by Nikki Wild
“Do you want to know the sex?” the doctor asked, rubbing the wand all around as she took measurements.
“I already know it’s a girl,” I said, my voice shaking.
“Well, you don’t know it’s a girl, you just think it’s a girl, right?” Bear said.
“I know it is!” I snapped, maybe a little too angrily and maybe a little too loudly for a doctor’s office.
Bear’s gaze burned into the side of my face as I continued to refuse to look at him. I was hoping we could get through this, that I could pretend everything was fine, but he knew me too well.
That, and the fact that I was acting like he wasn’t even the room probably tipped him off that I might be a little upset.
“Dr. Reynolds, could I please have a moment alone with my wife?”
“Absolutely,” she said, putting the ultrasound wand back on the machine. She took off her gloves and handed me a box of tissue. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said, with a polite smile, before leaving us alone.
I watched the door close behind her, wishing I was anywhere else but here at the moment.
“What’s going on?” Bear asked.
“We’ll talk about it later,” I said, finally meeting his eyes and then looking away again immediately.
Goddammit, I thought, he’s so fucking handsome. Why does he have to be so fucking sexy all the time? Why can’t he just be normal, just some normal guy with a normal job and normal eyes, eyes that didn’t seem to have the ability to see right through me every time they landed on me?
“Let’s talk about it now,” he said, his voice low and measured.
“I don’t think this is an appropriate place or time,” I said, matching his tone.
“Chloe,” he said, reaching over and putting a finger under my chin. He turned my face towards him, and I kept my eyes averted. “Look at me.”
“I don’t want to,” I said, turning away as soon as he let go.
“Okay, fine, don’t look at me, but at least tell me what the fuck is going on. I thought this was supposed to be a happy visit.”
“So did I,” I said, “but now it’s ruined.”
“Why the fuck is it ruined? What happened?”
“Why don’t you tell me what happened, Bear?” I said, my anger finally bursting through as I turned to him, my angry eyes clashing with his goddamned sexy ones.
“What?” he said, putting out a hand.
“You know what you did!” I cried.
“Okay, this is about Randy, right? That’s all it can be.”
“That’s all?” I exclaimed. “Isn’t that enough?”
“Chloe, I can explain,” he said.
“I hope so,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Look, I owe you an apology, I know. I shouldn’t have paid him off, but well…I was going to tell you this last night, but you were so…so…distracting…as soon as I walked in the door and once we got started, we were having such a nice time and I didn’t want to ruin it.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you gave my sperm donor enough money to buy a fucking car!”
“What did he tell you?” he said, squinting his eyes at me.
“Nothing! Except that you were smarter than me, whatever that means.”
“Fuck,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “He didn’t tell you about the pictures, about the tape…”
“What are you talking about?”
“That asshole came to my office yesterday, showing me pictures…of Matilda,” he said, shaking his head, his lips twisted into a grimace.
“Pictures of Mom? Why?”
“Dammit, Chloe,” he said, his voice full of exasperation. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but they were naked pictures. Of her having sex. With him.”
“What!” I yelled, my stomach churning at the thought. “Oh, I think I’m going to be sick.”
“I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Why would he show you that?” I asked.
“Oh, babe, don’t you get it?” he asked, his eyes turning gentle. “He was blackmailing us. Or you. Or Matilda, or all of us, I guess. He threatened to go to the New York Post if I didn’t give him money.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked.
“I wish I was,” he shrugged. “Look, I know I should have told you right away once I got home, but like I said, you were all dressed up, so sexy…”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s not what you should have done.”
“What?” he asked.
“You shouldn’t have given him anything. He was probably bluffing. And who cares what my mother did over twenty years ago?”
“I was protecting the two of you,” he said. “You’d be surprised how nasty the media can be.”
“But why didn’t you call me first? Come to me and ask me again? I’d already told you I didn’t want you to pay him off in the first place,” I said, my voice rising in anger again. “Why didn’t you listen to me?”
“I didn’t—,” he began.
“—you didn’t what? Think about what I want, Bear? You already knew my wishes. You knew I didn’t want you to give him money! Do I have to use my safe word for that? Or do you get to make those decisions for me, too?”
He looked like I’d slapped him, his mouth dropping open in surprise. I immediately wished I could push the words back in my mouth, but it was too late. And I was so angry and hurt! Maybe I could have said things a little nicer, but I meant it.
“I apologize, Chloe,” he said, his voice low and stern.
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” I said, the tears falling down my face. “Just go.”
“What?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“Just go, Bear. I want to be alone. In fact, I think I’m going to stay at my old apartment for a while. I need some space, some time to think…”
“Chloe, don’t do this,” he said. “Let’s just get through this appointment and we’ll talk about everything when we get home.”
“No,” I said, lifting my chin. “In fact, I want you to leave now.”
He paused, peering into my eyes. I held his gaze, determined to show him that he couldn’t just walk all over me like that. This was a big deal. At least to me, it was. The Randy battle was mine to fight, not his.
