by Alex Fedyr
The odd question sent another wave of dizziness through her skull, and she almost lost hold on what little control she had regained. Kalei clenched her jaw for a brief moment as she waited for the world to stop spinning, then opened her mouth to spit a wad of phlegm onto the ground. She said, “What the hell do you know? Why should I tell you anything?”
“I need to know,” he simply stated.
This new guy was grating on Kalei’s already raw nerves. “You don’t need to know anything. Just get the hell out of here!”
“I need to know about the attack on your household. You and I both know that attack wasn’t random.”
Kalei went rigid. Her pain coalesced into rage, and she used the fresh wave of energy to push herself off the ground and look him in the eyes. “What do you know about it?” For the first time, she got a good look at his face. His features seemed familiar. She recognized— Kalei froze. His face... Standing before her was an exact picture of the boy Kalei remembered from seventeen years ago. The boy who killed her parents.
She saw the arms of this man wrapping around her mom. She saw her dad falling... “You murdering son of a—” Without bothering to finish her sentence, she swung her fist at his exposed face.
The young man didn’t react to her retort, and as her fist neared his cheek, he continued to hold her eyes with his own. The pure sorrow within those steel grey eyes almost stayed Kalei’s hand. Although his eyes were dry, she felt as though she were looking into the heart of a soul that never stopped weeping. Her fist finished its arch.
Her knuckles slammed into the flesh and bone of his cheek. His whole body rocked to one side and he spit out a tooth. The sudden, physical contact brought Kalei back to her senses. She remembered who she was facing, and she recalled her hatred. Whatever she thought she saw, it wasn’t there. This young man was an Estranged and a murderer.
As he recovered from her first blow, Kalei went in for another, but this time, he caught her wrist. She hadn’t even seen him move. Then she realized she couldn’t move herself. The entity within her, the thing that had been ripping her apart... it locked. Every inch of her body was soundly frozen. Not even her eyes could move away from the hand that held her tight.
She wanted to scream, she wanted to run, but she couldn’t even widen her eyes at the terror of being imprisoned within her own body. She stood at the verge of a complete mental breakdown, but the young man interrupted her thoughts. “Shhh... Calm down.”
His attempt to calm her only enraged Kalei. She hated the fact that he had caught her this way, she hated the fact that the murderer was trying to calm her, but mostly, she hated the fact that the monster was touching her, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Unable to perform any of the physical actions she wanted to – and unwilling to think about what would happen next – Kalei focused her attention on the hand that held her, the one piece of the world left to her.
The young man’s nails weren’t anything she expected. They weren’t the flood-black nails she had remembered from the hand that killed her parents. They had... flowers. A single, intricate black flower painted onto each and every fingernail. Six delicate petals atop tall, slender stems, all writhing in a tortured dance. They literally moved upon his fingers, doing the one thing she couldn’t do. She found herself lost in their motion, wishing she could be free with them... Eventually, the flowers slowed and paused.
The young man broke the silence. “Do you remember the other man from E-day? Was he there tonight?”
Abruptly, Kalei felt her mouth loosen as she regained control of her lips and voice. She moved her jaw experimentally, then let her anger poison her voice as she said, “Yeah. That murdering, no-name bastard. He was there. Are you sorry you missed out on the party? Or were you hiding in the bushes?”
“Xamic Kahli.”
Kalei would have blinked if she could. “What?”
The young man’s voice was toneless as he answered. “That’s his name.”
“I don’t give a fuck what his name is! I don’t know what you and your friend have going on, but I will put an end to each of you before you can lay a finger on the girls, Fenn, or anyone else in this damned city.”
Out of the corner of her vision, she saw him look away. The flowers began to writhe again. He said, “You will never see them again.”
For a moment, everything went quiet. “What?” He couldn’t mean— he couldn’t be talking about Fenn. He couldn’t be talking about Kas and Teia. “What the fuck are you saying?”
“Make peace with that.” He released her arm and turned away.
