by Nashoda Rose
“I don’t get it. The way she looks at you …” Tyler sighed shaking his head. “She loves you, Boss.”
I tightened my hands around the wheel. “She loves the idea of me saving her ass all the time so she can drink herself into a fuckin’ coma. She doesn’t know shit about who I am.”
“Sure she does. She may not know the bad shit, what you’re capable of … but she knows you care about her. She knows you protect your men with your life. Boss, Georgie met you before you started Unyielding Riot. That girl fell for you eons ago and Connor knew it, too.”
I directed my eyes on Tyler. “You hear what you just said?”
Tyler leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “Piss on it. Connor isn’t coming back. All the leads are dust. Don’t know why we’re chasing a ghost.”
“And you hear what else you just said?”
Tyler sighed, shaking his head.
Whether Connor was dead or alive, I wouldn’t break my promise to him. My word was one part of my soul which hadn’t been tainted by the shit I’d been around over the years. Every day was getting worse. I felt the numbness leaking into me when I tortured some sick fuck that had pissed off the wrong people.
When I watched Vic pull out a man’s teeth or rip off his fingernails, I didn’t hear the screams, or smell the urine, or see the suffering. All I saw was a scumbag, and I wouldn’t yield to anyone.
But I did.
I yielded to Georgie.
I’d let her seep into my veins and take hold, and no matter how many men I killed or women I fucked, I couldn’t get her out of me.
“You sure it’s safe?”
I knew exactly what Tyler was talking about. Was the location in New York safe? Was the guy we were meeting safe? “No.” I didn’t trust the bastard. Kai was elusive, had a hell of a lot of money and a non-existent history. That meant it was hidden, and hidden was dangerous. “But I owe him.” Kai had helped me with the situation involving that sex trafficker. He’d shown up looking for the transporter responsible for shipping the women. We collaborated because he had already set up a meeting with Alfonzo. Led us right to the girls and the transporter. Kai told me he’d ask for a favor in return for the help that day.
Two days ago, he asked.
“What do you think he wants?”
“A guy like Kai …” Kai was known to be the hired man in the underworld to do the jobs no one else wanted—even me. I didn’t risk my men without a fuck of a good reason, even for a shitload of money. I knew the jobs to take and the ones to pass on. Kai was the unknown, his morals shaky, and that was dangerous. “Fuck if I know.”
“MHMM, SWEETNESS,” I purred beneath his mouth. He put his hand in my hair and tugged me in closer so my body was against him, breasts pressed into his hard chest.
He backed me against the bar. I heard the beer topple over then the slow drip of liquid as it spilt to the floor.
I groaned at the pressure, but the pain against my spine felt good. I liked pain, it breathed life into me as if … as if I was being set free. It was totally fucked up, but my entire life was fucked up, so it didn’t really bother me.
He was a sweet kisser; no slimy wet tongue invading my mouth like a fish on steroids. Instead, he did it with finesse, the tip of his tongue pushing past my lips to play with mine. But sweet didn’t do it for me.
“Gorgeous, let’s take this to my place.” He pulled back and his hand stroked down my back to my ass where he fondled with a slow, squeezing motion.
Bingo. I moaned, leaning into him then put my fingers in his hair at the back of his neck. It was time. It had to be tonight; Deck was gone and so were his men. I planned on getting two things accomplished tonight, and everything was falling into place.
I reached between us, slid my hand over the top of his jeans and felt the hard swelling. “Potential, definitely. Okay, sugar, let’s get this done.”
He chuckled. “Sounds like a chore.”
He had no idea. He tightened his grip in my hair and drew me in for another kiss. It wasn’t hard and demanding like I yearned for, but it would do until I had what I wanted. He let me go with a deep groan then took my hand and pulled me through the crowd toward the door.
“Georgie!”
