Signs of Love

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Hi, Justin!

  Justin grinned when he realized he understood the two signs Caden had just made. "Hi, Caden." He lifted his gaze to Alana, not too surprised to see wariness in her eyes. "Hi. So do you want to do the sign language part first?"

  Alana nodded. "That would probably be best."

  Justin led the way into the elevator and once the doors closed and the car began to rise, he said, "No problems with security this time?"

  She shook her head. "Caden enjoyed having his hand scanned."

  "Good. I figured that would be the easiest way to give you access to the complex."

  The elevator came to a stop and the doors silently opened. The floor was empty as he led them to the small board room where he'd set up the gaming system for Caden earlier. He figured that since the boy wouldn't need to have the sound on, he could be in the same room as them. Not that Alana was likely to let him out of her sight regardless.

  He took a few minutes to show Caden the games he'd brought. After what appeared to be some internal debate, Caden pointed out the one he wanted. Justin got it set up and then handed him the cordless controller.

  "Does he know what to do?" Justin asked as he glanced over his shoulder to where Alana stood watching them.

  "Yes. I think he'll be fine."

  Justin watched for a minute and saw that Alana was right. Caden was soon starting a race of some sort on the screen. Satisfied that he would be okay, he turned his attention to the woman hovering a few feet away from him. "Ready to teach me some sign language?"

  She stared at him for a moment, her green eyes large in her face. "Uh...yep."

  Justin motioned to the end of the table furthest from Caden. "Why don't we sit there?"

  Alana followed and claimed a seat across the table from him. She opened her bag and took out a binder and laid it on the table in front of her. When she looked at him, her gaze was more focused. "I figured I'd give you a bit of an overview before we get down to the actual signs."

  As she explained the grammar of sign language and a few other things, Justin felt a bit of tension creep up his shoulders into his neck. His strengths did not lie in this area. He really didn't want to make a fool of himself as he struggled to learn even the most basic signs.

  "I'm going to teach you what I've taught Daniel and Beth so far. Because Genevieve is so young, you can get away with some fairly simple signs at first, but we'll move on from those once you're comfortable with them." She slid a piece of paper across the table to him.

  Justin reached out and pulled it close so he could look at it. There were drawings of what he assumed were the first signs he would be learning.

  "We're going to concentrate on the top five today which are mom, dad, milk, eat and more. Those are signs Genevieve is already doing so at this point it's probably more about you understanding her when she makes those signs so you know what she's asking for."

  Over the next half hour, Alana showed him the signs, repeating them with her hands and watching without a spark of judgment or impatience on her face as he fumbled his way through them. Justin was aware it would take time for him to grasp it, but he sure hoped that at some point his hands would move with more fluidity and less stiffness.

  At the end of the thirty minutes, Alana gave him a smile. "That's great! Now when you're with Genevieve and you see her making these signs, you'll know what—or who—she’s wanting. Keep practicing them this week. We'll add a few more next time we're here."

  Justin knew he was scowling, but he couldn't help it. Did she really think he'd done well? Or was she just trying to keep him upbeat and not discourage him? He sure didn't feel like he'd done all that great, and he was very relieved they were finished this part of their teaching deal. Now they would move into an area where he was much more confident, but first he needed to clarify something with her.

  He shifted in his chair and cleared his throat. "I'm not sure how to ask this, but it came to mind that it's something I needed to address."

  Alana sank back into her chair, her brows drawn together, but she didn't say anything.

  “I was...uh...wondering if Caden had been witness to any of the abuse you endured." Justin hated to bring this up, but he felt it was something he had to know before they went on to the self-defense lessons.

  Alana's face paled as she crossed her arms over her stomach. "Why does it matter?"

  Justin leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the table. "Because part of the self-defense training involves you being approached in such a way that you can practice the moves. I don't want to trigger anything if it brings back a memory that could be harmful to him. In fact, that's true for you as well."

  She caught her lower lip between her teeth as her gaze shot briefly to where Caden sat with his back to them. "We'll both be fine."

  "You're sure? I think it's important you learn to defend yourself, but not if it's going to bring back bad memories for you or Caden."

  Alana straightened, pulling her shoulders back. "We'll be fine. I talked to Caden about what would be happening. He understands what we'll be doing."

  Justin stared at her, wanting to make sure she really was okay with it. In the end though, all he could do was take her at her word. "Okay. Let's see if Caden's willing to wrap it up so we can head down to the gym."

  Once they'd pried Caden away from the game, they headed down to the floor where the gym was. He'd put out word earlier that the gym was off limits for part of the afternoon.

  "The change room for women is through there," Justin said as he pointed toward the door to their right. "Caden can sit on the bench over there if he'd like. Or he can sit on the mat near us. Whatever you and he will be most comfortable with."

  Alana reached into her bag and pulled out a tablet. "I brought this in case he gets bored."

  "Does he need it connected to the wireless so he can get on the internet?" Justin asked as he held out his hand for it.

  Alana hesitated and then let him take it from her. "He can access his games without the internet."

  As he looked at the tablet, Justin realized it was an older model. Without making a comment or touching the screen to bring it to life, Justin handed it to Caden. "Can you ask him where he wants to sit?"

