“Yes, from Caine,” Frank said. “Which can be very bureaucratic. Sadly the paperwork and insistence on inefficient processing led us to...do what we could, to get results.”
“So you’re saying that the process of receiving the funds from Caine caused the problems? Because that’s not what the report says,” Bank Guy followed up.
“Caine Foundation wrote the report,” Frank said. “Of course it wouldn’t say that. But all of the snags can be explained by a delayed access to funds.”
“No,” Jake heard himself say. “The independent evaluator wrote that report.”
“Excuse me?” the woman representing the ministries said.
“The report. Borneo reforestation final report and recommendations. Caine Foundation commissioned it but it was authored by the independent firm that evaluated the project on the ground.”
“Yes, we’re aware of that,” the other guy from the ministries said. “That doesn’t excuse the lapses in judgment identified here.”
“Caine Foundation took longer than usual to process and release funds because documents submitted by Frank’s firm here were suspect.”
Like college all over again, he told himself. Where was Lucien? If the man didn’t show up soon Jake could end up demolishing more than just this meeting. But he was a ball and he was rolling, and he was gaining momentum.
“I object to that,” Frank said sternly. The guy was old enough to be Jake’s dad but he wasn’t that much bigger. The change in tone, if meant to put Jake in his place, was only going to fire him up. “The report doesn’t contain any of that, and we wouldn’t even. I don’t even want to dignify that.”
“It’s not in the report because it’s in Caine Foundation’s own evaluation,” Jake said. “I’ve read it. The paperwork you’re complaining about is there because they want safeguards in place, so funds released don’t get misused. Your firm repeatedly submitted expense items for consultants lacking credentials, requesting junkets and travel for more people than necessary. The delay was in Caine doing their due diligence, asking for proper justification for these expenses.”
The other guy from the bank nodded. “We’ve reminded Lucien about this.”
“I take offense to this ambush, from someone who isn’t even fit to represent the project,” Frank spat out.
“That might be true,” Jake said, “but I’m not saying anything that Lucien wouldn’t confirm, if he were here. And sorry, Mr. Frank Epps, but your name is nowhere in the reports I’ve read. And I’ve read them all. I thought Ms. Mancuso would be here, if anyone were to represent your firm.”
“You started with them early this year, is that right, Frank?” Ms. Liski said. “You transferred from doing fund management.”
“It’s because Ms. Mancuso has moved on to other things,” Frank said. “And I’ve taken this on now.”
“There you go then,” Jake leaned back, addressing the others. “This is the situation. This could have been handled better by everyone, from the firm spending the money to the firm trying to guard the same money. The project is over, and you’re all deciding now what to do next, and of course some changes need to be made here.”
Ms. Liski smiled, but it wasn’t at all patronizing. “It’s interesting how passionate you feel about this, Mr. Berkeley. We do think that we should continue to earmark funds for reforestation. This has not been the best example of how to do it though.”
“I’m not going to tell you how to do it,” Jake said, “But you can look at how this plays out on paper, and it’s obvious to me that your money is safer with the people who play by the rules.”
“Or we can go with a different fund manager entirely,” the bank guy said.
Jake shrugged. “You decide what’s best. The report recommends three other places where this can be done, hopefully with better controls. So all is not lost.”
He saw when the door behind them opened, and Lucien strode in, unaware of what was happening in the room.
“I apologize,” he said, taking the free seat. “How about we start now?”
Jake smiled at Ms. Liski and pushed his chair back a bit. She actually laughed a little.
“Yes, Lucien,” she said. “You’d be interested to know though what’s been happening while we were waiting for you.”
Chapter 21
He had one thing in his pocket, and several things in his metaphorical sleeve.
The thing in his pocket was a keychain, something he picked up on his walk around. When he knew he had a few hours to kill, Krup and everyone else offered to arrange a city tour for him. It looked like a major production though, and he didn’t feel like going on an urban adventure without Lindsay. The convention center seemed to be like its own minor city though. He followed the signs, ended up in a mall, turned out toward the harbor, and circled back. He was recognized by another tourist, and he agreed to a photo. Others looked on curiously, but didn’t follow suit. (Can’t win ‘em all.)
The keychain was a plastic laminated rectangle that contained the symbol for the metro system, but that wasn’t supposed to mean anything, except that he intended to give her a key to the house on Kitsilano, on this keychain.
Last night, after the incident with Victor’s girlfriend, he thought it best not to bring it up. He hadn’t mentioned France either (one of the things up his sleeve). The entire team had agreed to meet for dinner at a noodle house inside the convention center grounds, this being the last day of the conference for them, and he was already there, waiting for her.
When she walked up and saw him, her eyes lit up. Was that it? Was this a good time? The keychain felt heavy in his pocket, but he ignored it.
“So, I heard,” she said, greeting him with a faintly berry-tasting kiss. “Your meeting is now legend.”
“What did you hear?”
“That you gave Frank Epps a smackdown. I heard that he did that for the firm he used to work for, show up and then spread the blame around...anyway. You just might have saved that fund for us, Jake.”
He smiled. “This is what happens when I study.”
