by Jim Cangany
"Paul and Dave will be in traditional black suits with bow ties to match your bridesmaids' dresses. Because bow ties are cool. That's all you need to know. "
She tried to glare at me, but a snicker from Staci in the background didn't help her cause. Annie wheeled on her. "You know something, don't you? Come on, out with it."
While Staci shook her head so fast I was afraid she'd get motion sickness, I dropped into my chair. "She doesn't know a thing, my dear North Star. She's actually been pestering me about it more than you have." Annie stole a look at Miranda. "Neither does she, nor does her husband. Knowing you, I've chosen to keep this little secret to myself."
"I must admit, I'm impressed McCarty." Annie picked up her wedding planning bag. "All right ladies, let's do this. And we're not telling that little snot anything about the veil I choose."
* * * *
As the days in September wound down, so did the number of Annie's radiation remaining radiation treatments. Unfortunately, with each passing day, her energy level continued to decline.
"I'm just constantly exhausted," she said one morning over breakfast. "I know I've only got a week's worth of radiation left, but if this keeps up, I don't see how I'm going to be able to get out of bed by the time I'm finished." Her eyebrows had returned enough that I could see they were knitted.
"What's Doctor Francis say?"
She drummed her fingers on the table. "Nothing terribly helpful. Some women make it through radiation with no ill effects beyond the obvious ones to the skin. Others experience increasing levels of fatigue as radiation progresses. Nobody really knows why. I appear to be one of the lucky latter group."
"Okay, you're finished next Friday morning. Once you're done, you can come home and sleep until Saturday afternoon if you want. I'll bet my lunch money by that time, you'll be plenty rested for your bachelorette party. Then if you need to sleep all week to get ready for the wedding, go for it. I can be quiet."
"Make it to the next weekend, and then sleep for a week. That sounds pretty good."
"That's my girl. So what's Miranda got cooked up for you?"
"Since I insisted on including Staci, it's going to be all-ages for a while. We're going to dinner and the Broadway Across America show. Then we'll take Staci home. Randi says she's taking us to a martini bar after that."
"Cool. Anyone besides you and Miranda?" I had my fingers crossed. The more I got Annie talking about the party, the more she'd use it as her focus to get through this final week of treatment.
"Beth and Ash are coming in on Friday and staying the week, so they're in. Samantha's flying in on Saturday morning. She has to fly back out on Sunday afternoon but she'll be back for the wedding. Tish and Amy are out on tour, so they can't make it. They'll be here for the wedding, though."
"Theater and martinis. Sounds pretty fancy schmantzy. Got anything to wear for it?"
"Oh my lord, I didn't even think about that." Annie practically sprinted to the bedroom.
With a smile, I sat back in my chair and laced my hands behind my head. Mission accomplished, dude.
After a few minutes, Annie returned, muttering to herself something about fall colors and shoes. She picked up the phone and dialed. A second later, she started talking in rapid-fire fashion.
"Randi, it's me. I just realized I have nothing to wear for next Saturday night. I know you're working today, but call me tomorrow so we can go shopping for outfits. I'll make sure Staci's available too. Thanks, sister. Bye."
She ended the call and turned toward me. She must not have liked the half smile on my face. "What?"
I shook my head. "I simply can't believe you just said that. I mean, I've heard stories of women saying that, but I never figured I'd actually hear it in real life."
"What did I say?"
I got out of my chair and acted like I was going through a closet full of clothes. "You spent like a half hour going through your closet, then got on the phone and actually told Miranda you have nothing to wear."
She stared at me and began to mouth something before evidently regaining her composure. "Well, of course I have things I can wear, but this is a special occasion and... You know what Mister I-Can-Live-on-Two-Pairs-of-Shorts-and-Three-Shirts-My-Entire-Life? This is a girl thing. You totally wouldn't understand." For good measure she scrunched up her nose and stuck her tongue out at me.
I raised my iced tea to her in mock salute. "You're right. I don't understand. I do know that I love you, though. And hope you all have fun shopping."
