“Did you really think I could refuse you, Tish? You’re my one Achilles. Don’t you know that? How the fuck do you not know that, you blind little shit?” He grabbed two handfuls of her hair and pinned her head to the wall, and staring directly into her wide, shocked eyes, his next words sucked every lucid thought she’d ever had from her brain. “Can I tell you what I want to do to you right this fuckin’ second? What I’ve dreamed of doing to you? Don’t answer that because I’m gonna tell you whether you want to hear it or not.”
He pushed his knee up higher, rocking it from side-to-side, so the seam of her shorts worked her swelling clit. “I want to suck on your bare nipples. Suck hard enough to make you feel it deep in that place no one likes to talk about. When it’s pulling good and tight down there, I want to put my mouth on you and eat your sweet cunt until you’re coming down my throat. Then, when you’re shaking and most likely ready to get serious, I want to feed my aching cock into that little virgin hole and fuck it until you’re not only screaming for God but seeing him, too.” He brought his forehead to hers and quieted, presumably giving her time to absorb the filth he’d just spewed. She was so excited and scared, she wanted to bawl her eyes out.
“Jesus Christ, Tish. I’m coming off one hell of a dry spell. I want this perfect little body overflowing with my come by the time I finish with you—if I ever do. Do you get that? Tell me you get that.”
With her mind playing X-rated scene after X-rated scene, she couldn’t function beyond what her system instinctively did to keep her alive. Fear, desire, lust, and that much more fear bombarded her. What if she got pregnant from the come he wanted to pump her full of? Mmm.
She couldn’t allow that because then she’d be her mother all over again. Not that Tish was fifteen. But having a baby at twenty still wasn’t something she had any interest in doing. Which was why she’d gone on the pill last year. She’d thought if ever she was lucky enough to have sex with Josh, she hadn’t wanted birth control and condoms to get in the way of it. She’d fantasized about conjugal visits even though she wasn’t sure they actually existed. Which was dumb, because if Josh hadn’t wanted to see her across a table, why would he have brought her in for sex?
Obviously sensing he’d freaked her out, he tempered himself. “I’m sorry, babe. I finally scared the shit out of you, hmm? Spooked my fuckin’ virgin.” He laughed softly. “Holy Christ. I thought chicks like you were a myth, yet I’ve been gifted my very own. Wrapped up and presented to me on a goddamn platter. Not a blemish on you. Maybe God doesn’t hate me after all.” Loosening his hold, he sifted his fingers through her hair and played with her earlobes with his pinkies. Her dangly earrings tinkled. “There’s no need for you to be afraid. That was me telling you what I want to do to you. Not what I will do to you. We’re gonna stick to the original plan. My fingers, my mouth, your…everything. Okay?”
She was too distracted to take in the naughty reassurance because now that he’d given her a second to settle, she felt more able to think. He really seemed taken with her virginity. She frowned as the disturbing thought filled out. What if he lost control and they did have sex—long, beautiful, dirty sex. If she was no longer untouched, would Josh’s interest disappear right along with her hymen? Wasn’t that what guys did? Fucked the innocent girl then screwed off in search of another? What if this was a one-time thing? He was horny; she was begging for it. Could she go back to being nothing but friends after experiencing him as a lover? How would she live through seeing him hook up with someone else? What if he brought home an old lady?
Ice replaced the blood moving through her veins. If once was all he wanted and this thing she felt blossoming between them wilted as quickly as it was coming to life, how would she get over it? Over him?
Placing her palms on his chest, she looked up at him and only vaguely noted how fast his heart was beating. “Uh, the fact that I haven’t done any of this before seems pretty attractive to you.”
“You have no idea.”
Oh, God. “Huh.” She gnawed on her lip and then injected a note of casual interest into her voice. “Let’s say, for argument’s sake, I fibbed a little and did a whole lot of fooling around, but never had actual sex. Would you still consider doing this with me?”
His body turned to concrete under her hands and he instantly took a step back, his golden eyes glinting with something that looked downright nasty. “You saying you lied to me, Tish? Made that shit up to rope me in?”
