by King, Imani
“I’m sure he is, but I thought you might want to try my cookies too.”
“Why would I want your cookies? Daddy’s cookies are better.”
I could tell she adored her father, but the poor girl probably thought anyone with boobs had an attitude like her mom. The way Vivian carried herself, it wouldn’t surprise me if she made nasty cookies out of kale or something.
“I’m sure your father’s cookies are really good, and I know he wants to make some with you later. I’m not trying to compete with him, I just wanted to give you a little treat. You know, like a present for letting me stay in your house and meeting you for the first time.”
Ashley tilted her head to the side. “We met yesterday.”
“Yeah.” And it didn’t go too well.
“I don’t need to meet you again, and I don’t need your ugly cookies.”
Just then, the timer dinged. “Well, you don’t have to eat any if you don’t want to,” I told her. “But either way, it’s time for them to come out of the oven.”
I stood and pulled the cookies out of the oven. As I set them down on the counter, her eyes lit up.
It’s not over for me just yet, I thought, trying not to smile. Grammy had some serious magic.
Ashley’s nose started to twitch again. “What’re those?”
“Oatmeal Chocolate Chunk Peanut Butter Sugar Cookies. A symphony of flavors orchestrated by Grammy L... Brooke,” I caught myself just before letting the wrong name slip. Then, I looked down at Ashley and wondered what the hell I was doing. Had I really stooped so low that I was lying to little girls now, too?
Ashley’s eyes narrowed again. She started tapping her foot.
Oh shit, she can see right through me, I thought. Ashley’s eyes were just like her father’s—bright blue and perceptive.
“Are you just trying to get me to like you by giving me cookies?” she asked.
I let out a breath, relieved. “Sort of, yeah,” I admitted.
Her mouth dropped. “You’re not supposed to say that.”
“Hmm?”
“Mommy says you’re not supposed to let people know what you’re really after! You’re supposed to just hint at it until they give it to you.”
I considered that advice for all of one second. “Well I don’t believe that. You should try to be honest, especially with people you like.” That knot in my stomach tightened. I did like Ashley, and I hated lying. A fraud like me didn’t deserve to cook Grammy’s cookies!
Ashley just stared at me, confused. “You like me?”
Of course I like you, silly! I wanted to tell her. You’re such a cute little girl, who wouldn’t like you? But I couldn’t say that, because the one person this girl wanted more than anyone in the world to like her didn’t: her mother.
There were a lot of things about this situation that weren’t right. Yes, I’d done the best I could with my life, but I hadn’t always made the right choices. Most people would laugh at the idea that a stripper would be giving a child life advice. But even though there were things I wish I could change about my past (and hell, my present!), I knew one thing for sure: all children deserve love and support.
So instead of coming right out and saying that I liked her, I decided to play it cool. “You’re pretty cool. I think we could even be pretty good friends if you play your cards right.”
She frowned. “Friends with you? Why would I want that?”
“Because I make super yummy cookies.”
She looked back at the cookies and licked her lips. “I told you I didn’t want any,” she whispered.
I grinned and walked to the fridge and grabbed some milk. Then, I grabbed two glasses from the glass cupboard right next to the sink. I peeked out through the windows at the mountainous landscape before pouring us two cups of milk. Then, I pick them up and turn back to Ashley.
“Why are you giving me milk?” she asked as I set it on the counter in front of her.
“Figured you needed something. You haven’t even had breakfast yet. If we wait any longer your tummy’s gonna start to rumble.”
Just then, my tummy started to rumble. Ashley looked at me with disgust. “Speak for yourself,” she said.
“Yeah, it’s definitely cookie time.” I winked at her as I put the cookies on the cooling rack.
Ashley’s eyes grew wide despite herself as she watched me. And then, her stomach growled! I was about to laugh until I saw her cheeks redden with humiliation.
“Sorry,” Ashley said, turning away from me.