The moment his skin left hers, she felt full control over her body return. Her arms dropped to her sides. She should have gone after him, she should have demanded answers, exacted revenge –but all the anger was gone now. Instead, she felt the power go out of her legs. She slumped to the ground, free, but still utterly powerless. She knew what he was trying to say. They were dead. All three of them. It was over.
Nothing mattered. Nothing made any sense. From that moment on, everything passed in a blur. Words were spoken. Words were shouted, but none of it mattered. Nothing mattered. Hours? Days? Not even time meant anything anymore.
Numb. She wished she was numb. Instead, intense pain accompanied her every movement, her every moment. It started in her chest. A sharp knife that pierced her heart and spread throughout her body. What felt like dozens of dull, tearing razors bore down relentlessly on her body, piercing her through, ripping her to shreds until Kalei wanted to reach in and pull her heart out to be rid of it all.
But the pain propelled her. It wasn’t something she had ever encountered, and yet, it wasn’t entirely alien either. It was familiar, as though all those nights she had cried alone had suddenly jumped forth and set up shop in her veins. And with the desolation of losing Fenn, with the anguish of failing to save the children, it had coalesced into a raging demon that tormented her incessantly. It consumed her.
Then it all went away. A hand, just one hand with those black-tipped fingernails reached out and touched her. The pain was gone. From the place on her shoulder where skin had met skin, a sudden... relaxation spread throughout her body, like a soothing wind sweeping through and dousing the fire. Then it went further. It picked up her heart and carried it high into the air, sending it singing through the sky. The rest of Kalei followed with sheer, unimaginable elation. She moved even further away from the world. She moved into the clouds and kept on rising higher and higher. Anything outside that sensation ceased to exist. It became the center of her world, it became her new life, away from all the loss and sorrow.
But when the trip to the clouds began to wear off, when reality began to creep back in, only those black-tipped fingers could bring back the clouds. She needed their touch. She needed to wash away the pain, to wash away this decrepit world. Black-tipped fingers; that was all that mattered.
Hand after hand slipped through her palms. An arm, a shoulder, anywhere that skin could contact skin was enough to bring the high rushing back. Kalei didn’t know up from down. She didn’t know who she was, or what was happening to her life. She didn’t care. All she knew was that touch that lifted her to where the pain couldn’t reach.
Another hand, another high. Kalei reached for it, but an alarm tried to sound in the back of her deafened mind. Kalei reached anyway, desperate to claim the promised ecstasy. She heard a scream, but she was almost there. The hand tried to pull away, but Kalei wouldn’t let it; she needed it. Her hand closed in on the other. Then, somehow, it registered. The fingernails weren’t black. A gunshot went off.
Kalei awoke to the sensation of a pounding headache. A woman’s voice kept asking, “Are you okay? Hello? Kalei? Are you okay?”
The voice sounded oddly familiar, yet different. Kalei tried to place it, but the relentless hammering in her skull only increased with the effort. She wanted to just roll away and block it all out, but the voice kept pestering and pestering; it wouldn’t let her rest. So, Kalei opene
d her eyes. Leaning over her, silhouetted against the blue sky, Kalei saw a face that finally placed the name.
“Lecia?” Kalei hadn’t seen her since elementary school, but here she sat, grown up Lecia Ma’Lory, complete with soft blonde hair, a cheeky smile, and enough layers of clothing to hide her lean curves and make her look like someone’s grandmother. Beneath the woman’s brown cardigan, Kalei saw a thick red shirt and another yellow turtleneck peeking out above the collar. Add some brown slacks and a pair of mittens, and here sat a young woman wearing a blind old lady’s wardrobe. Kalei couldn’t believe how ridiculous the girl looked.
The last time Kalei saw Lecia, they were in the fifth grade, arguing over whether or not Estranged had souls. The argument hadn’t been particularly philosophical. In the end, Kalei punched the girl in the face for disagreeing with her. As a result, Kalei was transferred to another school – this was her fifth such offense – and Kalei hadn’t seen Lecia since. She didn’t regret it either. Lecia had always been ridiculously stubborn in her opinion that Estranged weren’t all bad. Kalei couldn’t stand it.
