by Julia London
“Well . . . maybe Gwen Wright had family in town,” Asher said. “If she knew about it, her family probably did, too.”
“I thought of that,” Jane said, nodding thoughtfully.
“You know who might know?” he said. “Laru.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I do. And if she doesn’t know, she would know who to ask.”
Jane grabbed his arm; her eyes fired with hope. “Asher, that’s a great idea!”
He loved the shine in her eyes. He loved the way she lit up his life. He loved everything about her. He put his beer aside, playfully pushed her back on the couch, and kissed her. “Hey, Levi and I got you a present today.”
“You did?” She smiled with pleasure. “What is it?”
He grinned, reached in his pocket, and pulled out a cheap, bright pink plastic ring.
Jane gasped. She covered her mouth with her hand, then said, “It’s beautiful. You must have spent a fortune!” She slipped it on her finger. It was a gaudy, monstrous thing, but she wiggled her fingers like it was a diamond.
Asher laughed and kissed her again. And again. Yet as much as he would have liked to remove her clothes and put his hand and mouth on every inch of her skin, he still felt a little uneasy. Even though everything seemed fine, he couldn’t shake the feeling. Perhaps it had been that light from Riley’s room that had done it. He wondered what his daughter was doing while he was here, kissing Jane. He lifted his head. “Is the monitor on?”
“No. Let me get that,” Jane said and scrambled out from beneath him to turn it on.
He despised all the hiding they were doing. He didn’t want to continue this way, as if he were ashamed of Jane. He’d announce it to the world when he told his kids, but that was the rub. He didn’t know how to tell his kids, and especially Riley, who was acting so strange all of a sudden. She’d been so testy earlier, almost as if she suspected something was going on between him and Jane.
The sense of foreboding began to creep back in, and Asher stood up.
Jane looked surprised. “Are you leaving?”
“I think I should. The kids,” he said.
“I understand.” Jane looked disappointed, but she didn’t argue. “We’re running tomorrow, right? At seven?”
“We’re running. And we’re doing four miles,” he said with a wink.
“Slave driver! You really are trying to train me for a race, aren’t you?” she laughingly accused him. He grabbed her up and kissed her, playfully dragging her along as he walked to the door. As he reached to open the door, Jane grabbed his head in both hands and rose up on her toes to kiss him. Asher couldn’t resist her; he held her up with one arm around her waist and kissed her back as he opened the door. Jane’s hand slid up his chest, to his neck—
“Dad.”
Riley’s voice, full of revulsion, startled them both. Jane gasped and shoved against him, but Asher stood there dumbly, his arm still around Jane. Standing just beyond the door, gaping at them, was his daughter. “Riley—”
Riley shot a dark look at Jane as she whirled around and ran back to the house.
“Oh shit,” Jane whispered.
That was the very least of what Asher was thinking. “Riley!” he called and went after her.
He found her sitting at her desk in front of her laptop as if she’d never left this room. She didn’t look at him as he walked in and stood there with his hands on his hips. Slowly, he noticed the room itself. There were drawings tacked up on one wall, and his heart climbed to his throat. Riley was drawing again. Thank God, she was drawing. It was enough to make a father want to weep.
“I can’t believe you,” she said. “That is so gross, Dad. The nanny? Are you seriously hooking up with the nanny?” She turned to look at him, expecting an answer.
“Her name is Jane,” he said calmly.
“Are you?”
He clenched his jaw; he couldn’t lie to her. “We are seeing each other, yes.”
“Oh God,” she said with disgust and twisted around in her chair, her back to him.
“Listen to me, baby girl,” he said, walking deeper into the room. “There is something really cool between me and Jane, something very real. I will always love Mom, but she’s been gone a long time.” He stopped short of telling her he was a man and he couldn’t live like this, without a woman, for the rest of his life. “People need companionship and love.”
Riley twisted around to face him again, her mouth gaping open in disbelief. “What are you saying?” she cried. “You love her?”
