by Louis Sachar
She listened to their brains.
Calvin had spilled orange juice on his lap during breakfast and worried that someone might think he had gone to the bathroom in his pants.
Dana had gotten her hair cut yesterday, and she thought it was too short. She was afraid it made her look like a boy. She was especially sensitive to this because Dana was sometimes a boy’s name.
Jason was mad at his older brother, Justin. Justin was in high school. Justin always got good grades and was a star in everything he did. Compared to Justin, Jason felt like a loser. “What’s so great about high school?” he had asked this morning. “My school is higher than yours!”
D.J. had heard a song on the radio on his way to school. He hated the song! But it kept playing over and over again in his head.
Bebe had an itch on her leg.
Miss Nogard smiled. The bad stuff always rose to the top of the brain.
Even if a person was very excited about something wonderful, the person still worried about what could go wrong.
Jenny was going horseback riding after school, if it didn’t rain. She had never gone horseback riding before. She hoped she wouldn’t fall off the horse.
Miss Nogard clapped her hands. “So, who would like to tell me what you’ve been working on?” she asked.
A few hands went up in the air.
“Oooh! Oooh!” said Mac.
“How about the boy in the orange and purple shirt?” said Miss Nogard.
Everyone looked around.
“The handsome young man sitting right there,” said Miss Nogard.
Dana looked at her shirt. It was orange and purple. She pointed at herself and mouthed the word me?
“Yes, you,” said Miss Nogard.
Dana’s face turned red-hot. “I’m a girl,” she said.
Everyone laughed.
“Oh, I am so embarrassed!” said Miss Nogard, with her hand over her heart.
“It’s not your fault,” said Dana. “It’s my stupid haircut. I hate it!”
“Oh, no,” said Miss Nogard. “You look adorable. I see now you’re a very pretty girl.”
“I’m ugly,” muttered Dana. She buried her head under her arms.
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“I’d better call on someone else,” said Miss Nogard.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a brain screamed, Don’t call on me! Whatever you do, please don’t call on me!
It came from Benjamin Nushmutt.
“How about you?” said Miss Nogard, looking right at him.
Just don’t ask me my name, thought Benjamin. I never can say my name in front of people. He took a breath to steady himself. “Well, we’ve been reading—”
“First tell me your name,” Miss Nogard said sweetly.
The muscles in Benjamin’s face tightened. He concentrated real hard, then said, “Benjamin Nushmutt.”
“I beg your pardon?” said Miss Nogard.
“Benjamin Nushmutt,” he repeated.
“Henderson Schmidt?” asked Miss Nogard.
Benjamin sighed. “Ben-ja-min Nush! Mutt!” he shouted.
“I’m sorry,” said Miss Nogard. “I must have been distracted. What did you say?”
Benjamin pressed his lips together. He tried to speak, but his mouth wouldn’t open.
“His name is Benjamin,” said Jason. “Benjamin Nushmutt.”
“Thank you,” said Miss Nogard. “That’s a very nice name, Benjamin. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”
Benjamin covered his red face with his hands.
She turned to Jason. “You look familiar. Do I know you?”
“I don’t think so,” said Jason.
She stared at him, as if she were trying to remember. “You’re Justin, right?”
“I’m Jason. Justin’s my older brother.”
“So you’re Justin’s baby brother!” said Miss Nogard.
Everybody laughed.
“I remember Justin. I substituted for his class once. He was the brightest student I ever taught. You must feel very lucky to have such an exceptional brother.”
His feet stink, thought Jason.
For the rest of the day, Miss Nogard kept accidentally-on-purpose calling Jason “Justin.”
One by one, she made every child in the class feel miserable. She called Calvin to her desk and asked in a whisper if he had to use the restroom. Whenever she passed D.J., she hummed and the song stuck in his head. Whenever Bebe finally stopped thinking about her itch, Miss Nogard would walk by and scratch her own leg.
“It looks like it might rain,” she said as she stared out the window at the bright blue sky.
Darn, I’ll never get to go horseback riding! thought Jenny.
“I have a nephew who went horseback riding on a day like this,” said Miss Nogard. “There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, it started thundering and lightning. It spooked the horse terribly.”
“What happened to your nephew?” asked Jenny.
“Oh, he’s fine,” said Miss Nogard. “He just broke both his arms and legs. He’ll be in a cast for a year. But he has a very positive attitude; that’s the important thing. Remember, always keep a positive attitude.”
By the end of the day, nobody had a positive attitude. The whole class was glum and blah.
The children walked out of the school building, heads down. Except Jenny, who looked up at the sky, worrying about the weather, although she didn’t know if she was more worried about rain or sunshine.
Even D.J. was frowning.
“What’s the matter?” asked Louis, the yard teacher.
“Nothing,” muttered D.J. “I guess I just had a bad day.”
“Don’t you like your new teacher?” asked Louis.
“She’s real nice,” said Dana. It’s not her fault I’m the ugliest girl in the world!