“That was amazing, still.”
“You hungry?”
“Oh, not yet.”
“Take a walk with me?”
The days seemed to go faster in this part of the world. He could have sworn the sun was up when he headed to the restaurant, but already night had fallen. The city lights were more than making up for it though, with the convention center almost ablaze, the malls on his side of the harbor glowing, and the buildings across the river competing with the light show. It was a busy evening, and they seemed to be in a touristy part of town. It wasn’t very quiet, but he didn’t really need the quiet.
She was looking out and down the harbor, smiling. “Amazing, isn’t it? We should have extended the trip another day, so you can see more of the city.”
“There’s time to do this again,” Jake said. He pulled her close, his arms going around her waist. “You think there will be time to do this again?”
Lindsay frowned, not understanding. “You mean when will we be back in Hong Kong? I don’t know. I don’t really...”
“Lindsay,” Jake said, “I probably should have told you what my plan was, when I came to New York. I had it all laid out, took months setting it up.”
“It seemed like it,” she said.
“Once I secured the consultant gig at Caine, I’d bring up the idea of being with you. I knew you might be seeing someone else, but I knew you’d at least give it a shot, if I gave you the option of calling it quits when I left.”
“I guess it worked then.”
He nodded. She looked beautiful in this light. In any light, really, but this one made her look magical, like something out of a dream. A beam of light flickered down her neck, for some reason, and he retraced its path with his finger. “And then we would be together. Of course there would be the problem of us living in different countries, but it’s not that difficult; I’d fly to you as often as I can. Next month we’re filming in Fr
ance. I’d take you, and you can go around enjoying yourself while they put me in hair and makeup and keep me working late into the night. Does that sound like something you’d like to do, Lindsay?”
She was confused. Still smiling, but not sure how to answer. Maybe because the question was wrong, damn it. He was doing this all wrong.
“What I mean,” he said, “is that I want to do all of that with you. I do. But I don’t think you’re ready.”
The energy holding up her smile began to drain from her face. “What?”
“Wait,” and he pulled her even closer, “Please. Don’t misunderstand.”
Her back began to stiffen up, become rigid against his hold. “Say it first before you assume I’m misunderstanding.”
“I think I sprung this on you too soon. It’s too fast for you. It’s not for me, not at all, because I’ve been planning this for a long time. I know I want you. But it looks like you’re not there yet, and I might have to give you time.”
“Give me time?” Not only was she rigid, she was now trembling a little, and he was sure it wasn’t the harbor breeze. “What makes you think that?”
“Lindsay.” He pressed a kiss onto her forehead. “You don’t fully trust me. With your heart. Not yet. If you can even think that I’m reaching out to you out of co-dependence or I’m hung up on Jessica...but it’s not your fault. I understand why you would think that. It’s not like I’ve been around enough. I haven’t done enough to earn it, to earn that trust.”
Her mouth dropped open, but for a second no sound came out. And then she shook her head. “I’m angry.”
“Don’t be.”
“God, I’m getting angry. Because it’s true, Jake. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with you. Yes, damn it, I don’t feel safe with you at all. I feel like I’m a rebound. Worse, that I’m a rebound from your past, that you’re reaching out to because you have no one left. I can’t help but feel that. I can’t get past it. No matter how wonderful you’ve made me feel.”
“Exactly, I’m sorry.”
Her fist curled around his coat and she pulled at it, frustrated. “And I hate how this feels like you’re breaking up with me, and you’re saying ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ because you totally are, and it’s absolutely true.”
He hadn’t counted on this, being the one who would be hurtful. He was ready to receive her rejection, and prepared to take it with grace.
“But it’s not like I invested more time on us, over the years,” she continued. “It’s not like I bothered to do more either. Every time I saw you chasing some other girl I looked away. I kept looking away. I didn’t fight to be with you at all. How can I really love you if I could do that? How can you believe I really love you when you know I was with other people? God, if you knew what I was doing with them...what I thought I’d be doing with Victor the day you came to New York...”
Now that he knew what making love to her was like, the thought of her with anyone else hurt. Physically.
“How can you believe I love you, if I could take living without you?” she asked.
“I can’t explain it,” Jake told her. “I just do. But what matters is if you believe it, and you’re not ready to. We can’t do this if you’re not ready.”
“I want to be ready,” she moaned, moving forward, pressing her face against his neck. “I want to believe you. But if I’m just a solution to a crisis for you, and this ends, I won’t have anything left. You know I don’t have that many people, Jake.”
“And you know I have even less.” But that was the point, wasn’t it? He only had her. There was only one bridge into his spot of land and it was her, and he had decided to risk it. Burn that bridge and he’d be an island, or set adrift.
Why didn’t she know that.
“I don’t know when I’ll be ready,” she whispered. “I don’t know if you’ll be around by the time I am.”
“I won’t put any pressure on you with promises,” he said. “When you know, you know. Let’s look back at this time as a good thing, that we eventually move on from.”
It was a horrible suggestion, but he had to offer it. He could have waited. But if he told her that, he knew she’d eventually take him up on it, regardless, if only to relieve him of his waiting. He didn’t want that. He wanted her, of course, but not that way.
