Except at times, it felt like more than just a friendship.
And it was too soon for that.
23
Early December
Grace had hoped that by this point—a few weeks into the third trimester—she’d be used to the aches and pains, but no…every day it seemed there was something more that hurt or itched. Yeah, the way her skin itched sometimes drove her nuts. She rubbed a hand over the stretched skin on her belly. It felt harder than usual, tight, as if the baby was pressing her back out against Grace’s hand.
She was thankful it was Saturday because she really didn’t feel like getting out of bed. For the last couple of days, she’d been feeling…different. She hadn’t said anything to anyone—especially Makayla since she could be as over-protective as Bennett. Between the two of them, Grace’s every need was taken care of. Well, most every need. She still didn’t have someone to rub her aching back or throbbing feet, though that was probably because she hadn’t asked. And she never would.
Though she still felt Franklin’s absence in her life every day, the baby was a reminder that life moved forward. She knew that Franklin would want her to embrace life, to not raise their child in an environment cloaked in grief and sadness. She wasn’t quite to that point yet, so she was thankful she still had almost three months to go before the baby arrived.
Grace sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed. Moving slowly, she rubbed her belly as she walked to the bathroom. She glanced out the window, groaning when she saw that they’d had another dump of snow overnight. At least she didn’t have to go out in it.
Back in her bed once she was done in the bathroom, she sat for a moment to take a drink from the water bottle she kept close at hand. She contemplated eating one of the granola bars she kept beside the bed. There was no way she was up to making breakfast. In the end, she decided she wasn’t hungry enough to eat and would have something more substantial for lunch. She slid under the blanket and pulled it up to her chin, grateful for the warmth and comfort of her bed. In spite of the nagging ache in her back, she was able to fall back to sleep.
A bolt of pain and a tightening of her stomach jerked her awake a short time later. Her hand reached to press against her belly as she tried to catch her breath. Was that just a particularly intense Braxton Hicks or something more? When the pain returned, stronger than before, real fear gripped Grace. The next pain took her breath away, and, in a panic, she reached for her phone. The first name she saw on her contact screen was Bennett’s, and just the thought of having him help her eased the panic back just a bit.
Just as he answered, another pain struck, robbing her of breath and words.
“Grace?” He paused. “Grace? Is something wrong?”
“I need…help.”
She could hear him talking, but the pain eclipsed his words. Thankfully, he had keys to all the apartments in the building, so he’d be able to get into hers.
“Gracie?” This time her name was accompanied by a gentle touch on her face. “What’s happening?”
“I need to go to the hospital. It hurts…” Another pain hit. They were coming too quickly.
“I’m calling 911,” Bennett said as he crouched down next to the bed and grabbed her hand.
She could hear him talking on the phone, but she focused on trying to breathe through the pains. This was why she hadn’t focused on the baby. Or names. And she hadn’t bought anything for the nursery yet either. She hadn’t allowed herself to become attached to the baby.
Because of this.
She hadn’t been able to convince herself that she was going to have a healthy baby.
Grace shut everything else down but her ability to fight through the pain. It was too soon. Even though she had done what she could to stay healthy for this baby, it hadn’t been enough. It seemed as if she was destined to lose everything. What had she done to deserve having everything stripped away like this?
“Stay with me, Gracie.” Bennett’s voice reached her, and she tightened her grip on his hand. “They’re going to be here right away. I’m going to buzz them in.”
Grace didn’t want him to go, reached out for him when he moved away, but then another pain tightened around her stomach, radiating to her back. It kept robbing her of breath, and she felt panic rising as she tried to fill her lungs with air.
After what felt like an eternity, she heard Bennett’s voice again. “She’s right through here.”
“How far along?” a man’s voice asked as hands touched her.
“Twenty-nine weeks,” Bennett said.
“Ben?” Grace reached out her hand as she looked for him.
He came back to her side and took her hand as he looked down at her. Brushing the hair back from her face, he said, “It’ll be okay, Gracie.”
She looked into his eyes and saw the determination there, and Grace understood that if he could make everything okay, he would. But she knew—she just knew—that there was nothing he could do. Still, for now, she was going to cling to him and the conviction of his words.
She closed her eyes as another pain overtook her, and then they were moving her. Lifting her onto the gurney. She lost her grip on Bennett’s hand and opened her eyes to look for him again.
“They’re gonna take you to the hospital, sweetheart,” Bennett said as he bent over her. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’m going to let Mom and Dad and Makayla know what’s happening.”
“Please be there,” Grace said, well aware that she was pleading, but she didn’t want to be alone. Makayla was supposed to have been in the delivery room with her, but she, Ethan, and the girls had gone to Minneapolis to visit Ryan and do some Christmas shopping at the Mall of America.
“I’ll be there,” he assured her as they pushed the gurney out of her bedroom.
But then she became aware of a dampness between her legs and knew that there would be no stopping anything.
Bennett pushed out the back door of the building and headed for his truck at a jog, his breath coming in white puffs in the cold air. He had to make sure he arrived at the hospital as soon after Grace as possible. There was a sick sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. He just couldn’t believe that this was happening.