“I like her a lot,” said Jason. It’s my brother I hate.
“Me too,” said Benjamin. I hate myself!
Louis rubbed his upper lip. His mustache was beginning to grow back. “What’s her name?” he asked.
“Miss Nogard,” said Bebe as she scratched the back of her leg raw.
“Are you sure?” asked Louis.
“Huh?” asked Bebe.
“I mean,” said Louis, “are you sure it’s Miss Nogard? Not Mrs. Nogard?”
“I think,” said Bebe. “Why?”
Louis just shrugged.
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Chapter 25
Guilty
Some of the children were working in their workbooks. Others were reading in their readers. And still others were computing on the computer.
Miss Nogard looked from one to another. Eenie … meenie … minie … Maurecia! she thought.
Maurecia was stamping a stamp.
“Maurecia,” said Miss Nogard. “Will you come here, please?”
Maurecia walked to the front of the room. “Yes?” she said cheerfully.
“Don’t ‘yes’ me, young lady,” said Miss Nogard. “You know what you did.”
Maurecia looked back at her teacher. What did I do? she wondered.
Miss Nogard waited patiently. Everyone was guilty of something.
I didn’t do anything, did I? thought Maurecia. I’ve been good, I think. Unless she found out about that dictionary page I accidentally tore. No, she couldn’t know about that! It happened before she even got here. And I don’t think anybody saw me do it.
“I didn’t do anything,” she said. I probably should have told Mrs. Jewls about it, she realized, but it wasn’t even my fault! I was looking up how to spell ‘journey’ for my journal, and the page just ripped all by itself.
“It is one thing to do something wrong, Maurecia,” said Miss Nogard. “But when you do, you should admit to it. We all make mistakes. But when you lie about it, you make matters much worse for yourself.”
Maurecia nodded as she tried to figure out what to do. If Miss Nogard knew she tore the dictionary page, then of course she should admit to it. But there was no way Miss Nogard could know! It was impossible.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she said innocently. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” She smiled at her teacher.
Miss Nogard stared at her a long moment, then said, “Will you please bring me the dictionary?”
The smile dropped off Maurecia’s face and crashed on the floor.
The dictionary lay on top of the bookcase. Maurecia numbly went after it. How could she know? she wondered. It’s impossible! Maybe she just wants to look up a word.
She carried the heavy book back to Miss Nogard.
“Thank you, Maurecia,” said Miss Nogard, flipping through the pages. “I need to look up ‘journey.’ ”
Maurecia couldn’t take it any longer. “I ripped it!” she cried out. “I tore the dictionary. I’m sorry. I don’t even know how it happened. I was just turning the page, really! Maybe pages only have a certain amount of turns in them. Like, nine hundred and ninety-nine. Then when you turn the page for the thousandth time, it will rip, no matter who turns it.”
Miss Nogard sadly shook her head. “I am very disappointed in you,” she said. “Not only did you vandalize the dictionary. But then you lied about it. I thought I could trust you, Maurecia. I guess I was wrong.”
“I’m a horrible person,” Maurecia agreed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” said Miss Nogard. “It’s not my dictionary. It belongs to the class.”
Maurecia had to stand in front of the class and tell them she was sorry. Then, since nobody would ever be able to use that page again, she had to read it aloud to the class.
She struggled through the difficult words like “journalism” and “judicious.”
“Speak up,” Miss Nogard had to keep reminding her. “And everyone needs to pay close attention because there will be a test on it when Maurecia is finished.”
“Hey, that’s not fair!” complained Jason. “We didn’t rip the dictionary. Why should we be punished?”
“It’s not punishment,” said Miss Nogard. “It is for your own good. Since you can no longer use that page, you need to memorize it.”
“Thanks a lot, Maurecia!” griped Jenny.
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When Maurecia finished reading it, Miss Nogard made her turn the page over and read the back side of it too.
“But I only ripped the front,” said Maurecia. “Not the back.”
She finished, then returned to her seat, angry and upset. She wasn’t angry at Miss Nogard. Miss Nogard was just being fair, she thought.
But there was only one way Miss Nogard could have known about the torn page, she realized. Somebody in the class must have seen her tear it and then tattled on her.
She looked around the room, from Deedee to Todd to Terrence to Joy. She didn’t trust any of them.
One of her friends was a no-good-dirty-double-crossing-snake-in-the-grass!
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Chapter 26
Never Laugh at a Shoelace
“This is a shoelace,” said Mac.
Everybody laughed.
Mac was standing at the front of the room, holding his shoelace in his hand. He felt like a fool.
“What a fool!” said Allison.
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It all started a minute earlier, when Miss Nogard asked, “Who has something to share for show-and-tell?”
But first you should know something about Mac.
Mac’s favorite subject in the whole world was show-and-tell. He loved it. Especially when he was the one doing the showing and telling.
He often looked through garbage cans on his way to school, in search of stuff to show and tell about. Once he found a real gushy love letter. It was covered with something that looked like peach slime. But that wasn’t what made it gushy. The gushy part was what was written in the letter. Mac read it to the class with lots of feeling.