  She set the bag on the floor and signed to him. When he signed back, she said, "He said he'll sit on the bench."

  "Okay. I'll stay with him until you've changed."

  Alana signed something more to Caden and he nodded and looked up at Justin with a grin.

  "I'll be back in a minute."

  Justin rested his hand on Caden's shoulder as they walked to the bench and sat down. Caden tucked his legs cross-legged under him then bent over the tablet for a minute, tapping on the screen. Justin couldn't see past his tousled curls to what he was doing. When Caden lifted his head, he handed the tablet to Justin.

  Justin glanced at him and then looked down at the tablet. Caden had opened a program where he could type, and he had tapped out a question for Justin.

  Are you going to teach my mom to fight bad guys?

  Justin thought about nodding as his answer but then decided to take advantage of this way of communication with the little guy.

  Yes. I will teach her things that will help her protect herself and you too.

  He handed the tablet back to Caden, wondering as he did if a seven-year-old was usually that good at reading and writing. Caden bent over the tablet again, resting it in his lap so his hands were free.

  When Justin looked the question once Caden handed it to him again, his stomach clenched.

  Mom said it would look like you were attacking her, but you wouldn't hurt her. Is she right? You won't hurt her?

  His gaze met Caden's and this time there was no smile on the boy's face, just a serious questioning look in his eyes.

  I won't hurt her. I promise.

  When Caden read his answer, the smile was back and it reached clear to his eyes. Then he quickly typed out another message and handed it back to Justin.


  Thank you. I love my mom. I don't want her hurt again.

  Justin's stomach rolled at the last word Caden had typed. Again. So he had seen the hurt she'd endured because of the abuse. Justin swallowed hard and typed, You're a good son to want to protect your mom, Caden. I know she's proud of you.

  After he had handed it back to Caden, Justin slipped an arm around his thin shoulders and pulled him into a side hug. When Caden looked up, Justin smiled at him. This kid was growing on him in ways he'd never imagined a child would—with the exception of his niece.

  When he heard the delicate clearing of a throat, Justin lifted his head to find Alana standing a few feet away, her expression unreadable.

  CHAPTER TEN

  "Everything okay?" She said the words at the same time as she signed.

  Justin glanced down at Caden then gave Alana a thumbs up. Caden grinned as he turned to his mom and gave her the same gesture. She gave a small shake of her head, but a smile played at the corners of her mouth.

  "Ready to go?" Justin asked as he stood up, taking in her attire for the first time.

  While she had changed into something besides a skirt, it all still hung on her like it was a size or two too big. She wore loose pants and a long sleeve T-shirt that covered her waist and hips. Her hair was still tucked up in the braid she always seemed to wear it in.

  "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," Alana said. She signed something to Caden, who nodded in reply and once again turned his attention to his tablet.

  Justin touched her elbow and guided her to the middle of the mat. "Okay, before we start anything, let's talk a bit about potential threats and being aware."

  ~*~*~

  Alana tried to keep her gaze on Justin's face as he talked to her, but it was a struggle. She kept fighting the urge to lower her head. Why hadn't she realized sooner that was something she still carried with her? Craig had towered over her and had always taken her meeting his gaze as challenging him for some reason. Justin was the first man where she'd been in a position to experience those feelings again.

  Justin stopped talking for a moment as his gaze narrowed then he said, "Breathe."

  She stared at him. "What?"

  "Breathe. You're holding your breath." Justin took a step back from her. "Relax."

  Alana became aware of how tightly her crossed arms pressed against her rib cage. And she gripped her upper arms so forcibly she was probably giving herself bruises. Dipping her head, she took a couple of deep breaths and lowered her arms. "Sorry."

  "You don't need to apologize." Justin's voice was gentle. "What am I doing that is making you uneasy?"

  Look him in the eye. He's not Craig.

  She lifted her gaze to meet his. His blue eyes didn't show any anger or displeasure with her for what she'd done. Just concern.

  "Here do this with me," Justin said. "Take a breath in for two counts then hold for two counts and exhale for two counts. Can you do that?"

  Alana nodded. Breath in. One. Two. Hold. One. Two. Exhale. One. Two. She held his gaze as she did it again and he did it along with her.

  After doing it a few times, Justin smiled at her. "Feeling better?"

  "Yes."

  "Breathing like that can help to calm you down, but it can also help you to concentrate and focus." Justin put his hands on his hips as he looked down at her. "You know, I wanted to do something in return for your help in learning sign language, but I realize now that maybe I pressured you into something you're not comfortable with."

  Alana really just wanted a few minutes to gather herself back together. She was reacting on so many different levels it felt like there was a cacophony of emotion going on inside her. How could she find herself drawn to a man who, at the same time, brought back reactions that were tied to such a bad time in her life?

  Standing this close to him, the scent of his cologne or soap teased her senses and made it difficult for her to focus on what he'd said. Part of her knew it would be wise to take the out he offered. Neither she nor Caden needed to be around him this much. It was only going to lead to heartache for one or, most likely, both of them. She glanced over at Caden and found that he was watching them, his expression serious.