Maybe the money was nothing to him, but it was the principal of the matter. Randy didn’t deserve to profit off of me, and blackmail? Or all things? Fuck him.
I guess Bear saw that I was serious. After a moment, he nodded and walked toward the door. My heart broke as he turned back to me slowly. The pain in his eyes went straight to my heart.
The fact that we were both hurting did nothing to make me feel better.
“You go on home, Beauty,” he said, his voice low and gentle. “I’ll get a room at the Four Seasons. I’m the one who fucked up, I’m the one who should leave. You take all the space you need and I’ll be here whenever you want me again.”
He turned and walked out and I could have sworn I heard my heart crack completely in half.
Bear
I sat in my car mentally kicking my own ass.
Of course, I should have told Randy to fuck off.
At least she’d given me a chance to explain and hopefully, she’d come to realize that I’d done it for a good reason.
She had to forgive me.
I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she didn’t.
She and the baby were the only things in the whole fucking world that really mattered to me. I laughed when I thought about the man I used to be, the man who thought that money and power and rough sex were all he needed to get through life.
I pitied that man now. His life was empty, lonely, meaningless.
Everything was different now. Chloe had turned everything upside down and now everything that I used to feel, everything I knew to be true, everything I thought I loved and needed—it was all a lie.
A lie I told myself to get to sleep at night.
A lie my parents ha
d taught me.
A lie that I’d believed, that I’d eaten up like an expensive steak.
Work hard. Achieve. Succeed. Make money. Live larger…
Those were the things they thought were important.
The values they’d instilled in me.
And in turn, I’d developed a taste for power. And yet, once I had a little, I needed more, like a junkie whose last fix was never as good as the first, and yet I kept trying to score more.
More, more, more…
More money, more power, more sex…
Put them all together and it was even better cocktail.
I inhaled as much of it as I could get. It was a miracle it hadn’t killed me yet. I was sure if I kept going the way I was, it would have. I would have had a heart attack from stress, or something equally repugnant.
But Chloe had come along, knocking me off my pedestal and showing me what life was really all about.
With her smile, her innocence, her irresistible naiveté…her sensuous, stunning body…
Love.
That’s what she’d given me.
Pure, perfect, love.
And all I’d managed to do was screw it up over and over.
I hated to admit it, but fuck if I didn’t know what the hell I was doing here. It was all new to me.
One minute, I wanted to rip her clothes off and devour her body like a goddamned caveman, with uncontrollable and animalistic rage, and in the next, I wanted to throw my entire body over her and protect her from the bullets of life, keep her soft, make her happy, gaze at her beautiful smile all day long, gently kiss every inch of her perfect skin.
I’m sure I was supposed to be doing something somewhere in the middle, but I’d yet to find the sweet spot apparently.
She’d been entirely forgiving and gracious up till now, but I was afraid my latest screw up transcended an entirely new level of fucked up.
That’s why I agreed to give her space.
I stood there staring at her there in that room, her belly covered with slippery goo, her feet up in the stirrups, her eyes raging with anger that I’d never seen cross them…and they were turned towards me.
I hated that more than anything.
That’s why I gave in, agreed to give her space. I didn’t want to. I wanted to insist she come home, I wanted to order her sexy ass into my car and into our bed and make love to her until all of her anger was gone and she looked at me with soft eyes again.
But I knew I couldn’t do that.
I had to give her what she asked for and if what she was asking for was for me to leave her alone, then no matter how much it went against every fucking instinct I possessed, I had to do it.
So, here I was.
Sitting in my car and cursing myself like a fucking love-sick kid.
I started up the car and drove to the Four Seasons, reminding myself that time heals all wounds.
Hopefully some faster than others…
I got the penthouse again, the one that we’d stayed in on our wedding night so I could feel close to Chloe while I was gone. At forty-five grand a night, it was worth it. Sure, it was extravagant for just one person, but I’d spent my money in more frivolous ways.
I didn’t care.
Besides, I hoped Chloe would forgive me sooner than later.
In the meantime, I’d stay out of her hair and focus on other things.
The thought of being in her hair, the sweet smell of her shampoo, sent a shot of pain right through my heart. I fucking missed her already.
This was not going to be easy.
I just had to remind myself that this was the right thing to do—even if I had to remind myself every fucking five minutes so I didn’t pick up the phone to call or worse, show back up at the penthouse before she wanted me to.
Yep. Stupid love-sick kid.
That’s what it felt like.
It was a hat I wasn’t used to wearing and it felt ridiculous.
It felt vulnerable and that was the last thing I ever wanted to feel.
“Fuck!” I yelled to the empty hotel suite. It was too big, too full of memories. I’d taken her that night in almost every room, every corner, up against the window, on this couch I’m sitting on right now.
“Fuck!” I yelled again, punching the leather beside me.