So when Miss Nogard said, “Who has something to share for show-and-tell?” Mac reacted without thinking. His arm shot up like a rocket as he almost jumped out of his seat. “Ooooh! Ooooh!” he groaned.
Then he remembered something. I didn’t bring anything for show-and-tell!
Miss Nogard heard him. Before he could lower his hand, she called on him.
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And that was how he ended up with his shoelace dangling from his hand like a dead worm.
“It came from my sneaker,” he said. He took off his sneaker and held it up too, next to his shoelace. “See, you stick the laces through the little holes, here. Then tie it in a bow. That keeps it from falling off your foot.”
“Duh!” said Dana.
“We know what a shoelace is,” said Paul.
“I’ve been tying my shoes since I was two years old,” said Joe.
Calvin and Bebe booed.
“Sit down,” said Jason. “You’re boring.”
The kids in Mrs. Jewls’s class never used to be so mean, but they’d been getting grumpier and grumpier ever since Miss Nogard took over.
“Put your shoe back on!” said Maurecia. “Your foot stinks.”
Mac felt terrible.
Miss Nogard smiled. “Go on, Mac,” she said. “We’re all very interested to hear what you have to say.”
He tried to think of some way to make a shoelace interesting. “Uh, shoelaces are real important,” he said. “There was once this guy. He was a real fast runner. His name was Howard. Howard Speed! He was the fastest runner in the world! But this was back before shoelaces were invented. And so, every time Howard raced, he ran right out of his shoes!”
Nobody seemed very impressed. But then Rondi asked, “Did it hurt his feet?”
Mac shrugged. “I guess,” he said.
“I once stubbed my toe on a rock,” said Stephen. “It hurt.”
“Yeah, and you didn’t run as fast as Howard Speed!” said Mac. “He ran so fast that if he kicked a rock, he would break his toe!”
“Did he have blisters?” asked Todd.
Mac smiled. “Man, he had the biggest blisters you ever saw in your whole life! Bleeding blisters!”
“Ooooh,” Joe and John said together.
“With pus oozing out!” said Mac.
“Oh, gross!” said Dana, wide-eyed.
Everyone was paying close attention to Mac now.
“Wherever Howard went,” said Mac, “he left a trail of bloody footprints.”
“Cool!” said Terrence.
“And so they had to invent something to keep Howard’s sneakers on his feet,” said Mac. “First they just tried nailing his shoes to his feet.”
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“Yowza!” Bebe exclaimed.
“Why didn’t he just use Velcro?” asked Jason.
“Howard lived in Africa,” explained Mac. “Velcro trees only grow in Australia. So then they tried gluing his shoes to his feet. And that seemed to work. But then, whenever he took off his shoes, like to take a bath or something, he’d peel off a layer of skin.”
“Yuck-ola!” shrieked Allison.
“But finally Thomas Edison invented the shoelace, and Howard never ran out of his shoes again.”
“Did he win all his races after that?” asked John.
“Well,” said Mac, “the next race was for the championship of the whole world. Howard got off to a real fast start. It looked like he would win for sure. But shoelaces were still a new inventi
on, and Howard wasn’t quite used to them yet. Right before he reached the finish line, his shoelace came untied. He tripped over it and fell flat on his face. He broke his nose, lost all his teeth, and had two black eyes!”
“Wow,” said all three Erics together.
“So remember,” said Mac, as he held his shoelace high in the air. “Never laugh at a shoelace!”
Everyone applauded.
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Chapter 27
Way-High-Up Ball
Eric Fry, Eric Bacon, and Eric Ovens were playing way-high-up ball. They had made up the game themselves.
All you needed were two things — a pink rubber ball, about the size of a tennis ball, and a real tall school.
Eric Ovens threw the ball way high up. It bounced off the school, just above the third-story window.
“Three-pointer,” called Eric Bacon.
They shoved and elbowed each other out of the way as they waited for it to come down. At the last second, Eric Fry jumped and caught it.
He got three points. Eric Ovens also got three points since he was the thrower.
Eric Fry threw the ball way high up. It bounced off a window on the fifth floor.
“Five-pointer!” called Eric Ovens.
All three Erics jumped for it. It bounced off their fingertips and hit the ground.
The teacher on the fifth story stuck her head out the window. “Hey, what’s going on down there?” she shouted.
The three Erics looked away and whistled.
There’s one more thing about way-high-up ball I haven’t told you. You’re not allowed to play it. The Erics had already broken one window.
Eric Bacon looked up, surprised. “Are you talking to us?” he asked.
“Something just banged against my window,” said the teacher.
“Was it a bird?” asked Eric Ovens.
The teacher stared at the children a moment longer. Then she pulled her head inside.
Eric Fry threw the ball way high up. It was a six-pointer!
All three fought for position as they waited for it to come down, but at the last second, a hairy arm reached above them and caught it.