"Thank you. Do I dare ask what you're doing for your bachelor party?"
"Dave and I wanted to spend the day mountain biking in Brown County. We figured that wouldn't be so great for Paul and Ryan, so instead we're heading for Bloomington for an IU football game."
Annie spent the rest of the day on the patio. It was a warm autumn day and she wanted to rest up for her shopping trip. I took the calm in the proverbial storm to get a casual fifty mile ride in. When I returned, I found her on the couch, reading a book.
"There's something I'd like to say to you. You'll sit with me for a moment, yes?"
Still sweaty from my ride, I sat on the edge of the couch, my water bottle in one hand.
"I was sitting outside, just enjoying the sun, not really thinking about anything when it hit me. I know what you were up to earlier. And I appreciate it."
I was busted, but with the way she was smiling, I wasn't overly concerned.
"We both know these past few weeks have been a real challenge. And I was so dreading going back to the Cancer Center on Monday. But you gave me something better to look forward to—next weekend. I feel so much better focusing on that, so thank you. You're a very special man, E.J. McCarty, and I can't wait to say I do in two weeks."
I drained the rest of my sports drink. When I made eye contact with Annie, she gave me her heart-melting smile. I shrugged. "I just want you to be happy. And I love you so..." My voice caught.
Again, I didn't have the vocabulary to do my North Star justice.
Twenty-Six
I woke up with the dawn the day of Annie's final radiation treatment. The sun warmed my chilled bones while I sipped hot Irish breakfast tea on the patio. Sitting there, I reflected on Annie's journey through cancer treatment and my role in it. I'd tried to be strong, to be the rock for Annie to lean on. There was no denying I'd screwed up at times. I'd overreacted with the car thing and totally missed the signs on the wedding date fiasco.
Those were just the high points of my long list of failures.
But I'd also hung with her the best I could. I'd tried to do everything she'd asked. I wiped away her tears when she cried. I cleaned up after her when she'd vomited. I held her when she'd shook with fear. And I had done my best to keep my fears and anxieties hidden from her.
Had I succeeded? I took a long sip of the tangy bitter tea. I didn't know. I resigned myself to the fact I might never know.
What mattered was that we'd made it this far together. The finish line was in sight. My job as domestique in bringing Annie across that line was almost complete. She'd been bruised, battered, cut, and worse. But she'd fought with an iron will and undeniable determination that dwarfed any of cycling's greatest Tour de France champions.
She'd earned this victory. Sure, she'd had help along the way—fantastic doctors, caring nurses, amazingly supportive friends.
And her fans.
As I tossed back the last of my tea, I thought back to one night during chemo and to another night shortly after her mastectomy where I'd read supportive letters and emails fans had sent. On both of those nights she'd been rendered practically immobile by the pain and had been feeling lower than a deflated inner tube. I'd read those words of support and love written to her by people from all over the world until she'd fallen asleep.
And now, it was time for Annie to complete this thing. It was time for her to cross the finish line, like the true champion my North Star had always been and would always be.
The weeks' wo
rth of radiation treatments had left her feeling like she was running on empty. I wanted today to be more than just getting up, going to her last treatment and coming home and getting back in bed, though.
I wanted it to be special for her so I made her favorite breakfast: a Western Omelet with an English muffin and a tall mug of French Vanilla coffee. I chuckled and wished I'd had a little United Nations flag to finish the international theme.
She was still sleeping when I pushed open the bedroom door. She must have smelled the breakfast because I wasn't three steps into the room when her head popped out from under the covers.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the sweet aroma of the coffee when I handed it to her. "Mmm." She took a sip. "Thank you. To what do I owe such treatment—beyond your usual thoughtfulness, that is?"
"A celebration to the end of your treatment." I placed the tray on her lap and flipped on the TV. "I know how wiped out you are, so I thought this way we could celebrate a little, in case you're too tired after treatment."
"You're too good to me, you know that?" She took a bite of the omelet and fanned her mouth. "Hot, hot, hot...but exquisite. You make the best breakfasts. You'll sit with me while I eat, yes?"