I stood up and walked outside, trying to figure out how I was going to get through this. I wished I could call my best friend, but I couldn’t.
Bruce, I thought, I’ll just focus on finding his killer.
It was still early in the afternoon, and I’d come straight to the hotel after leaving Chloe at the doctor’s office. I knew there was no way I’d be able to just sit here for too much longer, so I grabbed my phone and keys and left the suite.
Something about my last meeting with Lacey Vance had been eating at me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me. I drove to her office, hoping for one more meeting with her. Bruce had never been this easy to meet with. When he was the DA he was always busy, always working. Lacey had talked to me without an appointment twice already and I was hoping my charm and good luck would work a third time.
I was just parking my car in the garage when I saw her exit the elevator. I parked, at first intending to approach her before she reached her car, but instead, I waited. She walked to her car quickly, then jumped behind the wheel and sped off down the ramp of the garage.
I didn’t think twice about following her. It’s not like I had anything else to do at the moment.
Chloe’s face haunted me as I trailed behind Lacey. She headed down several streets, finally getting stuck behind a group of taxis for a while before hastily speeding around them.
I followed behind at a good distance, keeping a few cars between us.
Ten minutes later and we were in Harlem. I kept following and when I saw her turn down the same street Santiago lived on, my heart starting racing. When she parked her car down the street from it, I thought maybe it was just a coincidence. I found a place to park not far from her, dropping down low in my seat as I watched.
She walked right up to Santiago’s building.
“What the fuck,” I whispered, my eyes darting around. There were dozens of people wandering around, but they were all minding their own business and I didn’t recognize anyone. Lacey entered the building and I jumped out of my car, crossing the street and standing at the side of the entrance. I peeked around the corner and froze.
Lacey was standing in the garden of the building, talking with a very large, very familiar man. The man I’d seen in Bruce’s cabin. Alonzo.
I hid behind the corner, straining my ears to listen.
“Is Santiago around?” she asked.
“Nope, he just left,” he said.
“Do you know when he’ll be back?”
“No, but you might want to wait till tomorrow. After you told him that rich prick was sniffing around, he got all pissed off. He went to take care of him, so I don’t think he’ll be in the mood to talk when he gets back.”
“Dalton?”
I bristled at the sound of my name.
“Yep. Now that your old boss is gone, he figures Dalton is fair game. Especially now that’s he’s fishing for information.”
“But he made a deal with Bruce,” she said.
“Can’t keep a deal with a dead guy, now can you?”
“Shit,” she said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told Santiago that Dalton came to visit me.”
“Doesn’t matter. He’d have figured it out anyway. Someone told him he had another guy digging around, too. Nothing gets past Rio.”
“Yeah, I guess not,” she said. “He sure does hate Dalton. I’ve never seen someone hold a grudge for so long.”
“Yeah, well, Ruby was his girl…”
My phone rang in my pocket and I almost jumped out of my skin. I ran down the sidewalk away from them, my heart pounding in my chest. I pulled out my phone and saw that it was my assistant, Sarah.
“…I’ve never seen Santiago so happy as when he was with Ruby. That didn’t stop him from turning her out, of course,” Alonzo laughed. Lacey laughed with him and I cringed. “When she met Dalton, that was all she could talk about. I think she thought he was her way out, I don’t know. She should have known better. Nobody gets out of this life. Anyway, she was never the same after that pinchazo dumped her. She came back, all depressed, didn’t want to work, talking about all the shit she’d done with him. Santiago let her get away with that shit, too. That’s how much he loved her.”
“Wow,” Lacey said. My head was spinning, trying to recall my time with Ruby. It was so long ago, so insignificant, so meaningless, really.
“He tried to save her, but he couldn’t. Everyone said he should kick her ass, straighten her up, you know? But Santiago never laid a hand on her. It still didn’t work, though and when she jumped off that parking garage, it fucked him up big time.”
My heart sank. Ruby was dead? Fuck!
“He already hated Dalton by then, just because he knew Ruby was in love with him, but he’d let him live as long as the DA helped him out in exchange. Once he figured out Dalton and the DA were best friends, he convinced the DA he’d kill Dalton if he didn’t hide the evidence. I think even Santiago was shocked he took the bait at the time.”
“Everyone was,” Lacey said.
“But you know what? He still kept holding out hope for Ruby, even after he went to jail. She killed herself six months later and I tell you, it wrecked Rio. He came out of the pen angrier, harder, with nothing left to lose. Once he served his sentence, he wanted blood.”
“I probably shouldn’t have told him where Bruce was living,” she said. Rage filled my veins when I heard that. It took all my strength not to come out from my hiding spot.
“And what? Let him kill your husband? You had no choice once he threatened you and you know he’d have done it in a heartbeat.”
“I just wish none of this shit had happened. It’s just snowballing and I never expected anyone to die, for fuck’s sake.” Her voice was filled with anguish, but it did nothing to quell the anger raging through me.