“Ashley, what’s wrong?”
She looked at the ground and hugged her stomach. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
I grit my jaw. Was this more of her mother’s influence? “Look, it’s fine. You’re just hungry,” I told her.
“It’s not fine!” Ashley said, looking up at me with blazing eyes. “It’s disgusting and…and…and…you shouldn’t be laughing about it like it’s nothing!”
I set down the spatula. I wanted to put my hand on her shoulder, but my guess was that such a gesture wouldn’t be welcome. Not when her eyes were watering and threatening to spill over.
“Ashley, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just what your body does when it gets hungry.”
She looked longingly at the cookies and then tore her gaze away. “I can’t eat any. I’m going to get fat.”
Oh that is it! How old was this girl? Who the hell tells a child that they’re fat? “Look, I’m not telling you to be unhealthy,” I started. “Eating cookies for breakfast every single day probably isn’t the best thing in the world. You’re growing so you need your nutrition. However, there’s no problem treating yourself every once in a while to something nice. Like…when you go to see your dad, or when you meet a friend for the first time.”
Ashley looked up at me, sniffling and blinking rapidly. My heart melted. There was a world of hurt in there that she didn’t want to let out. I understood that. It was hard to be weak in front of other people, especially strangers. I sincerely hoped that some day she’d trust me enough to let me in, though.
“What new friend?” she asked.
“Me,” I told her. “We should celebrate.”
“I don’t know why you want to be my friend so bad. Is it just because you want me to tell my dad to hire you?”
Wow, this kid was perceptive. “Look, my motives aren’t exactly pure,” I admitted. “I need the job, and if you don’t like me, your dad isn’t going to hire me. We got off on the wrong foot, and now my job is in jeopardy. That’s all true. However, I also want you to like me just because I like you.”
“Why would you like me?”
“Because you’re a nice little girl.”
“I haven’t been nice to you.”
Well, she had me there. I shook my head and tried not to smile. She was definitely one smart cookie. “You haven’t been friendly, sure, but I can tell that there’s a ton of sweetness underneath that tough exterior that will be unleashed with a good cookie.” I picked up one of the smaller cookies that’d had some time to cool and put it on the counter in front of her. “Try it for me.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Damn, this girl had some serious restraint! The smell was so mouthwateringly delicious that was hard for me to not start shoveling them in my mouth! I stared at her, wondering if she’d ever experienced real kindness from another woman. Vivian had already done a number on her and I didn’t even know if she was in the first grade yet. “Look, you’ve got a lot on your mind, right?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, whenever I have a lot of stuff to think about, I give myself a cookie,” I said, picking one up and taking a big bite. Oh my God, it’s even better than I remembered, I thought as the chunky goodness melted in my mouth. Why the hell wasn’t I taking my own advice and making some for myself every week?
Ashley still wasn’t convinced. “Why do you give yourself a cookie for not doing anything? Mommy says you shouldn’t reward
yourself for being bad.”
I sighed. That Vivian woman was putting way too much on this girl. “It’s not about being bad, Ashley. Your brain needs fuel to think things through. Your Daddy’s car can’t run without gas right?”
“No.”
“Well, your brain is the same way. You need to feed it. These cookies are like super charges for your brain. They wake you up and give you a rush of energy.” I wasn’t lying. The amount of sugar in these I feared might make certain children literally climb the walls.
Slowly, she picked up the cookie. She squinted at it and looked it over as if it were a poisoned apple. For a moment I thought she was going to put it back on the counter, but then she took a bite.
Her hand went to her mouth. Her eyes closed and then opened really wide. A massive smile spread across her face. “Wow!”
I laughed. “It’s good, right?”
“This is so good! It’s the bestest cookie I’ve ever had!”
It was nice to see her smile as she inhaled the rest of the cookie, which I thought was counter-intuitive to enjoying it properly, but it’d been probably two decades since I was her age so who was I to judge?