I turned to see Matt coming out of the back of the bar, phone to his ear. Shit. I knew exactly who he was talking to, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t hear what he said before he hung up and shoved his cell into his back pocket, but by the stiffness of his stride, he was pissed. Matt was my friend, Kat’s brother, and owned Avalanche. It was my local hangout, and lately I was here more often than I was at home. Matt was in the hot group with his tall, lean frame and stark, square features. In all the years I’d known him, though, he’d remained single. I’d seen the girls slip him notes, no doubt their numbers on it, but if he did hook up he kept it private.
Lionel’s hand tightened around mine as I came to a stop. He glanced down at me then looked up at the approaching Matt. “Don’t tell me you have a boyfriend?”
“Relax, Luther—”
“Lionel,” he corrected, frowning.
I flicked my hand in the air and laughed. “Whatever, sweets.” I knew his name; I just didn’t care. Besides, I was supposed to be drunk and slurring my words.
Matt stopped in front of us, took a second to eye the guy then looked back at me. “You need a ride home?” His lips pursed together tight as he looked at my hand in Lionel’s. “Thinking you probably do. Give me five and I’ll drive you.”
Shit, that would fuck up everything I had planned. “Nah, I’m good.” I winked at him. His glower deepened and his eyes narrowed in on my date.
“Georgie, you’ve had a lot to drink.” Yeah, no shit, Inspector Badger. I’d ordered five shots and four rye and gingers from Brett, the bartender, although it didn’t mean I drank them all. I had more than I usually did, but I was still sober enough to get the job done. I had made sure Lionel drank plenty of shots. When his eyes got that half-lidded look, I knew it was time to go.
Matt chin lifted to Lionel. “Listen, bud, think you better leave.”
“Yeah, that’s what we’re doing,” Lionel said.
And thank you, Lionel.
“Alone,” Matt said.
Now, that pissed me off. Jesus, I just needed to get this shit over with. I wasn’t usually nervous with what I had to do, but tonight was different and already I was having second thoughts. “Oh, go suck on some pussy, Matt. Just because you’re not getting any doesn’t mean you have to ruin my night.” I turned away and started walking to the door, but Lionel’s hand was still in mine and he was standing still, so I only made it two steps before I was sling-shot back into his chest.
“Georgie, not a good idea. You’re drunk.” Matt’s voice had an edge to it, which I completely ignored.
“Yeah, well, I like not good ideas. Let’s go fuck, Lionel.” A shiver went through me at my words. Screw it. I was letting go of him—of Deck.
Lionel shrugged then looped his arm around my waist and ushered me outside and into a cab. Before Matt had a chance to do anything, we pulled away from the curb.
The cab ride was more kissing with his hand up my skirt. I suspected the cab driver was getting a real nice show of my black lace panties in the rear view mirror.
When the cab stopped, Lionel threw him some cash then helped me out. He picked me up in his arms, swaying to the side a bit, and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. Our lips locked and I heard him groan.
He was drunk, wanted me and we were at his place—perfect.
My heart pounded as I heard the sound of his key, then the door opening and slamming behind us. I did a quick glance around, taking in everything then mentally taking notes. Before he noticed, I whispered in his ear. “Ruin me.” And it would be ruining—completely. Pathetic, really, but I was finally doing something about my pathetic-ism.
“I plan to.” He set me on my feet in his bedroom but kept his arm tight around my
waist. I titled my head back and moaned as his hand went beneath my shirt, lifting my bra out of the way to play with my nipples.
“Oh, man, you’re incredible.” He rubbed my nipple and it felt … like a rough, wool shirt was chafing my nipples back and forth. Really, I wanted him to pinch them, make it hurt, but Lionel was all gentle and sweet. My stomach knotted. It was like every touch was tying up my intestines. I had to do this. I was fucked up anyway. What did it matter if I gave myself to some pussy? It was about time.
He lowered me onto the bed then straddled me. I took in the layout of the room: bed, nightstand, dresser, no computer.
Once he passed out, I could do what I was supposed to do by coming here tonight.
“Shirt, gorgeous.” He helped me take off my black-knit V-neck then groaned as he leaned over me, taking my nipple into his mouth, suckling then swirling his tongue around the pinkish glow.