  What a mess.

  She took a deep breath and let it out before looking at Justin. He hadn't moved. It was almost as if he was afraid he'd spook her if he did. "I want to learn this. For me. For Caden. It's all just very new."

  Alana paused, but Justin didn't say anything. He just stood there watching her. She knew she needed to put it all out there so he'd understand. Trying again to keep her gaze on his, she said, "Craig—my ex—was very much into body building. He was a...large man."

  If she hadn't been looking at him, she wouldn't have seen the moment comprehension dawned on him.

  "Like me." It wasn't a question.

  "Yes. Like you."

  His brows drew together. "Are you afraid of me?"

  She hesitated, her thoughts going back to when they'd first met, but since getting to know him, that fear had faded. "No."

  Apparently her hesitation hadn't gone unnoticed. "You need to tell me the truth."

  "When we first met, yes, I was a bit fearful. Especially because you wore your weapons. But then I saw you with Beth and Genevieve and even with Caden and knew that although you might have similar physical characteristics, you weren't like Craig."

  "You're right. I'm not. I know next to nothing about the man, but I can say with total confidence that I'm not like him at all." His gaze moved from her to Caden then back. "I would never hurt you or Caden. You have my word on that."

  Physically maybe, but Alana was pretty sure that if she didn't keep her heart protected, she'd be feeling hurt in other ways. "I do understand that. My reactions caught me off-guard, to be honest. It's been awhile since I've dealt with that type of thing."

  "I'm sorry if I was the one who triggered it," Justin said. "Do you want to stop for now?"

  "I think it's the talking part." Alana motioned between the two of them. His looming over her seemed to be what was causing most of her issues. "If there's more you want to explain to me, it might be better if we did it sitting down."

  Justin seemed to contemplate her words before nodding. "We can do that." Without saying anything further, he lowered himself onto the mat, crossing his denim-clad legs. He rested his hands on his thighs as he looked up at her. "Better?"

  With a smile of relief, Alana settled onto the mat facing him with her legs crossed as well. "Yes, this is better."

  ~*~*~

  Figuring Alana didn't need another possible emotional hurdle to overcome that day, Justin settled for just talking her through some of what they'd be doing. He was glad she'd told him what had been bothering her.

  When he'd first noticed the tension rolling off her in waves, he'd been pretty certain she'd just tell him nothing was wrong if he asked about it. That she'd opened up to him about her ex was more than a little surprising. It was a bit difficult to hear though. An average man could do damage enough to someone like Alana, but someone who was focused on body building and who was built like him could do so much worse.

  It had suddenly become very important that Alana know she never had to fear anything like that from him. He'd assured Caden that he wouldn't hurt his mom and now he needed Alana to know the same thing.

  "I guess you changed for nothing," Justin said as he leaned back on his hands. "Next time, we'll work on some actual self-defense moves. As long as you feel up to it."

  "I think I'll be okay with it. Having talked to you about it—my reaction earlier—has helped."

  "Well, if something is making you uncomfortable, you only need to say the word."

  "I will."

  As he pushed to his feet and held out his hand to her, Justin asked, "Can I give you a ride?"

  When she hesitated before slipping her hand into his, Justin wasn't sure if it was a reluctance to touch him or a reaction to his offer to give them a ride once again. The feel of her soft, delicate
hand in his started a warmth that spread from his fingertips up his arm. Before Justin could relish the feeling too much, she took a step back from him, and he let her fingers slide from his.

  "You could just drop us off at the same place as last time," Alana said as she clutched her hands together.

  He wondered how long it would be until she would actually let him drive them home. "Sounds good. Do you want to change again before we leave?"

  Alana looked down at herself. "Yes. I won't be long."

  Justin nodded then watched as she spun around and headed for the changing room. He went back to where Caden sat. With a glance in the direction Alana had gone, Justin gestured for Cadent to give him the tablet.

  After tapping the screen, Caden handed it to him. Justin knew he was going behind Alana's back, but he wanted to know where they lived, and he figured the boy might give up the information a bit more readily than his mother.

  Do you know your address?

  When Caden nodded, he tapped out Can you tell me what it is?

  Without hesitating, Caden took the tablet and tapped on the screen. Justin didn't recognize the address the boy had typed out, but he committed it to memory before taking the tablet once again. Thank you.

  He handed it back to Caden and watched as the boy glanced toward the change rooms and then pressed a finger to the backspace key on the screen keyboard. Pretty soon, their whole conversation was gone. Sneaky little guy.

  They shared a grin then sat back to wait for Alana.

  ~*~*~

  Alana was glad for her busy schedule over the next week. It kept her from thinking too much about Justin. At least during the day. Nothing could stop her from curling up on her bed in the darkness and imagining what it might be like to be loved by a man like him. She saw the depth of his ability to love when he was around Genevieve and Beth. Even when he'd been upset with his sister, he hadn't hurt her or withheld his love.

  She'd only ever experienced that from Caden. And while she was extremely grateful for his unquestioning love, Alana wondered what it would be like to have someone choose to love her like that. To choose to give her a special place in their life. To protect her instead of inflict pain. To love her son as if he was their own.