The Mistakes I've Made

by J. L. Berg

  “Because, all this time, I thought he was avoiding me because of my mom. Because it was just too hard, you know?”

  I nodded.

  “But now, I know he’s had Becky. He’s moved on. So, why?” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “Why am I still not good enough to be a part of his life, Taylor?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered.

  But I intended to find out.

  It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. Crying took a lot out of a person, and she’d wept a river over her father tonight.

  Leaving her wasn’t easy, but this was something I needed to do.

  Grabbing her phone out of her purse, I searched her Contacts, pulled up the asshole’s phone number, and sent the text.

  Surprisingly, it didn’t take long to receive a reply; one that I quickly erased, but not before I saved his number in my own phone. It might come in handy the next time he decided to hurt his daughter like this.

  Grabbing the key card off the table where I’d left it, I headed out, hoping I’d be back before she woke.

  I didn’t want her to be alone.

  I wasn’t the first to arrive at the bar, and seeing his reaction as I entered instead of his daughter, as my text had suggested, he didn’t seem nearly as surprised as I would have thought he’d be.

  As I joined him at the bar, he didn’t bother introducing himself. “I figured it was you,” he said. “My daughter is stubborn, like her mother. She likes to ignore me for a month or two before extending another olive branch.”

  “You act as if you know her so well.”

  He flagged down the bartender, a casual gesture that made it appear like we were talking about sports or pop culture, not the fact that he’d all but abandoned his daughter for the last fourteen years.

  “I know her well enough.”

  My hands tightened into fists at my sides. “The woman who just cried herself to sleep in my arms would suggest otherwise.”

  His eyes narrowed on me. “What are you to my daughter, Mr. Sutherland?”

  I was taken aback. “You know my name?”

  Who was this guy?

  “Of course I do,” he said, dismissing my shock with a wave of his hand. “I bought property on your island. You think I didn’t do research before doing so? I investigate every business, every property. I’m meticulous, unlike my daughter who appears to just be sleeping with the locals rather than doing her job.”

  I rose to my feet. “You don’t know a damn thing about Lani!” I roared.

  “And you do?” He seemed amused.

  “A hell of a lot more than you do,” I said, slumping back in my chair. “Lani is working her ass off to meet your deadline. God knows why. You don’t seem to give a rat’s ass either way. I mean, don’t you realize what an amazing woman she is?”

  “You seem to.”

  “I do,” I said, which brought me to my point—the very reason I’d brought him down here, to this bar. “I need you to decide,” I said.

  “Decide?” The old man seemed confused.

  I was about to make it crystal clear for him. “You need to decide if you’re in or out when it comes to Lani because I will not allow you to continue to hurt her like this.”

  “You won’t?”

  “No, I won’t.”

  “And who are you?” he asked, his gaze dead set on mine.

  “What? What do you mean, who am I?”

  “I mean exactly what I said, Mr. Sutherland. I asked you what you were to my daughter. A friend? A lover? What do you mean to her? Since you never gave me an answer, I’m asking again. Who are you to demand this of me, her father?”

  “I…” I had no words.

  A satisfied grin spread across his face. “I think the question you’re asking is actually one meant for you, Mr. Sutherland. Because as her father, I am always in. Even if our relationship is difficult or strained, I will always be in; even if she doesn’t want me to be. But you? You have a choice, so what will it be? Are you in or out?”

  My mouth hung open as I stared at him and then back toward the elevator that would take me to Lani.

  Every molecule in my body wanted me to tell that man that I was in it for the long haul.

  That I’d pack up my life, leave my family, and move across the entire damn world for his daughter.

  But, as I stared at the elevator, I couldn’t do it.

  I couldn’t say the word.

  Why?

  Because, deep down, there was still a part of me that believed that this would never work. Love wasn’t as simple as my brother believed it to be.

  Like all good love stories, ours would just eventually end.

  And where would that leave me? Just like Sierra and my mother…

  Alone. Absolutely alone.

  I awoke to darkness, the sound of the suite door being opened and shut.

  “Taylor?” I called out, rising up in bed to look for him.

  “I’m here,” he said, the silhouette of his broad body moving toward me.

  I felt the bed dip as he came to sit beside me.

  “Where did you go?” I asked, wondering just how long I’d been out.

  Oh God, I thought, remembering all the tears as my fingers traced my puffy cheeks and swollen eyes. I must look like a hot damn mess.

  Like he was reading my mind, he reached up and took my hand in his. “You look just as beautiful as ever.” He smiled warmly, flipping on the bedside light. “And I was out, grabbing provisions.”

  “Provisions?”

  He nodded, reaching into a small paper bag with his other hand. He drew out a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, instantly making me laugh.

  “You’re a man of many talents,” I said.

  “My mom is a widow,” he said plainly. “There were often tears when I was growing up. I’d do just about anything to make them go away.”

  I pictured a smaller, sweeter version of Taylor sitting on his mother’s lap, sharing ice cream on a warm summer afternoon.

  “And ice cream worked?” I asked, fairly certain my heart was melting faster than the ice cream in his hand.

