by K. Langston
“No, she wouldn’t. Come on, Cass,” I demanded, but she didn’t move.
“Dude, chill out,” Reef said.
Cassidy ignored my scowl. “What time, Reef?”
“Tide gets right in about half an hour.”
“Sounds good. I’ll go change and be right over.”
“Take your time, dudette,” Reef crooned, and my blood spiked with anger.
She nudged my shoulder as she passed by me on the way back up to the house, and I couldn’t help but grin at her defiance. However, that grin fell away when I caught Reef staring at her retreating ass.
“If you want to keep your eyes, I suggest you find something else to look at.”
“I have an extra board for you too if you wanna come.”
“Well, I’m sure as hell not trusting you to take care of her out there.”
He peeked over my shoulder with a smug grin. “I think she’s the kind of chick who can take care of herself. Relax, dude,” he said, clapping a hand to my shoulder. “It’ll be fun.” And with that, he turned and walked away.
I tugged at the back of my neck, anxiety swamping me. Just the mere thought of being back out there sent my head spinning. I looked out over the water, begging for some kind of reprieve. A reprieve from the memories and the unforgiving regret that I constantly carried.
When I got back up to the house, Cassidy was already dressed in a pair of black bikini bottoms and a long-sleeved Billabong top. She was still wearing a frown.
“It’s going to be freezing out there. You need a wetsuit.”
“I’ll be fine. It’s not that cold out.”
“Cass, please. Don’t make me do this.” She had that look of determination. She was going out there no matter what I said, and she knew I would not let her go alone.
She moved to stand in front of me, wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me down, brushing her lips with mine. “You can do this, Reid. I know you can.”
My forehead rested on hers, and I sucked in a shallow breath, fear creeping up my throat. “I can’t.”
“Tell me what you’re so afraid of.”
I shook my head. “I just…can’t.”
Lifting up on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to mine once more. The comfort and reassurance that tiny kiss held knocked the wind out of me.
“You have to stop blaming yourself, Reid. It’s not your fault. You have a right to live. You’ve more than earned it after how much you’ve punished yourself.”
Adrenaline spiked in my veins, sweeping over me in a familiar rush of excitement. I couldn’t remember the last time I got excited about the prospect of getting back up on a board and because of her, that feeling was back again. It was thrilling.
And fucking terrifying.
Next to being inside of Cassidy, nothing ever felt as good as surfing. Honestly, while they both gave me an incredible high, there was no comparison. One fed my heart.
The other consumed it.
Her brown eyes held mine. “Trust me,” she whispered softly, and my heart gave in, knowing it would do anything for her, even if it meant facing my worst fears.
I changed into a pair of board shorts, my hands trembling as I tied them. Then when I came out, Cassidy took my hand in hers and led me over to Reef’s to collect our borrowed boards.
I grunted when he handed me a dinged up fish.
“Sorry, dude. It’s all I got.”
I would have preferred a shortboard but this would do for now. I was just glad it wasn’t a longboard.
As Cassidy led me down to the water, my hesitation grew. I wasn’t sure of what to expect and for a split second I thought about turning back, but then she looked over her shoulder with that wild smile and those trusting eyes and I couldn’t help but follow. I would follow her to the ends of the fucking earth. I wanted to live in that light, drown myself in it.
If only for a little while.
Before, when I hit the water, there was usually no thought at all. I just went in and left it all there when I came out. Surfing had been an escape for me for so long. To me, it is one of the best sports in the world. Endlessly creative. Mesmerizing. It’s also a sport anyone can do, no matter age or gender.
Surfing is a sport you fall in love with. So coming back to it now was like coming face-to-face with an old lover, scary as fuck and a little intimidating.
Cassidy’s fingers curled around my arm, giving me a gentle squeeze of encouragement. She didn’t say anything but her eyes screamed you can do this and for the first time in seven years, I believed I could.
The sky appeared brighter, the water somehow bluer. All of the gray that had consumed my life had color once more.
Because of her.
The waves licked my toes. The familiar scent of salt and board wax nudging all of my senses to life. My feet began to move as I put the board to water and paddled out. I negotiated the waves, bringing more and more eagerness as I duck dived under each one. I continued this for a while, gauging the strength of the waves, waiting for just the right one.
My heart raced when I found it.
I paddled faster, springing up and dragging my front foot forward to position myself on the deck. All of my instincts immediately kicked in, guiding each maneuver. The wave broke, white water chasing me like an angry beast as I ripped through the face.
I tried to stay focused but my mind betrayed me, and the memories came flooding back, followed by the pain, the grief, and the endless regret.
I toppled over headfirst, skipping across the water so fast there was no way to stop the impending doom that lie ahead or escape the carnage of my past.
I could tell Reid was even angrier now than before we went out into the water. Maybe pushing him wasn’t the best idea, but how else would he ever overcome this? He’s been carrying it around for far too long. The pain of losing Bodie will never go away, it only gets easier to live with.
I’ve accepted that.
It was time Reid did, too.