“I’m saying—”
“It’s your fault Mom is dead, you know. If you hadn’t been so mean to her, she never would have left that day. Did you do it on purpose, Dad? Did you do it so you could hook up with nannies and secretaries and whores?”
“Don’t,” he said, pointing at her, his anger barely controlled.
“You don’t care about me or Levi—all you care about is sex.” She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, locking it.
Thirteen years old or not, her accusation stung Asher. He could hardly wrap his mind around the fact that those words were coming out of his daughter’s mouth, much less that she believed them. He braced his arms against the bathroom doorjamb. “Come out, Riley!” he demanded. “Let’s talk about this.”
“I don’t want to talk to you!” she shouted.
“Riley, come—”
The sound of the shower reached him. She had turned it on full blast to drown him out. Asher stared at the door. He had never intended for this to happen, not like this. He didn’t want to hurt his daughter, he didn’t want to reopen old wounds. But neither could he live like he’d been living for the rest of his life.
He had no idea what to do, at least in the moment. But he would not allow his thirteen-year-old daughter to dictate the course of his life.
Jane was pacing in front of the big bay windows, waiting for Asher to come down. Her heart leaped when she heard his footfalls; as he walked into the kitchen, he looked tired. “So?” she asked.
He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. “It’s not good,” he said and recounted his conversation with Riley.
“Oh, no,” Jane said. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know.” Asher tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “When I finally coaxed her out of the bathroom, she let me know in no uncertain terms she did not approve of me making out in the guesthouse. She said it was gross. She said we were gross. I tried to explain to her how attraction works, that I have a life outside of her and Levi, but it didn’t do much good. I think she fears I am replacing her mother.”
Jane winced. “Understandable. How are you doing, Asher?”
He gave her a wry smile. “I am conflicted,” he admitted. “I want to protect my kids like any father. I want them to be happy. But at the same time, I can’t forget that I have a life in there somewhere. There has to be a middle ground for us, but I’ll be damned if I know where it is tonight.”
Jane bit her lip. She felt responsible for his conflict and Riley’s unhappiness. “Maybe I should move.”
“No,” he said instantly, and touched his fingers to her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “No. Let’s ride it out a couple of days. Give me some time to think about it. Don’t worry, Jane. This will all work out.”
She wished she could be as confident as he was about it.
“I’m beat,” he said, pushing a hand through his hair. “We better call it a night. I’ll see you in the morning. Four miles,” he reminded her.
“I am so looking forward to it,” she said with playful sarcasm. She kissed him good night, but as she went out, she couldn’t help noticing just how tense and conflicted he looked.
His expression hadn’t changed much when they ran the next morning. More telling, perhaps, was that Asher talked about everything but Riley.
As for Riley—she had not come down for breakfast when Jane arrived at work later, but Levi was up and dressed in his favo
rite camo shorts for camp. “We’re making whirly birds today,” he said. Jane had no idea what that meant, but Levi was anxious to get there.
When she returned, she walked past the garbage cans on her way inside, and something caught her eye. Jane paused and looked again. There were several pieces of thick sketch paper tossed carelessly onto the top of the trash can. She picked one up. It was a drawing of the lake. More specifically, it was a drawing of the lake at night, from the vantage point of one of the balconies. A moonlit lake drawn from Riley’s balcony. No wonder Riley had appeared when she had. She’d probably been on her balcony and had seen Asher come into the guesthouse.
Carla met Jane when she walked into the house. “What is wrong with Riley?” she asked, eyeing Jane suspiciously. “She refuses to come out of her room.”
“She’s being thirteen,” Jane said. “I’ll go talk to her.”
Jane marched upstairs to Riley’s room and knocked on the door. “Riley, it’s Jane. I want to talk to you.” A moment later, the door opened. Riley tried to walk past Jane without looking at her, but Jane put her hand on the girl’s arm. “Hey, come on, Ri, I’m standing right here.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” Riley said.