“Please, Lord, protect Grace and the baby,” Bennett prayed aloud as he backed his truck out. He pulled his phone out and set it in the cup holder then instructed it to call his mom.
“Hello, sweetheart,” his mom said when she answered. “How are you doing?”
“I’m on the way to the hospital. I think Grace has gone into labor.”
His mom gasped before saying, “Is she okay?”
Bennett thought of the pain he’d seen on Grace’s face and how pale she’d been. “I’m not sure, Mom. She seemed to be in a lot of pain.”
He was glad that the traffic was light as he drove to the Women’s Hospital which was where the ambulance attendants had said they were taking her. But even without the traffic, it was slower going than usual because of the snowfall they’d had overnight. He wasn’t going to be reckless driving because his goal was to reach Grace’s side, not end up in the hospital himself. Thankfully, his truck could make it through drifts on the road that a car might not have been able to.
“Do you want us to come?” she asked.
“Maybe wait until I get there and find out what’s going on. But could you phone Makayla and let her know? Tami’s at work so we might see her there.”
“Do you think they’ll let you be with her?”
Bennett hoped they would. “I guess it depends on what they’re going to do and if she agrees to have me in there with her. I know Makayla was supposed to be her support person.”
“Okay, sweetie,” his mom said. “I’ll make the calls. Let me know as soon as you know anything.”
After the call had ended, Bennett continued to pray as he drove through traffic, trying not to get upset when he hit a red light or ended up behind a vehicle that couldn’t drive on the roads as easily as he could. When
he finally pulled into the parkade next to the Women’s Hospital, Bennett felt a little calmer, but it didn’t stop him from jogging across the street to the entrance of the building.
Unfortunately, it seemed to take an eternity for him to get directions to the right place. By the time he reached the information desk on the floor where they’d taken Grace, his worries had escalated as he’d played over and over in his mind everything that might be going wrong.
“Are you Bennett?” the nurse said when he approached the desk.
“Yes, I am. I’m here for Grace Moore.”
The woman nodded and got up from her chair. “Come with me.”
Bennett followed the woman down the wide hallway. He was glad that there was no issue with him being there with Grace. He hadn’t wanted to have to lie about being her significant other and the father of the baby, but he would have done it if it meant Grace wouldn’t have been alone. Thankfully, Grace had apparently told them to let him in, so any questions about his presence there were silenced.
The nurse turned into an open doorway and pushed aside a curtain to reveal Grace lying on a bed, blankets covering her. Another nurse stood beside the bed, attaching monitors to her. A female doctor was beside the nurse, looking over a chart. Grace had been watching them, but at Bennett and the nurse’s arrival in the room, she looked over at the door, and relief flooded her face.
“Bennett,” she said as she held out her hand to him.
He moved to her side, mindful of the other people in the room, and took her hand once again. Warning signals were firing in his brain. It was one thing to help Grace out because she was pregnant, but this was something more. This was something that was going to cement things within him. Within his heart. Even though he’d finally acknowledged his feelings for her, he’d tried not to think of her as anything more than a friend who needed help.
But this…this was way more than friendship for him.
“So far, the baby doesn’t appear to be in any distress,” the doctor said to Grace, drawing Bennett from his thoughts. “We will keep monitoring her, but at this point, I’m not sure we’ll be able to stop labor. We’re going to give you a steroid shot in hopes of strengthening the baby’s lungs, and try to do what we can to slow the labor.”
“What are…what are her chances?” Grace asked, her grip on Bennett’s hand tightening.
The doctor met Grace’s gaze straight on. “We will do everything we can for her. There will be a team on hand when you deliver to take care of her right away. At twenty-nine weeks, she has a pretty good chance, but I’m afraid I can’t offer any guarantees beyond the fact that we will do everything in our power for her.”
“But there’s a chance she could live?”
“Yes, a good chance. We’re going to be fighting for her. We need you to do that too.”
Bennett saw it then, the way Grace was pulling into herself. She was bracing for the worst-case scenario. Tristan had mentioned that he thought Grace wasn’t connecting with the pregnancy or the baby, and Bennett could see it now too. He’d thought it was just the grief…the thought of going through it all without Franklin…but now he could see it was something more. She had been afraid of losing the baby.
And it seemed that her worst fears—and his too—were being realized.
24
It seemed that since delivery was imminent, they felt it was okay to give her an epidural since it would help to keep her from pushing too soon. Plus, if she needed to have an emergency C-section, her pain control would already be in place. Given that she’d never experienced pain like that in her life, Grace was grateful for the epidural.
Once the pain had eased, Grace found herself drifting in and out of sleep. They had brought Bennett a chair, and he stayed by the bed with her. She’d seen him on his phone and assumed that he was letting his mom and others know what was going on.
Part of her felt that she should tell Bennett that he could go. There was no reason for him to hang around. This wasn’t his baby, he didn’t have to stay there with her. But the bigger part—the more selfish side—wanted him to stay. Needed him to stay. She couldn’t do this alone, and he’d been there for her ever since Franklin’s death. She hoped that he would stay with her through this as well.