My heart ached as we walked back to the house after returning Reef’s boards. When he wiped out, I’d quickly made my way over to him to make sure he was all right but all I got was a lot of cussing and grunting, and an order to get my ass out of the water and back up to the house.
I had wanted to argue and defy him, but I decided against it. He needed me right now. Even if his stubborn ass wouldn’t admit it. And truth of the matter was, I needed him, too.
Besides, we needed to talk. Ever since he’d picked me up at Mike’s last night, he’d been quiet.
Different.
I wasn’t sure what it was and part of me didn’t want to dig fearing he would close up even more. He’d shut me out and it hurt like hell that he didn’t trust me enough to share what was bothering him.
“Reid, please talk to me,” I begged as we entered the house.
There was a stack of towels I’d folded earlier on the kitchen table. Reid grabbed one and made his way toward the bathroom. “Just leave it alone, Cass.”
“Why are you doing this? I love you. Can’t you see that? You can tell me anything.”
I couldn’t believe I’d said the words aloud. This might not have been the right moment to say them but I had a feeling he already knew, and it had the desired effect. Reid stopped in place and lowered his head. His entire body tense as he turned around to face me. Though he tried to hide it, I could see the panic in his eyes along with the pain.
“And what do you think your brother would have to say about that?”
I winced at his mention of Bodie. I’ve thought about that, too. What he would think of me falling in love with Reid, but I always come to the same conclusion.
“He would have wanted us to be happy. You were his best friend, Reid.”
“Yeah, some friend I am for fucking his little sister.”
Time seemed to stand still as the pain of his words struck my heart. “I would like to think what we have is more than just fucking.”
Reid’s jaw ticked. “I told you I coul
dn’t promise you anything.”
A cold tremor rushed through me. The weight of his words slicing deep down in my core. I knew he couldn’t promise me anything. I knew he wasn’t capable of a commitment, not right now anyway, but how could he stand there and pretend what we have means nothing to him.
“You’re going to stand there and pretend none of this meant anything to you.”
“I don’t want to talk about this shit right now. I’m going to take a shower.”
My heart shattered, broke into a thousand tiny pieces by the only man I’d ever truly loved. I faintly heard the water turn on before I stepped outside to get some fresh air.
Hot tears slipped down my cheeks as I walked out onto the landing for some fresh air, tilting my head backward, trying to catch my breath.
Everything he said contradicted his actions. The way he touched me, the way he looked into my eyes said the exact opposite of what he spoke out loud. Pain and confusion swept through me, tearing a sob from my chest.
What was he so afraid of?
I knew I could make him happy if he only gave us a chance.
A shuffling sound pulled me from my thoughts, and I quickly swiped the back of my hand across my cheeks, thinking it was Reid, but when I looked toward the stairs, no one was there.
An uneasiness settled over me as I wrapped my arms around my waist and headed back inside. However, I didn’t even make it to the threshold before two hands reached out and grabbed me. I was only able to scream half of Reid’s name before a hand covered my mouth. Kicking and screaming, I fought as hard as I could, managing to kick over one of the Adirondack chairs nearby before pain radiated through my head, my world engulfed by darkness.
The water pounded down my back, beating against my skin in the same angry manner my heart thrashed inside of my chest. My hand slapped the wall above me, the sting radiating through my palm and down my arm.
I didn’t deserve her.
I never would.
But surrendering to this meant betraying Bodie. And even though he was gone, honoring that trust was still important to me. The truth was, I didn’t know what to do. I was in love with her but I had no idea how to tell her that. Running away like a fucking coward hadn’t been the answer either but here I was, hiding out in the goddamn shower, trying to chase these feelings away. But deep down I knew they weren’t ever going anywhere.
She was it for me.
Always had been.
Always would be.
A loud crashing noise yanked me from my thoughts. I shut off the water and scrubbed the water from my face, pushing my wet hair back.
“Cassidy,” I yelled, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around my waist.
Uneasiness settled over me as I made my way into the living room where I found the front door standing wide open, a gust of air pushing it back into the wall with a sickening thud.
“Cass?” Each step I took toward the open door felt heavier than the last and fear sunk its sharp teeth into my heart when I spotted the chair knocked over on the outside deck.
What the hell?
Blood soared through my veins, adrenaline pumping with ruthless venom. I looked around outside then searched the entire house in a frantic state of denial.
I pulled on a pair of jeans, tucking my gun in the waistband before retrieving my phone.
How could I let this happen?
If I hadn’t been such a pussy and told her how I felt she’d still fucking be here right now.
I slammed my fist to the sheetrock, cracking it. Then spotted her backpack on the table. Her insulin kit sitting right next to it. “Shit!”
Swiping my screen I was about to tap Jameson’s name, but when I walked back out onto the deck I noticed something glinting a couple of feet in front of me. I bent down and picked up one of her diamond studs. Fear lodged deep in my throat as I lifted my head, eyes colliding with those of a fucking dead man.
“Reid.”
I blinked several times, not believing my eyes. At first I thought I was dreaming. That I must have slipped and hit my head in the shower but then he opened his mouth and spoke again. “Where is she? Where’s Cassidy?” he asked breathlessly, his gaze flitting over my shoulder.