“I know what you saw and you must—”
“I don’t care,” Riley interrupted. “Really, Jane, I don’t care. You and Dad can do whatever you want to do.”
“I think you do care.”
“Oh, great, the counselor has returned,” Riley said with a roll of her eyes.
“I’m an adult, Riley. There are things I know that you don’t know. For example, sometimes men and women can’t help their attractions,” Jane said.
“Oh, God.” Riley turned around and walked into her room.
Jane followed her. “Sometimes, the heart just knows what it knows and you can’t fight it.”
“I already heard the ‘people have needs’ speech,” she said in a mocking voice. “And I don’t care. I don’t want to hear about it; it grosses me out. I really just want you to leave me alone.” She sat down at her desk with her back to Jane.
“Okay,” Jane said. “If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone. But when you’re ready to have a mature conversation about this, let me know.”
Riley suddenly exploded. “A mature conversation? You lied to me!”
“What? What did I ever say that was a lie? I have never lied to you. I have been very honest with you.”
“How can you even say that?” Riley said with a cold laugh. “The only reason you are here is because you want my dad. You’re poor and he’s rich, and you want to get in on that.”
“Oh, Riley,” Jane said wearily. “There is so much you don’t understand—”
“I am thirteen, Jane, and I understand things way better than you know,” she said, her features turning hard. “You made me believe that you were here for me and Levi. You said we could be friends, that you would always be there for me. But you were here to get laid.”
Jane’s pulse jumped. “You’re really wrong about that, Riley, and I will be more than happy to discuss it with you if you can speak like a young lady and not someone who crawled out of the gutter.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s telling me,” Riley scoffed.
Jane bristled. “You think you’re so mature? Does a mature young woman destroy her art because she’s mad at me? That hurt only you, not me. That was the act of a little girl throwing a tantrum, not a mature thirteen-year-old expressing her concerns.”
“Hey!” Riley said angrily. “You’re the one who crawled out of the gutter if you’re going through the trash—”
“I didn’t go through the trash,” Jane snapped. “You left it lying on top, in clear view, so it was impossible to miss. You wanted me to see it and know that you were mad.”
Riley’s cheeks colored. “I really want you to leave now,” she said coolly.
“Look, I know you hate me right now. But I will tell you honestly that neither your father nor I ever intended for this to happen. I took this job for you and Levi, and I wasn’t lying when I said I would always be there for you. I will be. But Riley, something changed between me and your father. The sooner you accept that it happened, the sooner we can figure out how we’re going to deal with it.”
“You are, like, epically stupid,” Riley said calmly. “I don’t have to deal with anything.”
“No, of course not. Little girls dig their heels in and refuse to talk to anyone. Young women learn to stand up for themselves in a way that other people will respect.”
“God, will you please just leave?” Riley cried.
Jane walked out of Riley’s room and closed the door behind her. She found herself questioning everything, not the least of which was whether or not she should be here at all.
“Well? Is she coming down?” Carla asked when Jane came downstairs.
“Probably not,” Jane said and continued on to the guesthouse. She wouldn’t allow the drama with Riley to derail her. Jane called Laru.
“I know exactly who Gwen Wright was,” Laru said unequivocally when Jane reached her. “That was so sad. She was only fifty-eight. Her mother died of it, too. Why are you asking?”
“It’s a long shot,” Jane admitted. “But Debbie Carpenter thought Gwen might have known something about a private adoption that happened about the time I was born. She said Gwen had indicated it was a family friend. I thought maybe some of her family might know.”
“Gwen doesn’t have much family to speak of,” Laru said. “Her father has Alzheimer’s and her son is in Iraq. But her husband still lives on Elm Street as far as I know.”
“He does?”
“Ken Wright,” Laru said. “It’s on the corner of Elm and Loquat. I don’t know the exact street address, but it’s a green house with black shutters and a yard full of azaleas. Ken does like his azaleas. They all do in that part of town.”
