He needed to get out of there, to get air.
“Kyle…” she called to him as his good hand clenched the door handle and pulled it open.
He didn’t stop, couldn’t stop. He had to give himself time to think. Damn it, he loved her. Stepping into the hallway, he headed for the elevator. No car keys meant wherever he was going would have to be local. He didn’t care where he ended up or how he got there; he just needed fresh air to clear his thoughts.
Falling in love with her had been the stupidest thing he had done yet. How could he ever think a woman like her would ever return his feelings? She could do better than him. While, for him, she was a dream. Not because he was a cripple but because of who she was. She saw him for more than his former military career and looked past his defects. He loved her and he never thought he’d have a woman like her in his life. Now, before they even had a chance, the dream was being tugged out of his hands and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Love isn’t always enough…
* * *
It had been nearly two hours since Kyle had left and Staci couldn’t stop pacing the small confines of the room. She had given him a few minutes to calm down and given herself the time to get her thoughts in order before she had tried to find him. She searched the hotel, the garden behind, even the couple of blocks around the hotel. After she looked everywhere she could think of and still came up empty, she was stuck waiting in the hotel for him to come back. She had the car keys and all his belongings; even his wallet and cell phone were tossed on the dresser. He couldn’t have gone home, but she had no idea where he was.
Her chest felt tight and her stomach roiled. The conversation that had started all of this hadn’t gone how she wanted and until he came back, she couldn’t fix it. She could blame it on whatever she wanted, but the truth was, her own nerves had caused the misunderstanding. She was falling in love with him and the fiancé lie had pushed them over the unease and straight into a relationship. Only now, she wasn’t sure where he stood. Did he have any feelings for her or was he just playing a game in order to help her get through this family visit? She needed to know his true meaning and if he felt anything besides friendship for her. That had been the reason behind why she had pushed the subject even after their conversation had started to take a disastrous turn.
“Where are you, Kyle?” She tugged the cardigan tight around her and moseyed to the window. She considered going back out to check the area for him but each time, she stopped herself. He’d come back when he was ready. He’d have to. She tried to reassure herself, but it wasn’t working. She needed to apologize, to explain she was an idiot. She wasn’t used to all the emotions that were rolling around within her. It would have been a hell of a ride even without the family drama added in.
She pulled back the curtain and there, midway in the garden, she could just barely make out a figure sitting on a bench. Not just any figure—but Kyle. She slipped her feet into her shoes and went to the door. If he wasn’t coming in, then she’d go to him. Two hours was more than enough time for him to think, and it had also been long enough for her to realize what an idiot she had been.
She grabbed the hotel key card and dashed from the room. Seeing others in the hall, she didn’t take off in a run as she wanted; instead, she hastened her walk, taking the shortest route to him. Skipping the elevator, she took the steps, jogging down them, and doubts crept in as she went. What if he didn’t feel the same way as she did?
You won’t know unless you try. At least then she’d know one way or another. If he didn’t feel anything but friendship for her, then she needed to end things before it broke her heart even more. She’d make some excuse for him to return home, while she stayed here to care for her m
other. This would be the only way, because she couldn’t continue on pretending to be engaged to him when he felt nothing for her.
Stepping out into the night’s air, the wind whipped her hair into her face. The cool chill pressing against her did nothing to diminish the heat pouring through her at the sight of him just ahead, on the same bench she had seen him at from the window. As still as a statue, he leaned against the arm rest with his head in his hand.
“Kyle…” She paused, hoping he would look up or even say something, but he did neither. “I’m sorry for what I said before. For the mixed signals…”
“Don’t,” he growled, still not looking at her. “Just forget it all. I don’t want to hear it.”
She caught the rise in his tone. “It?”
“Yes. How you’re sorry that you led me on but you could never be with a cripple like me. I don’t need or want your pity.”
“Damn it, Kyle.” Wanting to see his face, she sank to her knees in front of him. “That’s not what I’m sorry for. So, if you’d just hear me out…” When he remained silent, she laid her hand on his leg and wished he’d look at her. “I’m sorry that I questioned what was happening. I couldn’t believe that your…behavior wasn’t just an act to keep up with the fiancé statement. I didn’t want to lead myself on to only have my heart broken.”
“So you’d rather give in to doubts than listen to your heart,” he stated as if it was that easy. “Because I could have done the same but instead, I ignored those uncertainties. Maybe I was wrong.”
“Kyle.” She reached up and cupped his face, feeling the contours of his injuries under her fingers, and it broke her heart all he had gone through. The marred skin, puckered up in places from the burns, deep grooves in others. But all this comprised only part of what lay beneath his clothes. To her, the scars didn’t matter. To her, he’d never been the cripple or freak he saw himself as. “I…I…oh hell.” She forced herself to take a deep breath and let it out slow. “Somewhere along the way, I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He finally glanced up at her, his eyes burning with the heat of his rage. “I don’t need your pity, Staci. You don’t need to love the cripple to make him feel better or so he’ll stay here and keep up the pretenses with your family.”
“Kyle…” She couldn’t keep the tears from sliding down her face. This wasn’t the special I love you moment she had dreamed about. It was now obvious that he didn’t care for her. “It’s not because of pity or because of what I told my family. If I had been willing to admit it, I’d have told you days ago, but I didn’t think you were ready or heck, even interested in me.”
She’d come out here wanting to make things right but it seemed like she was only making them worse. How delusional was she for thinking he’d wrap his arm around her and hold her tight, but she’d be damned if that wasn’t what she wanted. “It’s too cold to sit here. Come back inside. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want, but please, come inside. In the morning, if you want to leave, I’ll understand.”