  He shrugged. “Ice cream and humor.”

  “No history lessons for Mrs. Sutherland?” I asked, reaching for the pint of Karamel Sutra. I didn’t want it to go to waste after all.

  “Who do you think taught me all of them in the first place?” he said, handing me a spoon. “You won’t meet a person more passionate about Ocracoke than my mom. Our family was one of the first, you know?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Yep, generations of Sutherlands have lived on that island. If you want to hear a history lesson, just give her a hand with Sunday dinner. That’s how I got hooked.”

  A smile spread across my face. “So, that’s where you learned all those cooking skills.”

  “It was purely selfish on my part. I figured out early on that if I helped out, we would eat sooner.”

  I shook my head, laughing. “I highly doubt that.”

  “It’s true.” He chuckled. “I’m a pretty selfish guy.”

  I swallowed hard. “No, you’re not,” I said, knowing exactly what selfish looked like. I’d seen it firsthand tonight, in the eyes of my own father. “You’re the exact opposite, Taylor.”

  He seemed to sense the change in emotions, the carefree banter gone, replaced by something heavy and deep. He reached out for me, his hand gently stroking my cheek. “I’d take it away if I could.”

  I blankly looked up at him.

  “The pain,” he said, taking the ice cream from my hands and setting it aside. “I’d take it all, Lani.”

  Pressing my cheek into the heat of his palm, I assured him, “You do, just by being here.”

  He slowly shook his head from side to side. “I wish I could do more.”

  “Make me forget,” I said without thinking. Reaching for him, I said it again, “Make me forget, Taylor. Just for a couple of hours, for a night. Make me forget everything that happened and—”

 
He kissed me. “You don’t have to beg,” he said breathlessly, his eyes intense and dead set on mine. “You don’t ever have to beg me to—”

  He didn’t finish his sentence, and I could feel the mystery of his words hanging in the air as our lips met.

  What was he going to say?

  “You don’t ever have to beg me to…”

  Have sex with you?

  Fuck you?

  Love you?

  My heart beat wildly as he pushed me back against the mattress.

  Surely, he hadn’t meant that.

  We had less than five weeks.

  He didn’t give me much time to consider it as his hands found the thin straps of my dress and made quick work of sliding them off my shoulders, allowing him to pull my dress the rest of the way off. His gaze grew heavy as he looked down at the lace bra I wore beneath.

  “Jesus,” he swore. “I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of this view.”

  Reaching up, I removed his collared shirt, working the buttons, one by one, until I could run my hands all over that chiseled chest of his. Smiling to myself, I replied, “I totally agree.”

  Trying hard to keep his word, to make me forget, he took his time, kissing every inch of skin as he made his way down, removing my bra and panties.

  It worked.

  By the time he was slipping my lace thong down my calves, I was delirious; so drunk on him that I couldn’t think about anything but how good it would feel to have him again.

  And again.

  Over and over until I couldn’t move from the sheer pleasure of our lovemaking.

  I watched as he got naked, licking my lips as his pants fell to the floor, knowing every inch of that manly body would be all over me in seconds.

  “When you look at me like that, naked and ready for me,” he said, shaking his head, a cocky grin stretched across his face, “it just might be the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Knowing I was taunting him but not caring in the least, I spread my legs, giving him a view I knew he couldn’t refuse.

  It was like watching a lion on the hunt. I was his prey, and I’d just been captured.

  Willingly.

  Our mouths fused together as his hands pulled us close.

  Before I knew it, he was in me. Filling me. Claiming me. Making me his.

  “Taylor, yes!” I cried out.

  This was magic. This was paradise.

  This was exactly what I’d been missing in my life.

  Him, me.

  Us.

  Grabbing my waist, he suddenly flipped us, so I was on top. I loved this position. It gave me power, and as I moved, riding his cock, I felt beautiful, sexy, and daring.

  And I could see in his eyes as he watched me that he agreed.

  Our hands joined then as he leaned up to kiss me. Chest-to-chest, body-to-body, soul-to-soul, we made love.

  And I forgot.

  I forgot about my shitty childhood and all the loss I’d felt.

  I forgot about the hours before and my father’s new life.

  And I even forgot about the minutes leading up to our lovemaking and the one tiny detail we’d both definitely forgotten.

  Sleep had a way of refreshing you in more ways than one.

  It was like, while your brain was idle, soaking up those precious hours of rest, it was playing an ongoing game of Tetris, tediously putting those random nuances of life into place that maybe hadn’t made sense during the day.

  Or that perhaps you’d forgotten.

  When my eyes popped open that morning, the first thought that flew into my brain was of that stupid condom.

  Or lack thereof.

  Sitting up in bed, I realized I wasn’t the only one with this realization.

  Taylor, who usually seemed like a fairly laid-back guy, was currently shirtless, pacing the room like a caged bear.

  Back and forth, back and forth, he went.

  “We forgot—” he began.

  “The condom,” I finished, meeting his worried gaze.

