by Eden Finley
“Oh, so now it’s our fault? You grew up in the exact same house as your brother and sister, and yet you’re the only one who has issues.”
Of course, she’d see it that way. It had nothing to do with the fact I could never live up to my brother and sister in my parents’ eyes.
I hung up. I couldn’t hear any more.
Surprisingly, she didn’t call back. No one hung up on Theresa Knightly and got away with it.
My phone did vibrate with a notification though. Several, actually. I groaned when I saw the slew of unread messages. Guess word of my failed wedding was out.
There was a group text between my sister, brother, and me, and I didn’t know what possessed me to click on it. Perhaps I was hoping they wouldn’t be as hard on me as Mum was.
I was wrong.
Amber:
Karma’s a bitch, Reece. I knew you were trash, but I didn’t think you were a slut. I stand corrected.
Dom:
Fuck off, Amber. I didn’t like Paul anyway. And Spence was always nice to me in high school. You mooching off him now, Reece?
Amber:
Seriously, Reece. I’m so angry at you right now.
Why my sister was losing it was beyond me. I knew I did the wrong thing, but my situation had nothing to do with her. Dominic did his usual nice comment covered by a backhanded one.
I decided I couldn’t deal with any of my family and pocketed my phone in Pip’s pyjama pants she lent me last night.
As I made my way towards the kitchen, I had to pause in my tracks at the sight of Gage, shirtless, pulling out cereal and milk.
Damn, those are some serious muscles.
“Did you stay the night?” The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them.
He turned to me with an easy smile. “Sure did,” he drawled in his American accent.
“I didn’t … wake you, did I?”
“If you’re referring to your phone call, I can pretend I didn’t hear it if it’ll make you feel better.”
My shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry.”
He stepped forward and hugged me. The move alone caught me off guard because Gage was not a touchy-feely person. Not with anyone but Pip, anyway.
“Thought you might’ve needed that. You don’t need to apologise to me.” He looked down at his chest, as if only now realising he was half-naked. “Uh … I’ll go put on a shirt.” He quickly rushed to the couch and threw on a T-shirt and then headed back to the kitchen for his breakfast. He has clothes here?
“Do you stay here often?” I knew my best friend was crushing on her best friend—the male one, not me—but I had no idea this was a thing. He stays over sometimes? And I didn’t know about it?
His bright, straight teeth showed through his grin. He rarely smiled, but when he did, it was breathtaking. “Sometimes. I figured it was a big day yesterday, and I know Pip’s got things to do today. I was thinking you might’ve needed a babysitter while you go talk to Paul.”
It was easy to see why Pip was smitten over him. Kind and considerate, had an awesome accent, and he was so hot. He was ex-military, but he kept his physique the same.
Whenever I asked Pip why she didn’t make a move, her answer was always the same: It’d fuck up our friendship.
“I might have to take you up on that offer,” I said. “I shouldn’t be long. I’m hoping … I don’t know what I’m hoping. I need to find a new place to live and—”
“Pip and I will be there for you. Whatever you need.”
“Speaking of Pip, I need to go talk to her for a sec.”
He nodded and shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
I approached Pip’s closed bedroom door and didn’t bother knocking before going in there. “You’re in so much trouble, young missy,” I said, jumping up on her bed next to her.
Pip groaned and rolled over to face me. “You’re awfully chipper considering you were publicly humiliated and practically left at the altar yesterday.”
Ouch. But true. “That might have to do with the half-naked man in your kitchen.”
“Damn, he’s shirtless again?” she whispered as if Gage could hear us.
“Where did he sleep seeing as Cody and I were in the spare room, huh?”
Pip’s townhouse was a tiny two-bedroom, two-bathroom place in a gated community with no backyards or anything.
“On the couch,” she hissed. “If he ever crawled into bed with me, there’s no way I’d be able to keep my hands to myself. You saw those muscles, right?”
“And the bald eagle tattoo from his shoulder over his left pec?”
“It goes over his back to his shoulder blade too.”
We both sighed.
“Okay, now I feel dirty,” I said, “perving on your man. You need to tell him how you feel.”
“That’s never going to happen. He only sees me as a friend. Something he reiterates nearly every day. And one drama at a time, lady. You need to go to your house and work out where to go from here.”
“I know.”
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking I’m screwed. I just got off the phone with my mother.”
She whistled. “Do I want to know?”
“Mum thinks I should have an abortion because I can’t even look after myself let alone another child.”
“What?” she shrieked. “That’s bullshit. Cody’s the best kid I know, and that’s all thanks to you.”
“Pip, he’s the only kid you know. But that’s beside the point. I publicly humiliated my parents, and there’s no coming back from that. I also, kinda, sorta, swore at my mum.”
“Hallelujah. I’ve wanted to do it for years. Did you know I overheard your mother at the wedding saying Amber would’ve looked better in the bridesmaid’s dress than me? Puh-lease, I rocked that prink froufrou dress.”