Chapter 22
Though he was meant to stay an extra week in New York after they got back, Jake cut his trip short. Lindsay wished he wouldn’t, but then what? Would they talk about it some more? Would they keep sleeping with each other? Would he pull anything new that would make her more sure that he wasn’t just using her to recover from a breakdown?
No, the ball was in her court, and she had no strength or skill to play the game.
Marnie, more than anyone really, was distraught over the whole thing.
“Was it me?” she demanded, more than once. “Was it my research? Because it was hard to find, you know, and I could have easily skipped it. If I didn’t know the right words to search. Sometimes my own efficiency is a curse.”
“It’s not you,” Lindsay had to say.
Victor got in touch at some point, by phone, if only to tell her that he didn’t blame her for anything.
“So what’s the deal with Zoe now?” Lindsay asked.
“We’re talking a lot of things through. I’m obviously paying for this. How did Jake handle it?”
“We’re not together right now, but it’s nothing Zoe did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Win her back. Learn to grovel.”
Lindsay decided that she wasn’t going to beat herself up over her involvement with Victor. Damn right she wasn’t to blame; let Zoe learn to accept that she had fallen for someone who continued to see someone else at the same time. She was not going to apologize for something she was in the dark about.
Why weren’t she and Jake in a relationship then? Because she didn’t believe him. Right. Jake knew the whole time and didn’t hate her. That kind of acceptance was better for a relationship, should someone even attempt to be in one.
Good thing the week after the annual conference was its own level of hell, with meeting minutes and back-to-office reports and reimbursement spreadsheets piled on top of one another. When Lindsay resurfaced from it all, it was eight days since Jake had taken off, and she hadn’t really heard from him except for a text that he’d gotten to Vancouver safe and sound.
Eight days later and she was facing an empty schedule, and the horrible prospect of thinking about what just happened, for an entire weekend.
And then Cordelia called.
“I have a huge favor to ask,” she said. “Fly in tomorrow morning?”
“What?”
“You doing anything? Rusty has a work trip to Vegas and I want to go, but we don’t want to leave the kids with anyone...”
“You can’t hire a babysitter?”
“It’s four days. I really would rather that you watch them. And when did Rusty and I ever get four days alone, ever?”
Never, Lindsay acknowledged.
“It’s about time you visited anyway. The kids miss you.”
“All right,” she said, without putting up much of a fight. Zane and Brian were wonderful, and they were the right kind of distraction at a time like this.
***
Whenever she flew back to stay at her sister’s, the first day was always Zane and Brian Day. She did whatever they wanted her to do, which usually involved driving. So Lindsay’s Saturday was completely occupied with getting herself reacquainted with driving, and the Bay Area, and the excited voices of her niece and nephew. They bought pizza, Skyped quickly with Cordelia and Rusty once they checked into their hotel, and then totally did not sleep at the appointed bedtime.
At eleven, after giving up her turn several times on a game that required them to dance, she surrendered, told Zane and Brian that she was still on Eastern time and was dead tired.
“Give her the thing,” Zane said.
Brian
ran to the shelf underneath the TV and handed her a package. “Mom says we should make sure you watch this tomorrow, on Lindsay Day.”
Lindsay Day was day two of her visit, when they would graciously not ask her to drive them places. She unwrapped the package and found herself holding two boxed sets.
“It’s Jake’s show,” Zane said.
“You have to watch it,” Brian said. “But we’re not allowed to. But we have to make sure you do.”
“We’re serious,” Zane added. “Mom will call us tomorrow and ask us if you’ve watched it. You have to watch it.”
“Guys,” Lindsay said. “I don’t really want to watch Jake’s show.”
“He’s getting good reviews for it,” Zane said, pointing to the blurbs on the box. “Why won’t you watch it? I’m going to watch it the day I turn sixteen. Everyone says it’s really good.”
“Mom promised me something if we get you to watch it,” Brian piped in. “Please do it for me.”
***
Lindsay was so sleepy that when she woke up on Sunday, she thought the conversation with the kids about Rage Eternal was something out of a dream. And then she saw the show discs on the bed next to her, no doubt their idea of a helpful reminder, and she shrugged.
It wasn’t even nine o’clock yet, and they were still asleep. She wondered how late they had stayed up, because she had zonked out without even checking.
Fine. She would do it for them.
The player was in the living room. She settled into the couch, the same one Jake crashed on whenever he stayed over, and started on disc one of season one of Rage Eternal.
***
It was the kind of show that hit the ground running. It opened with a prolonged action scene, a chase down the streets of New York, on a dark night. There was something supernatural about it right away, based on how the mysterious man being pursued was running, jumping, maneuvering through the urban obstacles of the city. And then also the speed of his pursuer, the agility, the hand-to-hand combat that was too good when they finally caught up with each other. The pursuer was Danny Wilde, that much she knew, and Jake’s character Charlie only showed up near the end of this opener. Mysterious Guy had slipped out of Danny/John’s grasp, and Jake/Charlie was conveniently waiting at the very end of the alley to give the final blow that brought the guy to the ground.
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