by Haley Jenner
“Baby, if the Doctor says she’s going to be fine - she’s going to be fine. Just wait at the hospital and I’ll be there as soon as soon as I can. Anybody with you?” Even now I sound pathetic to my own ears, afraid to say his name.
“No. Archer’s not here, rushed off in a fit and I haven’t seen him since. You’re on your way yeah?” he worries.
“About to jump in the car, call me with updates. She’ll be fine okay? This is Janie Dean we’re talking about,” I force a smile down the line. “I love you, Jakey, I’ll be there soon.”
“Love you too, Annabelle. Hurry,” Jake urges before disconnecting.
I dress quickly, grab my bag and am reversing out of Aubrey’s driveway within minutes.
My fingers ache from the tight grip I keep on the steering wheel; my knuckles white from the pressure. Flexing my fingers, I attempt to ease the discomfort. I’m driving faster than I should, but I don’t care. I resent myself for having moved. I need to be in Carnation. Now. For Jake. For Janie.
I tell myself she’ll be fine. Work to convince myself of this as I drive, Janie has to be fine, there’s no alternative. That lady does not have permission to leave my life. I cannot lose her. Jake said the Doctor said she’d be fine, it has to be true. It just has to be.
I don’t allow myself to think of Archer, of what it will feel like to see him again. Seems time hasn’t lessened the darkness inside him, running off with his uncontrollable temper when Jake needs him. In true Archer Dean style, he’s probably drowning his worry in booze instead of being there for his family.
Jake calls me within the hour to let me know she's out of surgery and in recovery. He seems calmer, more relaxed as he assures me she's fine, but I can still hear the worry in his voice.
Arriving at the hospital, I rush through the doors, completely panicked as I run through the large building. A nurse directs me to Janie’s room and I stop outside the room to calm myself, to take a breath. Walking into the room, my need to see Janie, make sure she’s okay with my own eyes overtakes my fear that Archer may be there. He isn’t and I don’t know if that pleases or disappoints me.
I see only Jake’s face as he sleeps in the chair beside his Mom. I take in his sleeping form and relaxed like this, I can see how much he’s grown in the few years I’ve been gone. Holy shit, he’s a man now.
“Now that’s a beautiful face I haven’t seen in far too long,” Janie’s voice is a whispered strain, the pain in her voice obvious. My eyes find her on the bed and I wince at her appearance, swallowing deeply. “Don’t look at me like that, you’ll damage my very fragile ego,” she jokes, her smile not quite the same as I remember.
“Janie Dean, you scared the fucking shit out of me. Are you okay?......Ugh! What a stupid question,” I stammer. “Anything serious?” I ask, moving in close.
“Nah, broken leg, few broken ribs and a few scratches is all. I’m fine,” she smiles again, but the gesture hurts, causing her to wince before focusing back on me.
Dropping to her bed, I grasp her hand in my own, the warmth of her skin brining relief to my heart. “I was so worried,” I whisper. “When Jake called, god Janie, I was so scared,” my voice is thick, struggling past the lump in my throat.
“Baby girl, I’m fine. Promise. I’m sorry I scared you,” she consoles and I nod around a sniff.
“I see Jake’s here alone….” There’s obvious judgement in my tone and Janie shakes her head slightly.
“Ain’t like that anymore, baby. He ain’t like that anymore.” She watches me expectantly, but I don’t engage. I don’t want to talk about Archer.
“Annabelle?” Jake stirs in his chair, his body arching uncomfortably in a long stretch. Rubbing his eyes to bring me into focus, he smiles sleepily.
“Hey, Jakey,” I stand to embrace him as his tall frame bends to pick me up in a tight squeeze.
“You’re too skinny,” he accuses.
“Look how handsome you are,” I ignore his comment. “Why are you so tall? Seriously, stop growing.”
He leans down to touch his lips quickly to my own, before holding me tightly once again. "Thanks for coming, I know I completely freaked on you," he says apologetically.
"Of course, babe, told you, I'm here for you whenever you need me.” Keeping my arm around his lean waist, I step out of our embrace.
