by Diana Fraser
His gaze slipped to her mouth, as his thumb shifted up her chin and moved along her lower lip. She swallowed and kept her lips firmly pressed together to stop the trembling that threatened to give her away. He tilted her chin so she was forced to look at him.
“It wasn’t what I was thinking, Susie, that kept me awake. It was what I was feeling. The same as you, judging by your reaction to my touch.”
The heat in his eyes threatened to destroy her. She inhaled deeply, willing her body to calm. “Stop this, Mac. We’ve work to do. Whatever you think, or feel, I don’t want this. This is business only.”
“You’re fooling yourself.”
“I do whatever I have to do to stay safe. End of story. Now, I assume you still want to look around the winery you’ve just bought? Or do you think you’re looking at your new possession right now? Is it me you think you own?”
Much to her consternation he grinned and he didn’t move his hand. “Now, there’s a thought. Owning Susie. Tell me, would you like to be owned?”
She shouldn’t have hesitated but his touch did things to her that her mind had no ability to counteract. The word “owned” conjured up images that made her melt from the inside out. She slapped down his hand. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Too little, too late. I know you. I know you like the thought of us together.”
“You can think what you like.” She swallowed. “Let’s get on with it, shall we? Business. That’s all.” She opened an inner door and the rattle of bottles being carried by a forklift grew louder. “I’ll show you around the winery.” She could do it. Focus on the business, keep a physical distance between them, make excuses not to be alone with him because she simply couldn’t trust herself.
“Fine. Today the winery and tomorrow…” He walked up to her and tilted his head towards hers. “There’s the weekend.”
Susie winced inwardly. She had to get him to leave before the weekend. It was bad enough fending Mac off, without the added emotional pressure of seeing him with Tom. “You’ll be bored at the weekend. You’d be better off going to Auckland and returning here Monday if you really insist.”
He just grinned, a pleasant but very determined grin. “No. I’ll stay here for the weekend, get to know the place better.”
She sighed and forced her face into a tight, even more determined smile. “Sure. No problem.” And there wouldn’t be. She’d made sure she and Tom would be too busy to see anything of James. Just the thought of seeing these two people together sent her heart racing. If James thought he’d be able to force his company on her this weekend, he had another think coming. “I’ll show you the winery and then show you around the island.”
Susie slammed her foot on the accelerator, taking out her frustration on the old jeep and causing James to brace himself into his seat as they bounced down the rough track. The sight of his white knuckles gripping the door handle gave her grim satisfaction. She accelerated up to the bend beyond which the edge of the cliff lay—it was a spectacular view and an equally spectacularly scary road—and turned sharply. She glanced at James again and couldn’t help grinning as he briefly closed his eyes before turning his narrowed gaze to her.
“So what do you think?” She shouted above the revving engine as she skidded over the juddering ruts of the rough road.
“I think you’re driving hasn’t improved.”
“About the winery.” She changed into a higher gear to give her the control she needed to round another hairpin bend, smiling to herself as Mac was thrown against the door.
“Small but beautifully made.”
She stopped the jeep in a cloud of dust, at a vantage point near the cliff top. “So nothing to change then?”
“I didn’t say that.”
And she knew it. As they’d been going round the winery she’d seen it through his eyes, from the machinery which needed updating, to the lack of polish in the public wine-tasting areas. But a new lodge it did not need.
She pulled on the handbrake and sat back, and watched as James jumped out of the jeep and turned 360 degrees, taking in the unrivaled views. To the east, dark, dense forests covered the rocky terrain, to the south, vineyards raked the land and, to the north and west, the pristine beaches swept around them, fringing the Hauraki Gulf where islands faded in and out of the soft blue haze.
She followed him but went further out to the edge of the cliff and sat down, her legs dangling over the near vertical drop. James didn’t join her. She looked back to him. “Care to elaborate?”
“Not sitting there, I don’t.”
She grinned as she looked out to sea. “You never did like heights.”
“Is that why you brought me here, then? Some kind of small way to torture me?”
She grinned to herself but managed to hide it before she turned back to him. “It’s a good place to look around and see how beautiful it is. To see”—she peered at him over her sunglasses—“how unique it is, how natural and unspoiled it is.”
“And how, I suppose you’re saying, it should remain so.”
“Well, you can’t think otherwise, looking at this, can you?”
He walked up behind her. “I don’t want to spoil anything, Susie, that’s not what I’m here for. I want to leave things better than they were.”
She swallowed and stared out, unblinking at the horizon until her eyes watered. “Okay. Some of the machinery needs updating. I’m sure you noticed that. And we don’t have the marketing expertise we need to earn money from a limited vintage.”
“My friend Guy, who owns Onihau Winery and Lodge, can help you there. Next week, I’m going to Onihau. Come with me and we can discuss his marketing strategies, as well as check out his hospitality business.”
She was torn. She wanted the carrot James was dangling in front of her. It was what she’d been working towards after all. But it would mean spending time with him and his friends, it would threaten the impregnable wall she’d built around herself to keep herself strong, keep herself isolated.
“Do I have any choice in this?”