She curled and uncurled her tingling fingers. “Would you?” she pressed without answering him. “Or would you be turned off? Would it disgust you to know someone else touched me first?”
“No. It would enrage me.”
“And turn you off, right?”
“No. It would enrage me.”
She shook her hands out when they began to sting from the adrenaline seeping into her system. “’Kay, but aside from that. If I was used, you wouldn’t want me anymore. Right?”
“No. It would just be…different.”
“Temporary?” she supplied.
He narrowed his eyes at that and, after scrutinizing her for a long, invasive moment, his expression softened and the corner of his mouth turned up in a knowing little half smile. Bastard always could read her like a book.
“Back up a second here and let me take my head out of my ass.” He took a short walk around the colorful rug she’d found at a consignment store. He stretched out his back and leisurely scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “First, you know not to lie to me, right? I don’t care how pissed you think I might get at whatever the fuck it is, it’s the truth between us or nothing.”
“I know that.” She’d always known that.
“Good. Second, how many cocks have you seen?”
She felt her face heat as though she was standing before a crackling campfire. It was stupid, but she hadn’t realized he could be so crude. “A few.”
He looked at her. She raised her chin. It wasn’t a complete lie. She knew what internet porn was, and she’d seen her share of cocks, pussies, and buttholes being banged. She was also a normal girl who masturbated. A lot, once she’d figured out how to give herself an orgasm. It helped her sleep at night.
“Live and in person,” he specified as he stopped before her. “Right in front of your face.”
She felt her lip curl with a distaste she couldn’t hide at the thought of some random guy’s dick in her face. “None.”
More tension seeped out of his shoulders, and it seemed as if he was trying not to smile. His cut protested the stretch when he settled back on his heels and crossed his arms over his chest.
“How many guys have snaked their hand down the front of your pants so they could play in your juice before sliding a couple of fingers into you?”
Feeling Victorian-era shocked, she whispered a quiet, “Josh…”
“How many? How many times have you dropped to your knees and ripped open a guy’s pants because you were pumped to get his dick into your pretty mouth?”
“I don’t do that stuff,” she blurted, then scrambled to backtrack and see if he remained turned off by the idea of having her used. “I mean, I don’t do…stuff like that with just anybody. I’m selective.”
“Name one guy who’s seen you naked. Or at least without a shirt on.”
Her mind blanked as her breasts tingled, her nipples once again drawing into peaks so tight they hurt. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t think of a name quickly enough to pass off as believable. She could have told him he’d seen, sucked, fucked, and come all over her tits, but she didn’t think fantasies counted.
He sighed and nodded with too much satisfaction. “You’re an untouched, pure as the goddamn driven snow virgin who gets pink cheeks and uses words like “stuff’ instead of fucking or cock. If you’ve orgasmed from rubbing your pussy on some guy’s thigh while dry humping him in a restaurant parking lot because you couldn’t wait till you got home, I’ll piss on my cut.”
She hadn’t, and h
e knew that. Otherwise, he’d never have offered to deface the prized leather vest.
Tish drooped as a blanket of exhaustion fell over her. She was tired, horny, confused, upset, and she wasn’t handling any of this very well. She covered her face with her hands and rubbed at her scratchy eyes as she slid down the wall until her ass touched the floor.
“This is fucking with my head.”
Josh’s knees cracked when he squatted in front of her. “When you’d rather I fucked with your body.” Said as a statement. Arrogant and sure.
“I don’t know about that anymore.”
“Come on. Don’t hide from me.”
He took her hands from her face but dropped them quickly. Unsure whether she should be bothered by that, she let it go and circled her arms around her knees.
“Up here, Tish.” When she raised her eyes, he gave her a searching look. “Explain that.”