Jake updates me on what the Doctor has said, his words reinforcing what Janie told me. I duck out to grab coffees and settle back into Janie's room feeling content in the company with the two people who have been such a constant in my life. I sit at the end of Janie's bed, smiling wide between them, feeling a little more at home than I have in years. I've kept in contact, but being able to sit with them. See them. My heart warms, I've missed them so much.
I watch Jake as he talks, updates me on his life. He drags his hands through his messy dark hair, telling me about his work, about the band. His hair is still longer, curling around his ears. His dimples are still a highlight on his handsome face when he smiles. The effect so different nowadays, adding a cheekiness to his grin that must pull a lot of female attention. His height is impressive, built with slender muscle, his tanned skin decorated with an array of colorful tattoos.
A young nurse enters the room, interrupting our chatter, glancing shyly at Jake, before taking Janie’s vitals. I raise my eyebrows over at him and he rolls his eyes at me.
"When can she go home?" I question, smiling gently at her.
The nurse explains, with nervous glances in Jake’s direction, that she should be good to head home within a few days. She informs us that the Doctor will be in to check on her throughout the day and can give us more concrete information. She makes her exit hurriedly, waving timidly at Jake, which he returns with a wink, causing her cheeks to shade on a Darci Walker level.
Early in the afternoon a handsome Doctor, possibly mid-50’s enters Janie’s room and her cheeks flush almost instantly. I can see her attraction; his dark hair is speckled slightly with greys, dark eyebrows framing his icy blue eyes. His flirtation with Janie is obvious and Jake and I watch on with interest.
Dr. Michaels assures us Janie will be good to head home in a few days as long as she feels up to it. He is clinical in his instructions, explaining the importance of Janie having assistance at home for the next few weeks while she heals. His demeanor changes to soft and caring when he says goodbye to Janie, touching her shoulder with a tenderness that makes her blush grow deeper. She avoids our eyes on his exit, fluffing her blanket to busy her hands.
“Look at that. Both Deans have the Doctors and Nurses in a flutter,” I giggle. “Janie, something you wanna tell us about the good Doctor?" I tease, Jake laughing as Janie attempts a scowl.
"Piss off, you two," she retorts, her cheeks flaming.
We talk about nothing for the next hour or so, everyone conveniently avoiding the dancing elephant in the room. His absence is obvious, circling us constantly.
Janie asks more about my life in Bellingham and I give them bare details. I talk about my job, Aubrey and David, but I do it enthusiastically, trying to hide how depressing it really is, that after 3 years I really have nothing to tell them. I can't give them anything else though, because that’s my life; I don't socialize, I don't have hobbies. "Oh and I go walking every morning," I add as a side note, forcing a wide smile.
They both stare at me in silence before sharing a pointed look, a look I choose to ignore. "Annabelle that sounds…." Jake starts but Janie cuts him off. "Depressing, it sounds depressing."
Shifting uncomfortably, I avoid their eyes, upset by Janie's judgement. "I have a routine, Janie, it makes everything easier.”
"I don’t know why you haven't come home yet," she reprimands and I scowl at her, my eyes narrowing.
"Ma, you know exactly why she hasn't come home. We just got her back, leave it," Jake snaps and she sighs loudly.
"Jakey, tell me, how's your love life, seeing anyone?" I tease, working to change the subject and his dimple appears almost immed
iately. “Reckon Janie’s Nurse wouldn’t say no?” I smile and even Janie seems grateful at the change in conversation, laughing as Jake attempts to evade our questions. The mood in the room lightens and we all settle back into our easy banter once again.
Quiet overtakes the room after a few hours as we all stare at the TV blankly, content in one another’s company.
"Jake, where the hell is your brother?"
I feel out of place, like I'm eavesdropping on a conversation I'm not part of, so I drop my head and pick at my nails.
From my peripheral vision, I see Jake turn towards me before answering his Mom. "Sheriff has him, Ma. They want him to calm down. Probably let him out tomorrow," he says softly.
I can't help my reaction when I lift my head at his words, disappointment clear on my face. Janie repeats her earlier words at my shocked stare. “Ain’t like that anymore, Annabelle, he -" but I cut her words off. "Not my business, Janie. Archer isn't my business anymore."