Then Kalei remembered something more immediate: the hand with the clear fingernails. A wave of panic hit her, but before Kalei could say anything, a sudden wave of nausea made her roll over and heave. It was a painful, wrenching process, especially as there was nothing in her stomach to expel. As the spasms slowly subsided, Kalei let out an exasperated curse, and then asked, “What happened? Did I kill—” Kalei almost heaved again. “My hand, I think I touched...”
Lecia’s smile widened. “No worries.” Her voice was cheerful as she held up a handgun, shaking it in midair like she was showing off a new toy. “I stopped you before you could do any damage.”
“What? Wait—” Kalei shook her head as she tried to clear it. The nausea gave way to the more familiar stabbing in her heart. Kalei wished she could go back to the nausea. “What are you saying? Did you shoot me?” She glanced down at her body in search of some sign of blood or damage. Despite the internal agony that ripped through her, outwardly, she was fine.
Lecia’s tone was so sweet it was starting to piss Kalei off. She said, “Yup, I shot you right between the eyes.” She smiled again and pointed the gun at Kalei’s forehead, innocently closing one eye as she looked down the sights at Kalei. She whispered a soft “Bang” before pulling the gun back and setting it down beside her.
Kalei flinched at the blatant disregard for gun safety. This woman had clearly lost her mind. Nonetheless, she could feel something warm on her face where Lecia had pointed. She reached up above the bridge of her nose and her fingers found something wet and sticky. She pulled her hand away and saw blood. Her hand quickly shot back to her face, where it searched for the source— the injury— but there was none. The skin beneath the blood was completely smooth.
Lecia watched the process with gentle concern. “If you don’t believe me, you can check the back of your head. You were a cop. You know what firearms do to a person’s skull at close range.”
Kalei’s hand moved to the back of her scalp and she felt... skin. Her hair was gone. This time, there was no blood, just smooth, fresh skin.
Was Lecia implying – it wasn’t possible. If it was – the thought was absolutely horrifying. Although as much as Kalei didn’t want to believe, it made sense. She recalled the woman she saw in the store, the Estranged that had closed her eyes, even though she should be dead...
Could Estranged really – could they regenerate themselves?
Kalei tried to wrap her head around the idea, but before she could make another mental step, the pounding in her head turned to a screaming siren and it was all she could do to squeeze her eyes shut in an attempt to block it out. She couldn’t think, but her emotions still ripped and roiled through her. Kalei’s sense of helplessness, confusion, and frustration grew, but the heightened emotions only fed the— whatever it was that was consuming her from the inside out. She hunched over and grabbed at her skull as she tried to find a way out of this madness. Her breathing became ragged; a harsh whisper slipped through her lips. “What is happening to me?”
She hadn’t expected an answer, she hadn’t even meant to say anything, but she heard Lecia’s voice answer, calm and reassuring. “It’s the darkness.”
Kalei squeezed her eyes tighter; every muscle along her body was beginning to seize and contract. She forced herself to respond past the internal hell that was trying to bury her. Maybe if she could just keep her attention on the conversation, she could climb her way out. She demanded, “The what?”
“The darkness.” Lecia was kind and eager in her response. “When the Estranged touched you—”
“He turned me into an Estranged. Fuck! I know!” Kalei clenched her teeth as the daggers sharpened at her rage.
Lecia replied, “I’m sorry. I understand you know a lot about Estranged. You used to be a police officer, but—”
“Used to?” Fuck! Kalei bowed even deeper into her crouch. “I am a police officer! I am Kalei Distrad, member of the 39th Distri— Gah!— CPD!”
Lecia paused for a moment. Kalei couldn’t see past the dirt-smeared skin of her knees on the pavement, but she knew Lecia was watching her. Kalei tried to fight down the pain inside, she tried to make it go away— anything— black-nailed hands – No! There were no Estranged around, and Kalei was not about to kill Lecia. The thought made her nauseous, and she felt the pain grow with her desperation. She heard Lecia quietly reply, “No, Kalei. You are Estranged now. I’m sorry, but whatever you were before... you have to let it go.”