She didn’t bother with anything but the truth. “What if after you pop my cherry—not that you’re going to, uh, fuck me.” She stumbled over the delicious word but wanted to make sure he didn’t think she was being presumptuous. Just hopeful. She rephrased, repeating what he’d said. “What if after we fool around, and you make me come with your fingers and mouth, you don’t find me attractive anymore? You’ll be done, and I’ll still want to be with you, and that will probably make things awkward. I don’t know if doing this is worth that.”
His nostrils flared slightly. “You think you can come in my mouth?”
Had she said in his mouth? “Yes, of course. That’s what you said, wasn’t it?” She untangled herself and let her knees fall to the sides so she could pull him in. She needed to touch him, to feed off his strength, his energy.
When he didn’t protest, or move away, she turned her head and pressed her cheek against his chest. She closed her eyes and listened to his heart pound out a steady rhythm while she waited for him to make it all better, the same way he used to. That should have made her feel weak. It didn’t. Rather, it comforted her. Nina was there when Tish needed a friend, but Josh was the only person she’d ever trusted enough to ease her fears when she became too overwhelmed to do so herself.
FIVE
Kneeling now, Josh rested his hands on her shoulders and kneaded the muscles in her neck with his strong fingers. “Your opinion of my character needs some work, hmm? I can’t believe you think I’ll let you walk after I fuc—uh, fool around with you.”
She sighed, her lip quirking because she knew he’d cleaned that up for her. “You know I think your character is as wonderful as the rest of you. It’s just, well, isn’t that what guys do? I’ve heard that all my life. My father apparently wanted nothing to do with my mom after he had sex with her. Not that we’re going to have sex,” she said again, more as a reminder to herself than to him. “Right?” She peered up at him and mentally crossed her fingers. Please change your mind.
He caused a blast of heat to plume from her core when he parted his lips and wiggled his tongue. “Fingers and mouth.”
Shiiit. Like a moron, she mumbled her way through the rest of what she’d been saying. “You s-seem so excited that I haven’t seen a d-dick or touched one or had one in my mouth that I’m afraid if I do all those things with yours, you’ll think of me as used rather than fresh and innocent.”
“You know what’s fresh and innocent?” he said dryly. “You talking like that without knowing you’re twisting mine into one hell of a knot.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. And, listen, yeah, I’m fuckin’ stoked that you haven’t been mauled by every asshole who’s seen you—have you been propositioned at all?” He looked genuinely mystified.
She shuddered before she could stop it, and nodded. “Sure. Just tonight, now that you mention it. I brought two guys their pitcher and asked if they wanted to order something to eat—because they’d asked for menus. One of them told me to climb on the table. Said not to bother with cutlery because they’d get me into their mouths using just their fingers. Stuff like that makes sex seem disgusting to me.”
“Would you recognize these guys if you saw them again?”
She lifted her head to see he was scowling, that thick vein in his neck standing out. She traced it with her pinkie and shook her head. She would, since one of the jerks had been Nina’s ex, but she’d never tell Josh that. Dealing with assholes like Patrick came with working in a bar.
“No. I barely looked at them.”
“Next time pay attention. When it happens again, you’re gonna call me. I’ll bring Gav over, and we’ll deal with them.”
She nodded without any intention of doing anything of the sort.
“Now, let’s get one thing straight. I could use you a thousand times, fuck you raw, turn you into a shivering, come-soaked cock whore.” He stifled a smile and closed her gaping mouth with a knuckle under her chin. “And I’d still see you as my sparkling new virgin because that’s how I got you. That’s what you are. But, if you’d fucked someone before me, sure it would piss me off because I’m me. To think of you under another guy?” He slowly shook his head, a menacing light flaring in the backs of his eyes. “Fuck that in a huge, violent way. But if that was our reality, I’d still take you and be fuckin’ happy about it because I don’t seem to have a goddamn choice in the matter. There’s something in that dark, greedy place inside me that isn’t giving me a choice. I want you, and that’s that. But we’re just gonna fuck around a little. Right?”
Was he asking her or confirming? She blinked up at him, not about to close any doors on what they might or might not do.