Disappointment is clear on Janie’s features and our silence stretches awkwardly, so I say my goodbyes, with a promise I'll be back the next day and Jake walks me to my car. We stand in a tight embrace for a long time. "Thank you. For coming home. For being here," he speaks into my hair and I pull back so I can see his face, smiling in response.
"She was telling the truth. Ma was," he starts and he correctly reads the confusion on my face, because he clarifies. "About Archer, he's different."
I appreciate his attempt to comfort me, to make me feel better about the situation but I cut him off like I did Janie. "Babe, Archer isn't my business, I don't care where he is. All I know is that you needed him today and he wasn't there. That isn't okay."
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Annabelle
“Well I’ll be damned, Annabelle Edwards. Rumor had it you were back in town,” a familiar smile greets me as I enter the diner.
My face breaks into a grin at seeing Marg, the owner of the establishment. “Marg, it’s so good to see you,” I walk into her warm embrace.
After a few seconds, she pulls back my shoulders to take me in, her warm smile welcoming. “It’s good to have you home, honey, we’ve missed you.” She strokes my cheek in affection before letting me go. “Darci is towards the back.”
I offer her a wink as I move along the length of the diner. Not much has changed in the time I’ve been gone. Tables still run the length of the wall, red leathered booths inviting customers to crowd in. I can’t help but smile at the familiarity of it all.
Darci stands as she sees my approach and I can’t control the excited squeal that escapes my lips when I hug her fiercely. “Darc. Babe, god I’ve missed your beautiful face.” Much like Marg did to me, I inch her shoulders back to look at her. “As always, beautiful as ever,” I tell her before pulling her back in for another hug.
Her ebony hair is only slightly different, styled to frame her heart shaped face in a short concaved bob, bangs still ever present. Black, square-rimmed glasses decorate her face, highlighting her almond shaped eyes, almost amber in color, that belong on a 1920s pinup.
Darci gives me her shy smile as we part, her voice soft, always bordering on a whisper. “Annabelle, honey, I’ve missed you too. God, I know we talk on the phone, but it just isn’t the same.”
Guilt over comes me with the knowledge that keeping my distance from Archer, from Carnation, also meant distancing myself from the other family I had. Sure, Darci would visit when her chaotic schedule allowed, but with building up The Coffee House, she’s been swamped. We’ve had to settle for quick mid-way dinners every other month and maybe if we were lucky an overnight stay every 6. But it’s not the same and I miss her.
“What’s with all the melancholy?” Both mine and Darci’s eyes shoot up to see the exuberant smile of Aubrey and we return it enthusiastically.
I watch on as Aubrey and Darci get their reunion hugs in, squeezing one another tight.
Aubrey slides into the booth next to Darci as I grab her hand, understanding clear on her face. “Babes, I couldn’t let you come for home for the first time since…. well, you know, since, so I came too. David’s working, as usual, so why not?” she smiles at me. “I'm completely overdue for a visit with the parentals anyways, so it works well,” she reasons, giving my hand a squeeze in reassurance.
“Well, look at you three, just like old times hey?” Marg smiles widely. “Now, what can I get you girls?”
Taking our order, she disappears and before long she’s back with a tray of coffees balanced on her palm as she slides into the bench-seat beside me. Turning to face me, she gives me her full focus, eyes assessing me. “Now, tell me, does that boy of yours know you’re home yet?”
Darci almost spits coffee across the table in a shocked cough, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment as she composes herself. Watching to make sure she doesn’t choke, I wait until she’s settled, then turn to Marg seriously. “Firstly, he’s not my boy, hasn’t been anything of mine for a really long time, Marg,” I answer, raising my eyebrows in challenge as she scoffs at my statement. One of her hands waves dismissively in my face as she rolls her eyes at Aubrey and Darci, and I frown at their amused grins.
“To answer your question though,” I continue. “No, I don’t think Archer is aware that I’m back, apparently, he’s in lock up,” I meet Aubrey’s eyes as she turns to Darci confused. I watch their silent exchange, eyes flicking between them as Aubrey’s expression is one of astonishment. Like this behavior isn’t Archer’s normal, as though she’s privy to information that I’m not.
I watch them curiously until their eyes meet mine and they both awkwardly look away.