“Harder.” I wanted pain. It was my reminder that I was real.
He drew it into his mouth, and I arched my back into him hoping he’d bite down, but he didn’t. Instead, he placed kisses across my breastbone to my other breast and squeezed it like it was a friggin’ stress ball.
“I need inside you.” As soon as he said it, I knew this wasn’t going to happen. I’d thought maybe I could, but not like this. This wasn’t the right guy, right time or right reason.
I’d have to live with my pathetic a little longer.
He slid off the bed and for a brief second, I thought of running. Escape. But it was in that brief second before I got my shit together.
I leaned up on my elbow and watched as Lionel lowered his zipper. Shit, I needed Plan B in action now. “How about you wait here and get naked and I’ll find us some drinks.”
An image of Deck flashed before me. His disappointment. His glacier expression. The fucked-up thing was I was wet just thinking about him. It was how I got through this shit. Deck always made me feel safe and protected, and yet he had no idea I hadn’t been safe since he left when I was sixteen.
I bolted off the bed the second I heard the front door to his apartment. “You have a roommate?” Shit, what the hell. I was told he lived alone.
He shook his head.
“Fuck.” No roommate. That meant … I snagged my top off the floor at the same time the bedroom door burst open, the wood splintering where the faceplate met the door frame.
“Jesus.” Lionel swung around and staggered back, hitting the bed and falling onto it.
I gaped at Deck standing in the doorway, his eyes scanning the room as he did recon. Always in military mode even when breaking in some poor sap’s place to drag his dead best friend’s sister out. Shit, what the hell? He was supposed to be in New York. This was planned for when he was in New York.
“Get dressed.”
His voice was the usual deep, abrupt sound, but I noticed a slight vibration to it. I knew Deck. I was addicted to him and his darkness, the pain always lingering in the depths of his eyes matching my own. Yet, that rumble in his voice I’d never heard before.
Goose bumps blazed across my skin as if I’d just touched an electric fence. “Weren’t you supposed to be in New York, sweetpea?” My guess, Matt had been on the phone to Deck the second I showed up at Avalanche tonight. It was only an hour-and-a-half flight back to Toronto. This was a total screw-up. A warning from him would have been nice.
“Ah, fuck. Boyfriend? Hey, man, I didn’t touch her,” Lionel said, like the wimp-ass he was. He crawled off the opposite side of the bed as far away from Deck as he could.
Shit, couldn’t blame the guy. Deck was freaking intimidating and no doubt was carrying a gun and knife or two … or three. Deck never went anywhere without a gun, even if it was against the law to carry a handgun in Toronto. I didn’t think Deck cared much for laws, though. Besides, he knew people and that gave him a pass.
“Now.” Deck’s voice thundered through the room.
I pulled my bra back down then tugged on my top. It was inside out and backwards, the white tag showing in the front beneath my chin. I was attempting to turn it around without taking it off again and was having difficulty because really, I was a little freaked out that Deck caught me half-naked with a guy. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I was always careful.
Damn it. I had the top up over my face, blinding me, but I hadn’t taken my arms out.
Knuckles brushed against the bare skin of my abdomen as the edge of my top was grabbed. I sucked in my breath. I knew his touch, his scent; I’d recognize it anywhere. It was embedded in my brain like the negative side of a magnet rolling around, searching for its positive side. It only calmed when he was near.
Suddenly, my shirt was yanked off. Then, before I could focus or say ‘what the hell’, it was back on.
Damn, he smelled good. In my fantasies, he did too, and I had a lot of fantasies about him. At first, I fought them, but now I begged for them to haunt my nights. It was the only way I could have him. Any girl would romanticize Deck. Over six foot, with dark eyes and tatted-up, muscular arms—hard and untouchable. Actually, you’d be stupid to touch Deck, but I was good at stupid and often teased him by purposely touching him.
Right now, though, with him looking down at me with his eyes narrowed and his body tense as a metal post … yeah, even I knew when to shut it with Deck. He had thrown me over his shoulder and carried my ass out of bars numerous times and every time he did it, I felt the guilt wash over me.