“Thanks. Thanks so much, Laru.”
Jane found the house after she picked Levi up from camp.
“Who lives here?” Levi asked.
“Just a man. Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Jane said. She walked up on the big wraparound porch and knocked on the door, then stood back, waiting for an answer.
“Hell-oooh!”
Jane turned around and saw a woman standing across the street in the middle of another yard full of azaleas. She had a large brimmed gardening hat and was holding a spade. “If you are you looking for Ken, he’s been working that swing shift. He gets home every day around two,” the woman offered.
Jane groaned. She couldn’t come back at two today—she had to take Levi for a dental checkup.
“I can tell him you came by . . .”
“Thank you, but that’s okay,” Jane said with a wave. “He doesn’t know me. I’ll stop by another time.”
At the end of that stellar day, Jane couldn’t wait to see Asher. She was a little surprised by how much she needed to see him. Fortunately, Riley had given them a reprieve—she’d hastily arranged a sleepover with Tracy.
When Levi was soundly asleep, Asher came to her in the guesthouse.
“Hey,” Jane said when he opened the door. Asher responded by striding across the room to her, grabbing her up, kissing her madly as if he hadn’t seen her in days or weeks instead of a couple of hours. Jane reacted ardently; she needed his strength to surround her, his touch to reassure her.
“I thought this hour would never come, either,” he whispered roughly into her ear, as if she had spoken those thoughts aloud.
Their connection ran deep, Jane realized. Their desire was entirely mutual, and Jane knew as she submerged herself in him—really knew—that she loved Asher. They made love like it was the last time, as if they would never see each other again, as if there was nothing more important, more demanding than sharing that intimacy.
Afterward, they lay in bed, their bodies entwined, talking softly about the last twenty-four hours. Jane told Asher about her phone call with Laru. “I’m going back tomorrow
,” she said. “I’ll go back every day until I can talk to him.”
Asher told Jane about the trouble with the BMW account as he lazily brushed his cheek with the ends of her hair. “I don’t want to go to Germany again,” he said. “But I may be forced to go if things don’t turn around.”
“What is Germany like?” she asked.
“Cold,” he said. “But the beer is excellent.”
“Aha, I thought so. I always envied those guys in lederhosen with giant steins of beer. They always look like they are having so much fun.”
“Do the Germans sparkle?”
“Oh no,” Jane said, and teasingly bit his earlobe. “Germans are industrious. Big workers over there. It’s more of a haze.”
He laughed. “I didn’t know you were so familiar with the work habits of Deutschlanders.”
“Yes.” Jane stretched long. “Ask me any nationality, and I will tell you.”
They played the game of nations, as Asher called it, and then Jane listened as he told her about ending up in a German pub where the steins had indeed kept flowing in his direction, courtesy of some jovial Germans he’d met. They talked about Jorge’s work on a retaining wall, and how prices had gone up at the pump. It seemed to Jane that they talked about everything, but talked over and around what had happened with Riley.
It was almost as if Asher had forgotten. But as the hour grew late, Jane finally broached the subject. She had to. Riley knew. Their secret was no longer a secret. “I was thinking . . . maybe we should sit down with Riley and try and explain things to her. You know, have a meeting of the minds.”
Asher immediately shook his head. “She won’t listen.”
“She might.”
He sat up. “I don’t want to talk to her about it. I don’t want to deal with it.”
Surprised, Jane watched him as he pulled on his shorts. “But we have to deal with it, Asher. I think Carla already suspects, and Riley will surely tell her. Then everyone will know.”
He put his hands on his hips and stared at the floor a moment. “I know we have to deal with it. And I know I’m being selfish about it, but Jane, I want this.” He looked up at her. “I want you. I want what we have right now, and I don’t want Riley to ruin it. I can’t live my life by her rules.”