“Shut up!” Kalei screamed. But even as she said it, she knew Lecia was right. Kalei placed both hands flat on the pavement and watched as they slowly clenched into fists. Her partner Marley, her coworkers, her neighbors, even the young lady at the coffee shop she frequented; that entire world was lost to her now. Just like Fenn, Kas, and Teia.... Flower-Boy was right. She would never see them again. Any of them, dead or alive. Kalei always knew the name Estranged was a fitting term for those cast out from society by those black-nailed hands, but now she knew. She could feel the accuracy of that name down to her core. She was Estranged now. Her whole life, although it lay just on the other side of the fence, was gone.
She felt a soft pressure on her shoulder. “Don’t!” Kalei quickly pulled away and turned on the woman. “Stay away from me! Do you have a death wish?”
Lecia held up a gloved hand. “It’s okay. I—”
“No!” Kalei glared, holding firm until the woman let her hand fall into her lap. But Lecia wasn’t entirely resigned. She fixed Kalei with a stubborn stare, and they remained like that for several moments, each silently willing the other to back down and face the truth. Of course, Kalei knew their versions of the truth differed tremendously. In Kalei’s mind, she was already as good as dead from the moment her nails went black, and she knew Lecia needed to get out of Downtown while she was still alive. But Kalei suspected that Lecia was probably here because she thought she could save everyone. That was Lecia, off to save the misunderstood with her cheery smiles. But the woman’s efforts were pointless. Nothing could make Kalei’s black nails go away. Not even a happy little chat polished off with a nice pat on the shoulder.
Lecia relaxed and broke the silence. “We never could get along, could we?”
Kalei leaned back and rubbed an aching muscle in her hand, the newest addition to her collection of negative sensations. “Of course not. You always wanted to save all the Estranged.”
“And you wanted to kill them.”
Kalei turned away and studied the morning fog, which still clung to some of the distant buildings. Of course she wanted to kill Estranged. Who would want to let them live? They took Downtown away from the city of Celan, they took away daughters and brothers and mothers...They stole everything that was good in this world, leaving behind the darkened corpses to remind everyone of just how dark their world had become. “They don’t deserve to live.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Kalei saw L
ecia raise an eyebrow. “So you don’t deserve to live?”
Kalei clenched her teeth. “No. I don’t.”
Kalei turned back and saw Lecia drop her gaze to her hands as she said, “I’m sorry...” After a moment, Lecia looked up at Kalei, but this time, there was hope in her eyes. “But you don’t have to feel that way— I can help!”
“And what the hell makes you think you can help me?” Kalei growled.
Lecia sat up a bit straighter, a goofy grin growing on her face. “I’m an unofficial Estranged counselor.”
Kalei scoffed. Why did this not surprise her? “Unofficial? That means no one’s stupid enough to pay you, right?”
Lecia lost her smile and picked up a note of defiance as she said, “Well, there isn’t any institutional recognition yet, but that’s going to change when I publish my book.”
Kalei couldn’t take this naïve little woman seriously. “Ha! A book?” The words came out easily, but Kalei quickly shut down as a fresh wave of pain rushed back into her skull.
Lecia drove on. “Yes, a book. Is that so hard to believe? I want people like you to understand that there are more to Estranged than just highs and death.”
Kalei didn’t hear her. Her own breath became labored again. She could feel the sharp bite of a craving creeping in. It started in her heart and seemed to work its way into her arms, causing her muscles to twitch and clench at the impulse to just grab one hand.... Gah! Kalei fought it. She reminded herself that Lecia had almost died by her. Of course, the girl had it coming, considering she was wandering Downtown alone, but nonetheless, Kalei refused to let herself be the one responsible for the inevitable. As much as she couldn’t stand Lecia, she had to admit that nobody deserved what she was going through, not even this stupid little woman. So Kalei fought the aching need, and the need retaliated by sending sharp muscle spasms through her body. Kalei tried to pull herself back to the conversation, hoping to distract herself again. “I don’t care what you’re spouting; you need to get out of here. You need to leave Downtown before you get yourself killed. Do you really think all your counseling and your books are really going to help anything? Because they aren’t.” Kalei let out a groan and pulled her arms close as she fought off another spasm.