“I wouldn’t leave you to deal with your family alone.”
She noticed he hadn’t said he wanted to stay. Only that he’d stay out of some duty to her. “Only if you want to be here. I’ll deal with Mom if I need to, and maybe things will be different with Colin.”
The rage that had been in his eyes moments before was now replaced by sadness. “I care for you more than I should. You deserve someone better than a cripple.”
“Stop that. You’re not…”
“Bullshit,” he interrupted her before she could finish. “I’m missing two limbs and I have burns down my body. While you might be able to forget about the leg, you can’t forget about this.” He held up his arm to where the stump was just barely covered by his long sleeved dress shirt.
“I don’t care about any of that, and whether or not you return my feelings. I love you for you. Your appearances or injuries don’t play into that. You’re handsome in a rugged sort of way and damn, do I find that sexy.” She touched his injured arm and he started to pull away from her. “Why don’t you wear the prosthetic arm?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t. Sure, I said many get to the point where they don’t want it. But everyone has their own reasons. The technology for the bionic limbs is better than it was before, and there are body-powered or electric-powered prosthetics. Is it because you don’t want to learn to work them?”
“They’re not the same. I’ve used them. Hell, you know I have one. The damn things are a pain in the ass. Not because of the training they take but because it’s not the same. To hold you with one wouldn’t be the same as holding you with both of my arms. With those damn prosthetics I can’t pretend that I have both of my arms and this way…” He glanced down at his injured arm. “I’m always reminded of my limitations.”
“But you’re not limited. Do you remember the night you hugged me and touched me with your injured arm? I didn’t shy away because I don’t see you as injured. You’re just a man; a man I’ve come to care about. I was trying to say that before but it got all messed up.”
“Care about as a friend.” Sadness laced his words.
“As a friend but also more than that. Kyle, I’m in love with you.”
He took hold of her wrist and pulled her up onto the bench next to him. “You deserve so much better than me.”
“Think what you will, but it’s you I want.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Come back inside.”
Just as Colin and her mother needed to work things out, she and Kyle had to do the same thing. Only, she didn’t want to do so sitting out in the cold. She had told him how she felt and needed to know where things stood with him. She wasn’t asking for a commitment or some life altering declaration. An expression of his feelings toward her would be enough and they could move forward however they wished and on their own time schedule. If he felt nothing for her, then she’d accept it, but she had to know.
* * *
Kyle lay stretched out beside Staci as she cuddled against his good side, his arm gently rubbing along her back. They had slept cuddled together as if they thought the morning light would change everything. Now awake, he still couldn’t believe she actually had feelings for him. She could have any man she wanted and instead, she wanted him, despite him being a disfigured cripple. He should have had the strength to walk away from her, to let her live a life without always having people stare at them because of his scars, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
The way her body pressed against his, as if she had been built to fit snuggly against him, had been the final straw. He needed her like he needed air for his lungs. She had strolled into his hospital room and saved him. With each day, she continued to give him the strength he needed to push forward.
As much as he wanted her, there were lingering doubts in the back of his mind that one day she’d leave him for someone who wasn’t a cripple. Someone who wouldn’t scare small children. But more to the point, someone who wouldn’t wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmares that haunted him.
“You’re thinking too much. Doubting this.” She rubbed her hand along his chest.
Unable to meet her gaze, he closed his eyes. “You deserve better than me.”
“You said that before but this is my choice. You’re my choice.” She let her hand travel up his chest to brush it against his chin. “Don’t let the doubt take up residency in your thoughts. We deserve a chance.”
He wasn’t sure what he would have said to that but his phone vibrated before he had to come up with a reply. “I should get that.”
“I guess I should shower. Then breakfast and the hospital.”
He hated for her warm body to leave his side but he suspected this was the phone call he had been waiting for. “I’ll order breakfast once I’ve dealt with this.” He slipped his arm from around her and reached over to grab his cell phone off the nightstand. As his hand wrapped around the phone, he realized it wasn’t a call but a text mess
age. Sale fell through this morning. If interested call… The phone number for Mr. Cline followed.
“Everything okay?” She slipped off the other side of the bed and went to the suitcase.
“Better than okay.” He grabbed the hotel stationery and jotted down the number. “I’ve got to return this call.”
She nodded and headed toward the bathroom to shower and get ready. When he heard the water running, he quickly dialed the number. It was early but he didn’t want to miss the opportunity. If the sale had fallen through, there might be another buyer waiting in the woodwork ready to place an offer.
On the third ring, a rough voice answered. “Cline residence.”
“Good morning, Mr. Cline. I’d like to talk to you about buying your ranch.”
10
Chapter Ten
The next two days were spent going back and forth from the hospital to the hotel. In the midst of it all, Kyle still managed to work out the details with Mr. Cline. Nearly everything was in order. The only thing that stood in the way of the closing in three weeks was a visit to tour the land and sign the remaining paperwork. That had to happen tomorrow or the deal was off. This would give the Clines the retirement they wanted and Staci the ranch she had dreamed about since she was a child. It made him slightly nervous that he hadn’t told her anything about the deal, but he wanted this to be a surprise—his way of giving something back to her for all she had done for him.
The days had also given him a different perspective on her. While she loved her mother, she was stressed out more when they were together. The two women were so different, they clashed in nearly every way. Even with Colin and him there to act as buffers, the hours spent at the hospital had some sticky moments where the women had drawn their claws.
Back From Hell (Marine For You Book 2) (Contemporary Military Veteran Romance) Page 7