She let out a long breath. On the one hand, she wanted it all to just be over. If the baby was going to come regardless, she just wanted it to be done. Pain—not physical this time—gripped her heart. She was certain that she was going to lose this baby, just like she’d lost Franklin. Why she had thought God would let her have this, she didn’t know. Did He think she was strong enough to endure yet another loss in her life?
“It’s okay, Grace.” Bennett’s voice was low, and she felt a light touch on her cheek.
It wasn’t until she opened her eyes and looked at him through tears that Grace realized she’d been crying. Again. “I’m not sure that it will be.”
Not wanting to see the expression on Bennett’s face, Grace squeezed her eyes shut. She knew it wouldn’t change anything by burying her head in the sand, but right then, it was the only way to get through this process when her body was letting her down. Failing her.
The next few hours passed in a blur of beeps, nurses checking on her, and the doctor talking to her about the situation. She was grateful that they were trying to present a best-case scenario even though she knew that the odds were not completely in their favor. Slowly, she found herself disconnecting from it all. There was nothing she could do. Nothing she could change. The course had already been set before her, and there was nothing she could do but follow it. They weren’t presenting her with options anymore. Now they were just telling her what was going to happen.
Through it all, Bennett was by her side. Occasionally, he would leave, and Grace assumed it was to make phone calls or to get something to eat or drink. A couple of times she woke up and he wasn’t there, but the nurse was quick to assure her that he was coming back. She knew she should tell him to leave. This wasn’t his responsibility. He didn’t need to be spending his Saturday waiting for the worst to happen, watching as she slowly fell apart.
But she wasn’t strong enough to tell him to go.
Bennett went back into Grace’s room after phoning his mom to give her the latest update. Not that much had changed. They were trying to slow the labor to give the steroid shot a chance to work on the baby’s lungs, but from what the doctor said, there was no way to stop it completely. Apparently, she was also on antibiotics because of her water having broken already. All of this was new territory, and a lot of the terms they were using were foreign to him.
All he could do was pray that the baby would still survive. On one of his trips out of the room, he’d done what he probably shouldn’t have and Googled the viability of a baby born at twenty-nine weeks. The good news was that the neonatal care available to the baby at this hospital was excellent.
The truth was that he was more concerned for Grace than the baby. He could see the resignation in her eyes. She was expecting the worst to happen and preparing herself for it. Bennett wanted to tell her to be strong, but that just seemed wrong in the circumstances. She’d been strong through so many other times in her life, but this might be the last straw for her. If the baby didn’t survive, Bennett didn’t know what Grace would do. But he planned to be there with her right through it all.
He couldn’t find it in his heart to leave her alone.
“She was eight centimeters on the last check,” the nurse told the doctor when she came in to check up on them.
Grace’s eyes were open, and she seemed to be watching the nurse and doctor as they talked together. He couldn’t tell if she was taking in what they were saying or if she’d retreated to some place in her mind. Without thinking, he reached out and took her hand. Her fingers flexed against his, but she didn’t let go.
“Okay, Dad, when she’s fully dilated, she might feel the urge to start pushing. Once the baby is born, they’re going to be working on her a bit here and th
en will take her to the NICU. Most likely you won’t be able to see her for any length of time here in the room, but just know that they are doing everything they can for her when they take her away.”
Grace’s hand tightened on his, and he looked down. She laid a hand on her stomach and curled forward slightly. “I’m feeling pressure.”
“Let me see what’s happening,” the doctor said, and once again they put her in the position to check her.
Bennett chose to focus on Grace’s face, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her face. She glanced up at him but then turned to watch the monitor that showed the baby’s heart rate. He was grateful that the baby seemed to be doing well so far. Obviously, that could change at a moment’s notice, but Bennett was grateful for any extra time the baby could have in Grace’s womb.
“I think you’re ready to push,” the doctor said as she came around to Grace’s side. She took the time to look down at Grace. “I want you to bear down and help your body to do what it needs to do. I know you’re worried, but she’ll be in great hands when she gets here. Once she’s been stabilized in the NICU, you’ll be able to go and see her.”
Grace nodded, but she remained quiet. Bennett kept hold of her hand as the next contraction hit her. As they continued to come, his respect for Grace grew. They had let the epidural begin to wear off some so she could feel to push, and in doing so, the pain had returned. Though Grace hadn’t said anything about it, her grip on his hand had tightened, and her lips had flattened.
The nurse on Grace’s other side gave her continual encouragement and direction on how to push and would count through each contraction. It seemed to go on forever, but Bennett knew from looking at the clock that it had only been about fifteen minutes when the doctor said that the baby’s head was crowning. It was possible that the baby being smaller was contributing to the quickness of this part of the delivery.
It was then that reality seemed to clear away everything else in Bennett’s mind. Grace was having her baby, and he was there for it. If he thought he’d felt a connection with the baby after the ultrasound, he knew it was going to be nothing compared to what he was going to feel after this.
For the Love of Grace: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 2) Page 21