He sighed. “Of course you do. But you know it makes sense. What are you so scared of? Me?”
“You wish.”
“Do you remember how we used to dare each other?”
She smiled but made sure not to let him see. “Sure. I used to dare you to climb up to the tor.”
He shook his head. “I hated that. It was so high. But I did it. And you, I used to dare you to go walk into the pub and talk to people.”
“And I did that and hated every minute of it.”
“So…I dare you to come to the Wairarapa, to Onihau.”
“We’re not fourteen years old any longer, Mac.”
“Come on. What happened to the old Susie who’d never back down from a dare?”
He was doing it, he was getting to her, just like he wanted to. She banged the heel of her boot against the chalk face of the cliff in irritation, dislodging some stones. She jumped as a firm hand clamped down on her shoulder. “Do not, do that, Susie. I don’t want to have to become a hero and rescue you from half way down a cliff.”
She couldn’t help grinning at the thought and felt a flare of the old devilment that he’d always sparked in her as a child. She kicked her heel against the cliff again. “Now, that’s something I’d like to see.”
He shot her a warning look. “No way.”
An idea—stupid and yet compelling—slid into her mind. “Tell you what, if I accept your dare of coming to the Wairarapa with you, then you’ll have to accept a dare from me.”
“Now who’s being juvenile?”
She laughed. “Oh, yes, that’s right, it’s juvenile if you don’t want to do something.”
He sighed, scuffed the tufting grass under his shoes and then looked up from under a lowered brow with suspicious eyes. “Fair point. Okay. What is it you want me to do?”
She jumped up, hands on hips and nodded to a place where a narrow path ducked down off the top of the cliff and followed
a rocky ledge along to a protruding rock, surrounded by nothing but air on three sides with the cliff face behind. “See that rock that sticks out over there? That’s where I like to sit sometimes, look out across the ocean, at the waves, the birds soaring close by, watching passing whales. Dare you.”
He shook his head. “You, woman, are evil. You know full well I never could stand heights.”
“It wouldn’t be a challenge if it was easy.”
He laughed but the laughter died on his lips as he looked at the sheer drop down into the sea. “Jeez…” The word slid from his lips as if someone had punched him in the gut.
“Mac, you owe me…”
“Okay.” His voice was even despite the fact he felt a wave of nausea rise up. He swallowed it down. He took a step towards the cliff edge and decided to play on her brief look of concern. He stretched out his hand and gripped hers. She didn’t push it away.
“Scared, are we?” she teased.
“What do you think?” He didn’t care what she thought, so long as she didn’t take her hand away. He followed her, edging his feet along the stony ledge to a place where the ledge was wider and sloped backwards. “This is madness. You’re not even looking where you’re going!”
She turned to him and grinned. “I know it well, I can feel the path with my feet. Come on.” He edged a step further and stopped, but there was an intensity in her eyes, a sort of defiant urging, that he couldn’t ignore.
It was as if she wanted to see how far he’d go, how far he’d follow her. She didn’t smile just held his gaze with that look of old. It worked. He followed her until he was standing beside her on a wider ledge. Her expression changed then.
“You’re not afraid.”
He wasn’t looking at the view. He had eyes only for her. “Not any more.”
She looked away quickly, as if confused and sat down on the ledge. He leaned against the rock face with assumed nonchalance. No way was he going to sit and dangle his feet over the ledge like her. Gulls soared high in front of them, suspended by the updraft. He might have mastered his fear of heights to a manageable degree but he hadn’t felt so terrified in a long time. Nor had he felt so alive. “Jesus, Susie, you really know how to show a man a good time.”
She laughed and he could hear the exhilaration in her voice. “You mean I know how to scare the heck out of them!”
“Is that why you haven’t got a man in your life?”
The smile faded instantly and she turned to him. “Why do you presume that? You don’t know anything about my life now. I could have a string of men for all you know.”
“Do you?”
He immediately regretted his words when her expression softened. He looked away, as if not seeing her would stop him from hearing her answer. “I have… someone.”
Her words were too brief, too unrevealing and ambiguous, but they stung nevertheless. She didn’t need him, she didn’t want him. He felt breathless, winded, and it was totally unexpected. All Pete had mentioned was that Susie was single. Otherwise, he’d been totally unforthcoming about any of his staff’s personal life and he hadn’t pressed his enquiries. Now, to find there was someone after all blindsided him. A wave of nausea swept over him that had nothing to do with vertigo. Twenty-four hours and she’d slipped under his skin again and he hadn’t even realized it.
“This ‘Tom’ I heard Pete mention?”
Susie nodded her head but didn’t elaborate.
“I think we should go. I’ll catch the evening ferry and meet up with friends in Auckland tonight.” He sighed. “I’ll meet up with you Monday at the airport to go to Onihau.”
“Sure.” She fished a phone from her shorts and quickly sent a text. “I’ve ordered a taxi for you.”
Her relief was almost palpable and it destroyed any sense of enjoyment he’d gained from the afternoon. He gestured for her to go ahead of him and watched her pass, trying to decipher the firm set of her lips. He focused on her words, still fighting the terror of walking along a narrow ledge, so high above the pounding sea. Damn it. Okay she wanted the weekend but he wasn’t giving up so easily. He’d be back and next week would be on his terms. “So you have the weekend in which to clear your calendar for the next week.”