“Listen, man, I didn’t know she was yours. I was—”
That got my attention. “His? You think I belong to him? Like a fucking hamster? Listen here, cheesecake.” Because he really was cheesecake, smooth with no hardness about him. Shit, he was even missing the best part … the crunchy granola. I started toward Lionel, my eyes blazing and my fists ready to smack him a good one. I was sick of men who were pissants. “I’m not a pet. I have—” I screeched as I felt my body fly into the air and land hard on my stomach over Deck’s shoulder.
“Shut it.”
I did because I had the wind knocked out of me and couldn’t breathe. Plus, I felt kind of sick as my stomach sloshed with the five shots I’d consumed. So, I was a little tipsy tonight, nothing wrong with that.
Shit, I was going to throw up and it wouldn’t be pretty all down Deck’s back. I cupped my hand over my mouth and swallowed several times.
“She’s mine. That means you touch her again and you’ll be in a body bag.” He abruptly turned on his heel, which did nothing for my uneasy stomach.
I caught a glimpse of Lionel, pale and cringing in the corner of the room. “Pussy,” I blurted then clamped my hand over my mouth again as Deck strode out of the room. Tonight was a total fail, and I was so going to hear about it.
I WOKE UP to the familiar grey, sterile walls and the cold, smooth, black furniture, which was Deck’s bedroom. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and saw the bottle of water on the nightstand half-gone. He’d forced me to take two pills and drink water before he put me in bed and tucked the covers in around me. Whenever he thought I was too drunk, he brought me back to his place. That was, whenever he was around.
I grabbed the bottle, cracked it open and tossed the lid on the floor as I tilted the liquid back until the plastic bottle was sucked dry. No matter how much I was immune to the drinks, I still felt like shit in the morning after having tossed back a few.
I set the empty bottle on the nightstand and it fell over then rolled to the floor. A little mess would do Deck some good. Besides, he was probably gone by now, considering it had to be … I looked out the window and saw the sun beaming high in the sky … noon. I’d woken up in Deck’s bed—minus Deck, of course—enough times to know he was rarely around in the morning.
I shuffled to the bathroom, leaned my palms against the counter and looked at myself in the mirror. Makeup smudged, the dark black eyeliner in the corner of my eyes was exaggerated even more than usual with bright blue and gold now faded on my eyelids. A few sparkles were on my cheek
s from the eye shadow. I tried to run my fingers through my blue streaked mass of hair, but they got caught in the mess and I groaned as I tried to disentangle them.
I didn’t recognize who stared back at me, and I really didn’t care. No expectations. That was the best way to live. I’d done it for so long now it was second nature.
I looked away and snagged Deck’s blue toothbrush hanging in the metal holder on the wall. I opened the drawer, piled a ton of toothpaste on the tip and stuck it in my mouth.
I wonder if he knew I used his toothbrush every time I stayed here. Ha … Deck knew everything. He was the sniper of knowing everything, except what was right in front of him—me. He didn’t know me. Although, it wasn’t his fault. I did everything I could to make certain he didn’t.
I spit into the sink then brushed some more, trying to get rid of the sandpaper feeling on my tongue and down my throat. I spit again, stuck my mouth under the running water and swooshed.
“What were you thinking?”
I spit my mouthful of water into the sink. “Jesus, Deck. Make some noise when you enter a room, would ya?”
I held up his toothbrush and smiled. His brows rose, but he said nothing. I put it back then turned off the taps.
“I asked you a question.”
I grabbed a facecloth from the metal basket on the counter. “Heard you, too. Just not feeling up to answering your sexy ass right now.” I turned on the water again, wet the cloth then looked in the mirror while I wiped away the makeup smudges under my eyes.
I was paying attention to the big, black mascara mark under my left eye when I should’ve been paying attention to Deck, because you should always pay attention to Deck. He was quick, agile and reminded me of a panther. He had those penetrating eyes too that knew which way you were going to run before you knew yourself.