“Can I have more?” she asked.
“I guess.”
She reached up and grabbed the lot of them.
“Woah, you should save some for later. Your dad might want to try some too.”
“Can you make more?”
“I can do better than that. I could show you how to make them, Ashley.”
Her expression soured. “No.”
“No?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I already have gotten too much from you. Mommy says you shouldn’t owe other women things.”
Really Vivian? Really? How the hell was she supposed to make friends with that kind of logic? “This is an offer, so you don’t owe me anything,” I told Ashley.
“Mommy says stuff needs to be a trade. You can’t trust yourself to owe any other girls anything.”
“Ashley, it doesn’t have to be like that...” Oh man, this was bad. I’d only been in Vivian’s presence for moments and I already knew that woman was toxic as hell.
“I know!” Her eyes lit up. “You wanna see my pony?”
Chapter 4
Destiny
Had I heard her correctly? “Your pony?” I ask.
“Yeah, Starlite!”
I gulped. “Um, I don’t know...”
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” She put the cookies back down and gestured for me to follow her. It wouldn’t hurt to outside to look at her pony from a distance. Besides, it would prevent her from eating those cookies all at once.
Ashley took me out a side door and dashed towards the big red barn.
“Hey, wait up!” I said, thundering after her in my heels. They definitely weren’t the most practical farm shoes, but hey, I’d been expecting to spend the day indoors!
“Come on!” Ashley said, waving at me from the door.
Outside the barn it smelled sweet and earthy like hay, which was nice. What wasn’t nice were the noises coming from the darkness inside. There was a thunderous clacking of hooves on the ground. The old wooden stalls moaned.
“Can we see your pony from out here?” I asked.
“No, he’s inside! It will be fun!”
Fun? A harsh gust of wind howled ominously from the plains, sending chills up my spine. “Um, what if the horses haven’t had their breakfast yet? We shouldn’t disturb them until…” until never! “Until your dad gets home.” There, that sounded responsible!
“It’s fine,” she said. “You are with me.”
And I know nothing about freaking horses! “Ashley…”
Before I could finish, she darted into the barn.
Oh shit. Before I knew it, I was rushing in after her. And that was when it happened.
The beast blew air through its mighty nostrils and pulled its lips back, showing off long teeth. It’s ears wiggled as if it were listening to demonic music no mortal could hear. It shook its neck and its mane cascaded through the air like waters rippling in the depths of hell.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, sugar-infused-Ashley was reaching out to the murderous beast!
“Ashley!” I called out and the creature’s big, black eyes zeroed in on me. Shit! It sees me! “Ashley, I whispered, offering my hand like a lifeline. “Let’s not be in here alone, okay?”
Ashley frowned. “Don’t you like horses?”
Sure I do. When they’re behind an electric fence in a field a half a mile away from me! “I just don’t think we should be in here alone,” I continued in a whisper. “What if she bites you? Or attacks you? Or tramples you? Or does something violent?”
Ashley hugged the creature’s nose. “Starlite would never do that!”
“T-that’s Starlite?” I stammered.
“Yeah! My pony!”
Pony? It looked way too big to be a pony. That thing could knock me over and trample me in a flash!
Ashley cocked her head to the side, smiling. “Are you scared?”
Was I scared? “No way,” I told her. “I just think we should go back inside and watch horse videos on the internet or something.” The other beasts around me agreed. They were way too big to be ponies. No, they were the harbingers of the apocalypse. They towered above me, casting dark shadows in the already-way-too-fucking-dark barn. And they were grunting angrily as they glared at me with black eyes as if calculating my demise.
They didn’t want me in here. I didn’t want to be in here either.
“You’re scared!” she declared.
And you aren’t? These things are like four times bigger than me, so they’re like eight times bigger than you! But you can’t say that to the kid you’re taking care of, can you?
So instead I said, “Um, I’m fine. Really.” Then, one of them snorted and I think with a little more training, I would have did a free standing leap to the top of the rails.