“Sheriff just wants him to cool down, so they are letting him out tomorrow, or so Jake told Janie,” I slowly turn back to Marg, who seems to be removing imaginary lint from her apron. Her tone is blunt, direct when she announces, “Well, I for one, hope you’re planning on surprising him yourself. Ain’t no-one around here want to be the one sharing that news with him.”
“Archer Dean and I have been finished for years. It is not a big deal that I’m here. We’re both grown adults, it’ll be fine,” I snap.
Marg stands shaking her head, her tone unamused. “Annabelle honey, you believe that, you got rocks in your head,” she declares before turning on her heel and walking away.
I watch her retreat before focusing back on Darci and Aubrey, who have both taken apt interest in the table, eyes downcast. “What was that?” I ask, taking a long sip of coffee.
“Hmmm…” Aubrey mumbles around her own mug, eyes finally lifting to meet mine. “What was what?”
“Really?” I smile sarcastically, glancing between the two of them. “We’ve been friends pretty much our whole lives and you’re gonna pretend like I read whatever happened before,” I gesture between the two of them. “Wrong?”
Sighing loudly, Aubrey places her empty mug on the table, pushing it away. “Babes, I love you. We love you,” she stresses, gesturing between herself and Darci. “But these last few years, you’ve been completed closed off to anything Archer Dean, which we get,” she sympathizes, hand on her heart. “But shit, Annabelle, we can’t even mention Carnation without you shutting down.” She waits a single beat, allowing me opportunity to dispute her argument, but I don’t. Couldn’t if I wanted too.
“We’ve tried, numerous times, to ease it into conversation but you stonewall every single time. No matter what angle we come from. Then we question whether it’s better not to tell, you seem, I don’t know, Okay?” She tests, her face twisting slightly in uncertainty. “We were always a little afraid you’d regress and those first few months were so hard to watch, babe. You weren’t…. here,” she signifies. “No matter how we reconciled it in our heads, we never knew what was best.”
Sitting up straight, I meet each of their eyes head on, shaking my head slightly on a shrug, questioning what she’s getting at.
“Darci has been filling me in on Archer since you moved to Bellingham,” she confesses and
I drop back against the chair in shock.
“But I…. you saw how desperate for information…. I asked,” I stumble, trying to understand her silence over the last few years.
“At first, when you wanted to know, it was all bad, babe. Same shit he was doing when you were living here. But truth is, over the past 12 months, Archer’s being doing okay. Much better than okay, he’s good, Annabelle,” she looks apologetic in her declaration and I can’t be certain if it’s from her keeping this from me or because of what she actually said. Of the fact that after these last few years, I now know that Archer’s worked at healing himself. Without me.
Shaking my head, I discount their confession. “Why’s he in lock up them? Seems to me he’s still the broken version of himself that pushed me away.” My voice is hard, judgmental and disagreeable.
“It’s not like that,” Darci finally speaks. Her words are spoken softly, as always, but are laced with regret, with apology and guilt. “Annabelle honey, he’s doing well. It took him a while, lots of drinking, fighting, but one day he just woke up and he was different you know? I don’t know what the turning point was, but he’s working with Brian again and he works hard. He’s stopped drinking so much and he helps Janie out a lot. He’s good,” she implores.
“Still doesn’t explain his current predicament,” I challenge, crossing my arms over my chest defensively.
“I don’t know the full story but understandably he kind of lost it after Janie’s accident. She was hit by some drunk driver, an out of towner. Rumor is, he walked into the local PD, where the guy was being held, threw a few punches then waited patiently to be arrested,” she smiles slightly in amusement, but I don’t return it, instead staring blankly at her face, willing her to take her words back, to tell me they were all lies.
She doesn't take them back, instead meeting my eyes, imploring me to believe her. Dropping my head into my hands I contemplate their words. I actually don’t know what’s worse. Thinking that he had been right all those years ago, that he had nothing left inside, that even today, he's still as damaged as ever or knowing that he was surviving better without me. My life over the last few years has been my own personal hell; I kept telling myself that the pain would lessen, that I would miss him a little less each day. Lies, that’s what they were. All lies I told myself, to pull myself out of bed every day.