by Mercy Amare
Ty and I walk up to a few people, asking if they’ve seen Gabe, but nobody seems to know where he is. We decide to just walk up the stairs and start knocking on doors. After making a few people angry, we finally come across the room that Gabe is in.
“Are you here for him?” a brunette girl asks, motioning towards Gabe.
“Yeah,” Ty says.
“Thank God,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. “He was so cute. But as soon as we were done fucking, he wouldn’t shut up about some girl named Kihanna. I guess that’s his ex-girlfriend or some shit. I get why she dumped him. He is not good in bed. It was over way too soon. That is the last time I fuck a drunk guy at a party.”
She is pretty drunk herself. And somehow, I doubt that Gabe will be the last drunk guy she has sex with.
I have an almost uncontrollable urge to smack her face. But I restrain myself.
Gabe is passed out, so Ty throws him over his shoulder and carries him out to the car.
And that is why I brought Ty. Because there is no way I could’ve carried Gabe.
When we get out to the car, Ty puts Gabe in the backseat. And Gabe is knocked out cold.
“Was she pretty?” I ask Ty as I drive towards their dorm.
“Who?”
“The girl he slept with. Was she pretty?”
“I guess she was okay. Not half as pretty as you are, though nobody can compare to you,” Ty says.
Oh, my gosh.
When did Ty get so romantic?
“Thank you,” I tell him. Because it really doesn’t matter anymore. Gabe can date whomever he wants. And I can date whomever I want. It’s stupid to get jealous. “Now I just need to find somebody to have petty revenge sex with.”
Ty laughs. “Hello, I’m sitting in your backseat.”
“With my ex-boyfriend,” I add.
“I am your ex-boyfriend.”
“Oh. Right,” I say. “But you’re my friend. I don’t want to lose you. I mean, I’ve already lost Gabe.”
“Gabe will come to his senses soon,” Ty says. “At least, I hope he does.”
“Is this how he was... before?” I ask.
Ty nods. “After he killed Lily, he changed a lot. And then you seemed to make those changes stick. You were good for him.”
“And now I made it worse,” I say, biting my lip.
“You can’t blame yourself for his behavior. Everybody has a choice in life. Gabe just made the wrong one,” Ty says, as I come to a stop in front of their dorm.
I get out of the car to help Ty with Gabe. Well, I can’t really help him carry Gabe, but I can open doors for him. I walk up to the second floor of the dorm and open the door that leads into their room. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen the inside, and I’m surprised to see that their room actually is smaller than mine. I thought Ty was exaggerating before.
Ty puts Gabe onto the small bed.
“I can’t believe he stayed asleep that whole time,” I say.
“He’ll be passed out until morning,” Ty says.
“Thanks for coming with me. There is no way I could’ve done that alone.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll see you later,” I tell him, then go back to my own dorm room.
I knew that college was going to be stressful, but I didn’t think the stress would come from my personal life as opposed to my academic one.
It’s going to be a long semester.
Friday, August 31
10 a.m.
This is why I shouldn’t go on hour-long road trips with my ex-boyfriend.
I did it.
I survived my first week of classes.
When I signed up for all my courses, I only signed up for one Friday class. It is my only eight a.m. class, but I did that on purpose. That way, when I want to go home, I can leave early. It’s almost like a three day weekend.
I know Toby said he wanted to come up and hang out this weekend, but I really want to go home. I miss my family. So, I pack my bags and I leave for Mountain View.
Ty comes with me. He doesn’t have a class today, lucky him.
I asked Gabe if he wanted to come, but he declined. Something about wanting to go to a party and not wanting to spend an hour in the car with his ex-girlfriend. I guess I can’t blame him for that.
It used to be awkward when Ty and I hung out, but we worked through that. Or, Ty made me work through it, because he would never leave me alone. I’m glad for that now, because he is one of my best friends.
I turn on some girly road trip music. Ty complains, but within a few minutes of being on the road, he starts singing along.
Before we get on the interstate, I stop to get some caffeine. After one week at college, I’m officially addicted to coffee. Which is bad. I was curious last night and I looked up the nutrition label on Starbuck’s website. It was a crazy high amount of calories. So I went to the gym at midnight last night and ran a couple of miles. I do not want to gain the “freshman fifteen.” I also don’t want to give up coffee, so, I am definitely going to make going to the gym a routine.
“Do you think Toby will be mad that he doesn’t get to come party with sorority girls this weekend?” Ty asks me, once we’re on the interstate.
“He’ll get over it,” I tell him. “He can come next weekend. By then, I’m sure Gabe will have slept with half the girls.”
“When did Gabe and I switch places?” Ty asks, laughing. “I haven’t had sex with any sorority girls, yet.”
“It’s because your wing woman sucks. I totally ruined your chances with that one girl on Monday night.”
“Whatever,” Ty says, shrugging. “She was annoying, anyway. I was about two seconds away from pulling you away from there. You just beat me to it.”
“Since when do you care if a girl is annoying. You only use them for about five minutes anyway.”