He groaned. “You’re killin’ me here,” he muttered, then louder, “In all honesty, seeing you earlier… Shit, Tish. I hit the lights and got kicked in the fuckin’ balls. It’s dumb, I know, but when you finally got home tonight, I was expecting to see the barely out of puberty seventeen-year-old who faithfully showed for two fuckin’ months after I told her not to come back to the prison. Not…” He drew back to look down at her. His expression openly blazed with a lust she understood all too well but had never expected to see him wear. “This. Christ, you’re damn fine. How the hell have you not been claimed? Have you been to the clubhouse in the last year? Have the boys seen you lately?”
“Sure. I visit Nick all the time.”
“Then he must have warned them off.”
She shrugged. His thighs looked so good bunched up as they were she couldn’t resist passing her palms over them. The denim of his jeans was soft from wear, and it was warm. “Even if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near the back of their bikes. I was waiting for you.” It wasn’t often a woman was given that spot of honor behind one of these guys, unless he was feeling her. Or at least sleeping with her and really enjoying it.
“Goddamn right you were.” He removed her hands and stood. “Now, enough with all this shit. I’ve said more in the last hour than I’ve said in years.” He used three fingers to motion her to her feet. She stood. “Take your fuckin’ clothes off. I gotta see this. Do it now, and do it slow. You can watch as I bleed fuckin’ enjoyment.”
He moved away to rest his ass on the lip of her dresser, then shrugged off his cut and placed it behind him. It tinkled her perfume bottles. Next, his hands went down, and he pulled his plain white tee over his head. He tossed it away—the tee was meaningless, the cut well cared for. After crossing his thick arms over his chest, he tipped his chin at her to begin.
But she couldn’t. Tish’s pussy drenched at the sight of those muscles and all that ink. And not the cheap, shitty kind either. Pieces of expensive and beautifully done artwork littered his body and made her want to explore for hours. The one below the wings across his chest had always been her favorite. It looked like a mass of thick smoke curls until one looked closer to see the plumes made up an elaborate skull that had a rose in one eye-socket and a fancy bow in the other. The bow was a soft pink; the only color anywhere within the piece. The tattoos did a good job of hiding the random scars that
littered the mouthwatering landscape.
So many nights she’d lain awake fantasizing about his body, remembering the dips and valleys of his abs, the rounded balls of his pecs and shoulders. Now, that tapering V disappearing into his jeans, the one that was making it feel as though a magnet was drawing her knees to the ground, was pointing at something she was about to get. Her tongue involuntarily came out to swipe across her lips when a sudden image of her giving him head crowded her mind.
“You’re making me wanna fuck that mouth, babe.”
A nervous little laugh escaped her. No one had ever spoken to her like that. Which explained why she’d had no idea it would be such a turn on.
Josh groaned. “And she nods,” he said, making her aware she was indeed nodding. “The clothes, Tish. Lose the clothes.”
“I want you to.”
He blinked, looking surprised. “You want me to undress you?”
“No. I want you to…fuck my mouth.”
He slammed his palms down on her dresser, rattling everything on the surface. His muscles rippled under his skin, as though he was holding himself back from lunging at her. “Lose. The. Clothes.”
Hearing the command in his tone, and with modesty lying dead in the dirt somewhere that wasn’t here, Tish took the bottom edge of her tank in her hands.
“Slowly,” he reminded her.
She blinked her wide eyes and nodded, and bit by bit drew the thin material up to reveal her navel, the curve of her waist, her ribs, and finally, her bare breasts. She pulled it over her head and felt her still damp hair fall all around her, the ends reaching her lower back. Dropping the shirt, she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her UoPX shorts and shimmied them down her hips. They fell the rest of the way by themselves because they were the loose athletic kind. She cupped her hands over her breasts—she just wasn’t confident enough not to—as she stepped to the side, but couldn’t resist hooking her big toe in the waistband of her shorts and kicking them up so they hit Josh in the chest. Her lip curved at the corner when he let them fall to the ground without moving a muscle.
Blind Devotion (Steel Jackals MC Book 1) Page 5