I laughed. “Bottom line is, she said she’d see me again when I have to ask them for money. I dunno if it was reverse psychology, but it certainly worked in making me reluctant to ask them for help.”
“Ouch. So moving in with them until you work it out is not an option. You’re welcome to crash here as long as you want, but it’s not ideal considering I only have one spare bed. Pretty sure eight-year-old boys get teased if they have to share a bed with their mother. But the offer’s there if you need it.”
I wrapped my arm around her. “You’re the best. I’ll figure something out.” I hope.
***
As I arrived on the doorstep of the house I’d lived in for the past few months, I didn’t know what to do. Knocking seemed wrong, but so did using my key.
Paul took the decision out of my hands when he opened the door for me. His face was passive, the only hint of emotion coming through in his slightly narrowed eyes. It was pure hatred. And it was directed at me.
“I was wondering when you’d show up,” he said. “Where did you stay last night—No, you know what? Not my business anymore. Come in.” He stood aside.
“Can we sit?” I asked as I entered. “I feel I need to apologise.”
He scoffed. “Ya think?”
Right, that was a pretty stupid thing to say.
When we walked into the living room, I sat on the couch, and he sat on the armchair.
“I really am sor—”
“Tell me why. I promised you everything. You didn’t have to work. You didn’t have to do anything. I gave you everything.”
As hard as I was trying, it was impossible to hold the tears back. “I know. I freaked out. I loved you because you were what I thought Cody and I needed. A good role model, a nice person, and someone my son could look up to. But I was confusing those feelings with real love. Then the thing with Paige and Cole happened. Cole was drinking again, and then I told myself by staying with you, I was doing them a favour by keeping them apart. It was one thing after the next, and it all piled up on top of each other. I was feeling overwhelmed, and Spencer and I, we just happened. God, that’s such a lame excuse. I’m sorry.
”
“How long have you been seeing him behind my back?”
“It’s not like that,” I said. “Never was. It was a mistake that only happened once. One time.”
“There’s a chance the baby is mine, isn’t there?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. There was more chance it was Spencer’s, but scientifically there was a chance it was Paul’s. We did have sex. We used a condom, but they’re not one hundred percent. Clearly.
“A small chance,” I said quietly.
“Please tell me you were safe with him too?”
“We were. But, it broke.”
Disappointment filled his eyes. He knew it wasn’t his. “There’s still a chance, and if it’s mine, I’ll do right by you and the baby. You can stay here—in the guest room—until we get an in-vitro DNA test. They can do them in between the eleventh and twelfth week. I Googled it. That’ll give you a few weeks to find somewhere else to live. If, on the small chance, the baby is mine, we’ll sort something out once it’s here.”
I was speechless. My mouth opened and then closed with nothing coming out. I cleared my throat and forced words out. “Why are you being nice to me after what I did? I don’t deserve it.”
“You’re right about that.” He sighed. “But, for one, Cody. I’m not a complete asshole that I’d leave an eight-year-old and his mother homeless. The other reason is because I’ve been up all night wondering where it went wrong between us, and I realised you tried to tell me. You tried to call the wedding off this week. I thought it was nerves. Each time you tried to tell me, I shot you down and told you it’d be fine.” He shook his head. “I’ve been blind when it comes to you. I told myself it was the pregnancy—that you were feeling off—and that it was possibly cold feet. But once I realised that you’d been trying to pull away from me this whole time, it all made sense. Paige told me you acted different around your friends than at home. You didn’t even invite your friends to our engagement party. Were you always using me or did it just end up that way?”
“It’s not like that. I wasn’t using you.”
“Sure feels that way.”
“The reason I acted differently with you was because I thought I had to be someone else to be good enough. I wanted to be put-together and calm and not a fuck up. I was playing the part of the trophy wife because I thought that’s what you wanted. I was trying to make you happy while believing I was bettering myself. But, as I should know by now, being twenty-seven and all, that’s not who I am. I’m a mess. I thought I needed you to turn me into the person my family expects me to be.”
“That’s not fair to me.”
“I know,” I whispered. “And I am so, so sorry.”
“You know what the real shitty thing is? I probably could’ve forgiven the affair if it was just cold feet. But if I were to do that, you still wouldn’t want me anyway, would you? This wasn’t about Spence. It was about me.”
I averted my gaze. “It wasn’t about you or Spence. This is all on me. You deserve someone who’s going to love you wholeheartedly. I don’t even think I love myself wholeheartedly. I worked that out the night I slept with Spence.”
“Well, you should probably fix that.”
“I want to. What do we do about the whole being married thing?”
“I chased up the officiant. He won’t file the license. We’re technically not married until it’s filed.”
“So, it’s done.”
He nodded. “Done.”
I stood. “I guess I’ll get started on moving my stuff into the spare room then.”
“That’s already done too.”
“Huh?”
“As I said, I was up all night.”
“Okay … umm, well … I guess I’ll go pick Cody up from Pip’s. Thank you. For letting us stay, I mean. Until I can find somewhere else.”