While she made her way through breakfast, we watched a light-hearted talk show hosted by a celebrity I didn't know, but who seemed friendly enough. At the show's conclusion, Annie took a deep breath and looked at me.
"Time to wrap this up. You're coming with me, yes?"
"No place I'd rather be."
We got cleaned up and headed out the door, each of us sporting broad smiles. On the way to the Cancer Center, Annie let me know that Beth and Ashley would be stopping by to visit after they got settled at their hotel.
"They said they had a surprise for me." She shook her head. "You are such a bad influence. They never surprised me before you came into the picture."
I knew what the surprise was. I was convinced she'd be thrilled with it. I just had to play it cool.
"Maybe it's a dorky hat they want you to wear tomorrow night since you're the bride-to-be."
She pulled into a parking spot and shot me a look that could have frozen the Equator. "No, absolutely not."
I got out of the car. "That's good, because that's not what your surprise is anyway." Before she could respond, I barreled on. "These are your friends and it's something very special and I really do think you'll like it. Trust me."
She came around the car and wrapped her arm around mine. "Well, I guess since you haven't steered me wrong all that much so far, I'll trust you on this one...a little."
I kissed her. Her lips tasted like cinnamon. "Mm, I could get used to that."
"Thank you. Glad you like it. Now, let's get this over with."
While Annie was undergoing her final cancer treatment, I wandered around the memorial garden. It was a stunning tribute to those who had fought and lost their battles to cancer. It hurt me to the marrow of my bones to read the heartfelt passages placed along the walking path. As difficult as our journey had been, Annie and I were among the lucky ones. Way, way too many others hadn't been so fortunate.
My phone buzzed. Annie's treatment was over. On the way to the lobby, I had to stop for a few minutes to wipe away the tears that kept escaping. Must have been some dust.
Yeah, right.
I followed Annie through the Cancer Center as she thanked staff and offered encouraging words to fellow survivors. When she'd finished hugging the oncology receptionist, she turned to me and raised her eyebrows. They were still somewhat faint, but it was a thrill to see them.
She held her hands in front of her, palms up. With an exaggerated circular motion, she placed her left hand, palm down, on top of her right.
Fighting back the tears that wanted to burst forth, I offered Annie my arm. Yes, the book was now closed on this dark period of our lives. It was time to move on to the next one, which, I was pretty certain, would hold a whole lot more smiles and laughter, and only a fraction of the pain and tears.
Twenty-Seven
Annie was taking a victory bath when I got Beth's text that her flight had landed. She and Ashley were going to check in at their hotel, grab a bite to eat and then head over to visit. I asked them to come straight here after checking in because Annie wanted them to have a home-cooked meal, courtesy of Chef E.J.
I was on the patio grilling some kebobs when the doorbell rang. Muffled greetings were shortly followed by the patio door sliding open. Annie's band mates hugged me while she popped back indoors to get a jacket and some drinks. Beth kept close to the grill while Ashley, her hair color now pumpkin orange, eased herself into a chair.
"Not cold are you, Beth?" Ashley said with a wink in my direction.
Annie's band leader and keyboardist shook her head. "Nah, just making sure McCarty here doesn't burn the chicken." She gave me a shoulder bump and glanced inside. "Does the boss know about our little surprise?"
I bumped her back. "I told her this morning I knew about it, but didn't tell her what."
Ashley leaned forward. "How'd she take it? Not very well, I'd imagine."
Before I was able to confirm Ashley's guess, Annie opened the door and tossed a sweatshirt to Beth. Once she had it on, she took the glass of wine Annie offered to her.
"Now that's more like it. Since it's just the four of us, I'd like to say something." Beth shuffled her feet and cleared her throat. "Y'all know I like to keep things on an even keel. But Boss, tonight I just want to say how hard it's been watching you struggle and fight these past few months. And while I'm truly sorry I couldn't be here for you more, I'm glad you had a pretty decent sidekick looking out for you."
