by Dena Christy
The pendant was warm against the skin of his palm, and as he curled his fingers around it, it pulsed to life. He squeezed it tight, the silver design cutting into his skin.
“Father, please come to me,” he said in the empty room as he focused all his thoughts on his father’s image.
His father appeared without fanfare. The room was empty one moment, and his father stood before his desk the next. He was exactly as Cadric remembered, standing there, silent and strong. He hadn’t diminished at all in the years that had passed, and his one working eye still held the same intense clarity in its blue depth that it always had.
“Please sit down,” Cadric said respectfully as he motioned to the chair in front of his desk. There was so much he longed to say to his father, and it was at the tip of his tongue to rail at him with the bitterness that was bubbling up inside him. He tamped those feelings down. His father would not be swayed by emotion.
“What can I do for you, son,” his father asked, his voice booming out into the office, as strong as it had always been.
“Have you punished Nan yet?” he said, as his gut clenched. He dreaded what his father’s answer would be, and he didn’t know if he could hold himself in check if he didn’t like his father’s answer.
“I haven’t thought of a suitable punishment for her yet, but I will.”
“I’d like it if you would refrain from punishing her,” Cadric said as he looked at his father. His father blinked for a moment as he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard. “You heard correctly. I’m asking you not to punish her.”
“Have you lost your sense, son? After everything she’s done, the havoc she’s caused with her actions, how can you ask me not to give her what’s coming to her.”
Cadric didn’t know if he could make his father understand, but he had to try.
“I’d like you to show mercy,” Cadric said and he steeled his resolve in the look of disbelief on his father’s face. “I’ve been nothing but obedient to you, and I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for you and have asked for nothing in return. This time I’m asking, please show mercy.”
Odin shook his head, and his mouth tightened.
“You’ve had a good life here, and everything turned out well for you. Why don’t you let it go boy and let me get on with ruling Asgard.”
“You’re right, everything turned out well for me, and I have a good life. What you don’t seem to realize, and what I’ve only just begun to comprehend, is that it’s a life I built at the expense of my family.” Cadric stared steadily at his father as thunderheads gathered in the other man’s face.
“I’m your family boy,” his father shouted as he slammed his fist down on the top of Cadric’s desk. His father’s anger, and willful blindness ignited a spark in Cadric, and for the first time in his life he found the will to oppose the man who sat before him.
“My wife and my son are also my family,” he shouted back, and he could see the open shock on his father’s face. He’d never spoken to him in this manner before and moderated his tone. Yelling at his father wouldn’t get him what he wanted. “They had to go on without me, while believing a painful lie. Everything that has happened got its start a millennium ago when you came to me and asked me to lie for you. All that happened in the past few weeks is us reaping what we sowed. It needs to end now. Show mercy.”
His father’s face remained stony, and Cadric’s shoulders sagged. He’d blown the one chance he had of convincing his father to see a different path. Odin said nothing as he disappeared and Cadric stared at the spot he vacated. The pendant he still held lay cold and empty in his hand, and he knew his father would not be back.
He carefully tucked the pendant into a drawer in his desk. Perhaps Hadria would like it back. It was of no use to him anymore. He hoped his words made an impression on his father, but if Odin ran true to form, Cadric feared that there would be no mercy granted to his wife.
* * *
Nan paced the confines of her temporary quarters in Valhalla. Normally she lived in another part of Asgard, but Odin had decided that she was to be given rooms in his hall until he’d determined what her punishment would be. Despite her rooms being well off the beaten path, in an unused portion of the hall, she could hear the parties happening at night, as fallen Norse warriors partied through their after life. She didn’t know if the spirits of the dead could get hangovers, but she was grateful that at least the place was much quieter during the day.
“Mother, please stop pacing, you are making me dizzy,” her son said as he looked over at her from the chair he was lounging in. He’d been with her every day since she’d been brought back. He said little, just quietly lending his support and company. She stopped her circuit around the room and went over to sit in a chair next to his.
“I wish he would get it over with,” she said, knowing her son would understand the it she was referring to.
“Be careful what you wish for. Once he punishes you there will be no coming back from it,” he said gravely as he reached out and patted the top of her hand.
“I know, but how long is he going to make me wait. I’m sure this is part of it, making me dread the worst before he lets the hammer fall,” she said. When she’d come back to Asgard, she’d been prepared to meet her punishment with dignity. That resolve was being sorely tested now that Odin seemed to want to drag things out.
“I’m proud of you,” Forseti said quietly.
Nan looked over at him in surprise. She knew she had her son’s loyalty and support, but he never mentioned pride in her.
“What are you talking about,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I did what I needed to do. It was the least I could to make things right.”
What she’d done wasn’t exactly worthy of pride, when you considered what she had to make amends for. Acting impulsively and irresponsibly were hardly traits worthy of admiration.