Ashley walked over to me. “You’re scared. You don’t need to be scared.” Then, she pulled a cookie out of her overalls pocket.
I laughed despite myself. “You hid a cookie in your pocket?”
“In case I needed it. Daddy says being prepared is important.” Then, she offered it to me as if it were a treasure.
“Why are you giving it to me?”
“Maybe you need brain fuel so you won’t be scared anymore.”
Alright, that was so damn cute how could you say no? What the hell, I decided to take my own advice. I bit into the cookie, and it was as good as Grammy used to make, although I’m pretty sure there was a piece of lint from Ashley’s overalls on it. Still, that wouldn’t kill me. I needed a little something to help me think things over. I mean, they were just horses. And even though the gates looked flimsy as hell, they probably wouldn’t be able to get out of their stalls. So even if they wanted to kill me, they wouldn’t be able to. Yet.
I looked down at Ashley. She was smiling. That alone was amazing considering how she’d looked yesterday and this morning. She loved her pony, and Miles loved her. There’s no way he’d let a dangerous animal near his child. Well, not if he could help it—unfortunately, Vivian was still in the picture.
“What’s so funny?” Ashley asked as I laughed.
Oh no. I just compared Vivian to a dangerous animal, hadn’t I? That was…so inappropriate.
“Nothing Ashley,” I responded. “The cookie is just working it’s magic.” Not the entire truth, but it was still true. Well, partially true. The other thing working its magic was Ashley.
She beamed up at me. “Good!”
“Alright. Let’s try this again. You’ll protect me, right?” I asked, winking.
“Of course!” she said.
Well, here goes nothing, I thought as she grabbed my hand. She led me past the other horses, who totally did not break out of their pens and suddenly trample me to death. Then, we stopped in front of her pony Starlite.
“Isn’t she beautiful?” Ashley asked.
“I wanted to put colors in her hair so she could be more like the real Starlite but Daddy says she wouldn’t like that, so I’ll just have to pretend.”
I frowned. “Starlite? Wait, from Rainbow Brite?”
“Yeah! It’s my favorite show. I watch it all day at Mommy’s.”
I blew out a breath. Of course Vivian would use the TV as a babysitter. “I used to watch it as a kid all the time, too.”
“You did? But you’re old!”
What the hell? “I’m not old!”
“You’re like, four times older than me!”
I guess she had me there. “You must be watching a new version then. I used to watch it early in the mornings.” Reboots, they happened everywhere from movies to kid’s TV shows.
“It’s pretty. Lots of colors. You should watch it with me.”
“I’d be up for that.” It would give me a chance to get my grandpa on. I could tell her what Rainbow Brite was like back in my day.
In further teasing my equinophobia, Ashley picked up some hay off the ground and brought it to Starlite’s mouth.
“Ashley, don’t do that, she’ll bite you!”
“No she won’t.” She held her hand out flat and the pony reached out with its huge tongue and picked up the hay and chewed. “It kinda tickles,” she giggled.
She kept petting the horse, and I couldn’t believe how blasé she was. Like the pony was her half-ton dog or something.
“Now you try.” Ashley gave me some hay. “Offer it to Starlite.”
“I don’t know.” I watched the horse chew. Those big flat teeth crushing and processing the hay. It would be like sticking my hand in a meatgrinder.
“It’s fine. Come on. Do I need to get you another cookie?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t be stealing cookies from a little girl! Taking a deep breath, I took the hay. My hand shook as I offered it, expecting it to lurch out and bite my hand off. Horses aren’t carnivores, I had to remind myself.
Her velvety lips brushed against my hand. Ashley was right. Then I noticed those velvety lips had long whiskers, soft and scratchy. Starlite blew out a long warm gust of air that smelled like hay. It was like I was being tickled! I surprised myself by giggling, and the horse made a weird-ass sound.