He looked down at his feet.
I had four weeks to find a job and an apartment. Great.
***
As determined as I was to find a place to live and move out, three weeks of looking every day hadn’t found me anything promising. The only places I could afford to rent on a single parent’s welfare wage were studio or one-bedroom apartments, unless I wanted to move a half an hour away from Cody’s school. I didn’t want to have to uproot him more than necessary. We were already moving into a new house; I didn’t want him to have to move schools too.
Whoever said being a single parent living off the government was easy, they really had no idea.
Cole’s child support covered shit-all.
I needed a job, but no one was going to hire a pregnant person—whether it was against the law to discriminate or not. I could’ve held back that information, but it was hard when I was still vomiting at random intervals during the day. And I’d start to show soon.
Not to mention I’d only had a string of odd jobs here and there which included working in a juice bar and a few days filing work for an office.
I was trained for nothing.
No way was I going to run back to Mum and Dad like they were expecting.
“Mum,” Cody called out, “Dad’s here.”
I emerged from my room, where I’d basically been hiding for the last few weeks, to say goodbye to Cody for the weekend.
Cole and Paige stood in the foyer, making my feet pause.
She was practically living with Cole except when it came to his weekends with Cody. Paige was respectful of their relationship and gave them father and son time alone, so that was definitely a plus for her. I admired it, even.
It was easy to jump to conclusions and freak out at Cole’s actions because of his past. I knew I had to start putting more trust in him, but it was hard for me to rise above and be the bigger person. After my behaviour over the last few months, it was even harder, but I had to swallow my stupid pride and do it.
I stepped forward. “Cole. Umm … could we … maybe …”
“Porch?” he asked.
I nodded and followed him and Cody out the front, closing the door behind us.
Cole threw his car keys to Cody. “Go get in the truck, buddy. Your mum and I need to chat.”
“You mean fight?” Cody asked.
My heart broke. Cole and I tried to keep him away from our emotional shit, but we were both hotheads, so we weren’t always successful.
“Not fighting, honey,” I said. “I’m going to talk to him about the possibility of you staying with him more. Would you like that?”
Cody’s entire face lit up, while Cole’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“Really?” Cody asked.
“Yup. But you have to go out to the truck so we can work out details. We have to make a plan before it happens, okay? It’s grownup talk.”
“Okay.” Without another question, he ran off towards Cole’s ute parked on the street.
“Are you serious?” Cole asked. “Are you really giving me this?”
“No shock here, but my life is a bit of a mess right now.”
He snorted.
“I have absolutely no excuse for the way I treated you and Paige when I found out about your relationship. I mean, I know why I did it. I was freaking out about everything else, and finding out about you pushed me over the edge into crazy town. I’m still worried because of obvious reasons. You’ve already fallen off the wagon because of her—”
“Because of you, you mean. You’re the one who broke us up.”
“Fine. Because of both of us. You can’t tell me dating Paige wasn’t inappropriate, given the circumstances.”
He nodded. “That’s fair. But I’m getting proper help this time. I promise. Paige made me realise I do have a problem, even if all of you guys have known it for years.”
I laughed humourlessly. “Can I ask you what it was about Paige that made you want to get help? Like …” My voice dropped to inaudible levels. “Why her?”
“You want to know why I want to get help for her but you were never good enough? Is that what you’re asking?”
I averted my gaze.
“Fuck, Reece. It’s not like that. Not at all.”
“As soon as I left you, you got your act together. Like I was the thing dragging you down that whole time.”
He shook his head. “After you left me, I was drunk for six months straight. Are you forgetting that part? The thing that put my life back together is sitting in my truck.” He gestured to Cody.
“And you think you won’t relapse if you’re involved with Paige? I guess I want to know why she makes you want to stay sober, and why I made you want to drink.”
“Are we really doing this right now?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.
“I think we should’ve had this conversation three years ago. I’ve been blaming myself for it going wrong, and I don’t think I’ve truly moved on from it all.”
“Getting help now has nothing to do with you. Or us. I loved you. I was faithful. But I was selfish and mad at the world, and you got the brunt of my bitterness which you didn’t deserve. For that, I will be forever sorry.”
“So what’s changed?”
“Maybe it has to do with timing. Maybe it’s the fact I’m older and I’m ready to face the demons from my childhood. Or maybe it’s because I’m ready to accept the support you and our friends have been offering me since we were kids, but I was determined to fight it on my own. I don’t know why her and not you, but it’s not that she’s better than you, or what we had was a lie … it’s just … different. Fate, maybe?”
I pulled back. “Cole Turner believes in fate?”
His lips quirked on one side. “If you’d said that four months ago, I would’ve said you were insane. But yeah, I guess I do. I-I’m going to marry Paige one day. Whenever she says yes.”
The expected pinch of jealousy in my gut was surprisingly absent. “That makes what I have to say a bit easier—knowing you’re serious about her. What I did to break you two up … it was irrational, uncalled for, and I hope one day both you and Paige can forgive me.”