“It took courage for you to come forward and speak, and even more to let father go. Seeing the way you looked at him, and the way he looked at you, I get it. I understand now why you insisted on going to him after everything that happened.”
She wished that Forseti hadn’t mentioned Baldr. She’d been trying to block him from her mind, it was the only way she could commit herself to the path she’d chosen. Even her son’s brief mention of his father stirred a longing for him that she didn’t think would ever be quenched. It had almost been easier when she’d thought he was dead. At least then she’d believe that he was gone, and their love was forever severed. Now she knew he was alive and well, living his life without her.
“Well it’s too late for your father and me. We may have had a chance if I’d gone to him without freeing Loki first, but as it is it’s too late now,” she said as she clasped her hand in her lap and squeezed her fingers together. It hurt so much, saying it out loud like that. The blow to her heart was soft when the words remained in her head, but speaking them made them real, and her heart felt like it was being crushed under a heavy weight.
“It’s never too late for anything, daughter,” Odin said, his voice booming ahead of him as he entered the room. He strode in as solid and larger than life as he had ever been.
Nan swallowed and her stomach tightened into a hard, nauseous ball. Odin had stayed away from her room for the entirety of her stay here, and his presence could mean only one thing. He was ready to prescribe her punishment. Despite her words earlier to the contrary, now that it was here she wanted to put off this moment for just a little longer. Her son's earlier words rang in her ears, offering little consolation that he was correct. Her wish was about to come true, and if she made it through this ordeal without throwing up on Odin’s boots they’d all be fortunate. She pressed her hands to her stomach as she stood before Odin, willing herself to remain on her feet while he passed judgement upon her.
Forseti stood alongside her and his large firm hand came to rest on the middle of her back, offering his strong and steady support. What she’d done to deserve such a s
on, she didn’t know, but she was grateful none the less that he was here.
“I see you’ve made your decision grandfather,” Forseti said, his deep voice laced with grave formality. Odin wasn’t the kind of god who encouraged familiarity, even from his close family members, and while she was sure her son loved and worshiped his grandfather, there had always been a distance between them. Perhaps it was because despite his efforts, Odin had never quite been able to replace Baldr in Forseti’s life, which would explain why he spoke to him with such stiffness now. “Is there nothing I can say to sway you from your course?”
“No,” Odin said as he stepped further into the room, and Nan’s knees chose that moment to turn rubbery. She clutched her son’s arm to keep from melting onto the floor in a hysterical heap. Odin’s eyes flicked over her and his mouth tightened for a second before he looked at her son to address him directly. “As a matter of fact your father tried that already.”
“You’ve been to see Baldr,” Nan blurted out, and Odin turned back to her, and it took all her strength to keep from shrinking under the intensity of his single eyed gaze.
“Yes I have,” he said, and he didn’t sound exactly overjoyed at being reunited with his long-lost son. “He pointed out certain truths to me that I’m finding impossible to ignore. He asked me not to punish you at all. He even informed me that what has come to pass is partly my doing.”
Nan imagined that Odin hadn’t liked hearing that at all, despite the kernel of truth inside that bit of information. Her mind latched onto the fact that Baldr had requested leniency and a small bud of hope blossomed in her heart.
“You mean I won’t be punished?” she said, as she reached out to grab her son’s hand. Her son looked down at her, and she could see the same hope in her son’s eyes.
“No that is not what I’m saying,” Odin said, and with that any small amount of hope that she was nursing died inside her. Her son’s shoulders sagged, and she knew it was the same for him. Odin seemed oblivious to the change in their demeanor as he continued to speak. “You’ve put me in a difficult position. Asgard is weakening, and I cannot be seen as weak. That a member of my family has had the audacity to go against me needs to be answered for.”
Nan’s mouth went dry at the hardness in Odin’s voice, and the barely suppressed anger she could see in the way he held himself so stiffly. She closed her eyes for a moment as she considered his words. Odin would want to make an example of her because of her relationship to him. Her punishment would be twice as harsh as it would have been for anyone who committed the same crime but had not been a part of his family.
She opened her eyes, let go of her son’s hand and stood tall before her father-in-law. It appeared she would face her punishment with dignity.
“Is there anything you would like to say before I pronounce judgement upon you?” Odin asked.
“No,” Nan said in a voice that was steady. “I said everything I wanted to at the Order of Odin headquarters. I’m prepared to face the full weight of what I’ve done.”
“Very well,” Odin said as he straightened to his full impressive height. “For your crimes against me and my hall, I hereby banish you from Asgard. You are forbidden to darken these halls with your presence, on pain of death. You will go to earth and find your own way there. From this moment forward you no longer have a home here. Do you understand your punishment?”
“Yes my lord Odin,” she said as her legs shook with relief. Banishment was the worst punishment he could have given her without outright killing her, but at least she would live.
“I will give you a few moments to say goodbye to your son, and when I return I will send you down to Earth,” Odin said as he inclined his head to her, turned on his heel and left the room.