Ty snorts. “Five minutes? That’s just sad. I may use girls, but they definitely get a lot out of it. I mean, by the time we actually have sex they’re usually begging me to fuck them. And it takes a lot longer than five minutes. No wonder that sorority girl was so pissed last night.”
I reach over and turn up the air.
It seriously just got hot in here.
I look forward at the road and not at Ty. I hope that he can’t see how much I am blushing.
“You look flustered,” Ty says. I can literally hear his smirk. “Am I turning you on?”
I glance over at him and see that he is smirking.
Well, two can play at this game.
“So what if you are?” I ask. “What are you going to do about it?”
“There is a lot I would like to do to you, Kihanna,” he says. “I have a year of pent up sexual frustration when it comes to you. And I’d love nothing more than to spend a week in bed with you working out the... uhh... frustrations.”
I focus on breathing.
And driving. You know, because I don’t want to wreck.
But seriously. I am so turned on.
Memo to self: I apparently like dirty talk. Or at least, when it comes from Ty’s mouth.
Ugh, what am I doing? I’m having sexual fantasies about my ex-boyfriend. This is so wrong.
“Let’s just say for one minute, hypothetically speaking, that I do want to have sex with you,” I say, carefully considering my words. “It would completely ruin our friendship if I gave in to those urges. So, I can’t do that, because you’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I told you. Friends with benefits,” he says.
“But what happens when those benefits stop?”
“Why would they stop?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you will get a girlfriend. Or I will get a boyfriend.”
“I won’t get a girlfriend,” he says. “And if you have me, you won’t need a boyfriend.”
“But at some point, this would have to come to an end,” I say. “And when it does, I wouldn’t want to lose you. So, it’s best not to even start.”
“Or... you could fall madly in love with me and we could live happily ever after.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, right. It would probably end because you can’t keep your dick out of other girls.”
“I am never cheating on a girl, again,” Ty says. “Seriously, lesson learned. And I want to be nothing like my father. Before he killed my mom, I saw how distraught my mom was every time he came home late from work. She thought I was asleep, but I could hear them fighting, through the walls. I don’t want to do that to somebody I love.”
“I don’t either,” I say, thinking about last year, when my dad and Veronica split up for a few months. My dad cheated on Veronica a long time ago, and when she found out, she needed time alone to deal with it. I don’t blame her, but the time that my family was split apart sucked. I wouldn’t have made it through that time if it hadn’t been for Olivia.
I sigh, thinking about her. I miss her.
“Are you excited to see Kailee?” Ty asks, changing the subject to something lighter.
“Yes,” I say, excitedly. “It’s crazy, because Kailee was only a week old when I left, but she was the hardest to leave behind. It’s crazy how much I already love that girl.”
“She is adorable,” Ty agrees. “I wonder what our daughter will look like.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Babies are cute, but I so don’t want one for a long time. Like, at least not for another eight to ten years.”
“Me, either. But by then, I will have managed to make you fall madly in love with me.”
I choke on air. “What happened to friends with benefits?”
“That offer still stands. But that is step two in making you fall in love with me.”
“And what was step one?” I ask.
“That I can’t tell you.”
“What about step three?”
Ty shakes his head. “I can’t give away my secrets.”
I turn up the radio to avoid talking anymore, and Ty just laughs.
This is why I shouldn’t go on hour long road trips with my ex-boyfriend.
7 p.m.
You know what you want.
When I get home, Kailee is sleeping. Of course. She’s always asleep, since she’s only a couple of weeks old. Veronica is holding her, but she doesn’t protest when I take her. I cover her face in kisses and tell her over and over again how much I missed her. I’ve pretty much been holding her since I got home. I only give her back to Veronica for diaper changes, because I don’t do diapers. Gross.
I didn’t tell anybody I was coming home this weekend, so Toby is shocked to see me. I think he’s a little disappointed that he doesn’t get to come party this weekend, but I promised him that I’d be staying on campus next weekend. Especially since I promised Carter I’d meet his model girlfriend, Julie.
Dad gets home from work early on Friday, which surprises me. He’s been true to his word of wanting to be there for Kailee. Though, it has only been a couple of weeks. I really hope he sticks with it, for her sake.
A small part of me feels jealous. Kailee will get to grow up with her mom and dad. While I have forgiven my mom for keeping me a secret from him, I still struggle with it. And it’s silly to feel that way. I’m eighteen years old now. I need to get over it.
Dad decides to take us all out to dinner to celebrate me surviving my first week in college. Jack and Libby Johnson come too, of course. They’re sad Gabe didn’t come home, but I know Libby. She will take this time to ask why Gabe and I broke up and try to convince me to get back with him. I’m sort of dreading it.
Ty and I ride with Toby. Ty is in the backseat.
“Why did Dad have to invite the Johnson’s?” I ask, my voice a little whiney.
“Because he always does,” Toby says. “I told you that if you ever broke up it would be awkward.”
“Yeah, but you know how Libby is,” I say, not needing to clarify what I mean. Everybody knows exactly what I mean.
“Just tell Libby that you’ve both moved on,” Ty says. “Because Gabe clearly has.”
“What happened?” Toby asks.