She lifted her glass. Annie, Ashley and I joined her. "Congratulations Boss. I'm so, so happy you've beaten this thing." We clinked glasses and took a drink. Annie opened her arms and joined Beth in a long embrace.
"I love you girl," Annie said in a rough voice. She reached out and pulled Ashley in. "You too, Ash."
I turned my attention to the kabobs. Annie and Beth had been together since Cassandra Lawrence had been a nobody. Despite Beth's nickname for Annie, the two were more like partners than a boss and an employee.
And while Ashley was fairly new to Annie's band, the drive she'd shown to recover from her injury right before last year's tour spoke volumes about how desperately she wanted to play for Annie. The doctors had told her it would be a minimum of three months before she'd be able to join the tour. She'd worked her butt off and had made back in five weeks.
Neither Annie nor Beth had made a big fuss about her quick return, but the way they involved her in decision-making while on the road told me all I needed to know. After all Ashley had done to get back so quickly, she was no longer the junior member of the band, the kid sister. She'd become a partner, on the same level as Amy and Tish and Beth.
Somebody sniffed, and Annie started laughing. When Beth took the wine glasses back, I let out a little huff.
"Don't I get a hug?" I said in a pitiful, woe-is-me voice. Annie placed her hand on my shoulder.
"Of course you do, dear. As soon as you go through two months of poisoning, have your boobs cut off and then spend a month getting sunburned every day."
I glanced at Annie, then at Ashley, and finally at Beth. "In that case, how about dinner instead?"
Beth snorted and Ashley almost spit out her wine. Annie giggled and elbowed me in the ribs. "Lord, you're hopeless."
Dinner was another lesson on the music business for me. I sat back and soaked it in. Beth talked about the album she was producing for an up-and-coming blues artist from Northern Georgia. Annie reported on sales figures for the live album and DVD. Ashley filled us in on some session work she'd been doing with a jazz ensemble.
We laughed a lot, but I knew it was closing in on time to wrap the evening up when Annie started massaging her neck.
"So Beth," I said while I scooped some ice cream for dessert, "how about you and Ashley tell Annie about your little proposal."
; Beth nodded at Ashley. "Go ahead. It was your idea."
Ashley worked her spoon around her ice cream for a moment. "It's like this. Those of us in the band have been talking back and forth about what we wanted to get you guys. You know, for a wedding present. And we just couldn't agree on anything. I mean, for real Cassandra, it's not like you need anything."
"I could use a new bike," I said.
Annie slapped me on the shoulder. "As if. Don't interrupt.. You should know how rude that is. Please continue, Ash."
"Well, just in passing, I mentioned to Tish that maybe we should do what we do best, and play a song for you guys." She twirled her spoon in the ice cream, evidently putting her thoughts in order. "That turned out to be the easy part. Everyone liked the idea, but we couldn't decide on what to play, or when even. I mean, should we offer to play at the rehearsal dinner or at the reception, and if so, how long should we play?"
Her cheeks turned pink, and she glanced at Beth.
"You're doing fine, but the Boss here's looking a little weary."
Ashley sat up a little straighter. "Right, well to make a long story short, one day Missy and I were chatting and a song came on the radio. I started going on and on about how you'd mentioned to me how much you loved it. So I got on the horn and once everyone had a chance to listen to it, we all agreed... Oh, you tell her, Beth. I can't."
Beth smiled and looked from Ashley to Annie. "What we'd like to do is play for your wedding party, and you, as you walk down the aisle. We'd like to perform 'Amazing'."
All heads turned toward Annie, who sat there, as still as a statue.
When she didn't say anything, Beth went on.
"E.J. cleared it with your minister friend. I guess after she listened to the song, she said something like it was a whole lot better than that boring wedding march you two had picked out. So what do you say? Would it be okay if we played for you?"
Annie put her spoon down and shook her head. "You all know how I've never liked surprises. Well, this is quite the surprise. And I have to say, it's a pretty fabulous one. So yes, I would be honored to have the Downtowners play 'Amazing' for my wedding processional. Thank you, thank all of you."