The air whooshed out of Nan’s lungs and she sagged down on the chair she’d sat in only a few minutes before. She looked at her son as the full import of her punishment sank in.
“Where am I going to go Forseti?” she asked her voice small as she realized that Odin was sending her off into the world alone with nothing.
“You know where you are going,” he said as he knelt in front of her and clasped her hands. “Go to father. You heard what Odin said. He tried to intervene on your behalf. Go to him.”
“But what if he won’t forgive me?”
“He would not have talked to Odin if there was no possibility of forgiveness,” her son said as he squeezed her hands.
“What about you?” she asked as she realized that unless he came down to Earth periodically, she would never see her son again. A lump formed in her throat. Even though he was long since grown, he would always be her baby.
“You have devoted your life to raising me, and I’m going to miss you,” he said as he reached out to hug her. “It’s time for you to think about you. Go to father, he needs you now. I’ll come see you when I can.”
She pulled back and waved her hands under her eyes to keep the tears from falling. Odin came striding back into the room, and she was glad she hadn’t dissolved into a blubbering mess. Odin had little tolerance for what he saw as weak female emotions. She stood up and faced him.
“Are you ready to depart?” he asked as he came to stand in front of her.
She looked at her son, who mouthed the word goodbye and she turned back to Odin, nodding her head.
“Very well. Close your eyes,” Odin said, and she obeyed him instantly as nerves danced in her stomach. Two of his fingers came in contact with her forehead, and a sudden jolt of energy came over her.
When the surge of energy passed, Nan opened her eyes to see that she was no longer in her room in Valhalla. A breeze skated over her skin and leaves rattled in her darkened surroundings. She looked around, and a rush of memory came back to her. This was the spot she’d been in when she’d watched Baldr when she’d come to Earth before. She walked into the clearing and could see his house looming before her. It looked more intimidating than it had before, and for a moment she thought it was deserted until she saw the faintest of lights coming from one window.
She stood in the clearing for many long minutes, debating with herself. She could turn back now, go somewhere and make a new life for herself. Or she could gather her courage and try one more time with the man she’d loved for an eternity.
She took a deep breath, straightened her spine and made the short walk toward what she hoped would be her destiny.
* * *
Cadric drove his fingers through his hair as he paced his living room. He wore the same clothes he’d worn the day before and had a rumpled look since he’d also slept in them. He hadn’t been to work since he’d spoken to his father, since there was no point in being there. He couldn’t focus on work and lashed at anyone who dare approach him. Hadria had finally had the sense to bring Nick to his office. Together they’d pulled him out of his chair, shoved him into the passenger seat of his car, and Hadria had driven him home with Nick following closely behind in his car. She told him that while she loved and respected him, she would not let him subject his mood to everyone. Then she’d had the audacity to order him to stay home until he was ready to stop being an asshole. He’d been alone in his home since, drinking too much and pacing his like a caged animal. He’d knocked off with the booze yesterday, because he realized it wasn’t giving him any clarity.
The not knowing what had happened to her was killing him. He’d heard nothing since his father had left and when he’d tried using Hadria’s pendant again it lay cold and dead in his hand.
He sank down on his sofa and cradled his face in his hands. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, and his sleep was haunted by dreams of her. Memories of her flooded his mind to torment him when he was awake. Even without the booze swimming in his system he couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t think and he realized that his work with the Order didn’t amount for shit without her in his life. Last night was the first night he’d gone to bed sober, and he almost regretted doing so. He’d woken in the night, clutching the pillow she’d u
sed and mourning that her scent was fading from it. The hollowness in his gut was so much worse than when he’d left her a thousand years ago.
He sat up straight, mentally kicking his ass. He couldn’t go on like this, and he had to get to her. Returning to Asgard was questionable, since he doubted he had that kind of power anymore, but surely there was something he could do. He couldn’t sit here idle, not while she was facing a punishment that she didn’t deserve. He only hoped he could find a way to her before it was too late.
A knock sounded at the door, and he stood up slowly as he faced the front of the house cautiously. He didn’t know who could be there. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and with the way he’d acted when he was at headquarters, he expected no one would willingly want to come and see him. Perhaps Hadria had come to check to make sure he hadn’t drunk himself to death.
He grabbed the doorknob, twisted it and pulled the door open. The air froze in his lungs and he blinked several times as he stood there staring at her. His mind had finally turned and now tormented him with an image of her that was so real it made his heart squeeze in his chest.
“Can I come in?” she asked, her voice hesitant. In all the times he’d seen her in his dreams and in his mind, she’d never spoken. A tiny spark of hope ignited inside him, and he reached out, his hand shaking. Her flesh felt solid and real beneath his palm, and he stepped forward, crushing her to him. He thought she’d been lost to him forever, but by some miracle she was here, and he clung to her.