I roll my eyes. “Gabe slept with some sorority girl Monday night, and since then he’s been sleeping his way through the alphabet.”
“We don’t know that,” Ty says. “He just hasn’t been sleeping in the dorm. So he’s obviously been sleeping somewhere. He comes home every morning to get ready for class. Maybe he has a new girlfriend or something?”
I can’t help but cringe at the thought of Gabe getting a girlfriend. Sleeping around is one thing. But a new girlfriend? That would hurt bad. Because, the truth is, even though I know that Gabe and I shouldn’t be together, I still don’t want to date anybody else for a while. I couldn’t see myself getting emotionally attached to anyone. Gabe and I went through a lot together.
“I doubt Gabe has a girlfriend,” Toby says. “Kihanna’s right. He probably is sleeping his way through the alphabet. You know how he was before.”
“How was he?” I ask.
“During our junior year, he with slept ninety percent of the girls in the school,” Ty says. “Actually, I’m pretty sure he deflowered most of the freshman and sophomores.”
Toby laughs. “You’re one to talk.”
“I own up to my whorish ways. Gabe just likes to pretend it never happened. Until now.”
“Well, if that’s the case, I need to be hanging out with Gabe next weekend,” Toby says.
I glare at him. “Guys suck so bad. How can he just move on so quickly?”
“I don’t think he’s moving on. He’s just... dealing,” Ty answers.
“You deal by eating an entire carton of Rocky Road and crying while listening to Celine Dion,” I say. “Not by sleeping with any girl that will let you inside.”
“You’re such a girl,” Toby says.
“Have you even cried?” Ty asks me.
I think about his question. And the answer is I haven’t.
I remember the first time Gabe and I broke up. I felt like my whole world was splitting at the seams. And maybe now I’m not as sad because I’m older. I have been through a lot of bad stuff, and crying over a boy seems silly. But I really don’t hurt. I feel bad that it’s over. And I hate that I hurt Gabe. But I don’t hurt. Not at all.
“I haven’t cried,” I answer.
“Do you miss him?” Ty asks.
I shrug. “I miss him as a friend. But I don’t miss the romance. I don’t miss kissing him or holding his hand or even the sex. Does that make me a bad person?”
“I think that just means that you’re not in love with him,” Toby says.
“That kind of sucks,” I say. “I mean, Gabe is a good guy. I want to be in love with him, but I just can’t help how I feel.”
“Girls always say they want a good guy, but I don’t think it’s true,” Toby says.
“I don’t really want a bad boy,” I tell him. “I mean, I’m not looking for anybody. But I guess Ty could be considered my one bad boy.”
Ty laughs. “Your last boyfriend was going to go to jail for life before he died. I’m pretty sure he was as bad as it could get.”
I turn around and glare at him. “Let’s just forget he ever existed. I plead temporary insanity.”
“Your relationship with him was about to expire anyway,” Ty says. “Like I said before, you have a three month limit. As soon as somebody uses the L-word, you run as fast as possible.”
“I do have issues, don’t I?” I ask, sighing. “I don’t know what my problem is.”
“You’re young,” Toby says. “Really, there isn’t any point of being in a serious relationship. Besides, you’re picky. You know what you want. And it’s pointless to stay with somebody you don’t really want to be with.”
“Still isn’t going to make dinner tonight any better,” I mumble as we pull into Ishmales, my favorite restaurant.
Last year, Ishmales burned to the ground. I was inside and barely made it out alive. They’ve since, rebuilt. It’s bigger now and
in a better location. I really missed their food the few months they were closed.
Toby parks the car and I take a deep breath before opening my door.
Here goes nothing.
8 p.m.
Awkward family dinner.
Why can my family never have a normal family meal?
Take tonight, for example. We are sitting in a private area of a fancy restaurant. The guys are wearing suits and the girls are all wearing dresses. I can’t remember the last family dinner that didn’t require a pair of heels.
But I can take the dressing up. Really, this part isn’t so bad. It’s the conversations that get me. We’ve been sitting at the table for five minutes, and somehow Libby has managed to bring up Gabe and me twice.
TWICE!
I mean, really, who invites their daughter’s ex-boyfriend’s parents to dinner? My dad, that’s who.
“You and Gabe are such a cute couple. I just don’t get why you two broke up, dear,” Libby says casually, like she’s asking for salt. “Gabe said you were the one to break up with him. Why did you? Was it the sex? Don’t worry dear, sex gets better. You’re teenagers. You have so much to learn.”
I choke on my water.
Oh, my gosh.
“I don’t think they were actually having sex,” Ty says, grinning at me.
Of course. He is just going to make it worse.
I start coughing again and Toby pats me on the back.
“You okay, sis?” he asks.
I shake my head, because I’m so not okay, but I say, “I’m fine.”
“Is it true?” Libby asks. “Were you and Gabe not having sex?”
“I don’t think that’s an appropriate question to ask,” Dad says.
Thank.
You.
Dad.
“But if they weren’t, good for them,” Dad continues. “You two were too young for that.”
And he just made it worse.
“You two need to just make up,” Libby says. “Get a hotel room for a few nights, have a romantic getaway. That problem is easily remedied.”