  He slumped down in the corner chair, the sunlight from the window casting a beautiful glow across his broad chest. “I don’t know how I forgot. I’ve never…”

  I didn’t know what I’d expected, definitely not happy jubilation or glee, but after last night, after the connection I’d felt, I guessed I’d just thought he’d be calmer.

  But it didn’t matter anyway.

  “I have an IUD,” I said, making his eyes jolt back to mine.

  “You do?” A glimmer of hope appeared in his eyes.

  I nodded. “I know I said it’d been a while, but I’m still responsible.”

  “More responsible than me,” he said, the guilt written all over his face.

  “Hey,” I said, rising from the bed and grabbing his button-down from the floor.

  He watched me, like he always did, but I could see he didn’t think he deserved to. Not bothering with the buttons, I just pulled it on and walked over to him, his hungry gaze taking in every inch of me.

  “We both forgot.”

  I slid onto his lap, and his hands glided up my legs, wrapping around my waist.

  “There was a lot of that going on last night,” I told him.

  A satisfied smile crept across his face. “Well, at least I can do something right.”

  I leaned forward, close to his ear. “Oh, believe me, Taylor Sutherland, there are many things you can do extremely well.”

  He chuckled. “I feel like that particular gift has left me lacking in other areas as of late.”

  “Like what?”

  His head tilted to the side. “Like the fact that I haven’t fed you in nearly twenty-four hours.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, remembering the ice cream, but his eyes motioned toward the bed, and I followed. There, sitting on the nightstand, was the sad, melted pint of Ben & Jerry’s we’d forgotten about minutes after he brought it to me.

  “I’m going to order us breakfast,” he said with determination.

  “But…” I pressed against him, feeling him harden in response.

  He groaned. “You’re evil.”

  “You did call me the daughter of the devil when I first arrived, didn’t you?” I grinned.

  “I don’t think I’m the one who came up with that particular name, but considering the way you move those hips, I’m not surprised.”

  “Can’t we just stay in bed all day?” I begged.

  He glanced at the clock next to the melted ice cream container. “Checkout is in a couple of hours.”

  “What if we just stayed another day?” I suggested, my arms stretching around his neck. “Maybe two?”

  “Not that I wouldn’t enjoy that, but what happened to you being behind? Don’t you need to get back?”

  I rose to my feet, the loss of his body heat feeling strangely hollow. “I’m not sure I’m going to continue.”

  It was like a vacuum had sucked all the air out of the room as I watched his reaction. Confusion, disappointment, disbelief.

  “No,” he finally said.

  “No?” I echoed. “What kind of answer is that? You can’t tell me no!”

  He stood up, determination in his eyes. “Someone has to. Jesus, Lani. You can’t give up. Not now, not so easily.”

  Anger took hold of me, and I retaliated. “Why? Why can’t I? It’s my dream, Taylor! I get to say when and how it ends, and believe me,” I yelled, the tears already welling up in my eyes, “that’s all it’s ever going to be. Just a dream. Because my father is never going to take me seriously, and now that he has Becky, why would he ever leave the company to me? I’ve been replaced. He has a new family, a new successor. I’m nothing!”

  So much for forgetting.

  But I guessed we never could really forget, could we?

  We just hid the pain, squirreled away in the recesses of our mind, until one day, it came racing back to the surface, ready to play.

  Too bad mine hadn’t dug a bit deeper. Hid a bit longer.

 
; It would have been nice to live in a state of naive bliss for a while.

  “Hey,” Taylor said softly, pulling me into his big, strong arms, trying to take away the pain, just as he had the night before. “We’ll figure this out.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t know how. My dad expects complete project plans on his desk in four and a half weeks. That’s barely enough time to do one design, let alone two.”

  He tilted my chin up, giving me a questioning look. “Two?”

  My cheeks went pink, as I realized I’d just given away my secret. But, now that I had, I wasn’t sure why I had been keeping it from him in the first place.

  “I’m having Halladay work up two plans for the hotel,” I explained. “One that is a cohesive vision of the spa retreat I had planned.”

  “And the other?” His brow lifted.

  “And the other is a nod to the original hotel; art deco with a modern twist.”

  “Are you serious?” His green eyes were alight with excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Well, for one, I didn’t want you to disappear. I was afraid that if I told you, you’d consider your job done and stop hanging around so much.”

  He grinned. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. And two?”

  “Because I’m still not sure it’s going to work,” I said.

  “What? Why? If you’re designing it, it will be brilliant!”

  His enthusiasm was contagious, and I couldn’t help but smile.

  “I don’t get the final say, and as you can see,” I said, holding my hands out to use the room as an example, “we kind of have a certain style we adhere to.”

  “So, change it,” he pressed. “Do something different. Be the change, Lani. Show your dad just how amazing you are!”

  “I want to. I really do. But, if he hates it, if he rejects the first design, I have to have a backup; otherwise—”

  “Otherwise, you’re afraid someone else will come along and take it out of your hands.”

  I nodded. “Someone like Becky and her ugly gold sconces.”

  I could see the wheels in his head turning.

  “Okay, so we go back to Ocracoke and we work our asses off.”

  My brow arched. “Our asses?”

  “Do you think I’m just going to leave you high and dry?”