She climbed back up to the cliff top and they walked back to the jeep. “It’s already clear.”
“The ‘someone’ isn’t too demanding then?”
“Oh, yes, he’s pretty demanding. But I only see him weekends.”
“Right, so that leaves the week for me, then. Perfect.” They approached the jeep and he reached around her and opened the door for her.
“For you? For the business, you mean?”
“One and the same. You accepted the dare, remember?”
“I must have been mad. One brief risk of vertigo against long days with you and your friends.”
“Come on. That cliff was perilous. One false step and I’d have been history.”
“You know, Mac? It feels pretty much the same for me.”
Her words echoed in his head as they drove back in silence. Was he really such a threat to her? It was so the opposite of how he wanted her to feel. But he hadn’t come here to revive her feelings for him, had he? He’d come here to secure her future, make sure she was all right before he moved on to another chapter of his own life. That was all. Pay his dues and move on. The fact she had a man in her life shouldn’t matter to him at all. Particularly when his future plans most definitely didn’t include her.
They turned into the winery, nestled on its ridge-top site in front of a stand of original bush, and she pulled up and stopped beside a dusty car.
“There’s your taxi.” They watched in silence as the taxi driver stepped out of The Lodge, carrying James’s bags to the taxi. “You were packed already?”
“I’m always prepared to move on. That’s what I do best.” He jumped out the jeep and walked up to her as she slowly got out the car. She stood holding onto the jeep door as if for defense. He watched the fall of her bright hair flick in the breeze and just managed to restrain his hand from sliding down its silky length. “Okay. So we’ll meet at the airport Monday, as arranged.”
“Sure. Monday, then.”
She continued to stand, guarded by the jeep door, as he got into the taxi. He didn’t turn around to look at her as they drove off. He couldn’t. Just twenty-four hours earlier he’d arrived wanting to put things right between them so he could move forward with his plans. So he could do the right thing, clear up the one thing that had continued to haunt him and blight his future. But he was leaving more deeply enmeshed in Susie than before. He’d wondered if things had changed. And they had, but not in the way he’d anticipated. He wanted her more than ever. And she wanted him less than ever. And it was too late for either of them.
He shifted his head slightly and watched her grow smaller through the wing mirror, until she was just a dot, a dot that refused to disappear when he closed his eyes. Too late? He couldn’t bear the thought of it. It was never too late. He had to go back to her. Other man, or no other man. Trust or no trust.
She watched the taxi disappear out of sight, dust rising in a cloud behind it. She felt empty as she walked down to the jetty to wait for the mail boat to arrive. Empty and confused. She’d wanted him gone and yet she felt as if he’d taken a part of her with him. Her heart was heavy. Seeing him again had brought back so many thoroughly repressed memories that it hurt. Like releasing a tourniquet that had been kept tight for too long, the blood surged into that unused area causing pain.
She squinted into the horizon, watching the mail boat pass round the promontory to the small jetty at the opposite end of the bay from her cottage. She could just about see a wave from the front of the boat. She waved back, a grin spreading across her face as a surge of love swept through her. It was always like this when he came.
“Stop the car.”
The driver looked at James through the rear view mirror but didn’t say anything and stopped the car dead. The e
ngine continued to run and the air conditioning blasted out its chill air. But it couldn’t cool down James’s feelings. He’d always been driven by his feelings, always. He’d never had a cool head and it had got him into no end of trouble. And he felt the familiar feeling again, but he couldn’t ignore it. He was leaving behind more than he was moving towards.
He slumped back in the seat as he realized what he was about to do. “Turn around. Take me back to the winery.” He leaned forward. “Better still, drop me off at the bay and wait for me there.”
The taxi parked at the bend before the rise that revealed the small bay and valley of the winery. James walked down the dusty road to the bay, wondering, with each step, what he was going to say to her. She’d made it clear she wanted him gone. Too clear. Why had she been so adamant when he’d seen the opposite message in every gesture, every small smile, every flash of heat in her eyes?
He heard the sound of a motorboat speed away and frowned. It was very hot. The heat of the day hung suspended, heavy and unmoving in the calm air. When he reached the turn in the bend he stopped abruptly. He frowned into the bright light, trying to see more clearly. He raised his sunglasses. She was with someone. She was walking towards the cottage with her arm casually draped around a young boy. What the hell? He knew her brother, Iain, hadn’t had any children, so there were no nephews. A friend’s child probably. He must have just been dropped off the boat that was disappearing around the headland. James frowned. Who was he? A friend’s son? A relative? The boy looked about, what? Ten? He didn’t have a clue about children, but the boy wasn’t a child and wasn’t yet a teenager. Somewhere around ten, he estimated. Dark hair, much like his own. Going to be tall if his gangly limbs said anything about him. He remembered going through the same stage himself. Yes, definitely not a teenager yet. Though, by the look of the size of his feet, the boy would grow to be about as tall as him.