His hair was longer and he had a full beard but there was no mistaking those eyes and that voice.
Realization struck me hard and rage clouded my vision, along with the years of grief and pain.
All I felt was betrayal.
All I saw was red.
Dropping my phone, I charged him, my fist connecting with his jaw before he even had a chance to defend himself. “How could you fucking do this?” I tackled him to the ground, landing another blow to his ribs.
“I did it to protect her, to protect you,” he grunted as I dropped another fist to his stomach.
“Bullshit!”
He kicked out from underneath then rolled to pin me to the ground. “You can be pissed at me later, asshole. We don’t have time for this. I need to know where she is. Del Marco is coming for her.”
“She’s already gone!” The words burned like acid on my tongue.
He froze, fear hardening his expression before he shoved me off of him and pushed to his feet. “When?”
I stared back at him with rage and disbelief. Jesus, I couldn’t think straight. My brain kept trying to focus. I knew how to be in these situations, but I just found out my best friend was alive after seven goddamn years. “Go to hell,” I finally managed.
My phone vibrated across the deck, discarded in our shuffle. I walked over and reached down to pick it up, Ryder’s name lighting up the cracked screen.
“Yeah,” I barked as I held the device to my ear, staring at the ghost in front of me.
“Cunningham, shit, I’ve been trying to get in touch with you. Listen, there’s something I need to tell you.”
I still struggled to catch my breath, bracing one hand on the wall nearby. “I’m listening.”
“Remember what we talked about before, how I wanted to look further into your friend’s file because shit wasn’t adding up?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, it turned out to be more than just a hunch, your friend…he’s very much alive. And he’s been working undercover for the DEA for the past seven years, dismantling Del Marco’s organization so they could take him down.”
My eyes shot to Bodie and red-hot fury raced through me. I turned away from him and walked back inside. I didn’t want to be too close to him right now or else I’d fucking kill him.
“You sound winded, you all right?”
“He’s here.”
“Sky?”
“Yeah. Del Marco has Cassidy.”
“Son of a bitch! Does he have any idea where she is?”
“We haven’t gotten that far yet. Give me ten and I’ll call you back.”
“I’ll be waiting. Just let me know what you need.”
“Thanks.” Ending the call, I placed my phone on the counter and watched as Bodie walked over to the sink. “Where is she?”
He pulled a napkin from the paper towel dispenser and ran it under the faucet. Spinning around, he rested his ass on the sink before bringing it to his lip while palming his stomach.
“Start talking, motherfucker, or you’re going to be cleaning up a whole lot more blood than that.”
“You don’t want to do that. It will only waste time,” he said, pushing my patience even further. “I know where she is. He won’t kill her. It’s me he wants,” he said, dabbing his wound.
Even his voice was different. Deeper. Too fucking controlled if you ask me, considering he just walked in after being dead for seven years.
Had it not been for the eyes, I would not know the man standing in my kitchen. He looked older, weathered by the sun, and probably all the fucking guilt he must carry around.
How could he do this to us?
“We can’t go in alone. We’re going to need a lot of backup. Better call your brothers in for this one.”
I pul
led the gun from the waistband of my jeans, aiming it right between his eyes. Sights trained on that bead of sweat glistening with betrayal from his tan skin. “Why don’t you call your buddies over at the DEA?”
“Heard about that, huh?”
Collecting a few more steps, I came within inches of his chest. “Stop playing games with me, Bodie.”
“DEA doesn’t want him unless they can pin him with drugs.”
“Kidnapping isn’t on their list of to-dos this week?”
“Not today it isn’t. We’re on our own with this one.”
“There is no we. Tell me where she is, now!”
Silence hung between us as we glared back at one another, the air saturated with betrayal and anger.
“I have a way in. You just have to trust me.”
I laughed, the unfamiliar sound ricocheting off the bare walls, mocking me. “After what you did, I will never trust you again.”
“If you want her to live, it’s your only choice,” he gritted in anger. “We have to do this my way. Otherwise, he will kill her. Understand?”
The tone of his voice. His body language. It all screamed my worst fears. That she could very well die at the hands of Del Marco and my only choice was to trust the one man I hated the most.
My best fucking friend.
Dank air filled my nostrils, my head throbbing all over as nausea rolled in my belly from the pain. My eyes were heavy and weak as I tried to pry them open.
Where the hell was I?
The thick haze of confusion faded some as I tried to remember how I got here, but my thoughts were all jumbled, thick with heartbreak. I remembered fighting with Reid then walking outside and it all got fuzzy after that.
Pushing myself from the cold, concrete floor, the harsh rope bit into the skin of my wrists. I sat up and pressed my back against the wall, shivering as I pulled my bare legs up to my chest. My throat tightened as I looked down. I didn’t recognize the slip of a dress I had on and a shiver rushed over my skin, wondering how the hell it had gotten on my body.
Hugging my legs tighter, I squeezed my eyes closed.
I had to be dreaming.
This had to be a nightmare and I would wake up in Reid’s arms any minute. But with each passing second, I realized that wasn’t going to happen.